Yours, Forever

Loosely based off an idea I found somewhere on FF. I completely forgot where, though! If this rings a bell with anyone, please let me know. Unbetaed, keep in mind please. Sorry for any mistakes.

Everything goes back to its rightful owners.

December 29

Dear Kurt,

I wasn't sure how else I could say this, so I decided to write to you. It's pretty simple—overall, what I want to say is, I miss you. I've been doing just that since the day you left me. Two years, though it may seem so, isn't a very long time. Since that day, every minute of my life has been spent wishing you were here.

There are plenty of things I miss about you. It's probably stupid of me to even write this, since you aren't ever going to see it, but it makes me feel a little better, remembering it all.

I miss the way you kissed me in the morning to wake me up, even though we both had morning breath. I complained; you said (teasingly) that it tasted like the breath of angels.

I miss the way we used to cuddle at night by the fireplace and watch your favorite classics until we fell asleep in each other's arms. And then we would always accidentally knock over our mugs of tea or hot chocolate on the carpet, and have to clean it up when we awoke.

I miss how you would always go on my iTunes account and replace my Top 40 songs with your favorite Broadway ones. Though I didn't like most of them, I'd always listen to them (and I still do) because they reminded me of you.

I miss how you would help me fluff my pillows right before bed. Even though I can't sleep without fluffing up my pillow, I always forget and you would be the one to remember.

I miss our coffee dates at the Lima Bean. I miss ordering your grande mocha for you and fighting to pay with you. I miss getting lost in the ocean blue of your eyes while you talked to me.

I miss shopping with you. Even though I wasn't a huge fan of it, you would always manage to find something that brought out a certain feature of mine.

I miss kissing you. I miss feeling your warm lips on mine, a reassurance that you wouldn't leave me—that you would always be here for me.

I miss the way you reacted when I found out my father had passed away. Even if he was horrid to me, I still loved him. I couldn't hate him because he was my father. I miss how you held me while I sobbed, rubbing my back and whispering soothing words to comfort me.

I miss our wedding night, which finally happened after a long debate of whether our names should be Kurt and Blaine Anderson-Hummel or Hummel-Anderson. (We decided on Anderson-Hummel.) I'll never forget the feeling of us, intertwined together, promising to love each other forever. I miss the taste of wedding cake on your lips, the sparkle in your eyes, the warm, light vanilla scent of you.

I miss the occasional snowball fights we had, when we were lucky enough to get snow in December. I loved the way you'd always freak out about your stained coats and "punish" me with a kiss (and a snowball to my head, of course).

I miss our impromptu duets, singing whatever and whenever we wanted. I miss the way our voices blended together perfectly, making any song sound like something that deserved an award.

I miss the way we used to whisper at night, lying side by side in bed, talking about how one day we'd adopt a child and name him Tony. We'd fantasize about watching him grow up. You'd talk about all the adorable clothes we could buy him and I'd dream about teaching him how to love music the way we did.

I miss our teenage years, which seemed so long ago. Was it really ten years ago that we met each other on the staircase of Dalton Academy, intrigued by each other but a little too frightened to do anything? Was it really ten years ago that we had our first coffee at the Lima Bean? Was it really ten years ago that I first kissed you and told you I loved you?

I miss the way you help me with my skincare routine every night. You would come into the bathroom carrying your armfuls of jars and set to work with exfoliating and scrubbing and rinsing and then smearing and yanking (those pore strips really did hurt, by the way). To this day I still haven't figured out what you used to do with my face.

I miss your soufflés. They tasted very good. (I never could properly cook one, though. If you recall, I managed to set the kitchen plant on fire while baking the soufflé.)

I miss summers with you, spent under the tree in your backyard. Night and day, we'd grab your iPod dock and lay in the shade, watching the clouds and the stars and listening to music. Everything was so peaceful, so right back then.

I miss belonging. When I was with you, nothing else mattered. People could say whatever they wanted and their hurtful words would just bounce off me harmlessly. Lima's a small town. Whenever I'm at a bar or doing my community theater or really any public place in general, I can hear the whispers.

I used to be proud of who I was, but it's like my confidence has been completely wiped out. Before, when you were still here, you'd just take my hand and whisper, "Don't worry about them. They're just cowards." One glance into your shining eyes and I'd forget all about the cynics and the pretenders.

I remember getting the call at exactly 10:03pm. Your car had slipped on a patch of black ice and you had lost control. It was quick, the person on the phone had assured me, you couldn't have felt much pain. You were gone before the paramedics got to the scene.

The funeral was held two weeks later. I didn't cry. I couldn't have any sort of emotion cross my face, I was that frozen with shock. It still shocks me, every time I wake up and remember that you won't be kissing me good morning. Every time I get home from a rehearsal at the theater, I'm scared, because I know you won't be coming over to greet me. I'm scared because now, I'm completely alone.

I know you'd want me to move on, Kurt. Maybe eventually I'll meet someone who can take my mind off you for a little while. Of course, I'll always be thinking of you. I will never forget you.

Even if I do find someone else, I was always yours first. Even if I get married again and really do adopt a child named Tony, it would always have been our dream first. Because, honestly, if I go through a thousand boyfriends, I would still be yours. I'll always be yours, forever.

Blaine

Please review if you've got time! Thanks for reading.

xx