A/N:

I'm ignoring On the Way to a Smile somewhat...sort of. And apparently this is how I want top write them for a while. Multi-chapter fics will exist one day...

Disclaimer: I am not Square-Enix. Oh well.

The Days After

The first night we stand on the bridge, bodies cold and spent, eyes wide with fear and awe, we aren't thinking about what next? Well, at least I'm not. I'm thinking about the earth splitting, green energy flowing and amassing around us in spirals of light. I'm thinking about the city I spent half a decade in, torn up and set ablaze, and whether Yuffie and Vincent have made it out alive. I'm thinking, as I turn to look at Cloud, that he looks sick and too pale and like he wants to puke.

And then he's running across the bridge of the Highwind, away from the view of the Lifestream and Meteor and Midgar, and I rush after him. My joints are aching with each step, but I soon catch up when he stops at the bathroom. He is puking— hand and face over the toilet, body collapsed and spasming. I kneel down and rub his back in circles. I'm so tired of fighting, so tired of bad things, and I can't think about him being poisoned again. But I still ask, "Is it the Mako?" and the memory is burning and vivid—him in that wheelchair, sick and weak and pallid. Him shaking and then us both falling with the deepest, deepest sensation that we won't get out. My heart hammers hard against my chest and it's hard to concentrate, to control my body. Both my hands finally find his shoulders and attempt to stabilize him. No. No.

When his body stops shaking, he reaches for the toilet paper and wipes his mouth. Cloud's exhausted. His breaths are short and shallow and he doesn't look at me. "Motion sickness." His shoulders relax and one gloved hand reaches out and touches my own. "Not quite as serious."

I want to kiss him when he turns his face back to me, his eyes bright and glowing but not in a sickly Mako-induced haze. He's still pale and his breath smells like vomit, and maybe (definitely) that's the thing that stops me. "Even I felt a bit nauseous." The way Cid had escaped the Northern Crater was nothing less than a miracle, though I still have bruises from some of the sharper turns.

Cloud leans back, his head on my shoulder, his neck against my chest. I widen my legs to hold his weight, not caring that the tile is so cold and my legs are bare. His right hand finds my knee while his left is still tangled in my own. "You were out for a while…after we killed him." His breaths are becoming deeper against me, almost warm.

"I had to get rid of him."

I think he's more dehydrated than I thought, but I still ask, "Who?"

"Sephiroth."

"Again?"

"In…my head. That doesn't make sense, does it?"

I think it does. I know it shouldn't, but there was something in him that needed to get out. He was infected, possessed by something I didn't understand. The Highwind rocks and Cloud lurches before falling back on me in exhaustion. "Given…everything recently…"

"It's over though. That was the end." His hand is still holding mine. His body feels warm and heavy against me, and I can no longer feel the exhaustion or the bruises on my knees.

I rest my chin in his mess of yellow hair. It's sweaty and dirty, but I feel calm. "I don't think so."

.

.

The second night, we are all at a round table in a Kalm inn. Marlene is on Barret's lap, her arms wrapped around him, tears dry on her face. I am safe and sound but still so heavy. I am exhausted. My arms are dashed with purple and black marks. I have katana-thin cuts on my legs and shoulders, and Cloud is staring at them even now. He looks no better. His eyes are sullen, his shoulders still tensed. He takes the seat next to me, and exhales deeply though he looks no more relaxed.

"We managed to evacuate most of the sectors completely. Seems that Shinra was already…"

"We promised we would wait." Vincent is short, gruff, and the ninja next to him does not look as pleased.

"Well I don't want to wait! These guys have us picked up and basically teleported back to Midgar to save a bunch of people while they just watched."

Red XIII did his best to manage four legs on the small wooden chair. He shifted, tail whipping. "Cait Sith insisted."

"Cait Sith is turned off!"

"Because I'm here."

Yuffie turns her head to the suit in the doorway and I do the same. His jacket and pants are blue, expensive but covered in rips and ash. He has a thin black beard and hair that was once slicked back but is now frizzed and loose.

"Mr. Tuesti." I stand and bow slightly before offering the chair between Vincent and Cid. Reeve Tuesti waves to each one of us at the table, straightens his tie, and takes his seat where I suggested. The group is stiff. Red's tail stops flicking. Yuffie is tightlipped and still for the first time in weeks.

Cloud passes a hand through his hair and says, "It's nice to meet the man behind the cat."

"The man underneath the pus…"

I clear my throat loudly, stopping Cid from saying anything more while gesturing harshly to Marlene. The ninja snickers wildly. "Did it take you long to get here?"

"Yes. The roads aren't as easy when they don't exist."

"Vince and I got here via chocobo. You?"

Reeve shrugs. "Only way to travel. It is also nice to meet you all in person. Sorry for holding this meeting up, but I thought the individuals in this room deserve to have a full briefing on the Midgar condition."

Midgar condition.

Like it's a disease or plague or catastrophe. It is a catastrophe but I still can't wrap my head around it. My home and life in Midgar had been destroyed months ago and now there is nothing left. Millions of people dead or misplaced. Lives changed…

There's a sudden pressure on my hand, and it's Cloud unwrapping my fist and coiling his fingers in my own. I look at him—shocked—until I see the rigidity in my arms, the red marks my nails left from my fist. "I…I hate that city. I don't know…"

"It's too familiar," Barrett says, and he's stroking Marlene's hair. "PTSD. We've both watched our homes burn, TIfa. I never thought I'd see it again with the plate and then again with the godda—goddarn planet."

"We're lucky." Cloud focuses on him but his hands are still on me. "It was just Midgar. We're still alive. What I want to know is how many other people are."

"More than you think." Reeve taps lightly on the table. "Most of the citizens left after Diamond Weapon destroyed the Shinra building. That triggered an evacuation signal. It was mostly under the plate that I was concerned about, but we managed to evacuate most of the sectors completely."

Most. My heart hurts, but I don't say anything. I look down, tracing the grains in the wooden table. Cloud's thumb is massaging my palm. "Where are all they?"

"The edge of the city," Vincent answers. "That was what Yuffie and I saw. Some are slowly making their way here and the other small towns. Kalm will be overrun soon."

"It probably already is." Cloud shakes his head. "We should stay inside for a while. People will start getting desperate which will lead to crime."

"It's not like we can't protect ourselves," I argue. "We need to help them, Cloud."

"Tifa…"

"We can talk about all this later. I have a room with a shower and I intend to use the damn thing." Cid sniffs and then blinks at the little girl on Barret's lap. "Sorry, Marlene." The pilot stands, cracks his wrists, and leaves the room without a wave or wish goodnight.

"Well that was rude." Yuffie huffs before yawning. It's easy to forget that she's only sixteen. The ninja stares at Vincent and then Cloud, expecting a dismissal but neither say anything. "But can't say I blame him."

"Shouldn't we try to figure out what to do though? How to help?"

"Teefs, I'm dead. My brain is jelly. Can't we be all good and heroic tomorrow?"

We could. Yes, but what about all those other people? What would they do until tomorrow?

"I agree." Vincent surprises everyone. "There is no solution we can implement in one day. We should gather our strength and meet early tomorrow."

Reeve nods. "I have a few ideas but I could use a good sleep to doublecheck my math."

There's silence in the room until Cloud's grip on me loosens. "Okay. We meet here tomorrow. 7 AM. Red, you're responsible for Cid."

Red XIII rolls his eyes before stabilizing himself back on all fours on the ground. "I will…do my best."

The inn insisted we had our own rooms, so we all part ways after that, waving goodnights and sweet dreams or no dreams, which is more realistic. I feel cold as I walk on my own down the long, wooden hall. My room is small and musty, with old moth-eaten curtains and a small fireplace filled with ash. The window is small and allows slivers of silver moon to spill in as I take off my shoes and socks. And although it's tiny and dust covered, there's a bed and I haven't slept in a bed since the Highwind. And even my last night there was spent outside and…and…

The coldness is gone with the flash of memory and I sit on the floral-quilted bed, hands on my knees, suddenly anxious. We hadn't talked about it. I don't want to talk about it, but there's this nervousness and heat and now reality tied to his body and touch. I lean back on the bed, arms up, and get a whiff of myself.

I need a shower.

I try to shut off my brain when I get in, just feeling the water slide through my hair, down my spine. It tingles and warms the bruises dotting my body and stings the few open cuts. I'm tired of using materia, too tired to even unequip it from my glove. I let the steam and heat fill my body. It's relaxing, freeing, but my mind still spins and spins with thoughts about Midgar.

I really did hate that city, but there was an unusual fondness in my bones. It took me away from Nibelheim, introduced me to Barret, to self-sufficiency, and again to Cloud. It gave me a job and a purpose through the bar and AVALANCHE, and now that it hit me that it was gone, I began to finally think about the what next?

What now. What now. What now. Sephiroth is dead. Aerith is dead. Does Elmyra even know? Does Marlene? I crouch in the shower, the steam too thick and making my chest full and clouded.

There's a bang-pang from outside, and I flinch before standing and realizing that it's only the door. I shut the shower off, the soap barely rinsed off my skin. "One second!" I shout before grabbing an oversized shirt I took from the Highwind and use as a nightshirt. I let my hair stay loose and wet against my back, not caring, too tired to care. Even when the opened door revealed Cloud, my mind is more focused on the why is he here than the I must look like a mess.

His eyes widen though, and he scratches the back of his neck before asking, "Do you want another second?"

"No." I don't want him to leave. I step to the side and he walks in slowly, taking in my room as if he's never seen a bedroom before in his life.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you."

I shrug. "It's okay. Is something wrong?"

He shakes his head. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay with this."

With what? With Midgar? With the hotel room? With us? I continue to look at him, afraid where to start, and Cloud continues, "I think you were upset that we weren't helping those people tonight."

I am but rationality and exhaustion tapers that down. I tell him that and Cloud smiles and shuffles his feet. He hasn't showered yet. He doesn't bruise as easily as I do, but his arms are still covered with ash and dried blood. But he seems in no rush to leave, and I don't want him to either. I suppose this would be the moment when typical people sit down and discuss their feelings, when everything is laid out in plain language and there is no grey besides your own self-doubt.

But Cloud says nothing, and I don't either. I wet my lips with my tongue and Cloud sits on my bed and starts taking off his boots. I'm a little taken aback by the action, but he doesn't hesitate. His boots are off, and he neatly sets them by the door before taking mine and setting them down next to his. His black socks are next and then the blue turtleneck sweater and belt. He walks passed me and straight towards the bathroom and soon the shower is on and steam is leaking into the main room.

I'm nervous as I sit and listen to him shift and sigh one room away, but even more nervous when he walks back out, spikes flatter, white towel wrapped loosely on his hips. I want to ask what he's doing here but I don't want to scare him away so I just continue to sit and stare at my hands. Though there must be something on my face or body that exposes my anxiety, because Cloud is soon in front of me, eyes wide and so, so blue. "I…I just didn't want to be alone."

"I don't either."

"So, you don't mind?"

If anything, I am grateful. I want him here. I always do, but I can't say that so I just nod and move closer. He smells much better now, like linen and mint. I curve my fingers through the blond strands, and he closes his eyes before asking, "What do you want to do?"

"Right now?" I ask, and it comes out deeper and throatier than I would have liked. I want to kiss him and trace my hands down his chest, over the grey lines of scars and the firm curves of his muscles. I want him to have me flat on my back with hands on my hips, all heat and strength and maybe even love.

But that is not what is on Cloud's mind. "I mean after all of this. After everyone is settled and gone."

"Gone?" But I suppose we would have to separate soon. "I…I haven't really thought about it."

He nods. I know he hasn't either. We both know fighting but we don't want to fight. Not anymore. I lay back down on the bed, my knees still over the edge. Cloud hesitates before falling back beside me, and I watch the hairs on his arm start to stand from the chilled air in the room. I realize he doesn't have any pajamas, and before I could stop myself, my fingers are on him, grazing his body from his sternum to his belly button.

"Do you want to go back to Nibelheim?"

I am frozen at his suggestion and then rapidly shake my head no, never. Never. Never. Cloud grabs the hand lying on his chest and kisses it. "Me either."

"What if I did want to?" That was risky of me, but the fear evaporates when I feel more than hear him laugh next to me.

"Then I guess I'd go."

"You would?"

"Wouldn't you? If I wanted to?"

"Yes." I turn my head to face him, and he's already facing me, hair wet and stuck to his forehead, mouth open and breathing heavy, heavy breaths. His cheeks are flushed a light pink, and the moonlight paints his eyelashes a thick white. He doesn't smell like vomit anymore, and I am suddenly out of excuses. I lean and kiss him softly on the lips, and our hands are soon crushed between us. Cloud quickly moves his own to my shoulders and in my wet hair, and I smile even as we break.

He kisses me delicately on my forehead, then my cheeks and nose and neck. He is heavy-lidded, his muscles loose and lax. I poke his chest. "You're tired."

"Aren't you?"

"Exhausted." I lean my head into the crook of his neck. He's warm and hard under my cheek. "We can sleep."

"Sleep?" Cloud leans back to look at me before he starts yawning. "Do you want me to lea…"

"No." My eyes close and I feel the tips of his hair wet on my forehead. Never.

.

.

Five days after, we are in a place I never wanted to be again but agreed that we needed to go to. I feel awkward and guilty and so, so sad, but I hold my chin high because he is so much more of all those things and I don't know what to do. The trees are white and bare of any leaves, and anything you say in this place seems to travel and bleed into the earth to be remembered forever. It makes me silent and careful. Even my footsteps sound too loud and I look at the others to see how they feel. Yuffie is somber and almost regal—as if she is trained in all ways ceremony, and maybe she is. Reeve is overwhelmed with every inch of the Forgotten City, his eyes large and his mouth open as he walks slowly down the paths of the dead.

I let Cloud lead, though he is slower than normal. He is timid and almost weak as he watches his feet carry him down.

The echoes of our party are endless. It is night and my thoughts run deep and loud. She's dead. The tears are falling. I didn't cry before, but I can't stop now. She's dead and we watched him do it. She's dead and I don't know what to do about it.

Elmyra is holding Cloud's hand. Tears are falling down her face too, though she is less silent than me. I watch as her and Cloud stop, and the once fighter is cradling the woman in his arms as we approach the lake. Soon she is on the ground, her knees deep in the black sand, and I am surprised to see that she is smiling. She is smiling and saying thank you, and there is a chill across my back and spine.

And I wonder why she ran from us. Why she didn't let us come with her and help her and stop him. I wonder what would have happened if we did, if she had lived and maybe all of this would have been better or maybe all of this would have been gone. I watch Cloud kneel by Elmyra, a hand on her shoulder, and he is whispering something that makes the woman shatter.

Barret stands next to me and grabs my hand. "She was something else. No one like her."

"No." My voice cracks, and I lean my head on his shoulder.

"I owe her Marlene's life. My own goddamn life probably."

"Definitely." I argue and Barret nods, his real hand on my back.

The water on the lake seems to ripple in the starlight, and Cloud helps Elmyra to her feet. The woman thanks him and stays standing, eyes stuck on the water as Cloud falls back to Barret and me. "Yo, Spiky." Barret grabs the man into a quick hug, though Cloud is impassive. "We did her proud."

He seems to nod, eyes dull, and Barret moves down to help Elmyra back out of the city. I stand next to Cloud, and he is shaking. "Cloud." My voice is soft but he still looks at me.

"Yeah."

"We can stay by Midgar…by the church and where Za…"

"Do you think I could have saved her?"

Maybe. Maybe…I could have too. But we didn't. We didn't. "I don't think we can change anything." I take his hand and he is cold and sweaty, but still I hold on. His fingers are loose.

"Tifa, I…" He stops, and I'm not sure what he wants to say. He looks back at the water and our hands, and then we are walking away. "I don't want to forget her."

"We won't." I don't know how we possibly could.

.

.

Seven days after, I am waking up with him at my back, his feet tangled in between my ankles, his nose in my hair. He was quiet when we first came back from the Forgotten City, and it took hours and a good old-fashioned food fight in Costa Del Sol (inspired by Yuffie, of course) to get him to crack something like a smile again. We were back in Kalm and already our group was breaking off. Cid had headed back to Rocket Town with Shera. Red XIII decided to also go back to his home in Cosmo Canyon. Yuffie was in no rush to get back to Wutai and had offered to help Reeve with whatever project she could, and weirdly Vincent had done the same. Barret had decided to take Marlene back to Corel before coming back to Midgar as well.

We need another power supply. The Mako reserves are already running bare, and the towns need to get off the depleting fuel as quickly as possible. I watch the sun bleed through the crack in the curtains. The old hotel is slowly growing on me as I reach to grab Cloud's hand on my hipbone. His breath is hot on my neck and I move against him. We need a home.

That's a strange thought. We need a home. We need a place to live. Me and Cloud. Together.

I feel the nerves start to creep through my chest and realize that for all our talks and sleeping in the same bed, this is something we never clearly discussed.

"You're awake," he mutters against my head. He sighs and shifts before tugging me closer. "I don't want you to be awake."

"Why?" I turn to face him. He's playful again, cheeks sharp and eyes glowing.

"Because you move and that means soon you'll get up."

"We have to eventually."

"Do we?"

"There's a lot to do." I sigh and wrap my hands on his neck. "Reeve wants to show us designs for a new settlement on the edges of Midgar. He thinks we can help convince people to stay and stop the area from becoming a desert. And there's cleanup work too. Plus, we have to evaluate how much Mako we can actually use before we find another power supply and…"

"Find a place to live." He says it calmly, matter of fact, eyes locked on mine.

"…Yes, that too."

"You and me," Cloud repeats, unknowingly echoing my thoughts. "I can't do this hotel forever."

"Me either. There's a mold forest in the shower."

"Do you want to live with me?" He asks and it's too rushed and too loud and he's blushing hot red.

"Didn't we already agree on this?"

"I just want to make sure."

"I do, Cloud."

"In Midgar?"

I hesitate. "Maybe not exactly in Midgar." My head falls on his chest. "And then what do we do?" What now? What next?

He loses a hand in my hair. "What do we do…"

"When we have a house." I look up at him. "We're heroes to so many people. What do you want to do?"

He lays there for a while, eyes closed, breath even. "I think…" Cloud shifts his body down so that it is level with mine. He opens his eyes again, focused, certain. "I just want to be normal."

And it's not until he says it that I realize that it's all I want too.