Missing

"My heart is beating in a different way"

"Been gone such a long time and I feel the same"

The xx – Coexist

Disclaimer: Naruto and Naruto Gaiden belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

"I'm sorry, Sarada, but I couldn't find what you are looking for," Shizune-san stashed away the box of folders labeled 'family register' back to the book shelf. Ever since I set foot in her office today, Shizune-san looked frantic more than before, and I wonder if it has something to do with her errands in the hospital. She was really apologetic, that I can tell, but I couldn't hide my disappointment when I still have a few other things on my mind.

"It's okay. At least you don't have to add another pile of papers on your desk," I shift my foot so that she wouldn't notice the photo I was hiding behind my back. I don't want her to know that I know, but then again it was me who's curious of things. I'd like to ask if I can search for the document myself – in that case she wouldn't be bothered by a twelve-year old girl skeptical about her parents' little secret (if there is any).

I watch as Shizune-san went back to her seat. "I'm surprised that you were suddenly back. What's up? Did the contractors come to repair your house?"

The word 'house' became an empty shell for me. I remember when I talked to Mom about Dad and she was pissed off. She punched the ground and knocked the foundations of our house as a result.

Dad… he's constantly here and not here at the same time.

"How was it, Sarada?"

"Ah," my mind is drifting in space again, "no. There were no contractors. I thought I should stay with my mom until she wakes up."

"You should probably head to your friends. You might need company before Sakura is well."

"Thanks for worrying, Shizune-san. I've no school tomorrow so maybe I'll just sleep in her room. I won't be a nuisance, promise."

"Alright," she got up from her seat. "I'll get you a blanket and a pillow so you can be comfortable. Most likely I'll be out before ten."

I nodded as we made our way to where Mom is. Every footstep of patients and visitors, doctors and caretakers echoed through the hospital, as though its white walls record their lives and memories. I wonder, too, if my own memories were once etched in these walls – something that my parents and I would learn by heart. If only they could reveal people's past, I would know that I'm truly somebody's child.

My trail of thoughts is cut short when the sight of Mom saddened me. She looked frail in her small bed and her forehead is still damped with sweat. Shizune-san told me that Mom had a penchant for passing out lately, but since I'm always at the Academy, I wasn't aware.

"Tomorrow, you can drop by my office and we can have breakfast together. Maybe you just bring your mom some apples."

"That would be fine. You also take a rest, Shizune-san."

She sighed in response. "I wish I'm done with my work now. See you around." And then, she left off.

The next day, I didn't drop by Shizune-san's office to have breakfast as she said. I did bring Mom some apples so I just grabbed one with me. The weather is sunny and I have the opportunity to rummage around the village for something to find out. Whether it'd be a bad thing or not, I'm pretty sure I'll end up doing things I might later regret, but until I feel satisfied with the answers, I don't want to stop.

Thinking of going on a journey by myself, I see Chouchou.

"Hey," she waved at my direction. "I heard your house's a mess. What happened?"

"More than just a mess… It's… destroyed."

"Ouch." I can see the sarcasm on her face. Chouchou wouldn't believe if I said Mom had caused it.

"And where did ya stay last night?"

"Mom's in the hospital. She fainted because of shock," I heard myself sounding embarrassed. Chouchou raised her eyebrow, just as I thought.

"How about ya sleep over at my place tonight? My dad's gonna cook dinner," and she bent forward, teasing. Chouchou wouldn't know that I'm trying my best to avoid a circumstance like this, right?

"I can't. Shizune-san has work to do so I take care of Mom. But you know, we can –

"Good morning, Sarada-chan! Good to see you with my daughter again!"

It's Akimichi-san. Even though Chouchou is quite the open book, her father could be a jolly old man in appearance. I heard he was a teammate of Mom's friend, and from what I heard of their conversations, Akimichi-san isn't self-assured like my friend here. He's honest about some things, though.

"You're getting a lot skinnier, Sarada-chan. Hanging out with Chouchou might gain you some health benefits, you know?" Yeah. Too honest, actually.

"And share with her my consommé-flavored chips? No thanks." Chouchou snorted.

This is getting me nowhere. I faked a smile to assure Akimichi-san that I appreciate his thoughtfulness, but the humidity of air kind of annoys me now. Our little chat hasn't ended when Akimichi-san invited me out of the blue to a family activity.

"Say, Sarada-chan, why don't you come with us to the groceries? We're on our way there, after all."

"But I…" What am I supposed to be doing? Oh. I was wandering by myself. I shouldn't be hanging around here in the first place. "I mean, you two should spend time together. Where's Karui-san, anyway?"

"Ah, Mom's not fond of groceries so she stayed home watching television instead. Plus, ya'r free today, right? Join us for a bit."

My plan is ruined. I thought I can proceed with my 'exploration' but I guess…

"There are free stuffs in the mall right now, so we might get lucky with the prizes. Watcha think, Sarada-chan?" If not for Chouchou and Akimichi-san's generosity I would've already gone to my own adventure. This kind of father and daughter bonding is really something.

"…Okay. I'll go with you."

I haven't been to groceries with my parents. Mom and I used to buy food at the market, and I never met my Dad to actually do these things. When I became a teenager, we stopped hanging around random places. Mom stays a lot at home during her free time while I take long walks whenever it feels empty in our house. Not that I find boredom with Mom around but sometimes it isn't right with just the two of us.

It's already noon since Chouchou, Akimichi-san, and I finished. The two brunettes left me with a gift from the mall's free items. It was a nice, red notebook that even matched the quipao I wore. I thanked them for the leisure and put the notebook inside my bag. For sappy reasons, I feel glad that I came.

The road where I left off begins to turn pink as cherry blossoms fall five centimeters per second to the ground. It was Mom who said that, and I thought the one who calculated such speed must be a genius. Sounds ironic to fall in love with it… How can a flower be so beautiful yet so short-lived?

Suddenly, Dad's image appeared in my head. What if in this same path, Dad walked through and wondered of the same things? Mom told me that my feelings are reaching out to him, but how certain is she? Would he know that I'm thinking of him? Does he think of me too? Where is he and what's he doing? What's this mission that's so important he left his family for twelve years? I've been rambling about forgiving him for what he did, but all I can gather in my heart is that part of me that's missing…

My vision becomes foggy. For a second, I thought I saw a figure of a man standing in front of me. I wiped the lenses of my eyeglasses to take a better look and there he is, looking at me with perplexity.

"Are you alright?"

I blinked twice, "Yes, Sir."

He scratched his hair, a gesture his son imitated. "Ah, I thought you were hurt, Sarada." Shikamaru Nara-san looked genuinely concerned. I was crying but I didn't notice.

"No, I think I got something in my eyes." I quickly cast my eyes down so he wouldn't ask further questions. I saw him grab something from his pocket and gave it to me. He did see me crying!

"Shikadai is enjoying very much his own free time, to the extent that he forgot it's also my day off." It's my turn to look at him with the same perplexity he had on me. "That kid sometimes bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

This time he bent down to meet my eyes, "Children shouldn't be doing things on their own, right? Just like your mother back then… you two are very impulsive individuals."

I don't know where he's getting at. Nara-san's words confuse me more than I'm confused with my own self. He talks about Mom and me as if we're the same person, wherein he and Shikadai are the most identical of all father-and-sons in our village… At least they bear something in common other than just a family name.

"Well, you can keep that hanky just in case you got something in your eyes again." As Nara-san turned the other way, he bumped into the ecstatic guy I hate to call my classmate.

"It's you, eh," the blonde pouted.

My annoyance rose a bit. "Boruto."

"Sarada," and with his belittling tone I almost spill the word, 'shannaro'. I bit my tongue so we wouldn't spoil each other's day. As always, he's being followed by the guy from the other village (uh, perhaps his name sounds like the moon)… These fools amuse me by the way their appearances contrast one another.

"Having your time off too, Uchiha-san?" I just realized that Mitsuki was his name. His pale skin doesn't blend in with the sunny atmosphere but he seems way cheerier than Boruto.

"You could say that… What about you?" I eyed their fishing rods and buckets. "Gonna fill those up?"

Boruto walked up to me and crossed his arms, "Ready for a challenge?"

"Pass."

He scoffed. For once, I don't want to argue with Boruto or his non-sense. I better am leaving at the moment. "Make sure you don't stir trouble for the Hokage to tidy up," I turned my back on them pretty soon before I hear what else they have to say. Nara-san had just left.

I'm hesitating as to persist about my exploration. My mind drifts back to the hospital where Mom lies unconscious, and here I am, determined to know everything about me. I want to meet Dad because he's been twelve years absent in our lives, but what would I exactly do? I only have a picture but should I show it to him? Would I scold at him? Would I be angry?

Would I also ask him if he's really Mom's husband? I felt a pang of guilt now that I realize it was because of me that Mom's in the hospital. Maybe Nara-san's right about us… about children acting on their own. I couldn't think of other options besides finding Dad and make him tell me who and what I am…

As I neared the center of the village, I stumbled on Inojin's home. The front of his house read 'Yamanaka Flower Shop' on it. I fought the urge to ignore Uncle Sai when he walked up to me bringing daffodils in his hand.

"Didn't know you were out here today, Sarada. Are you going for a walk?"

A long walk, actually. "I… ought to buy Mom something."

"She's still in the hospital, but your Aunt Ino is busy attending to our son. He's also sick."

Ah, that's what the daffodils are for. "You're going there?" …I should be heading back.

"Would you like to come along? I'll also pay Sakura a visit," he smiled, apologetic. Somewhere along the lines of 'pay' and 'visit' didn't sink in with me.

As we went to the direction of Konoha hospital, I began to search through the faces in the crowd. All were too familiar until I thought of Uncle Sai's idea. Dad… My dad is nowhere within this cityscape; he was here and not here at the same time. We never met even once, and he didn't pay a visit at least once. For twelve years, there was no day wherein he set foot in our house before we managed to lose it. The house, which was empty, was also missing something.

We reached Inojin's room and I saw him happily greeting his dad. That sickly guy on bed is far from obedient than the boy that he is in my class. He shoved the soup that Aunt Ino told him to eat and returned to drawing his weird sketches. Anyway, I've done enough observation from people today.

I silently closed the door before me, seeing how everything's fine for Inojin. I decided to go back to Mom's room to check up on her, but hearing somebody's voice halted my footsteps.

"When the time came that I have to leave I wanted to go back as soon as I left," a man said.

My heart is beating fast against my chest, so much that I wanted to peek inside and see who Mom's visitor is. His deep voice is something that my heart seemed to know well.

When I gasped for air, he didn't continue. I'm afraid that he's still on the other side of the wall that's separating us, but I don't care if I would be found. The least thing that I wanted was for that voice to disappear.

Ten seconds passed. Twenty. Thirty. The man fell silent, as if sensing my own breathing as well. Mom's voice is nowhere so she must still be sleeping. My palms sweat like I'm going to be punished, but the more I anticipate for his voice, the more it becomes quiet.

Fifty.

I'd like to hear your voice. Please, talk.

Seventy.

I'd like to see your face. Please, don't hide.

Ninety.

I'd like to know who you are. Please, stay.

One hundred.

I couldn't resist. I stepped inside the room but nobody else was there. Mom looked as she was yesterday and there was no sign that somebody came to pay her a visit. Maybe I'm bringing false hopes up. Maybe I'm imagining everything to put myself at ease. Maybe I'm missing him so much that I thought I heard a man's voice talking to Mom.

I sat on a chair and my eyes start to water. For a moment I thought the daffodils were part of my imagination, but the flowers swayed in the afternoon air.

The window was open.

My feet wanted to run and follow his trail, but just the thought of his presence already weakened my body. I turned to Mom and her face lightened in her sleep. My lonesome journey to meet that man becomes irrelevant because now, somehow…

I feel Dad was here.