Near knew that everyone, at one time or another, felt the way he was feeling at this very moment. Of course everyone had. Although he hadn't deduced what emotion it was just yet, he was sure everyone had felt it. Near was odd when it came to emotion. He never had enough.

And that's why he knew everyone had felt what he was feeling now. Because he never had ample emotion. He never felt more strongly than others, so how could he be at this instant? He couldn't. The emotion that forced him to play with a lock of white hair must have been common.

He focused his eyes, which were fixed on the door across from him. He sat on his bed in his room in Wammy's, the orphanage he lived in. The door was open just a crack because someone had broken the lock, hoping to make him paranoid while he dressed or slept. Near found a way around that.

The door opened into his room, so he would sleep on the floor, right in front of it. If someone tried to break in, the door would jostle him awake, making him the victor in that situation.

If he was dressing- well, that didn't matter much. He didn't dress out of his pajamas often. He took a shower when he smelled too bad to be around and he dressed in the boy's shower room.

Someone had done this. Not that he was naming names. Right, Mello?

The emotion tugged at him again at the thought of Mello. He winced. The feeling actually hurt. He actually felt his heart race and skip a single beat. Race? Skip a beat? He had heard some girls giggling about that one day while they were standing in their posse.

What had they been saying? Near did his best to ignore the girls who giggled and treated anything that wasn't a good-looking male like it was scum. The group of girls had been standing around a magazine, talking about Mello. He seemed to be the boy of their affection that week. The week before that, he had been their favorite, and before that, L. They gossiped about who loved who, and how they stuttered in front of their boy of fancy, talking about how love made them do stupid things they wouldn't normally do, like a high or something.

Near blinked, and everything clicked.

Affection. Love.

The boy blinked again. Love was an emotion he had never felt before. Was he feeling it now? That didn't make much sense. Not only was he unskilled in the field of feeling anything other than determination, he was a boy. Mello was a boy. Not that there was anything wrong with homosexuality, he just hadn't expected it in himself. Of course, he was always different as a child, but it had nothing to do with his love life.

His eyes drifted over to the mirror where he examined himself self consciously. Everything was white! White hair, white under shirt, white dress shirt, white boxers, white pajama pants, white socks, and a white heart underneath it all. A heart untouched by love or hate, bitterness or sorrow.

He stopped looking at himself, ashamed by the less-than-beautiful reflection. Mello hated him! There was no way that he had a chance with the smug blonde. And Near was in no way capable of being with a person. Even the simple flirt was a foreign concept to the boy who spent most of his time alone.

Near picked up a blue and gray robot toy and stared at it. He didn't feel much like playing. There was a hurt look on his face, but he didn't notice how sad he was. He was too busy think of that Mello. The only boy that worked so hard to beat him. The only boy who spent all his time taunting and teasing him.

The only person who ever paid any attention to him.

Was that why he loved Mello? Because of the attention? Near knew that, from birth, people crave human touch and affection. Near never got those things. Secretly, however, Near always though himself a little more than just "human". He always saw himself as someone who didn't need to be loved, because he had a more important job to do. He had to become L, and L had no time for affection. So, there must be another reason why he loved Mello. Just thinking of "love" and "Mello" in the same sentence made Near's heart fly. His pale face turned a light pink and his black eyes stared down at the ground.

Outside, there was a noise. A giggle. Near's eyes snapped up to the door that was open just a crack. Through that crack, he could see a single green eye and blonde hair bangs, under that was a sadistic smile, then a chin connected to a brittle neck that melted into black clothing.

"Look, Near's blushing! Thinkin' of a girl, Neary? Got a crush?" Another giggle from behind Mello. Probably Matt. Near frowned inwardly. Matt always got to be with Mello. And Near knew he never could be.

"Don't be stupid," Near retorted.

Mello frowned. "Whatever."

Near drew in a deep breath. Mello was even beautiful when he frowned. The white haired boy's eyes widened. Beautiful? Was he crazy?

"Stupid," Near found himself muttering.

Mello gasped, obviously offended. He pushed the door open so hard that it hit the wall behind it and cracked the plaster. He didn't even blink. "I'm not stupid! You're stupid!"

Matt smirked. "Okay, you two. Stop flirting. It's disgusting."

Mello twirled gracefully to stare at Matt. "I'll make you eat those words. I'll make you eat them, throw them up, then eat them again!"

Matt rolled his eyes. "Sorry, fag- I mean... Mello."

"I'd watch my back if I were you!"

"You know I'm kidding. Jesus."

Near watched in silence as the two bickered. "Don't accuse me of flirting when you are in a lovers quarrel with the same boy, Matt," Near shot back. In the back of his mind, he praised his good insult.

The fight stopped as the two boys turned to Near. Neither of the two trouble makers had ever heard the quiet boy sound so defensive, or so offensive. Neither knew quite which side he was playing.

With a loud, threatening voice Mello said, "you'd better push that desk across that door of yours, or tonight I'll-"

Mello seethed, but Near couldn't stop himself from saying, "I'd rather keep my virginity, Mello."

Matt laughed. "Burn!"

"Shut up, Matt!" Mello yelled back. He stomped away, grumbling. Matt gave Near a thumbs-up before following.

It had to be love, Near knew. Love made people do stupid things. He took in a deep breath. With that breath, his white heart took its first steps to turning a shade of pink.