Written from a prompt given to me on Tumblr. Mycroft and his umbrella have hit a rough patch in their relationship and go to couples counselling. Jim is their counsellor. I believe this is classed as Crack.
Mycroft Holmes and his umbrella sat awkwardly at opposite ends of the room to each other. There was an awkward silence between the two as they waited for their counsellor to arrive. Mycroft glanced across at the umbrella longingly, frowning at the sight of her facing the other wall. He wanted to say something to her, but knew that she would just ignore him, as usual.
"Hi!" Came a cheery voice from the left of Mycroft, making him jump. "Would you like to follow me?" The voice called, looking from Mycroft to the umbrella. Mycroft nodded politely, glancing at the umbrella before getting up.
"Are you coming, dear?" He asked, observing that she had not moved an inch. No reply. He rolled his eyes and hooked his arm around her, taking her into the room with him.
"Jim. Jim Moriarty." The counsellor smiled, holding out a hand for Mycroft to shake. Mycroft took it with a polite smile, taking in the appearance of the other man. "So, how can I help you?"
"We're having a bit of trouble with our relationship." Mycroft replied, nodding towards the umbrella next to him. "Whenever I talk to her, she ignores me. The sex isn't so good anymore... And I've seen the way she looks at my brother." He sighed.
"How does that make you feel?" Jim asked.
"It upsets me greatly." Mycroft shook his head sadly. Jim glanced up at the umbrella.
"Do you have anything to say?" The counsellor asked her. He frowned when he got no reply. "Ok..." He turned back to Mycroft. "Have you told her how you feel?"
"Y-yes."
Jim Moriarty frowned. "Have you ever been so angry at her for ignoring you that you wanted to burn the heart out of her or make her into shoes?"
Mycroft raised an eyebrow. "I think we'd better be going now, Sexy." He muttered, standing and walking to the door. "Thank you for your time, but we will not be needing your assistance again." He turned on his heel and exited.
Halfway down the corridor, Mycroft Holmes realised he was missing something. "Sexy!" He gasped, turning and rushing back down the hallway and into the counselling room. He opened the door to find the counsellor on the desk with his umbrella. This upset Mycroft Holmes greatly. "HOW COULD YOU? After all we've been through!" He shouted at his cheating wife, exiting again, upset and angry.
The gentleman rushed to the nearest supermarket. He'd been clean for such a long time, but this was the final straw. His umbrella had made him resort to cake again, and that was never a good thing for Mycroft Holmes.