Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Summery: What happens when there's no happy ending? One shot.
Xander was sitting on a large overstuffed couch, listening to a little light brown haired girl of 5 running around and giggling.
"Daddy? When's Mommy getting here?"
"She should be here any second now."
"She not here? Why isn't she here? What if something happened to her? What if-" then she gave a shriek so loud that it hurt his ear drums.
"It's Mommy it's Mommy!" she opened the door. Xander got up from the couch and stepped closer and watched as the little girl screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Mommy! Mommy!" the little light brown haired girl, ran to Buffy and and jumped into her arms.
"Kendra, you act like we've been separated forever instead of just a week."
"I missed you mommy!"
"I missed you too Kendra, but it's cold out here we should probably go inside."
"Okay Mommy." she jumped down, took her hand in hers and they started up the steps, Xander took a few steps back, sat down and pretended like he hadn't been watching.
"Joy, Jesse!" Xander yelled up the stairs and heard shuffling. That's when Buffy and Kendra walked into the room.
"And then we played with dolls, and then we went for ice cream, then we saw the little mermaid, have you meet any mermaids? I'm hungry, do you know how long it is till Christmas? Why is brown named brown?" she continued chattering away, asking questions but not leaving enough space to get an answer to them. Both Xander and Buffy we're used to it, and just nodded and uh-hm occasionally. Buffy sat down across from him and continued nodding and uh-hming, while Kendra continued chattering away.
"Oh I forgot my princess dress!" Kendra suddenly shouted , then ran upstairs, that left just them. Xander smiled nervously at her and she smiled strained at him.
"So how have they been?" Buffy asked .
"Jesse, and Joy have predictably spent most of the time in their room on their phones, and computers. Kendra well you know what she does." Xander said.
"Yeah."there was silence in the room for a minute then Xander asked.
"So I'm going to get them for Christmas Eve right?"
"Yeah and I'll come them at 11:00 o'clock." Buffy responded.
"Good that's good." "What's taking those kids so long?" Xander wondered aloud.
"What you can't sit here, and talk to me for a few minutes."
"No, I was just thinking out loud."
"Oh." there was more awkward silence, while they waited for their children to come down the stairs. Then they heard a suddenly very loud cry. Xander shot out of his seat, ran up the stairs he noted absently that Buffy was right behind him. He saw Kendra on the second floor landing crying, holding her hands over her eyes, he ran to her and knelt down in front of her, so that they were at the same eye level.
"Kendra are you hurt?" she continued crying like she hadn't heard him. Xander scanned her body for any bleeding, bruises cuts or scrapes he couldn't see any, although she was holding her hands over her face so it could be there. Xander gently pulled her hands away from her face, and to his relief saw nothing on her face. At least she wasn't physically hurt.
"Kendra what's the matter?"
"Mommy? Daddy? Why did you get a divorce? Jesse says it's because there's no such thing as happily ever after anymore and everyone gets divorced." Xander looked to Jesse's room door and glared at the door. Jesse was a teenager now and as the oldest had felt the loss of people nearly as much as he and Buffy had. He was a bit troubled of late but he usually didn't try to bring his 5 year old sister down with him.
"Honey it's very complicated." he heard Buffy say to her and he turned back around. Kendra cried again for a bit then said.
"He said you'd say that?"
"Kendra..." Xander trailed off he had no idea what to tell her. She had only been three when they had divorced, so she couldn't remember why they were divorced the way Jesse and Joy could.
"Can I talk to you in private." Xander said to Buffy and saw her nod.
"Kendra, me and Mom are going to talk for a minute, then we'll get back to talk you, please don't cry, why don't you raid the freezer for ice cream." Xander could feel Buffy disapproving glare on his back, but to be honest it was the only Kendra was going to leave them alone to talk without throwing a fit. Her eyes lite up and she shouted.
"Ice cream!" and ran her way down the stairs.
"Xander, you know what sugar does to her."
"Yeah I do, but do you know any other way of her leaving us alone, for long enough to figure out what to tell her?"
"No, but you're not the one who's going to have to deal with her all night." Buffy complained.
"I'm sorry, can we talk now?" Buffy sighed and nodded. Xander lead the way to his bedroom, since it was the room that was the hardest to eavesdrop on. He opened the door and and gestured Buffy in and locked in behind her.
"We got to figure out exactly what we're going to tell her."
"How about the truth?"
"What that we fell out of love? That we drove each other crazy? That we both became people that we didn't want to be, until we realized we would both probably be better off without each other. She's five years old, she loves story about princes and princesses , living happily ever after we can't shatter that."
"Your right, I'm sorry, I just don't want to lie to her."
"Yeah, that's the problem, finding a way to tell her why were not together any more, without shattering her dreams and at the same time not lying."Xander said.
"I got nothing." Buffy said and Xander smiled.
"Neither do I, I never thought about having to explain it to her, which really I should have, I mean she was three, she can't remember everything that happened between us." Xander said
"I don't want to remember everything that happened between us." Buffy said quietly.
"All the deaths of all the slayers, and our friends, all the nights spent worrying about each other and our kids, if we'd make it to the next morning? Then it all became too much, we slowly turned on each other and took our frustrations out on each other, most of the time in front of our kids. We were miserable together, we hated each other and blamed each other for everything."Xander said just as quietly.
"Then one day, we finally found out that it would never change, no matter how many counselors we went to, no matter how many things we tried. We were making each other lives miserable, and it would be better if we weren't together because we'd be happier."Buffy finished sadly.
"How do you tell that to a five year old?" Xander asked.
"Especially one who already has a lot to deal with. Mom's a vampire slayer and since most of the others died, she works in alleys every night, and she might not come back. And her Dad... owns a construction company and in his free time also fight vampires."
"Why didn't we keep the vampire aspect a secret" Xander asked.
"Because it's our lives and she would have found out anyways, at least this way it's not a secret that she can hate us for later." Buffy said.
"Oh right...so what are we going to say?"Xander asked.
"First, we got to let her know that not every marriage ends in divorce. Dawn! Dawn's still married she's been married for 15 years, and as far as I know she still loves him."
"My friend Jason is married going on 25 years." Xander added.
"We just got to let her know that just because we didn't make it that doesn't mean that no one does." Buffy said.
"Yeah she's young enough she might believe it." Xander said softly.
"You don't?" Buffy asked bemused.
"You do?" Xander asked just as bemused."
"Just because we fell apart, doesn't mean that everyone will. Under different circumstances, I think we would have made it."
"You do?"Xander asked disbelievingly.
" We were happy once, and I think if not for everything that happened, we would have stayed happy."
"I wish I could believe that." Xander said softly, then cleared his throat.
"So we just tell her that we grew apart, and that we know a lot of people who have been married, for a long time and will probably be married forever. Just be sure to be the person to say that they'll probably be married forever that way we won't be lying."
"You really don't believe that marriage can last forever?" Buffy asked shocked.
"I used to... but not anymore." Xander looked away from her. "So we should probably go talk to Kendra before she eats all the ice cream."
"Yeah I guess so." Xander got to his feet and held open the door for Buffy. She stood up and left the room ,Xander followed closing the door after her. He followed Buffy downstairs into the kitchen, where Kendra was still eating ice cream, he winced she was sure going to be a handful for Buffy tonight.
"Kendra?"she glanced up from the bowl at them expectantly and sadly.
"So there's no happily ever after?"
"Honey, there's something you've got to understand." Xander said.
"Mommy and Daddy just grew apart, but not everyone does. Your Aunt Dawn is still married, and..." Buffy said.
"Jason is still married." Xander said.
"Your aunt Vi is married, and they have been for a long time and probably will be happy forever. Just because we didn't doesn't mean that it isn't possible." Xander didn't look at Buffy as she said this and instead focused fully on Kendra's response. She looked like she was thinking.
"Are you okay? Do you understand?" Xander asked her.
"Yes." Buffy hugged her and Xander hugged her after. She still looked sad, but she wasn't crying anymore, so maybe their answers were satisfactory. She then sat down in front of her doll house that Xander bought her but didn't play with much, because it required too much sitting and she was usually running and chattering everywhere. Buffy sat back down on the couch she was on before and Xander sat down across from her again. This was even more awkward then before because of the dredged up emotions.
"Where are those kids?" Buffy muttered under her breath then a few second after
"Jesse! Joy! Come down here right now!" Buffy yelled up the stairs. Several moments later Xander could hear footsteps on the steps, then the sight of his two oldest kids. Joy was 13 short like her mother, but she had his eyes and hair. She full name was Joyce Willow Harris but she had shortened to Joy long ago saying that Joyce was a really old name. Jesse on the other hand was tall, he was 16 and he was already nearly as tall as he was. He had medium brown hair and brown eyes. They were both carrying backpacks which they brought from house to house. Joy was on her phone talking probably to her best friend Cindy. Jesse was playing a game on his phone and neither of them even looked up from their respective phones. Aw the joy of having teenagers.
"It's time to go." Buffy said. Joy and Jesse started heading towards the car, still not looking up from their phones and managed not to trip which was kind of impressive. Kendra still looked sad and grabbed her backpack from off the table and followed them. Xander followed everyone as they made their procession through the hall and the living room until they were outside , Buffy unlocked her car and said.
"Get in the car kids, I've got to talk to your father."
"Why?" Kendra asked
"Kendra get in the car." Buffy said sternly and Kendra turned out her button lip, but got into the car anyway. Joy and Jesse also climbed into the car , Xander saw them both on their phones before they shut the car door. Buffy started walked away and Xander assumed since she wanted to talk to him he should probably follow her. She started pacing, and Xander waited for her to say whatever it was she wanted to say.
"I know tonight opened up old wounds wounds that I've been trying to pretend I don't feel . But I do, I feel it and it hurts it still hurts so bad." That's when Buffy's eyes started getting glassy. "Sometimes I wish we had never started dating, we used to be best friends and now I can hardly stand to look at you because of all the pain."cried Buffy.
"Sometimes I wish we hadn't dated either, I miss my friend, but we can't go back to being the way we were before all of this. Sometimes I wish we could, I really do, but we both know that's it's too late."Said Xander. Buffy nodded and tried smiling but failed miserably.
"At least we have some good memories of each other, and Kendra, Joy, and Jesse I wouldn't give them up for the world."said Buffy wiping away the tears from her eyes.
"That's something we still have that in common." Xander said and smiled at her and Buffy smiled back.
"I should get going." Buffy said after a few seconds.
"Yeah tonight's a school night, you got get the little monsters to bed." Buffy smiled sadly this time. She headed back to the car and Xander watched her go. Maybe they were meant to live happily ever after but somewhere along the way everything had fallen apart and now it was over.
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