Hypocritical

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or the song Harper Valley PTA

A/N: This is NOT a songfic, merely a story inspired by a song. I heard this song, I love it, it made me think of Sam's mom too. So I'm going to do this! I hope you'll read and enjoy.

-AT LEAST I'M REAL-

Sam sat in her classroom with Freddie and Carly seated next to her. The instructor was up giving a boring as hell lecture, so naturally, she was the one falling asleep. She was trying not to fall asleep, since she knew she couldn't have another detention. Her mom would ground her, as she had started getting a sense of just how much trouble Sam was getting into at school.

"So your mom picks now to start being a good mother, huh?" Freddie asked in a hushed tone. Sam rolled her eyes and shook her head, her mom had really always been a good mother, she just showed it in the oddest ways.

"Mom's been a good mother, she raised me right. I just opted not to listen to her most of my life." Sam smirked and Freddie laughed. Carly smiled and lifted her eyes upwards. The instructor continued to drone on, literally nobody in the class was alert. "We're supposed to be making a cake tonight."

"Sounds fun…you guys aren't going to the PTA meeting tonight?"

"Mom doesn't care for it, she says the people there are all full of crap." Freddie chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, he wasn't going to question it. For the next fifteen minutes, Sam struggled to stay awake. She stayed up way too late the previous night. When class finally ended, the instructor called her to the desk. She groaned and walked up to him. "Please tell me I didn't do anything to get in trouble."

"No, you're not in trouble," the teacher said in a soft voice. Sam raised her eyebrow as he handed her an envelope. "This letter is for your mother, Sam. Will you give it to her?"

"I guess…" Sam took the letter and left the classroom. She made her way to the locker and opened the envelope, taking out the letter and reading it. Her eyes widened and her frown increased. She slowly pushed the paper back into the envelope and got all her things together. She didn't know how her mom was going to react to the note, but it was from the PTA that she hated.

She slowly made her way home and walked into the front door, her mom was sitting on the couch watching television. She looked up and smiled at Sam, but frowned when there was no reaction. Sam just continued on to her room, she wanted to hide the letter from her mom. She knew one thing was certain. If her mom found that letter, she was probably going to go ballistic. She started to tuck the envelope beneath her pillow, but froze when she heard her mother behind her, clearing her throat.

"What is this sweetheart?" Pam asked as she grabbed the envelope. Sam groaned and went to lay down on her bed, she was too tired to really care anymore. Pam opened it and started reading the letter.

Dear Ms. Puckett

We've seen you gallivanting around the town in those scantily clad outfits and it is something of concern. It has also been reported that you've been sleeping around with various men, drinking constantly, and going wild at various night club activities. We feel there are a number of areas concerning your daughter's well-being and don't think you should be raising her up in such a manner. We're sending you this note as a warning for you to change your ways, if you do not, then we will notify the proper authorities to investigate.

Sincerely,

Ridgeway Junior High PTA

"What the hell is this!" She was furious, she might date a lot, but she never slept around with anyone. She wasn't a drunk and had only gone to a nightclub one time. Sam moaned and covered her face with the pillow, she was right, her mom was pissed. "They don't have any right to tell me how to raise my daughter, and I do a fine job! They have a lot of nerve."

"Mom, please don't storm-" The door slammed shut and Sam sighed despairingly. "And she's gone…" She slowly sat up from the bed and walked out of the bedroom. Her mother was in her room, changing her clothes. She was out for blood, Sam knew it. She also was fully aware of what was going to happen next. Pam stormed out of her room, carrying her purse in her hand and anger in her eyes.

"Come on Sam, we're going to that PTA meeting." Sam sighed and slowly shook her head, this was exactly what she was afraid of. She followed her mom to the car and sat in silence until they reached the school. She remained quiet as they entered the school and made their way to the auditorium. Everyone was surprised to see her there, and all the while purposely wearing very short jeans.

They sat in the front row while Sam took out a book and began reading it. Just stay quiet and people won't notice you, that was what was going through her mind. The heads of the PTA were all teachers of the school, some of them being parents themselves with children attending the school. One woman wasn't a teacher at the school, it was Ms. Fielder, the lady who worked at the art community center.

On the edge of the long table set up on the stage was Mr. Howard, and next to him was his wife, a very prominent member of the PTA and one of the more 'Christian' women. Next to him was Principal Franklin, who wasn't all that he appeared to be. Now Pam had been around, she knew several members of the PTA very well, and she knew they each had a bunch of secrets. Next to the principal was Ms. Briggs and then an empty chair was reserved for Superintendent Gorman. Ms. Fielder was seated next to her and Mr. Henning was on the final end.

Ms. Fielder stood up and asked for any questions for this week, Pam was the first to stand up. Sam slowly rose the book up to cover her face. "I want to address this meeting," Pam said as she tightened her hand.

"Why Ms. Puckett, what brings you here?" Mrs. Howard asked curiously. She was looking very snidely at the woman, but Pam was about to wipe that smirk right off her face. There was a mild clamor as Pam walked up to the stage and everyone quickly silenced.

"Here's Mr. Howard, sitting here all bright and nice. Asked me out several times and frequents Francine Briggs's home at midnight each night." Mr. Howard's eyes bugged out and Ms. Briggs choked on her drink while his wife stared at him in surprise.

"What?" She gave her husband a glare of disapproval, but frowned as Pam placed her hand on the woman's shoulder.

"I'm not done. Well I guess he convinced you of several points about me because I refused his proposals. Now I think you'll find Mrs. Howard sure has a lot of phone calls from various men whenever her husband is away." The woman swallowed hard as her husband returned her accusing glare. Pam moved on to Ms. Briggs who was staring nervously at the people in the auditorium.

"I think you should sit down," Ms. Briggs commented.

"No I think you should tell us about all that angel dust found hiding beneath your counters. I believe it is called crack or cocaine." Briggs paled as the members of the PTA gasped. Served her right for hiring Pam on as a maid a few times. "Now moving on, Principal Franklin can you tell us why your secretary had to quit her job because of you?"

"Uh," Principal Franklin chuckled nervously and spoke into the microphone. "The lady doesn't know what she's talking about. My secretary quit her job because she found-"

"Maybe you might want to look back at that harassment case that you hid from the district." Franklin groaned and rubbed his forehead as Pam moved to the empty chair. She looked at the members of the meeting and saw Superintendent Gorman slowly walking along the walls, remaining obscure. She pointed him out and he froze. "There is Superintendent Gorman, he's late today cause he was stuck at that strip club once again."

Sam lifted her eyebrows and let them fall, they had passed the strip joint on the way and saw his car. It wasn't impossible to see how that deduction could be made. Gorman groaned and slowly stalked over to his chair. Pam then moved to Ms. Fielder, nobody was safe from her rage.

"You can stop now," Ms. Fielder said as she realized that she was next. She made the mistake of hiring Pam on as a maid once, as had most of the heads on the PTA. This would soon be her downfall. Pam placed her hands on the woman's shoulders and stared out into the room.

"Why I caught Ms. Fielder here one day loving all of her little animals, and by loving them, I don't mean typical ownership love." The other members stared at her with wide eyes as the young woman placed her head into her hands. "Scarring those poor pets for life…" Then she walked over to Mr. Henning, the final person on the board.

"You don't have anything on me," Mr. Henning said while crossing his arms. Pam smirked at him and he quickly frowned, he knew what she had on him.

"You're not so better off than this kind lady over here, loving your plants a little too much. Perhaps you can tell the board why you're nearly fifty and not once have you been married. I wouldn't hire him on as your gardener, just to be on the safe side." Mr. Henning's head fell on the table and Pam quickly turned her attention on the guilty members, who were each begging for her to stop revealing their secrets.

"We'll do anything, just please stop," Mrs. Howard said with tears in her eyes. "We'll leave you and your daughter alone! We will!"

"So you think as a mother I'm not fit? Perhaps Mrs. Gorman, who had beat her children and drinks regularly would be more fit to raise my child. Well you don't know me, but at least I'm real, and all of you are shitty little hypocrites who are full of yourselves!" Pam quickly walked down to Sam and leaned down. "Sam, we're going home now, come along."

"Yes mom," Sam said as she closed her book and stood up, quietly following her mother out the door. She felt a bit embarrassed, but proud at the same time. Although, she still would have preferred her mother not go crazy like that. She entered the car and looked back at the school as her mother started driving off. Never again would the PTA bother Pam, but one thing was for sure. There was going to be a lot of investigation and stern talking to towards the PTA board and its members. Pam was very satisfied.

There you go, I hope you enjoyed it. I urge you to go out and listen to the actual song! You will like it, and see how perfect it is for Sam and her mother.