Special thanks to auntjezzy/Jess B (tumblr/twitter) for having catching things and reading...you are a sweeeeetie!
Little bit of fluffy sentimentality in the aftermath of Chelsie wedding madness...
Her eyes opened to find her room bathed in the softest light of early dawn, her other senses following; ears hearing the trill of song birds rejoicing in the lovely weather of the late spring, her nose picking up subtle notes of lavender, peonies, jasmine and roses that composed the small bouquet sitting in the vase on her night stand.
Delivered the evening before by the Dowager's gardener's assistant, young Pegg, the flowers brought a smile to her lips as they instantly reminded her that the day dawning was a special one. It was the day she would become Mrs. Charles Carson.
The sun was barely peeking over the horizon as she pulled the sheet and light quilt away from her body, swinging her legs over the side of the bed as an unusual serge of adrenaline made her morning rising far less arduous than most. Slippers on, she flipped on the electric light and lifted her dressing gown from its hook, slipping her arms into familiar chenille. She felt a nervous flutter as she realized this was the last time she would be wearing the robe for the next few days. Unable to fight the compulsion, she pulled her valise out from under the bed, flipping open the lid to reveal a pale ivory satin gown with delicate lace appliqués edging its bodice. Lifting the garment, she spotted the matching robe beneath; gifts from Lady Mary and Lady Edith who insisted on providing her with the rest of her trousseau, in addition to the lovely dove gray wedding frock Lady Grantham had arranged to have made for her by a dressmaker in York.
She shook her head, amused by her own whim as she pulled her cotton night gown over her head, quickly casting it over the end of the bed before letting the cool satin of her new gown slide over her body. Sensitive areas of her body keenly responded to the soft, smooth feel of the fabric as she gingerly stepped in front of the full length mirror hanging on the back of her door. The gown seemed to be made for her body, clinging to her curves, draping over her shapely bottom, still toned and firm from the miles of corridors and stairs she had logged within the confines of the house.
Charles will see me in this.
The thought was at once thrilling and terrifying.
Charles will see me out of this.
This thought was more terrifying.
Carefully pulling the ivory satin back over her head and replacing it in the valise; she stepped back in front of the mirror.
She was well aware that her breasts didn't sit as high or feel as firm as they once did. She lifted the right one in her hand. It felt dense, but not heavy. Gently letting go, her attention turned to her left. This one she knows more intimately, having continued to scrutinize it intensely as the years have passed. Her fingers brush over the small, but obvious scar on the outside of her breast, a constant reminder of the preciousness of life.
Charles will see this.
The thought filled her with dread, but suddenly sparked the memory of a song.
Dashing away with the smoothing iron…she stole my heart away…
She hummed the tune, a smile crossing her lips as tears filled her eyes. That was the day she knew he loved her. She had been so sure in that moment, he might have well have taken her in his arms and said the actual words, "I love you."
She had been in love with him for much longer. As her thoughts drifted back through the years, she fought the pull of melancholia that colored the decades of longing and silent pining she had suffered as they worked side by side, sharing joys and sorrows, but never true feelings.
I thought you'd never ask.
She laughed through tears as she crossed back to her dressing gown. Slipping into the robe's familiar warmth, she basked in the memory of his proposal only months before that seemed as familiar as if it had happened the night before. She had wondered at first if he had even planned on proposing or if it was just a whim based on the way their conversation had turned.
I'm not convinced I can be hearing this right/You are if you think I am asking you to marry me.
She was now quite certain it had been his intent all along; his jittery, sweet, slightly bumbled, but all the same, beautiful intent.
Smiling, she sat on the edge of the bed, her gaze turning toward the horizon. Anyone who looked upon her bliss filled face would say the warm glow was coming out of her, not from the golden sun rising up to warm the world. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply.
Today will be the most wonderful day of my life.
The thought made her chest swell with anticipation and excitement.
Deciding she had spent enough time immersed in contemplation, she stood to cross to the wash stand, but a lone figure out in the garden below caught her eye.
There could be no doubt that the form was that of her husband to be, his silver hair shining in the sunlight as his long limbs cast even longer shadows across the pebbled path. Even from her attic window, she sensed his presence as sure as if he were standing next to her.
She had known men who bullied women into dependence, cruel men who used their strength and size to trap and control, but Charles was not that sort of man. There was certainly solidness to Charles Carson; not only in his commanding physical presence, but in the stability and self-assurance he exuded. In all of their years of knowing one another, however, there had never been a time that she had felt dependent on him.
You can always hold my hand if you need to feel steady.
She thought about their relationship and realized that independent of one another they were strong and viable human beings, but it was the knowing that the other was always there to offer support and a steadying hand in time of need- that was the true key to not only their success in running the house, but the foundation for the love they shared. This separate, yet equal existence was what made their relationship so strong. It was as if they each rested on either side of a scale; without the other, the balance would be thrown off.
Looking back down at Charles in the garden, she felt a sudden peace and certainty fill her entire being as she realized she was making the best decision of her life in joining her life with his. Lifting her hands to her face, she let her fingers trace over the smile that could not be wiped away.
Charles will see this smile.
She slowly lifted the sash, not wanting to startle him. Resting her hands securely on the sill, she leaned out, closing her eyes as she lifted her head to the sky.
Thank you for my good life and my love. Amen.
The impetus unknown to him, Charles Carson suddenly turned and looked up over his shoulder behind him. There before him, eyes closed and sweet smiling face lifted to the sky, was his Elsie.
Charles saw his love.