It's a shame. A huge, crying shame. Because John's nightmares were beginning to recede. Not that they'd ever leave, but they'd just become less frequent. But it's a shame that he's going to blame Sherlock for ruining his mental health.
Although it is true, because he can't honestly believe that Sherlock's gone.
That he'd do something as utterly, idiotically dull as dying.
Because if Sherlock was to die, he'd always thought...
He'd go off in style.
Not with his reputation in shatters.
John can't sleep.
When his eyes finally drift shut, he dreams of restraining hands.
The fall wasn't the worst part.
The worst part was that he couldn't even try to save the best man he'd ever met.
Because no one could be that much of a dick all the time.
When he had the nightmares before, he'd lie stock still, only moving when he woke, clawing his way to sitting, standing, anywhere away from the suffocating heat of the desert that waited for him under the covers.
Now he forces his way through invisible restraints, restraints that only exist within his head , until he wakes, clutching his head in a death grip.
Because even thinking about it hurts.
If someone was to listen, keep watch over him, they'd wait.
And then they'd wait.
They'd wait outside his room, because he looked so forlorn, resigned when he walked into the room.
He looked like a man who was willingly putting himself through torture.
They'd get scared because it's too quiet, isn't he supposed to be having nightmares?
And then they'd hear him start to move. Nothing big, just a kick or two, maybe if it's bad, an arm thrown out or his body twisted around.
Then the terror would increase in intensity, and he'd begin writhing.
The only thing to prompt his return to consciousness would be a strangled groan, almost shaping the word;
"Sherlock."
They'd stand up, and walk away, sympathy for the man standing on his good leg in the other room overwhelming them.
If they were lucky, they'd hear, in another part of the world, proof of another tortured soul returning to consciousness;
"John."