Inhaler
(for lack of a better title)

Rating: T - one use of bad language and mild creepiness
Pairings: mentioned JP/LE and R/S but only if you make it so
Word count: 1,424
Disclaimer: I own nothing, JKR does.

Summary: Sirius thinks all muggles are psychos, shame no-one believes him. Actually based upon a daydream I had when walking my dog after greeting one of my elderly neighbours. You should all be worried.

The Magical Maintenance Department at the Ministry of Magic had decided that today the weather would be clear and bright. The skies a deep blue and the afternoon sun yellow with promises of barbeques and magical water fights for the lucky who were flooing home. The atmosphere in the Ministry of Magic was one of relaxation. Today there hadn't been any urgent calls to scenes of mass murder, no traces of people using unforgivable curses and even the blood thirsty journalists were struggling to find someone to dish dirt upon. All in all, everyone was content.

Two young aurors ambled through the atrium. Both tall and dark haired they appeared to be more carefree than the other wizards and witches bustling about around them and were engaged in a lively conversation.

"No death and despair today then Prongs?" One asked with a smirk firmly in place. As they passed the main desk he threw a pretty receptionist a wink (to which she blushed furiously) and ignored his friend's glare.

"You know full well that I haven't even had chance to leave the office today Padfoot- hey! Don't laugh at me. It's the muggles we have to deal with! I appreciate that if we didn't obliviate them then we'd break the international statute of secrecy, but does there really need to be so much paperwork from it?" The second wizard dragged a hand through his bird's nest of hair then let it rest in his pocket. The other barked a laugh.

"Oh, it's such a hard life." He said in mock sympathy. "I've been telling you that muggles are psycho for years – it's all those TEE VEE waves, messes their heads up." It was Prongs' turn to laugh. An elderly witch turned to stare at him like he'd gone insane.

"I can tell you and Remus have had long, meaningful conversations about this all those nights you've been curled up together in your flat."

"Sod off Potter, I have my reasons for not wanting any of that muggle crap in my house."

"-Yours and Remus' flat you mean?"

Sirius gave a small snort. Despite that Remus was unable to get a job due to his 'furry little problem', Sirius had insisted that he move out of his parent's and join him in his two bedroom flat for free. "Just feed me and we'll get by just fine." He had promised and so far was making good of his word. The only thing they ever argued about was Sirius' hatred of muggle appliances and Remus' need for them. James and Lily had moved in together, into a real house, and Remus had spent quite a few nights with them after a particularly vicious fight. The two wizards arrived at the flooing fireplaces and grabbed a handful of the powder.

"Am I still welcome over tonight? Lily said-"

James grinned hugely.

"Course you are! No doubt Remus will already be there- oh! I hope they've been baking!" Sirius laughed at shook his head at James' obsession with Lily's cooking and Remus' obsession with baking.

"I'll see you later then." They stepped into adjacent fireplaces.

"Later! Godric's Hollow!"

Sirius coughed lightly as he walked into his (and Remus') messier than usual flat, he always forgot to close his mouth when flooing, resulting in sometimes choking on soot. James was right, Remus was already with Lily which was all Sirius could discern from the note written in his flatmate's appalling hand. And something about his room. Absentmindedly kicking a butterbeer bottle into the kitchen where Moony was more likely to clear it up, Sirius stepped into Remus' room before letting out an angry sigh. Amongst his many books Remus had a television and one of those computer things that Sirius swore were evil and had forbidden Moony to bring into the flat. Yet he had, and Sirius was furious.

With a loud crack Sirius apparated into the graveyard in Godric's Hollow with the intent of marching to James' and wringing that scrawny werewolf's neck. Rolling up the sleeves of his robe against the summer heat he sped along the streets muttering curses for anyone to hear.

"Excuse me dear, could you perhaps help me for a second?" Sirius was snapped out of his not-so-mental rant by an old lady, half leaning out of her front door. She saw the surprised look on his face and smiled reassuringly.

"Sorry?" He asked, stepping back a little, people didn't usually stop Sirius in the street. They didn't dare. The old lady smiled again, wiping her hands on her lime apron. A television remote was sticking out of one of the pockets. Muggles.

"Could you help me love? I need something on the top shelf and I can't quite reach."

Sirius eyed her up. She did seem quite short and what kind of auror was he training to be if he didn't help an old muggle lady in distress? Besides, Sirius was sure that he had overheard Lily telling Rem about an old lady in the neighbourhood she had helped one time, and something called the Big C. Sirius didn't know what the Big C was but apparently you should help people if they have it. A rather toad-like smile spread across her face as he nodded an agreement and joined her at the door. Murdering Remus would just have to wait.

The house smelt horrid. Sirius tried not to cringe as he trod patterns onto the dusty carpet and made his way to the long dark cupboard she was pointing to. One large sitting room led through an archway to an old fashioned kitchen. A large dining table stood, draped in a stained tablecloth with a crocodile skin handbag sat on top. He did not fail to notice the flickering television facing a moth-eaten chair.

"It's just up there, love. See that brown box?" Squinting into the gloom, Sirius could make out the shape of a box. He pulled it down and was relieved to find that it was the box she wanted. Now he could get out of here. Just as he ducked out of the cupboard door the old lady started coughing and wheezing, grasping her throat with bulging eyes. It must have been all the dust.

"Are you-? Are you alright?" If Sirius claimed he knew what to do - he'd be lying. The brown box dropped to the floor as Sirius ran over to the woman to help her in some way. Frantically, he jumped through high school memories, trying to see if he could remember anything of the first aid he had learned for Remus' sake. Something about opening the airways? "Sit down and lean your head back." The woman did as she was told, still coughing but there was something too knowing in her eyes that unsettled Sirius. Of course, there were several spells he knew that could clear her airways just fine but he couldn't take the risk, not when he was so close to completing his auror training.

"It's my . . . asthma . . ." She choked out. Sirius frowned, what was asthma? "My bag . . . inhaler . . ." She released a hand from her throat and waved it towards the table. An inhaler . . . Whatever it was, Sirius hoped it would help.

Daring to take his eyes off the choking lady, he darted through the archway and grabbed her bag, he almost dropped it straight away when he realised that it was made from real crocodile skin. The awful smell was a lot stronger over here. He fumbled with the clasp aimlessly, trying not to panic. If this mysterious old lady was going to die he could do the spells, right?

"Damn TV, I wish it would shut up." With a click the bag sprung open and Sirius thrust his hand into the black folds of material.

"HOLY MERLIN!" He yelped, throwing the bag away as if he had been electrocuted. His right hand was covered in warm, sticky blood. Blood that wasn't his own. The coughing had stopped.

"Sirius!" Lily shrieked as a ghostly looking man appeared in her kitchen with a crack. "Oh Merlin! What happened? Are you ok?" Sirius stared at the bloody hand he had stuck out in front of him and then up at Lily. James and Remus came skidding into the kitchen, the latter looking rather sheepish.

"Shit Padfoot! What happened?" James stepped forward to comfort his rather shell shocked friend. Lily gave him an admonishing look for his language.

"Muggles! Bloody muggles, absolute psychos – all of them!"

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