HETALIA RAP BATTLES
ENGLAND (Arthur Kirkland) vs. AMERICA (Alfred Jones)
ENGLAND:
Bloody hell, well if it isn't the bloody GIT with no manners!
A hyper, troublemaker kid who's too obsessed with his hamburgers
Well compared to Francis Bonnefoy, you're not the worst person ever
You're just a brother with ADHD; and a pussy around Explorers
You've got corny horror movies, and you call football "soccer"? Gimme a break!
I don't know which number is higher, chap: your debt to the world or your weight
The Queen says to diet down your ego, you asshat four-eyed Cheeto Jesus
You'll go from a Hero to just a Zero; so in God, you shall trust!
AMERICA:
Did you say something Iggy? I couldn't hear your commentaries
I apologize dude, I guess you were just talking to your imaginary fairies
You're so cold; the hero will warm you like the Great Fire of London!
See I'm the seme to your uke, U.K. - call this part two of my revolution!
I'll crack your balls like your bell, so you better Brexit this 'bout
Your anthem's God Save The Queen? More like God Shave Those Eyebrows!
They're so thick, they probably weigh more than my debt and weight combined
Iggy, you're even worse than Iggy Azalea - at least she has more of a behind!
ENGLAND:
Oh tosh! Your braggart God complexion makes me fill with regret
Where did I go wrong in raising you? You make me sad like Davie's death
You've spoken so much gibberish, no wonder your country's got a low I.Q.
I'd crush your bollocks, but I shouldn't hurt boys who still wet their beds like their loo!
You're like Fortnite; you were once good and free, now you are neither
Your education and healthcare are failures; even a yogurt has more culture!
I'm an empire; you're a superpower still struggling to get their streets cleaned
I'll 9/11 your Nantucket and Florida, God Save this Queen!
AMERICA:
Dude that 9/11 line ain't cool, you're playing into everybody's fears
Hey, why is England the wettest country? 'Cause the Queen has reigned there for years!
You gotta work on your rapping, cooking, NHS and at running marathons
I'm so wealthy here, I could dump your GDP like your tea back in Boston!
Captain America carries on, minus the shield but add the bomber
Your soccer teams suck, and what's sadder is that Churchill loved Pearl Harbor!
You're the land of crooked teeth; I'm the land of the free and of the brave
Too bad in Episode 12, France had given your "Little Ben" the AIDS!
ENGLAND:
What a dreadfully rubbish sex joke, I didn't see that comin'!
You've lots of large nuclear missiles there lad - compensating for something?
I'm a double-O pirate agent, bitch you always meddle in others' business
Call me Daddy, I'll again own your fatass like you're still one of my pet colonies
AMERICA:
Oh whatever MOMMY, you're also a world-class meddler
You've got so many colonies, you can't even tell if they're your siblings or your lovers
No wonder Tony here doesn't like to be around a drunken inbred wanker
Who dresses like Robin in tights, showing his tiny legs and wiener!
ENGLAND:
Ha! You wanna talk below the belt? I'll call my unicorn so we're equal
I'll ask him to shove his horn up your arsehole so hard, there won't be a sequel
AMERICA:
Oh you wanna Pokemon battle, Sherlock? You won't be Great, Britain!
Tony! (Yes boss!) Let's make England swallow my 7-inch freedom!
HETALIANS! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE! (Huehuehue)
Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed! I might do more soon and even add some more details or background story. This rap battle had been on my mind for quite a while, and as a fan of Hetalia, I've always found the idea of America and England rapping against each other hilarious since they constantly annoy the HELL out of each other all the time, and they always make some snarky, sarcastic and insulting remark/comment towards each other. (Nevertheless, deep down they care for each other.) Anyways since I still got school, it'll take a while to update this and generate new ideas, but I have great fun writing this! Hope you all enjoyed!
BTW: The (Yes boss!) is Tony the alien's line, who is America's alien friend :)