Takes place after Memento Mori. I always thought that episode needed an epilogue. I started to write one and it took off to some sort of alternate reality that only exists in my tiny brain
I want to warn you that most of this story is Mitchell reading Vala's mission report out loud.
Dr. Lam, flanked by two blonde nurses, stood in front of the elevator. One of the nurses had a wheelchair; the other carried a large red Cordura nylon bag with the words Emergency Aid stenciled in white on the sides. When the doors opened Daniel Jackson strode out carry Vala in his arms. She was semi-conscious; her arms were around his neck with her head leaning against his shoulder. Behind him were Teal'c, Sam and Mitchell.
"Bring her to the infirmary please, Dr. Jackson."
The nurses turned, walking back down the hall right after Daniel. The rest of SG-1 headed towards the infirmary behind them. Mitchell was the last out and as he walked past Dr. Lam their hands brushed together seemingly by accident. Mitchell followed his friends with a wide smile, a Vala smile, on his face. Dr. Lam allowed herself a small smile, one that barely raised the corners of her mouth. The smile was accompanied by a slight softening in her eyes.
Walking through the door Daniel waved away the orderly who had reached out to take Vala. With a smile he assured the man. "That's okay. I've got her." His smile got brighter as he said the words. "Where do you want her?"
Suddenly Dr. Lam was next to him. "Over here, please. Just put her down on the bed."
Daniel did as he was told but when her body touched the bed Vala held on to his neck, refusing to let go. She whimpered his name. He kissed her temple and gently removed her arms sliding her body onto the bed.
"Dr. Jackson. You're going to have to leave now. I need to check her over. She looks fine physically, maybe a little tired. But I'm concerned about the memory loss and any trauma she might have suffered while she was held by the Trust. I'll let you know when I have more information for you."
As if he didn't hear her Daniel stood still and continued to smile at Vala. She was awake and returned his smile. Dr. Lam put her hand on his shoulder and gently turned him to face her.
"You'll be the first person I call. Trust me Dr. Jackson. I promise I'll take care of her."
"Okay, Dr. Lam." Nodding at the doctor he walked over to Vala. He put his palm against her cheek. "I'll see you as soon as they finish. Okay?"
Vala smiled and nodded. She was so quiet. Daniel wished he would hear her crack at least one joke before he left her but she remained silent.
"I'll be in the Commissary, waiting to hear from you."
As Daniel headed towards the Commissary Dr. McKenzie came out of his office. "Dr. Jackson? Can I talk to you for a minute? Please? It's about Vala."
Daniel hesitated. He detested the man but at the mention of Vala's name he agreed to talk.
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Daniel joined the rest of SG-1 at their table after getting a cup of coffee. He smiled but looked worried. Sam spoke first.
"Daniel, she'll be fine. Dr. Lam's taking care of her."
Sam had to lean in close to hear Daniel's mumbled words. "I almost lost her, Sam. It's my fault. I wasn't able to protect her. Just like Sha're."
Sam looked angry. She knew what Vala would say about that, because Sam knew how she would feel if she was in Vala's position.
"That's crap, Daniel."
Daniel's head jerked up and he gave Sam a shocked look.
"It's nothing like Sha're! Vala doesn't want or need your protection. She's a fully functioning adult Daniel. She loves you and wants you to love her. But she's capable of taking care of herself. She's been doing it for a long time and she's good at it. So suck it up Daniel. You didn't lose her. She's right here."
One of the nurses who'd been with Dr. Lam at the elevator came in and after getting herself a cup of coffee walked over to Daniel. "Dr. Jackson? Ms Mal Duran is ready to be released. Dr. Lam asked if you would be willing to escort her to her quarters."
Daniel jumped up smiling. "Bye, guys. Catch ya later."
As Daniel walked quickly towards the door Mitchell and Sam started to laugh.
"I haven't seen him that happy in years."
"Indeed, Samantha Carter."
The three friends smiled and exchanged knowing looks.
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Outside of the Infirmary Dr. McKenzie was laying in wait for Daniel. Without physically pushing the man aside Daniel wasn't going to be able to walk through the door.
"Yes, Dr. McKenzie?"
"I just wanted to remind you of our conversation. I know you're aware of the possible consequences of your actions. I trust you'll do the right thing." The only way to describe his expression was a sneer.
Daniel glared pointedly until the man moved out of his way. Giving Dr. McKenzie a noncommittal grunt and a grudging nod Daniel opened the door.
He walked directly to the cubicle containing Vala's bed. He was pleased to see her sitting up on the side of her bed. Her hair was in pigtails and she was wearing blue scrubs. She was wearing the ubiquitous disposable hospital slippers on her feet. Vala was swinging her legs and smiled when she saw him. She had a set of pink scrubs on her lap and in reply to his questioning look Vala answered. "I wasn't sure if my stuff would be in my room, or even if I still had a room."
Daniel grinned saying. "You still have a room. I'm not sure about your clothes but I don't think anyone moved anything out of it."
Dr. Lam broke in. "She can sleep in those. I stole them from one of the pediatric nurses. I don't want her roaming the base until I give her a full workup tomorrow. So don't let her get dressed."
Vala looked too tired to make the expected comments. Nothing about Dr. Lam's thievery or Daniel not letting her put any clothes on. When she didn't say anything Daniel thought them for her, which made him smile even more.
"So, can she leave or not?"
"Get her out of here. She's good to go."
Daniel leaned over and picked up Vala.
"Let me get you a wheel chair."
"Don't bother. This is a lot easier than trying to maneuver a wheel chair through the halls."
Vala looked over her shoulder at Dr. Lam and waved. Tightening her arms around Daniel's neck she tucked her head into his shoulder and sighed contentedly. Unable to help herself Carolyn gave Vala a smile and a little wave in return and was still smiling when she returned to her office.
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When Daniel used his ID card to open Vala's room he expected her to ask when he'd added the access code to her room to his card. But again she didn't say a word. He walked over and sat her on her bed.
"Are you feeling okay? You're awfully quiet."
"Daniel, I am just so happy to be home that I can't be bothered to talk. That doesn't make a lot of sense; I think maybe Dr. Lam gave me happy drugs."
"Makes okay sense to me." He walked over to her desk and sat on the chair. It was as far away from her as he could get.
"Daniel, I'd really like to take a shower."
He stood up. "Of course, I understand. I'll check on your later."
"Would you mind waiting here? I won't take long I promise. I want a chance to talk a little before I try and go to sleep."
"No problem. I want to hear all about your other life."
Vala walked to the bathroom carrying her pink scrubs. As soon as the door shut Daniel started wandering around her room. There was a group of framed photographs on the top of her dresser. He picked them up and peered closely at each one. There was a group photo of SG-1 taken at O'Malley's next to one of Sam & Jack sitting on the dock at his cabin fishing poles in hand. A few inches to the left was a photo of Mitchell and his parents, standing in front of a cornfield. His father's arm around his shoulder and on his other side his mother was smiling and holding a pie out to the camera. The photo of Teal'c was unusual, Daniel wondered if he'd ever seen it. Teal'c was standing to the side of a gate on a planet where all you could only see was the blue sky and the grass under his feet. Teal'c was looking at something just out of the frame with a look that could only be described as longing as if he was watching something that he wanted. An unsure almost nervous look. Daniel had never seen so much emotion showing on Teal'c's face and was impressed that Vala had managed catch him unawares. With no reason to Daniel was sure it was Ishta who was the object of his attention. He'd have to ask Vala. Then again, Daniel thought, maybe not. He wasn't sure if he wanted his romantic illusion shattered. Daniel found himself looking for one of him. He was feeling disappointed until he saw a small fat item the size of a paperback laying down on the shelf. He picked it up and saw that it was a triptych where the frames on the right and left folded over the center picture. He opened it and smiled. The photo on the right was of the two of them arguing over a clay tablet obviously disagreeing over a translation. They both had looks of disgust on their faces. The photo on the right showed them looking straight ahead at the photographer with wide phony smiles plastered across their faces. Obviously they had been told to stand still and make nice. Daniel thought the center photo was beautiful. They appeared to have been unaware of the photographer and caught with their heads close together looking intently at an artifact. The two of them were lying down side by side on the stone floor of what looked like a temple ruin.. Vala legs from the knees up were in the air crossed at her ankles. Daniel couldn't tell what the object was but he was struck at how beautiful Vala looked. She had always looked beautiful to him though he rarely admitted it to anyone, even himself. But in this photo she was concentrating on the object she held with a look of wonder, a look that he shared. The look was the most intimate Daniel had ever seen caught on film. They weren't looking at each other but their expressions were mirror images and their shared passion jumped out at you. Daniel wished he could remember where they were when the picture was taken. The photographer had to have been Teal'c. Sam had given him a digital camera for Christmas and he was constantly taking candid pictures on their missions. Teal'c prided himself on those pictures he'd taken when his subjects didn't notice they were being photographed. Daniel wished he could see Teal'c's face if and when he saw Vala's picture of him. Tempted to slip the triple frame into his pocket he decided to resist the urge placing it back down.
Daniel heard the hairdryer start and realized that he hadn't noticed when the shower was turned off. He once again sat at her desk waiting for her to emerge from the bathroom. Vala came out barefoot, dressed in her pink scrubs with her black hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. Smiling at Daniel she thanked him for waiting and jumped into bed. She stuffed both pillows between her back and the headboard and sat up using her hands to pull her knees to her chest.
They talked non-stop for over an hour. Vala told him about Sol or Sal, Daniel didn't really catch which she was saying. She talked about what it was like to be a waitress in a diner. Daniel had worked in a small café when he was in college and they compared stories of customers, the crazy, the demanding, the silly and the sweet. They compared notes about trying to adjust to life with no memory of who you were. As Arrom Daniel was concerned that he wouldn't like the person he really was. Vala had similar thoughts after she took out the robbers. Everyone looked at her as if they no longer trusted her and her fears increased in the police station when they told her she was going to be held until the Air Force came for her.
Daniel told her all that they knew about the Trust's involvement and they speculated on what Athena'd been looking for. He told her about their attempts to track her, to find her and bring her back to SGC. Daniel almost said 'bring you home to me'. It wasn't clear to him exactly how much detail she remembered from her life at SGC and he didn't want to pressure her or make her nervous by anything he said.
After the first few minutes Vala began to act more like her 'old self'. When she described a funny run-in with an extremely dissatisfied customer who kept returning his food Vala became so animated that he had trouble stopping laughing. Vala was acting out both parts of the exchange. One moment she was playing the crazy demanding customer then next the plucky but beautiful 'food service worker' using air quotes around her description. Soon she was making faces at Daniel and gently teasing him.
There was a lull in the conversation and Vala made an audible sigh. Daniel looked at her in sudden concern.
"Are you tired? Do you want to try and sleep?"
"That's probably not a bad idea. I'll go brush my teeth." Vala got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.
"I'll wait and tuck you into bed."
Giving Daniel a puzzled smile Vala replied. "Okay. Deal."
Somewhere in the middle of their talkfest he'd taken off his boots, he picked them up and put them by the door before walking to her bed. Waiting for her to return Daniel fluffed the pillows and rearranged them on her bed. He pulled back the covers and stood by the bed waiting for her to return. Daniel's mind was racing with everything he wanted to say. He didn't plan on saying it now, he'd decided to wait and talk to her in the morning.
Vala bounced out of the bathroom and suddenly she was under the covers smiling up at Daniel. She had taken her hair out of the pony tail and it hung free around her face. He leaned towards her and put his hand on her cheek. Losing all self-control he couldn't stop himself. The words just tumbled out of his mouth and he couldn't stop them. He was telling her how much he'd missed her, how scared he'd been when she was gone, how scared he'd been the last time she'd disappeared, how sorry he was that she'd been lost, how much he wanted her home, needed her home with him. Daniel continued to talk almost frantically repeating the same words. By this time he was kneeling on the floor with her face still cupped in his hand. Vala didn't speak, she didn't try and reassure him that everything was fine, she just smiled and looked into his eyes. Then she spoke "I think you can shut up now darling."
"My Vala". With that Daniel kissed her and soon without conscious thought by either of them he was in the bed with Vala snuggling together under the covers. Vala was still aware enough to take off his glasses and drop them onto the floor but soon she wasn't aware of anything except Daniel's mouth. All his good intentions of giving her space, waiting until tomorrow to talk, not pressuring her, discussing her condition with Dr. Lam before pouring out his pent up feelings and so on had been pushed out of his mind. Pretty much all rational thought had been pushed out of both their minds leaving only love and passion.
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"Sam? Can I talk to you? Please?"
"Of course, Vala. Come on in." Sam gestured with her hand to the chair at her desk in the corner of the lab."
"I'll just stand here, if you don't mind."
Sam looked closely at Vala, she hadn't really seen her since Daniel carried her out of the warehouse. She was glad to see that she looked well.
"You look rested. Did you sleep well last night?"
In shock, Sam saw Vala blush. Thinking to herself 'what the hell is going on' she had an epiphany. Daniel had finally faced the truth and told Vala how he felt. And maybe even shown her if Vala's blush and expression were any indication.
"You two did the deed, didn't you? Boy, Daniel didn't waste anytime did he?" Sam was beaming at Vala who gave Sam one of her megawatt smiles.
"Yes, I think we did! Are you upset?"
"Why would I be upset, Vala?"
"Daniel's your friend, you must want someone better for him. I'm not exactly a prize catch."
Sam put her arms around Vala and gave her a hug. "You love him and he loves you. So who could possibly be better for him?"
Giving her another hug Sam told her. "I'm really happy for you both. Really. So dish!"
"It was amazing. Last night we …"
"Whoa, not too many details. He is like a brother to me." Sam laughed at Vala's look of shock.
"No, No. I wasn't going to give you a play-by-play commentary of our sexual exploits. I was going to tell you about last night. I'd never tell Daniel but it was actually the best part of the night. We talked for hours, we made each other laugh, I never felt so at home in my life. And as we talked I realized that he did love me, I had no doubts about it. So the whole kissing yada yada thing didn't surprise me. That's not really true, I was surprised that he moved so quickly a lot quicker than I expected."
"Maybe he was making up for lost time. I think your kidnapping made him face how he really felt about you." Sam had let go of Vala who'd gone ahead and sat down in the desk chair.
"Have you seen him yet this morning? How did you leave things? Did you arrange to meet somewhere?"
"Vala? What's going on?"
"Well, we didn't exactly talk, afterwards I mean."
Sam stared at Vala waiting to hear details.
"Okay. He didn't say anything about today. He left as soon as I fell asleep, or at least until he thought I was asleep. I don't sleep well on the best of nights and I certainly couldn't sleep on the best night of my life!"
"What do you mean he left? He got out of bed and walked out the door? Without saying anything? Did he leave a note?"
"No, yes, well sort of."
"Which is it?"
"Yes he did leave and no he didn't say anything or leave a note. But I think he wanted me to rest. Dr. Lam said he should make sure I took it easy."
Sam gave her a funny look.
"It's okay Sam. He loves me. Everything will be fine."
"He didn't say anything?"
"He was sort of talking to himself while he got dressed. I was actually drifting off a little so I'm not all that clear on what he was saying."
Sam was standing with her arms folded and her right foot taping waiting for Vala to explain what she meant.
"Something about not pressuring me, memory loss, being sensitive, amnesia, emotional trauma, selfish. But those words are out of context, I'm sure he'll explain when I see him."
"He'd better. I'll trust your instincts. The briefing starts in ten minutes. Do you want something to eat? You sort of missed breakfast, sleepyhead." While she spoke Sam was rooting around in a file drawer. Crying "Eureka" she presented Vala with a power bar, not just any power bar, Vala's favorite power bar. She grabbed it and barely tore the wrapper off before starting to devour it. Washing it down with a cup of coffee from Sam's lab coffee maker Vala was ready to go in five minutes.
Smiling at each other the two women walked out of the lab headed for the Briefing Room. Vala seemed so calm almost serene Sam thought that she might just be more excited than Vala, which felt odd. But she shrugged it off pleased to see Vala so happy and looking forward to seeing a similar look on Daniel's face.
Only General Landry was in the room when they arrived. He smiled at Vala and welcomed her back and told her he hoped she was feeling okay. Vala smiled broadly and said she was great! Landry was pleased to see her so chipper, Carolyn had been a little worried about her ability to bounce back once again from a traumatic experience. She knew Vala was the definition of resilience, but she feared that one time would be just one too many. Landry noticed that Sam seemed exceptionally cheerful today. Not that she wasn't usually cheerful, but he felt an undercurrent of what he thought of as exuberance.
Both women turned their heads when they heard voices in the hall, but sighed together when Mitchell and Teal'c walked in. Both said hello to Vala, welcomed her back to SGC and expressed their hope that she felt well. Vala smiled and thanked them for their concern. She kept looking towards the door obviously waiting. Everyone knew she was waiting for Daniel, which wasn't unusual, but they all picked up on a difference today. She seemed more self-possessed. More than her usual almost comic air of supreme self-confidence.
Daniel entered the room and Sam exchanged a smile with Vala. Sam wasn't sure what she expected from Daniel but she never expected what happened. Daniel made no eye contact with Vala. He gave a quiet smile as a greeting to Landry and the rest of SG-1 including her and then started writing in a notebook on the table in front of him. Mitchell started the briefing explaining to Landry that SG-1 had no upcoming mission. They were waiting for information from a Tok'ra operative about reports of the discovery of a tablet that referred to the Ancients on a planet never occupied by the Goa'uld. Contact was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. Landry dismissed the team telling them they were on leave for two days starting now. Smiling at them all he left the room.
"Hey Teal'c. Do ya wanta continue our sparring session? I promise I'll go easy on you." Looking at Teal'c's face Mitchell started to laugh. After Teal'c nodded in response to the question they stood up and walked towards the door.
"Vala? How about joining us? Our sessions are a lot less lively without you." He didn't hear her say anything as he left the room but it occurred to him that she might be tired after her ordeal. "Okay then. We'll catch you later."
Daniel stood up and gathered his notebook and some loose papers and walked quickly out the door without saying a word or looking at anyone.
Vala hadn't made a sound or moved a muscle since Daniel had sat down patently ignoring her. Once all of the men had left she made a sound, a small choking sound as if she couldn't breathe right. She had lost all color in her face and her hands were trembling as she folded them on the table top. Sam knew that if Dr. Lam saw her this way she'd whisk Vala off to a bed in the Infirmary before Vala could say a word. Sam reached over and put her hand over Vala's and applied pressure, Vala shook her head in disbelief and then turned to Sam. Seeing the pain in Sam's face Vala smiled.
"I'm fine Sam. Its okay, I'm okay. There are worse things that can happen to a person." Pulling her hands out from beneath Sam's Vala patted the other woman's hand as if she was comforting her. "Though at the moment I'm not exactly sure what that could be."
Shaking her head once more as if trying to clear her mind Vala stood up, wiped her hands on her pants and walked out. Sam followed her and took her by the hand.
"We're going to my lab. Now!" Vala was so passive that Sam easily pulled her along behind her.
They sat on stools around Sam's worktable. Vala had plastered a smile on her face and was sitting up ramrod straight. She'd been working on controlling her breathing and though shallow her breaths were even.
"What the F was that?"
"I must have misunderstood what happened. Talk about embarrassing!" Vala's forced attempt at an amused tone bordered on pathetic.
Sam leaned towards Vala. "You've got to talk to Daniel. Something's wrong, it was horrible watching him work so hard at ignoring you. I saw pain in his eyes …"
Vala opened her mouth to protest but was interrupted by Sam.
"Yes. Real pain. I can't imagine what's going on but …"
"What's going on is the usual sordid little tale. Boy meets girl, girl seduces boy, boy runs away in panic once he comes to his senses."
"No Vala. I don't believe it!"
"Why do you believe me? Isn't it more likely that I misunderstood the whole thing? I've been thinking about it and Daniel never said that he loved me. He said he missed me, he was afraid for me, he was sorry for what happened to me and even that he needed me. But that's not love, Sam. I frightened him off. I was too intense, too needy. I wanted to believe in the fairy tale. It's not fair to blame him Sam. Daniel's your friend. Hell, he's almost your brother. In these situations you don't take the side of the alien slut."
Sam sighed saying. "It's okay to cry. And it isn't a case of taking sides, no matter who's at fault; a man doesn't act that way. If you misinterpreted what happened he talks to you and straightens it out. Miscommunications about feelings and emotions aren't unusual but there's no excuse for how Daniel's acting. And it doesn't feel like Daniel. I'm not saying he doesn't always 'get' his effect on women but I think you have to find him and force him to talk." When Vala shook her head with a panicked look on her face Sam insisted. "You owe it to yourself if not to him. It's got to be better than this."
"Okay. I'll swallow what little pride I have and go to him." Standing up she straightened her shoulders and took a deep cleansing breath. She turned to Sam and told her. "If he doesn't love me, but he does need me, that's okay. If what he wants is casual sex that's okay, too. I can't refuse him anything, I never could. It's ridiculous but I have to admit I'll take anything he's willing to give me." Wiping away what might have been tear on her cheek she walked away.
"Vala …"
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Sam was sitting alone in the Commissary eating lunch. She'd been keeping an eye out for Vala and was glad to hear her voice coming from the hall. She was saying hello to everyone she passed asking about family, commiserating about games lost by someone's favorite sports teams, asking for a review of the food on today's menu, etc. Vala walked in with a huge smile, waved at friends at other tables, walked through the line and brought her full tray to Sam's table and sat. Sam could both see and feel the tension in Vala's body, her muscles were straining as she tried to keep her smile on her face and her voice from breaking.
Sam whispered. "What happened? What'd he say?"
Vala spoke in a normal tone. "Daniel went off-base, Sam. He's going to spend the next two days at a University Library somewhere in the Mid-West. He had to stop by his apartment and pack."
"Did he tell anyone? Did he say good-bye to the boys? I passed Mitchell on the way to the showers and he didn't mention it."
"Oh, he called Walter and had him clear it with Landry. The General said there was no problem. If he's really needed SGC can have Daniel beamed back."
Seeing the disturbed look on Sam's face Vala reassured her. "Its okay, Sam. I promise I'll talk to him as soon as he's back. I'm not ready to give up on him yet, or on us. Now, how about a girl's night in? My room, chick flicks, tons of chocolate, many quarts of Ben & Jerry's and at least one bottle of tequila."
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Earlier that morning
Daniel was in his office talking on the phone. His clothes were disheveled, his hair looked like John Sheppard's but not on purpose, his face was haggard and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.
"Jack, it was horrible. I was horrible. I don't think I did the right thing. I could feel Sam's eyes boring in to me. I know she wanted to ask me what was going on."
"No, I don't know what Vala told her about last night. And no, I'm not going to describe anything to you, no lurid details, no low-down on alien sex. To which, may I remind you, you are no stranger yourself. Kynthia for one. And don't forget Laira. So extrapolate from your own experiences."
"Yes Jack."
"No I don't know."
"I'm not sure."
"Jack!"
"Jack!"
"I'm leaving for few days. I'll call you again. And may I say you've been incredibly unuseful! No wonder you're a lonely, friendless, bitter, old man."
Daniel laughed and smiled at the phone.
"Thanks for listening Jack. I know it wasn't easy for you. But you're my best friend and I had to talk to someone I trusted."
"Catch you later. Bye."
Daniel hung up the phone and immediately made another call.
"Walter? I need you to talk to General Landry for me."
Dr. McKenzie passed Daniel in the hall. "I hear you're going to be away for a few days. I think that's an excellent move Dr. Jackson."
Daniel wanted to deck the smug bastard but restrained himself while reserving the right to slug him on some future occasion.
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It was midnight and Vala was in her room, in her bed, in the dark but wide awake. Daniel had been expected back this evening but he hadn't shown up by eleven so she'd gone to bed. She heard a sound outside her door, then a soft knock and a voice, his voice, said. "Vala? Vala? Are you awake?"
Bracing herself she answered. "Please come in Daniel."
The door opened and she could just make out Daniel's silhouette by the hall light. He closed the door and called her name again. This time it was some strange cross between a question, a plea, an apology and an urgent demand. All she said was "My Daniel" and suddenly he was next to her bed, then kissing her and then in her bed. Vala relinquished all her pride and her self-respect. On Daniel's recommendation she'd been reading Shakespeare and now all she heard was a voice in her head "Love makes fools of us all".
This time she made no pretence of being asleep. Vala watched Daniel get out of bed and throw on his clothes. As he walked, or more accurately slinked, towards the door he turned back. Opening the door she could just make out his face in the light. With a look of agony he whispered "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." And closed the door behind him.
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"Did you see Daniel?"
"You could say that."
"Did you talk? What did he say?"
"Let's see now. When he came into my room last night he said my name and asked if he could come in. He said my name a few times more, even sort of screamed it once if memory serves, while he was there. Then as he slipped back out of the room he said … Now I want to get this right Sam. He said "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." And then, pouf! he was gone."
Sam looked horrified. They were sitting on the bed in Vala's room, Sam leaning against the headboard and Vala with her legs crossed Indian style. They'd eaten lunch in the Commissary with Teal'c and Mitchell who were going on and on about an upcoming movie based on a comic book which they insisted was a graphic novel. There were heated discussions about the casting, the director, the writer, debates about favorite villains and recaps of favorite story lines. Sam suggested she and Vala get some ice cream and take it back to Vala's room and she'd agreed.
"It's okay Sam. I was right. I was wrong about that first night." She laughed. "Doesn't that sound weird? I was right. I was wrong. English can be a funny language."
Sam looked closely at Vala. She did seem okay. Sam continued to listen to Vala's explanation of what must have happened, how she's misunderstood and frightened him off. Vala told Sam that she was happy to continue whatever type of relationship they were in. She considered herself a realist and could "live with half a loaf".
Vala almost convinced Sam that Daniel was the injured party. Almost. Sam still felt that he had handled the whole thing badly. And she wasn't convinced that Vala could have been so far off the mark about that first time. Vala had said that she knew Daniel loved her in return. Sam had trouble believing Vala was capable of deluding herself that much. Vala may have wanted it to be true but Sam thought it more likely she'd err the other way and not believe Daniel loved her no matter what he said or did.
Sam decided that as Vala's friend she would be happy for her as long as Vala insisted she was happy. But she reserved the right to change her mind.
As Daniel's friend Sam was unsure how to feel. Even if he was happy with the situation she wasn't sure if she should be happy for him. She had trouble believing that a strictly physical relationship with Vala would be acceptable to him. Sam wanted to run him down and force him to tell her what was going on. She wasn't sure what was preventing her. Jack was going to be at SGC next week and Sam decided she would wait and talk to Jack. Jack knew Daniel and Jack was a man. Sam hoped Jack would be able to provide some insight as both. For now Sam resolved to keep a very close watch on both of her friends.
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Two nights later, after two days of Daniel ignoring her and seemingly hiding from her, Vala heard his voice at the door. Once again it was late and she was in bed in the dark. And once again she told him to come in. And once again all he said was her name.
Later Vala faked being asleep. She couldn't face the idea of hearing Daniel apologize on his way out. But once again she'd made the wrong decision. Once again she hadn't thought it could be worse, but it was. As he got dressed Daniel started to talk to
himself. He was speaking softly and without getting closer Vala couldn't hear every word that he said. In order to hide her awake state she'd covered part of her face with a pillow which certainly didn't help. Daniel was apologizing to her, berating himself for his behavior, concerned about what someone would think of him, more apologies and expressions of disappointment about what he'd done, agonizing about other people's opinions, and more. She had suspected that, though not exactly drunk, Daniel had been drinking. Vala figured it was what the Tau'ri called Dutch courage. It made him brave enough to come to her and befuddled enough to freely babble his innermost thoughts.
Then he was gone and she was alone. Alone to think about what he'd said. Alone to think about what she was feeling. Alone to think about how much more she could take before she broke.
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Sam was starting to think about lunch when Vala came into her lab. By her expression Sam could tell that something serious had happened. And that Vala looked as if she'd made a decision.
"Did he visit you last night?"
"Yes. But don't be angry Sam. Daniel doesn't deserve it. He's not happy, I'm making him miserable, 'us' is making him miserable. You were right, this isn't the type of relationship he wants or needs. And I can't give him anything else, because he doesn't want anything else from me."
"Vala, are you sure? Maybe you should try and talk to him. Maybe …"
"It broke my heart Sam. As he was leaving he was talking to himself. Daniel is ashamed of me or at least of being with me. He's worried about his friend's opinions, he's disappointed with what he's doing, he's in agony about what other people will think. And he'd been drinking. The only reason he came to me was because he was drunk. Drunk enough to lose control and do something he thinks is wrong. I know what you're going to say Sam. He's a grown man and responsible for his own actions. But I feel guilty. I'm being selfish. I thought that I could settle for whatever part of him I can have, but I can't. I can't be responsible for making him feel that way. Daniel's unhappy and ashamed of himself; he thinks he's betrayed his friends, betrayed himself."
Sam was madly thinking what she could say to Vala, any solution she could offer, any comfort. But she came up empty.
"Sam don't worry. I'm fine. I spoke to Mitchell and I'm going to transfer to another SG team. I can't leave here. I'm too selfish to leave my home. But I can remove myself from constant contact with Daniel. I'll give him some breathing room. And you can help him find someone good enough for him. A nice, sweet normal girl. Maybe another archeologist."
"Good enough? What they hell does that mean? I'm not sure that I could live with hooking a nice normal girl up with an emotional basket case like Daniel Jackson."
"Thanks, Sam. I appreciate the thought. But I have to get to the briefing."
"What briefing? No one told me we were going on a mission."
"Not SG-1. Until my transfer goes through I'm still on SG-1 but SG-6 requested my help last week. They have a mission to a planet that I spent some time in a different life. But I still have close contacts and they think I might be able to access the quality of some intelligence they received. So I'm off. I'll be back in a few days. We can talk then."
"Okay, but I want to discuss that whole transfer thing with you."
"Fine, Sam. Please watch over Daniel for me. Keep him safe."
Vala kissed Sam on the cheek before walking out of her lab.
Sam couldn't wait until Jack got here. He had to help her figure out what was happening with her friends and what she could do. The better Vala felt the more depressed Sam felt.