Disclaimer: Paramount owns them all. I'm just playing.
A/N: This was born out of some silliness on VAMB. In a drabble challenge, CaptKJaneway gave the prompt; First line "What do you mean it's stuck?" I got a little carried away, as it's more than 10x what a drabble should be.
Stuck
by Gates Hepburn
"What do you mean it's stuck?" Q struggled to free his head from the surrounding rail in the ready room.
"Exactly what I said, Q. It's stuck."
"Well, get it unstuck!" he continued to struggle.
"Please?"
"What? Yes, fine." Q was as confused and as indignant as ever.
"No, Q," she shook her head. Why must all conversations with him be a pedagogic endeavor? "When asking for something, it is polite to say please."
He just glared and continued in his struggle.
"Fine, suit yourself," Kathryn said as she made her way back to her desk and the PADD she'd been reading before he had so gracefully popped in.
The room was quiet, if not for the occasional muffled groan and bang on the rail, she could have almost believed she was alone. Until Q let out what was must definitely an "ow" and something muffled that she wasn't quite sure she had heard correctly.
"What did you say?"
"You heard me!" he huffed.
"Humor me."
"Fine." He let out an exaggerated breath, "Please? Happy now?"
"Not particularly, no."
"Oh come on, Kathy! Puh-leeeaase help me? Please? Please? Please?"
He seemed sincere enough, and she really didn't want to hear him beg anymore. "Why don't you just snap your fingers and pop yourself out?" she asked only noting on his exasperated glare that the fingers of both of his hands were stuck as well. There was no snapping out of this situation.
She got up from her desk to reassess the situation. Q's head was firmly lodged in the rail of the upper level of her ready room and his fingers were in fact embedded in the metal as well. From the other side of the rail, all she could see was the backside of the omnipotent pest. His knees were on the ground and rear end upturned and waggling as he struggled to free himself. Seeing him in such a prone position, she had to resist the urge (and what would probably be her only opportunity) to kick him square in his omnipotent ass.
He must have read her mind, because the next thing she heard was, "You wouldn't kick a man when he's down now would you, Kathy?"
She wouldn't, but heavens knew she wanted to.
She stood behind him and swung a leg over his so she was positioned over him, then she grabbed his shoulders and began to pull with all her might.
"Ow ow ow ow ow!" he whined.
"This isn't going to work if you keep struggling," she chastened and began trying to pull him free again to no avail.
"Jean-Luc would have had me free by now!"
"Well, then why didn't you think of that before you snapped yourself here and into my rail? And from what I recall of the Enterprise, Captain Picard didn't have a rail in his ready room."
"Details, details."
"Why are you here to begin with, Q? What did you want?"
"I didn't exactly plan this visit."
"What?" she was genuinely curious now. She stopped pulling on his shoulders and walked over to lean her elbows on the rail and look down at his face, "Then how did you end up here?"
"Q."
"Q? You mean—"
"Yes… her! We had a little fight, which is all your fault by the way!"
"My fault?" Did she really want to know how this could possibly be her fault? "Never mind. Proceed." She figured he'd tell her anyway.
"Yes, your fault and she sent me..." his shoulders moved as he tried to indicate, "here."
She shook her head and headed to the replicator, maybe he wouldn't tell her after all. She returned to the front of the rail.
"What's that?"
"That," she indicated her freshly replicated acquisition, "is a couple ill spent coffee rations, which I fully expect you to reimburse me for as soon as you're free."
"Yes, all the coffee you want! But what is it?"
She'd already started to coat her fingers in the pale yellow substance and held them up to him as she replied, "Butter."
"Butter? Now isn't the time for a snack! I'm stuck here!"
"Believe me I know." She grabbed his chin with her ungreased hand to hold him still as she used the other one to coat his head in the butter, "We're going to try and slip you out of there."
All greased, she told him to pull back as she pushed on his forehead. Again there was no movement.
"Great, now not only am I stuck, I'm well buttered," he said the last word with more distaste than was necessary.
"I could just leave you here. I do have better things to be doing with my time you know." She walked to her restroom and retrieved a hand towel to clean her hands.
"Sarcasm doesn't become you, Kathy."
She made to exit the ready room.
"No. No. Don't leave! I'm sorry. I'm just unaccustomed to feeling so helpless. So mortal. So…" he searched for the word, "stuck."
"Q, short of calling engineering up here and having them cut you free, I'm not sure how I can help you." She reached for her commbadge.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm calling engineering up here to cut you free."
"They'll probably slip and mar my dashingly handsome face. I'd be better off with that talaxian pet you call a chef and a phaser."
She just stared at him as she tapped her badge, opening the line.
"Do you want out or not?"
"Fine."
"Janeway to engineering."
*Engineering here captain, what can we do for you?*
"Can you send a team up to my ready room? There's a little situation."
*Sorry, Captain. No can do at the moment. No teams available as Tuvok has everyone down here running drills again.*
"I see. Thank you. Janeway out."
"Well, Kathy. That didn't work now did it?"
"Shut up, Q!"
"Jean-Luc would have had two engineering teams up here by now."
Kathryn glared at him for yet another comparison to the illustrious Enterprise captain.
"Fine Q. Have it your way." She started to walk back towards the room's exit.
"You can't just leave me alone in here!" he called after her.
Just before the doors triggered open, she turned back to him, "I'm not that cruel, Q." Then she tapped her commbadge, "Janeway to Neelix."
*Neelix here Captain.*
"Please report to my ready room, at once… and bring a phaser."
The doors opened and shut before Q could hear the reply.
Fin