Bucky is afraid of thunderstorms.
He has been living in Steve's apartment, gradually regaining his memories, for the past three weeks and since it's mid- August, thunderstorms are not unusual.
This past week has been incredibly muggy and the air today is charged with a buzz. Bucky is on the couch, typing on his tablet, wiki jumping again. Steve was right, it's addicting. When Steve enters the living room in his full Captain America gear Bucky's heart sinks. He has become a tad protective of Steve, recalling the frail boy he used to be and how it was always Bucky's roll to take care of him. But Steve is different now, he reminds himself. Steve can handle the monsters now. The super soldier shuffles awkwardly at the end of the couch.
"It will only be one night." He promises. "You can call me anytime. It's just recon." Bucky knows there's something else going on as Steve ruffles Bucky's still long hair affectionately. They wouldn't send Captain America out for simple recon. It must have something to do with Hydra.
Once Steve is gone Bucky continues his wiki led lessons on the history of the last seventy years. The Beatles are capturing his attention when the first clap of thunder shakes the apartment. Bucky leaps almost a foot into the air. It's lucky the tablet was in his right hand or he would have definitely shattered it. Lightning flashes and the thunder roars again. Images slice across Bucky's consciousness of bombs dropping from the sky, mortars exploding, grenades tumbling end over end through the air. The drumming rain suddenly sounds like machine gun fire. Then there are the faces filling his vision. His fellow soldiers in the trenches; only they're not quite whole. Jimmy is missing his hand. A shell took Randy's leg. The medic is doing what he can to staunch the flow of blood, but he's bleeding from his temple too. The smell of blood and mud and fear is so overwhelming Bucky is almost convinced the apartment was a dream and he's woken up on the front lines again. Then another bout of thunder rumbles and Bucky throws himself behind the couch to dodge a shell. When he is met with carpet under his hand and knees he blinks and almost laughs. But the lightning lights up the room again and Bucky suddenly sees Dr. Arnim Zola standing before him before he fades with the flash of lightning. Bucky squeezes his eyes shut to block out the images, but they are in his head and they won't let him go.
The thunder sounds like steel wrenching apart as his grip on the train fails. Now he's falling, waking up in the cold snow to pain and blood. Bucky stumbles to his feet, desperate to rid himself of these thoughts. He blindly lurches into the bathroom just in time to heave the contents of his stomach into the toilet.
The thunder sounds like the roar of the machine as it takes his memories from him. As it erases Bucky Barnes and leaves behind the Winter Soldier. The machine takes everything. Brooklyn. The war. Steve.
Oh. Steve. He can call Steve. Steve will make it better. Bucky fumbles in his pocket for his phone and is met with No signal. Actually, now that he realises it, all of the lights are out. The power grid must have gone down with the storm. Now what? How can he get Steve? There is another crash and Bucky curls in on himself on the cold tile floor, feeling a sense of hopelessness overwhelming him. He needs Steve. Steve makes things better. Even when Bucky can't remember who he is anymore, Steve is there to talk him through it.
That's how Steve finds him when he gets home. Curled up in the corner of the bathroom, muscles stiff, shaking from the memories he was forced to relive.
"Buck?"
Bucky looks up slowly through the curtain of his too long hair. This is not a dream, or a nightmare. He knows because Steve is wearing his new costume, the one without the red and white stripes, and he never saw Steve in that one until after he moved in. Steve is here. Steve will know what to do to make the ghosts leave Bucky alone.
"Bucky, are you okay?" Steve asks, hesitantly stepping forward. Bucky licks his lips nervously. Is he okay? No, not really. But he is better. So he nods and Steve smiles and pulls him to his feet, saying something about breakfast.
It's only the next night when another storm rolls in. When the first peal of thunder cracks through the air they are playing go fish at the kitchen table. Bucky flinches so badly his metal hand crushes his cards. Steve looks surprised. "Are you okay?"
Bucky thinks about brushing it off, about telling Steve he's fine but then the lightning flashes and Zola's machine threatens him. So he rapidly shakes his head. Steve stands and comes around to Bucky's side of the table.
"What is it?" He asks.
"The storm." Bucky whispers. "It sounds like-" He is cut off by another clap of thunder and a pitiful whimper escapes his lips.
Steve nods. "It sounds like shells dropping on your head and being stuck in a fox hole and the whole stupid war."
Bucky nods. He should have known Steve would understand. But even now, Steve only has the half of it. He doesn't know the sound of the machine or the way it makes the cold bite of the cryo tube shiver up his spine.
"It sounds like forgetting." Bucky explains. "And I don't want to. Steve, I don't want to forget anymore!" He knows his voice has risen to a panic, but he can't help it. He can't forget. Not again. He refuses to lose everything he's fought so hard to get back. Thunder roars again and Bucky curls in on himself, trying to protect himself from the cold. Suddenly Steve's arms are around him, warm and fighting off the rising chill. Because Steve will always protect him.
Even if it's just from a thunderstorm.
It's so strange for Steve. To see Bucky losing it like this over a thunder storm. When they were younger it was Steve who was afraid of the loud noises and sudden flashes. He would hide under the covers with his hands pressed against his ears. But Bucky was always at the window, oohing and aahing at the natural light show.
"Woah! Steve did you see that one? Steve!" He would call from his perch at the window sill. "You're missing it, punk! Come here and see!" He would watch for a few more minutes and then crawl under the covers with Steve, prying his hands from his ears. The he would tell Steve stories about cloud giants and how storms happened whenever they had great battles for hours on end until Steve was no longer afraid.
If they ever got caught outside in the midst of the thunder Bucky would tip his head back, marvelling at the sky, before challenging Steve to a race home, knowing that the sooner they were inside, the safer Steve would feel. But the entire run Bucky's gaze would be on the clouds as he laughed with a mad, charged energy only a lightning storm provided him.
So Steve was more than a little startled to find Bucky curled in a ball on the bathroom floor last night. He had half expected Bucky to be out on the fire escape, regardless of how soaked he would have gotten. But Bucky had said he was okay, so Steve had dropped it. But now with Bucky shivering in his arms at the kitchen table, Steve began speaking in low tones about giants who lived in the clouds and had grand battles. And when Bucky slowly relaxed his clenched muscles, despite the continuing thunder claps, Steve knew he had succeeded. Because no matter what, Steve would always protect Bucky. Even if it's just from a thunderstorm.