Author's Note: Hello readers! I haven't written anything except TVD for the last year, so bare with me. I saw the VMars movie. finally and I fell in love with Logan and Veronica all over again. So of course I had to download the seasons, read the book, and all the fanfiction I could find. So that leads me here since now I wanna write a story. I hope you guys enjoy! I like reviews so let me know what you think! Flashbacks will be in italics.
Couples: LoVe, MaDi
Summary: After Lilly's funeral blinded by grief Logan and Veronica sleep together and she becomes pregnant. Goes from preseries to Season 1.
Disclaimer: If veronica mars belonged to me there would've been more than 3 seasons , 1 movie, and 1 book. All belong to RT.
Warning: sexual content
Chapter 1 The Beginning
It was raining how appropriate, Veronica thought as she stared out her bedroom window. She sighed quietly wiping away the tears that seemed to never cease after seeing her best friend dead a few days before. The day after Lilly's funeral and the weather depicts my mood, she thought, as she moved away from the window and went to her bed trying to make the tears stop.
The whole school had gotten the day after Lilly's funeral off and Veronica figured she could use it to do her homework and clean her room. Anything to get her mind off of having to think about the fact that one of her best friends was gone. At least she still had Logan, Veronica thought sadly as she went back to organizing her closet.
It was useless though ever item she pulled out her mind went to what Lilly would say about it, or a time that her and Lilly had hung out and she had worn that outfit. Since they hung out every day her closet was bringing up memories that weren't necessarily bad, but would make her collapse into a fit of tears. Veronica just wanted her best friend back was that too much to ask?
Staring at a pink cashmere cardigan Lilly had gotten her for birthday this past year Veronica knew she couldn't continue cleaning. She needed a distraction, so she called the one person that would be feeling as badly as she was.
Pulling her cell phone out Veronica stared at it for a moment wondering if calling Logan was the best thing to do. They hadn't said much the day before. They were both too wrapped up in their own misery at the funeral and just wanted the comfort of someone else. Preferably each other.
She wanted to call Logan, but she didn't know if he was willing to be around people. He hadn't been on his best behavior at the funeral. He'd shown up drunk and continuously drank from his flask as Veronica sat by his side and held his hand not knowing what else to do. She wanted him to stop, but he was too lost in anger and grief to listen to anyone. She didn't blame him, she was angry too and so far her dad hadn't found anything to pinpoint to whom had done it. Although he had a few leads he just wasn't ready to say yet.
As much as she wanted Logan to be comforted she wanted the same thing and the only way they would accomplish that was if they were together.
Veronica went to the third button on her speed dial and just as she was about to press it her phone began to vibrate in her hand, Logan's name flashing on the screen. She smiled slightly and picked it up immediately.
"Hello?" she rasped her voice scratchy from crying.
"Come over." Logan said his voice sounding just as sad as hers did.
"I'll be right there."
She hurried out of the house leaving a short note telling her parents where she'd gone. She had just turned sixteen and her parents had gotten her a car so she hurried over to the Le Baron and then drove to Logan's as fast as the speed limit would allow.
Once she'd put the code in to open the gate and get to his house she parked the car where she normally did and then went up to the front door. She rang the doorbell and waited for Logan to come answer it or at least one of the maids. She didn't have to wait long until Mrs. Echolls opened the door and let her in.
"Veronica." Lynn Echolls said not looking in the least bit surprised at the small blonde girl's presence. She gave her a sad smile and then ushered her inside.
"Hi Lynn." Veronica said softly tucking some of her long blonde hair behind her ear.
Lynn looked at the girl sadly before engulfing her in a hug that made the blonde girl want to start crying all over again.
"Logan's in his room." She said pulling back and gesturing to the stairs.
Veronica nodded and began to walk towards them a little scared to see what she would find.
She knocked on Logan's door softly waiting for it to open.
"Go away." She heard his muffled voice beyond the door.
She rolled her eyes and pushed the door open not in the least bit surprised to see Logan sprawled across his bed a pillow on his head and a bottle in his hand. She smiled sadly at the image before going over and pulling the pillow from his head.
He looked up at her his eyes unfocused and glassy.
"Logan." She chastised softly.
He gave her a sad smile before knocking the bottle against her knee gently.
"Greetings and Salutations Miss Mars." He said smirking up at her.
She sighed sadly and took the bottle from his offered hand and surprised them both by putting it to her lips and taking a long sip coughing as she lowered the glass away.
Logan sat up slowly and leaned against the headboard of the bed watching her as she continued to cough on the strong alcohol. He took the bottle from her lose grip and took his own long drink. He was much more accustomed to the taste so he didn't cough it up like Veronica, but he did grimace at the burn. Veronica got on the bed and crawled to the spot beside him sitting within inches of each other. Both stared off into opposite directions not sure what to say or whether they wanted to say anything.
"I had another dream." Logan said softly breaking the silence.
"I did too." Veronica admitted taking the hand closest to her and lacing her fingers through it.
"Do you think they'll ever stop?" Logan asked looking over at her.
She stared down at their laced fingers pondering his question. "I'm not sure if I want them to honestly." She admitted a sad smile gracing her features.
"It was more like a dream memory." He said squeezing her hand in his and moving closer closing the small distance between the two.
"It was that time we went to the school winter carnival last year. I won you and her a stuffed animal. Duncan I think was sick that day so it was just the three of us…" he trailed off bringing the bottle to his lips to take another drink.
Veronica took it from him when he was done not wanting to let him have to go through the pain alone. God knew she was hurting just as much as he was.
"Do you think it'll get easier?" she asked after her mini coughing attack once the burning liquid went down.
Logan's face twisted into an ironic sad smile and he shrugged. "I don't know if I want it to. When the pain stops…I feel like that means I've forgotten her. Forgotten everything we did, everything we've gone through." He admitted.
Veronica sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'll be here to remind you, you know. I'm not leaving you, Logan. We've gone through our fair share of pain lately, but you've still got me. You'll always have me." She whispered pain lacing her tone.
She had thought her break up with Duncan was bad, but it was nothing compared to the past few days of life without Lilly. Her heart physically ached. Every time she picked up the phone to call Lilly to tell her something, she realized her best friend was gone. She wasn't coming back and that knowledge made her entire body hurt all over again.
"Thanks for being here, Ronnie. I don't know what I'd do without you." he said kissing the top of her head and taking another sip before handing it to her.
"I'll always help you, Logan. We aren't best friends for no reason." She said trying to lighten the mood, but her tone wasn't behind it and neither of them were in a joking mood.
He looked down at her his mind becoming even fuzzier than before. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead decided against it preferring the silence with her since it comforted him just to know that she was close by. She was his best friend, they could sit in silence and be ok and now that Lilly was gone he'd need her a lot more.
He handed her the bottle knowing that currently besides each other they needed to numb themselves to what had happened. It was the only thing he could think of to make them feel better, besides Ronnie who always made him feel warm and safe.
"You know when I found out I thought you were joking." He said breaking the silence.
She removed her head and he found himself feeling cold where her warmth had been.
"Why would I joke about that?" she asked incredulously.
He shrugged handing her the bottle. "Maybe she wanted you to say it after the whole Yolanda thing." He said watching her drink.
"Logan, forget about the whole Yolanda thing. Lilly, I think was mad about it for, like a day." She said quietly wanting to bring him some solace about it. In the days following Lilly's departure the Fab Four had all been fighting. Duncan refused to talk to Veronica. Veronica couldn't pry out why from Lilly and Lilly was doing everything in her power to make Logan miserable for kissing another girl.
"Then why wouldn't she talk to me?" he asked anger lacing his tone. In the wake of the tragedy he had forgotten to be angry with Veronica. Sure he blamed her, if Veronica hadn't told Lilly then Lilly and him would be together and none of this would be happening. He could've protected Lilly. But at the current time he wasn't willing to be angry with Veronica because Veronica knew exactly what he was going through. Since she was going through the same thing. Granted he could call Duncan, but Duncan had been weird ever since a few weeks ago when he'd broken up with Veronica.
"Because she's Lilly. " she said tiredly feeling the ache of hearing her best friend's name. A name she'd rarely use from now on because of the pain it brought.
"Is your dad going to catch the killer?" Logan asked making her look at him square in the eye.
She nodded vigorously. "And I'm going to help. Believe me Logan who ever did this isn't getting away with it. They need to rot." She said passionately. She took another sip of the bottle and passed it to him. Her head was feeling light and it didn't taste as bad as it had in the beginning.
Logan laughed sardonically and looked at her. "Veronica this is serious. I know you're really good at figuring things out and catching people in the act. You're really smart, but this, this is real life. This is Lilly's murderer." He said staring at her like she was insane for even contemplating helping her dad.
She shook her head quickly and she felt the effects as she stopped. She smiled softly enjoying the lightheaded carefree feeling that was taking over her mind.
"I don't want to talk about this now. Let's talk about something else. Why did Duncan break up with me?" she demanded to know poking Logan in the arm.
He smirked slightly and poked her back. "I don't want to talk about that either. Let's talk about…you." he said his deep brown eyes falling on her.
"No! Let's talk about you!" she said taking the bottle from his hand and gulping more of it down.
He chuckled and grabbed it back taking an even longer sip.
"We could play a game." She suggested her words slurring ever so slightly.
She sat up and moved to sit across from him. He watched as she slid across the mattress and he smiled at how serene and innocent she looked for the first time since tragedy had struck. Her long hair cascaded down her back and the pink blouse and jean skirt she was wearing hugged her svelte body. Her face was void of make up and her eyes were filled with wonder and innocence he'd long since thought was dead. He wondered not for the first time what would've happened if he'd gotten to her before Duncan.
Would she be like everything else he touched, completely destroyed? He hoped not he liked Veronica's innocence, her pretty pink attire, and the sweetness that she carried in her demeanor. He'd always liked Veronica, always wondered what it would be like to be with her, but he'd never gotten the chance and he never would.
"What are you looking at?" she asked self consciously tucking some hair behind her ear.
He shook his head a soft smile playing on his lips. "I'm just thinking." He mused.
"About what?" she asked reaching forward to grab the bottle. Her legs were tucked gently underneath her as she sat across from him. He wanted to reach out and touch her. It wouldn't be the first time he wanted to touch Veronica. He always wanted to touch her ever since he'd seen her in a bathing suit at the tender age of twelve, but Lilly was much easier to touch.
Lilly and her whirlwind of activity just had to stand in front of him and she was attainable. Veronica on the other hand wasn't as easy. She was pure and untouched even years later and he knew if he had gotten to her first she'd be as tainted as the rest of them were. But that didn't mean he didn't want to see what it was like. He was always curious about Veronica.
"You." he admitted holding his hand out for the bottle. He could tell she was on her way to drunk. She was pretty much a lightweight either from being so small or from the fact she never drank whatever it was he could always tell when she was on her way to drunk. He wondered if he should tell her to stop, but even if he did she wouldn't.
"What about me?" she asked.
"Just…things." He mumbled passing the bottle back.
She smiled slightly at him and took the bottle and raising it to her lips.
"Say something to make me laugh." She said as she moved the bottle from her mouth.
"What?" he asked dazed. He'd been concentrating on her mouth. The pink plump lips he thought about kissing even when he was with Lilly. Even when things had been good with Lilly he still thought about it.
"Say something to make me laugh. I'm tired of crying." She said quietly handing him the bottle back.
"Do you feel like crying?" he asked without an ounce of judgment.
She shook her head, "No I just kinda feel…numb. I feel numb." She said with a slight nod of her head.
"That's the alcohol."
"I still want to laugh. I miss laughing. The best times with her had been when we laughed and were acting ridiculous." She whispered moving back across his bed and towards the headboard to lay her head on his pillow. She looked up at him and he looked down at her.
"Alright, what about the time we went to the beach and Duncan and I kept grabbing you and her legs underwater. Finally you got so angry you kneed what you thought was me in the dick, but it turned out to be Duncan. I had been trying to scare Lilly." He mused smiling at the memory.
"Or the time Duncan tried to skateboard and Lilly tripped him with a branch." She added her own smile returning to her face.
"Or the time I made you laugh so hard you spit milk into your jell-o and Mrs. Navarro made you eat it anyway because there are starving kids all over the world."
"Or when Lilly caught Duncan singing while going to the bathroom."
They both grinned at each other and laughed at the memory.
"What about the time I kissed you at Lilly's birthday party." He said quietly looking down at her. Her blue eyes met his remembering the night fondly.
"My first kiss." She said with a soft smile.
"Why did you do that? I mean I know we were playing Seven Minutes in Heaven, but…why?" she asked the alcohol giving her confidence.
He shrugged and tilted the bottle back. "I thought it was a good idea at the time." he admitted.
"I always thought it was to make Lilly jealous. She was always playing with you I thought it was to win her over once and for all." She confessed her eyes burning into his.
He shook his head slowly. "Not at all. I just…you looked so pretty in that pink flowery dress and I just wanted to be your first. I wanted to see what it would be like. I know you liked Duncan at the time and that Lilly had been dragging me around for months at that point, but you looked beautiful and I wanted to." He said his own alcoholic fuzzy brain speaking on things he'd rather forget. He looked back down at her and saw her blushing a fiery pink.
"It was a good kiss." She whispered her blush turning even redder.
He grinned and nodded drinking some more of the alcohol before offering her the remaining amount.
"I didn't like Duncan at the time." she said after finishing the bottle.
"What?" he asked with a laugh staring at her as if she had five heads.
She smiled and the red in her cheeks was back as she stared out the window. "I didn't like Duncan." She said again.
"But…Lilly said you two were made for each other." Logan said dumbly.
"Yeah because Lilly wanted us to be sisters." Veronica said with a slight laugh.
Logan stared at her trying to comprehend exactly what he had just heard. "So you didn't like Duncan?" he asked his brain working slower than normal because of the alcohol.
She laughed and shook her head. "Not at all." She continued to laugh whether it was because of the dumbstruck expression on Logan's face or because she was very drunk it was unclear, but she couldn't stop. The giggles poured out of her mouth as Logan sat beside her and then suddenly without thinking he leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to her mouth.
She responded instantly not one thought of stopping even crossed her mind. Instead all she could think of was closer. She needed him closer. She got onto her knees and moved closer to him. He pulled her body on top of him and let his hands wander down the length of her body. When his hands crawled up her bare back she shivered in delight and prodded the seam of his lips for entrance. He allowed her invitation and her tongue began to explore the cavern of his mouth. She heard the distant sound of moaning, but instead of wanting to stop she wanted to go forward. She didn't notice when her pink blouse and bra was discarded nor Logan's t-shirt. Their minds were on auto-pilot as their hands touched each other's bodies. All either of them could think of was more, more, more. They needed more of each other.
Veronica's shaking hands went for the button on her jeans and pulled them down her slim legs. Logan watched her with hungry eyes and leaned down to press a kiss to her lips and then he began to make his way down her body. The kisses he left in his wake were hot and wet and left Veronica shivering in need.
She watched as he undid the belt on his pants and slid his own jeans and boxers off. Their eyes met both mirroring the lust and desire for the other. Logan stopped for a moment as his eyes racked her form and he memorized the tussled blonde hair and the desire pouring from Veronica's petite body. His eyes finally landed on hers again and he moved forward. He positioned himself between her legs and he tentatively removed the last garment between them.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked quietly.
She nodded, "Completely sure." She whispered before reaching up and bringing his head down to hers. As their lips worked in unison Logan moved his hand to the apex of her thighs. One digit gently circled the entrance of her heat and then ever so slowly pushed into her.
Veronica's back arched at the new sensation and she pulled Logan almost on top of her. His finger began to move in and out of her making her wetter than she'd ever been in her life. When he felt she was ready he added a second finger and continued his ministrations. He pressed his thumb down on her sensitive button and almost immediately he felt the tell-tale signs of her orgasm coming on. She let out a low groan into his mouth and Logan knew she was ready.
He positioned himself at her entrance and began to push himself inside of her. He watched her waiting to see her reaction. At one pointed he had to pull out from the pain on her face. He pushed himself into her inch by inch waiting to see the pain again, but either it wasn't there or she hide it well because she didn't flinch again instead keeping her eyes focused solely on Logan.
Once he was all the way in he began to move slowly at first and then he sped up. His head dropped to the crock of her neck and he sucked gently at the skin there. He heard her murmur and moan in his ear, but all he could concentrate on was Veronica and her warmth. All he knew was Veronica. All he wanted for the rest of his existence was Veronica. He had never felt like this before, but now with Veronica it was like he was the one losing his virginity.
He continued his pace until he reached down and began to massage her clit. She arched her back and brought his head down so she could kiss him. He felt her inner muscles begin to contort around his length and he sped up seeking his own release. He let out a low noise as she pulled him closer. He felt the pleasurable feeling overcome him and then he was flying high with her. His seed shot into her and she leaned up to kiss him before he rolled off her and they fell asleep curled around each other.
Veronica awoke with the distinct impression that people were banging on the inside of her head. She cracked open an eye and groaned turning over and away from the open sunny windows towards something soft beside her. She fully opened both eyes and them sat up quickly staring down at the face of Logan with shock. She wasn't shocked that they were sleeping in the same bed, they did that all the time. She was shocked that she was naked sleeping in the same bed as him.
Slowly as she looked down at him trying to make sense of last night it all came flooding back. Going to his house, drinking from the now empty bottle on the floor, then finally kissing followed by her loss of virginity.
Veronica covered her mouth a sick feeling rising up into her stomach and threatening to make her vomit everywhere. As quietly as possible she got out of the bed and began to put her clothes on as quickly as possible not wanting to wake the sleeping Logan.
She felt incredibly guilty about leaving him before he woke up, but her dad was going to have her head if he knew what she had done. As a matter of fact she was going to have her own head because of what she had just done. She had only been broken up with Duncan for three weeks and Lilly had died not even a week ago and here she was sleeping with her dead best friends ex-boyfriend.
She felt sick from guilt and the image of Logan laying there looking so peaceful made her feel even worse. She had to get out of there, she had to go home and forget that this ever happened. She gathered the rest of her stuff and then snuck out of the room feeling hot tears running down her face.
She prayed no one saw her sneaking out at the ass crack of dawn and when she made it out of the house and into her car safely she let the tears flow as she drove home. Once she got out of Logan's neighborhood she pulled over and began to cry, not because she slept with Logan, but because of everything that had happened in her life recently. She had lost her boyfriend, her best friend, and now Logan would probably never speak to her again because of what they did.
Half of her wished she'd never went over there and they hadn't slept together, but on the other hand the entire experience had been gentle and heartbreaking. It was the best first time sex she'd ever expect to have and despite the fact that Logan was her best friend and her friend's ex she was glad it was with him. Logan was her world, without him she didn't know what she'd do and now she messed everything up.
Once she stopped crying Veronica pulled back onto the road and continued to drive home vowing to call him later and invite him over to talk about what happened. After all life couldn't get any worse, right?
(A/n: What do you think? Continue?)