Hello to you all. This is my story from my perspective. I know you all think you know what is going on in my head and how I feel about things...but I am going to set you straight. If you don't want to know what is going on for real then don't bother reading. You can continue to believe what you wish. I am perfectly fine with that. But for those that want to truly understand then you can read on. That is my little disclaimer so I don't get any hate mail.

Well let me start by telling you I am not going to rehash my whole coming out story...been there done that. So I will start with the first time Sonny kissed me and I got pissed off. Okay if I am to be honest...I sort of wanted him to do that. I will admit it. I was upset because I thought that I should be. That I should be outraged that he would just kiss me out of the clear blue sky. Now you may not have notice but I did get a bit turned on but nevertheless I wasn't going to let him know. Frankly because I wasn't sure how he felt about me. I mean come on..I was a virgin..I thought maybe he wanted to be the first to breach the wall, if you will excuse the analogy. So I wasn't going to be just a new lay for him. So yes I pushed him away. Now upon hindsight I probably should have gone with my first instincts but I like a dope and being insecure I thought maybe I was making more of it than I should have. So yes I went to talk to him at the coffee house and yes I saw him and the snake being somewhat intimate. I mean come on ..if you saw you boyfriend or girlfriend being touched like that by someone are you going to tell me you wouldn't think what I thought. Well if you answered no then you are either extremely secure..or you're lying to yourself. But either way that is none of my business. Okay so back to where I was.

I saw them...I got pissed ..I ran into the asshole T...and was not in the mood for anymore gay bashing from that bastard so I took off. Okay my next move was not smart...and has proven now to be a huge fucking mistake. But it is a mistake I created so I will deal with it the best way I can.

So now I have given up any chance of being with Sonny..he is with the hemorrhoid with legs. To clarify ...a pain in my ass. And what happens next T gives me the lowdown on Sonny and how he feels about me. Okay so I was wrong...sue me. We all make mistakes.

So I figure..okay...I have a chance here...why not grab it and see where it takes me. So Sonny and I do our little talk. We are now on the same page. Cool...everything is good. But what happens...he tells his first lie to me. Here we are talking...I ask him what we should call this and he gives the ….we don't need to label this...all we need to do is take it slow. And as you may remember unless you have selective amnesia. He said to emphasize slow. So I am thinking...this is way cool..he's not going to rush me...we can take our time. I mean come on he has had more than a few guys...that was evident when he was pointing out guys he was interested in and asking me what I thought about them for him. So basically what I am saying is he has had his dipstick in more than a few engines. I on the other hand have only used mine twice , other than my own personal use of it, doing something that I didn't even enjoy. Yeah I got off...but I had to think about some hot dude to pop. So there we are...we are now going to be dating. I am thinking...this is cool...I will be dating one hot looking guy..and he is going to let me go at my own pace. Come on...what more could you ask for. Oh we can't have that go that well for me...this is Will Horton we are talking about here. No I have to hear his mom bad mouthing me to Justin. Who by the way is one of the coolest older dudes I have ever met. So anyway back to me story. Yeah I cancelled my date. Frankly his mom is right...I am fucked up...I don't deny that. Just look at the life I have had..and even the last year. I mean ..come on murder charges. I am 18 fucking years old for God sakes. So I got murder charges under my belt. Oh and as you all know...not my first walk down that road. But I am not here to talk about that. Not the prize package you want to bring home to the family. So I suppose I can't really fault her for her opinions. But Sonny finds out and get pissed at his mom finds me...blah blah blah. First date is him working and me watching. I will be honest here..I was sort of glad...it took a lot of pressure off me...we could slowing get into the dating groove. And I got to spend time with him..and had a bit of fun. Even got a few kisses in at the end. So hooray for me.

So we go on like that for a while. Then there was the daddy drama..."I love you but your gay thing." I really wasn't expecting any less from him so he didn't disappoint. Sonny and I are moving along. Did anyone else find it odd that he had never taken me to his apartment...even though we were dating and he lived alone. Come on ..isn't that every teenagers dream. Parents away...bf or gf comes over and you do a little slap and tickle. But no he never brings me there. As I said odd. But he never tells me that anything is wrong..so I am thinking ...this is going better than I expected. Ah but then comes Halloween. Now I am going to tell you this portion as if I am not aware of the trick he played.

So he tells me that the costumes were delivered to his apartment by mistake. So naturally I offer to help him out...what are bf's for? So we head over. He gives me the excuse everyone has ever given another person when they have them in their place for the first time. "It's a mess, didn't have time to clean up. Which turned out to be bs on his part. The only thing odd or disturbed in his apartment were the boxes. I mean come on...his bed is made perfectly. Who does that?...I mean I roll out of bed in the morning and I roll back in at night and everything is the same. So what I am saying here is that should have been my first clue that there was some sex planned..and I am betting if I had checked, the sheets would have been freshly washed. But we didn't get that far because daddy dearest made his grand intrusion. Now yes I was totally into getting naked and getting it on with Sonny. Of course I am thinking this is all just a convenient coincident. So I am willing to run with the ball, excuse the pun. But as I said it never happen.

Then I meet up with my dad and he lays all this shit on me about being used..and Sonny wanted to pop my cherry and then move on. And yes I wasn't buying any of it from him...but he did make me doubt things. But when he told me about the box ploy...to me that was over the top. I mean who does those thing in this day and age. So what do I do I go running back to Sonny's apartment to finish what we started. Yes I was pissed so it wasn't going to be exactly a love fest it was really just going to be a fuck pure and simply. But it seems Sonny was not into just a fuck and was none too happy that I asked him about other guys and then there was the mention of the scumbag. Well as you all saw that went over like a fart in church. So...I get kicked out. Oh and lest we forget...not only was I kicked out...I was told by my bf that we were a big mistake. Another clue I chose to ignore. So there we are again...on the outs with each other. And yes I was sick about it. My first boyfriend and it lasted what maybe a week? This was not a good sign for my future relationships.

Well reliving this sucks but it is cathartic. And should be a lesson to other. I will continue this fucked up story later. Thanks for letting me vent. Talk to you soon. Of course that is provided anyone is even listen to me.

Bye

Will

P.S. This is not a diary or a journal..I am simply setting the record straight.. (pun intended)