Haleth let her gaze wander over the gentle hills and the fields that covered them. Different hues of green mingled, shining in the light of a warm morning in Thargelion. The sun was high, no clouds in sight. The mountains appeared almost blue on the horizon.
She observed the Elves occupied with the tending of the vineyards and apple orchards. They seemed merry as they worked, for their fair voices carried to where Haleth and Caranthir were. She envied them a bit. They were at peace in those fields, close to the earth and its fruits, something ingenuous in their joy.
She couldn't imagine them being older than the moon itself - if the stories Caranthir told her were real – or as fierce warriors, terrible in their wrath. And yet I have seen them fight. It had been a sight she couldn't forget. For a moment she had thought some kind of war-gods had materialised in front of them. From the myths, into reality.
They weren't gods, she discovered. Their leader was just an arrogant and far too serious prince. Nothing that Haleth hadn't had seen already.
If she had to be honest with herself though, what she had had never seen was a man more beautiful than him. And with eyes so bright it hurt to look at them. She chased that thought away.
She was pleasantly surprised when she realised how ordinary they were; how their passions and flaws were so similar to those of the simplest of man.
Yet she envied them in that moment. They could spend their time cultivating grapes for wine and sweet apples for their delicious pastries, singing prayers or silly tongue-twisters while she had to summon every ounce of her strength to lead a people exhausted by the war and the long journey.
Caranthir had offered them lands. That particular piece of land, in fact, with its orchards and the lush vegetation, its countless creeks and herds of deer. She could imagine that some of her people would want to reside there.
It was a fair land, even if close to the front, as its lord explained. He was sure of its safety though, for his older brothers – and the leader of his house nonetheless – guarded the borders. Moreover, his men were the best equipped in all Beleriand, he said. She could very well see the pride (close to arrogance, though he couldn't hide the open affection and devotion for his brothers) in his words, but she doubted little of what he said.
The armours and weapons she had seen among these Elves were perfect examples of the finest craftsmanship. Carefully carved, encrusted with precious gems, they looked more like jewels than weapons, if not for the sharp blades, thin enough to slip between the ribs of an unfortunate enemy. She had prayed that these Elves were on their same side.
She couldn't foresee that she would become a friend to this gruff Elf-lord. It saddened her to tell him of her decision.
"Your offer is…kind, Lord, but I have to refuse all the same". She had spent some days preparing for this conversation – and his reaction. Still, it wasn't easy.
Caranthir knitted his brow and clenched his jaw, trying not to show his utter disbelief. Refuse. "May I ask why, Lady?"
She smiled briefly, turning to him, her white teeth glinting in the sunlight.
"I need to lead my people west. We cannot stay here, Lord", she unintentionally stressed the last word.
"Yes, I understand that, yet I cannot help but wonder. Are you willing to take on such a perilous journey? You have elderly and children to protect…", he seemed genuinely confused, his head tilted on a side.
She interrupted him with a firm gesture of her small hand: "Lord, with all due respect, I am aware of this. Those who wish so, will remain behind. But still, I am their leader and I will lead them on"
He hummed, his gaze intent, studying her face: "What are you looking for, Lady? Why west?"
She hesitated, weighting him. Had he read her that well? Was it so plain that she wasn't satisfied with what she already had? Carefully, she said: "There is land. Free land perhaps. And Light. Hope for a new settlement"
"Free land" he repeated.
Something in his mind began to work, after the initial shock. "You do not consider yourself free here?"
Somehow he still managed to maintain his coolness and not start screaming outraged. Had it been anyone else, he would have indeed screamed, for that was too close to being an insult.
Yet he didn't. Lady Haleth had this effect on him. She was completely unimpressed by his imposing figure and temper – and his wealth and power. She had been infuriating at first, but soon he realized that they shared a common pride.
A pride that now seeped through her words. That, and desire for freedom.
Caranthir could understand.
She looked at him straight in the eyes: "No"
Simple words, almost no rhetoric. She spoke bluntly and boldly, as she should – it was partly her character, partly a defence. From what Caranthir had learned about Humans, many of the men considered women to be inadequate to rule and to fight, were excluded from any form of political and economical power. It wasn't something openly stated, but a subtle, stubborn custom, difficult to defy the way Haleth did.
"Why?" He exhaled, sighed almost and crossed his arms on his chest. She did the same.
"We are already indebted with you, Lord. If we stay, we would be your vassals. I won't be a vassal. An ally, a friend, yes. Not a vassal though, and my people will be free from a lord whom they've never seen, never known, to whom they will have to pay taxes, and for whom they will have to fight and die. This is not, I'm sure you agree, freedom. This is not our hope"
"I see" he said pensively. "Yes, I see. And I accept your will, Lady"
She flashed him another smile: "And I thank you for that and for the kindness you have showed us"
"I was my pleasure, Lady Haleth", he said calmly enough.
She bent her head in acknowledgment and they stayed in silence for a while. He offered her his arm and they began walking slowly down the small path that ran along the irrigation canal around the fields. The air was pleasantly warm but a light breeze moved it, gently sweeping through their hair.
"I hope I didn't offend you with my request" he began in a soft voice.
"You didn't", her tone matched his and this quieted his fears. "I was expecting it, truth be told"
"Why?"
Oh, that seemed to be his favourite word. In fact, it could have been. It was such a simple question, so hard to answer. It put people in difficulty, it forced them to justify and give reasons – and this was a most useful tool to understand when someone was lying or withholding information. It was also one of the first things he and his brothers learned from their father. Always ask why. Never take anything for granted; a reason, however small, must there be behind everything. Be curious and doubt. Search. Care for things.
When at first Humans settled in Thargelion, he didn't take an interest in them. He knew his half-uncle the King and his sons had dealings with Men. Also his brother in Himring had some human vassals, but Caranthir couldn't find a reason to consider them equal. They would die in any case, too swiftly and too soon for him to form an alliance and any form of relationship. The Dwarves he had to deal with, for they had powerful kingdoms in the mountains and their craft and their goods were a point of interest for him. He couldn't hide his contempt for their hideous form, but he had to swallow some of his pride for gold and weapons. But what could Humans possibly offer him?
Nothing.
Except their friendship and their valour, which, he discovered, they had. Plenty. They could have been powerful allies against the Enemy, since Morgoth seemed to hate Human as much as Elves – or so he learned from Haleth.
She spoke eagerly of her people, she enjoyed explaining him their customs and their history; her curiosity about his people rekindled the fiery flame of his spirit and he saw for the first time in many years how much he neglected his desire for knowledge.
It doesn't matter if you think you won't need knowing things. You're wrong in thinking so. Knowledge doesn't take anything away from you, except perhaps a bit of your time, but this is a small price to pay compared to the immense gift that it is. Besides, aren't you curious?
He rolled silently the words of his father on his tongue, while he asked her why.
I am curious.
She sighed: "Well, it's the normal way of things, isn't it? A more powerful lord gives protection and land to a lesser and makes him his vassal"
"Lesser, you say?"
She raised an eyebrow at him: "Do not pretend to tell me that you do not see yourself as a powerful lord, above me"
A corner of his mouth lifted in half a smile: "Well, I am the one who has lands" – she raised both eyebrows, unimpressed - "yet I do not command you, nor have any right on you", he finished, serious and honest.
"Is that so?", her tone was between jest and doubt.
Caranthir was baffled again and stopped abruptly. This time he was having a hard time controlling his temper – his face, he could feel, was turning red. He averted his gaze from her, trying to look anywhere else, but at the woman in front of him.
Haleth saw his expression and felt a twinge. She hurried at his side and moved her hand to reach him again, but she stopped when his eyed darted at her. Then he stubbornly glared away.
She smiled, "Lord. Caranthir. I do not mean to offend you or to criticise you. Yet we have been honest with each other so far and I intend to continue so"
His blush didn't subside, but his eyes softened and she knew she had his attention. She reached for his fisted hands, gently caressing his wrists.
"Some among my people murmur. They do not want to be ruled by an Elf who looks them down, who thinks them to be unworthy or incapable", she sighed deeply, "It's normal, I didn't expect any less, but if this murmurs become a voice of dissent – and if I give them reasons to think so – we will divide. And divided we won't go anywhere"
His hands loosed and she withdrew. He shook his head with a sad smile: "I know…Haleth. Yet I did not offer you protection or land to control you. And I do not think less of your kind. Not now, at least. Had you seen me years ago, perhaps", he suppressed a grimace, "But my opinion changed since then"
She nodded. This time she offered him her arm and he took it gladly; they resumed their stroll.
There were many things left unsaid behind his words, yet Haleth could hear them nonetheless. They have had a similar conversation some time before. In that occasion he had expressed his desire to somehow make amend for the deaths of her father and her twin brother. Had his vanguard showed up earlier, had he not looked at Humans with contempt… Some things might have gone differently, but dwelling on these thoughts was useless now.
"I am thankful Caranthir, truly", she covered his hand on her arm with her own and smiled up at him. He tightened his hold and attempted a smile of his own.
After a while he broke the silence: "I am curious, though"
"Of course you are", she laughed,
"Oh, look who's talking! You're the one who interrupts the most with your questions, not me"
"Please, you ask why as if you were five years old!"
"I do not-", he affected an uppish expression, "In any case, this is idle discussion" - he sounded quite like Curufin – and Haleth snorted, swatting his hand affectionately. They returned serious, although matching smiles danced on their lips.
"I am curious, Haleth, what is this Light and Hope you talk about? What are you looking for?"
She looked confused for a moment: "You do not think there's a Light in the West?"
He kept silent for a while, thinking. Then he said: "There may be many lights; I do not know what you intend for Light and West. Where have you heard this?"
"From my father, mostly. He spoke about it as if he were sure… In our dealings with Dwarves and other Elves we have heard of a…place of light and hope, a safe place against the Enemy"
"Ah", she wasn't talking about Aman then; Doriath more likely. The beauty of Menegroth and the power of Melian. If he knew something about Thingol, he imagined the Sinda wouldn't welcome her people in his kingdom. He wouldn't welcome anyone other than his close kin.
"Caranthir?" her worried voice brought him back to reality. He shook his head: "The place you are talking about…does exist, though it might be less pleasant than you think. The king there, I do not believe he would welcome you. He might consider you even less than I did. But he's not the only king living in the 'west'. My people, the Noldor, have lands in all Beleriand and are relatively safe for living. Some places are safer than here. Men have already settled among them"
"Mh. You still talk about kings, though. If things are how you say they are, it would seem that I will be a vassal anywhere I go"
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. But Haleth, you will have to face hardship and battles. Expect to fight for what you want. If it is worth it"
"It is, Caranthir. The misery and fear we are leaving behind… we won't succumb to desperation. The Hope for a better place to live is still more than what we had before seeing this land"
"I understand", he said, and he meant it. Yet he couldn't shake a strange cold feeling. Elves were resilient, this he knew, but were they strong enough to face what lay ahead? He looked at Haleth, her determined eyes bright with strength and youth under her dark lashes. These Men she led had something that Caranthir felt slipping from his grasp as the years passed. He knew with certainty that his father had been right in some way. Men would usurp Elves in this world. He thought that he didn't mind.
Notes: I started writing this after I read the prompt "Hope" for Legendarium Ladies April, though at that time it wasn't finished and I never published it. The title is taken from "A Dark Passage" by Blind Guardian. It's a part of some verses about Humans from the point of view of the Elves. It seemed perfect.
Thank you for reading!