As Beca is a ghost, I think it's fairly obvious that there will be mild discussions of death and various related topics throughout this fic, but there are no graphic descriptions of the situations in anything I've written so far, and I don't plan to write them later. There will be a general explanation in chapter two and possible future conversations, but anything that is included will have a warning beforehand.
It hadn't taken long for the appeal of being a ghost to wear off, and by now Beca is starting to regret making the decision. If there was any kind of actual committee she could go to and protest, she would. It had sounded a lot different when she'd first died, the ghost that came to talk to her before she moved on had made it sound like fun, an exciting way to see the world she'd been taken from too soon.
But now it's six months later, and Beca is starting to wish she'd taken the other option to just move on. True, no one on this plane has any idea what awaits you if you make that choice, but surely it has to be better than the never ending boredom she's stuck facing now.
Turns out that being a ghost isn't all it's cracked up to be, and Beca is more than tired of all the haunting. That's the way of things though, in order to stick around and not simply fade into nothingness with no trace your soul has ever existed, you have to interact with the world in some way. Haunting just seems to be the best way various ghosts have found over the years. Making the living react to your presence somehow gives your soul a stronger connection to the world than just affecting the environment making a cold spot or two.
The ghosts that offered her the choices hadn't explained that very well though, making it seem like continuing to exist would be better than an uncertain eternity, that being able to see the world would help with the pain of not being a true part of it anymore. They hadn't mentioned that you have to anchor your energy to someone or something in order to keep from drifting aimlessly, and that once you anchored yourself you couldn't go too far from that person or place.
That had been Beca's first mistake, she'd sought the solitude she'd craved and never truly found while alive, anchoring to a quiet corner of her favorite record station that not even the employees seemed to remember existed. For a day or so she'd been fine, but with no one wandering by to interact with, had soon begun to feel herself start to fade. She'd completely forgotten she had to interact with the world rather than just exist, and had panicked at the sensation, quickly trying to chill the air around her spirit to regain the contact.
It had taken longer than she'd realized it would to figure out how to do that, another thing that made her hate the ghosts that had persuaded her. Once she'd made her choice they'd sent her off with no real training, just a few quick explanations about the importance of interaction and anchoring.
They also hadn't explained how to reverse an anchoring to move once you'd chosen, so Beca had ended up spending her first month as a ghost being taken as a faulty air conditioning unit and listening to the same songs on repeat. She'd loved the record store in life, but after being stuck in a few aisles 24/7 for over a month, the attraction had quickly worn thin. It's another thing death has taken from her, and she isn't happy about it.
It does let her practice a few of the easier techniques the recruiter ghost had mentioned during his speech, before he'd vanished. They take a lot of effort at first, but it's not like Beca has anything but time now.
When she eventually manages to reverse the anchoring process, it's mostly by accident, and she isn't sure exactly what steps led to regaining her freedom. The uncertainty makes her reluctant to anchor again too soon, afraid of being trapped once again in a less than ideal space.
Everything gradually gets easier over the next few months, though she never does manage to figure out which step of the process actually removes the anchor. She usually just repeats every step she remembers from last time, never in the same order twice, until eventually she can feel herself drifting. She comes to both fear and love the time spent unanchored, the feeling of drifting unconnected from anything is unsettling, but also more freedom than she's ever felt, in life or in death.
Some of the other ghosts she encounters as she drifts call it 'riding the waves' as if she's some ghostly surfer dude, but she doesn't see it that way. She doesn't drift for the thrill of it, or to forget anything, she just can't bear the thought of being stuck in one place for all of eternity.
She'd also never realized just how many ghosts there are in the world, not that she'd ever actually believed in ghosts while she was alive. I mean she'd heard of all the various 'haunted mansions' and whatever else, but she'd never encountered a ghost of her own and usually just figured those places were faked to make money.
Turns out she had encountered ghosts, probably more than just a few over the course of her life. She'd thought hauntings were creepy noises and thrown objects, faces in photos and ghostly touches. Major things, but ones that can be easily faked.
Turns out most hauntings are smaller scale than that, cold rooms no matter what the heat is blowing, chairs shifted slightly when you go to sit down so you're knocked off balance, keys moved from where you left them last. The ghosts Beca meets explain that the larger hauntings require a lot more energy than most ghosts possess, and require either several lifetimes of learning or a great deal of emotion upon death, beyond the usual emotions of a life cut short. Neither of which fit Beca's situation.
It's curiosity that eventually brings her to Barden, a desire to see how her father is coping with her death that she'd call morbid under other circumstances. Turns out it's hard to think of anything as morbid when you're actually dead.
She's almost offended at first, he seems perfectly happy as he prepares for the new school year, joking with his fellow professors and spending his evenings with Sheila. She knows it's been six months since she died, but surely he's not over it yet, right?
She ends up anchoring to his study to watch him for a week or so, eventually noticing that any time he sits for more than fifteen minutes he'll stop to look at a picture he keeps on his desk, one of the last happy times they spent together before he left. Without fail he'll stare at it for at least a minute, looking lost in thought as all the cheer drains from his face. She can't read minds, but she thinks he's regretting all the times they missed. As much as she hates it, she does too. Now that she's dead, she knows a lot about missed chances.
She ends up relocating after the week she spends watching him, unable to take the reminder of what she's lost. Not that there was ever much between them once he left, but she's lost all chances of a future where she could fix that. When she starts thinking that missed opportunities are harder to lose than actual memories, she knows she's been around him for too long, and that it's time to move on.
But she can't bring herself to leave Barden this time, no matter that she's drifted her way across most of the country over the past months, seeing as much of the world as she could. That's the one good thing about being a ghost, she's had a chance to travel to all the places she'd wanted to see for years, and she doesn't need to take time for sleep as she does. It doesn't help when she realizes everything she'll never get to truly experience, but she manages not to think about it most of the time.
At least there's enough going on around a college campus that keeps her distracted no matter what the hour. She particularly likes anchoring to trees in the common areas and scaring the frat boys as they tell each other dirty jokes and brag about sleeping around. She sees her father a few times a day, and every time she does debates anchoring near him and trying to communicate. The other ghosts told her it's difficult and takes time to master the technique, but surely it can't be that hard. The fact that she's been moving around so much rather than sticking in one place means she's gotten a lot of practice with her ghostly abilities, and she can't imagine that communication will be more difficult than some of the other things she's learned to do.
The day she finally gets up the courage to try is the day she realizes how wrong she was. It turns out that meaningful communication is something completely different from most other ghostly powers, and the most she manages is an unearthly moan that nearly sends him running before he dismisses it as a figment of his overtired imagination and shakes it off.
Beca knows better though, and rather than shaking it off it shakes her confidence to the core. She does run, drifting as quickly as she can manage in the first direction she thinks of. She doesn't even know where she's going, has no destination in mind. She'd wanted to communicate, wanted to tell him how much she missed him and how much she regrets not being able to fix what had happened between them. Had wanted to tell him that she forgives him, that she can't blame him for anything that happened. That she'd shut him out far earlier than he'd shut her out.
She ends up drifting in circles around campus, still unwilling to leave completely. She drifts for days, longer than she ever has before, lost in her thoughts and paying no attention to her surroundings or situation.
Panic nearly sets in when she realizes that she's started to fade, that she hasn't interacted with the world in days and is danger of losing her soul to nothingness. In that near panic she forgets that she needs to anchor before she can influence the world around her, and when her powers fail she nearly loses control completely.
Then she hears someone singing nearby, and the music cuts through her panic in an instant, drawing her closer without conscious thought. It's not until she's actually next to the singer that she realizes what has happened, that the woman and her singing has somehow helped her to anchor without realizing it, and that she's interacting with the steam of the shower to ground herself.
Because of course she's managed to infiltrate a random woman's shower in her panic, a fact that nearly has her unanchoring and moving on. Except she's too weak from drifting so long, and knows that she risks fading completely if she runs now. And no matter how much she hurts right now, she's too scared of facing the void to risk it.
As the redhead keeps singing Beca also realizes that her anchor isn't the shower that they're in now, but the woman herself. She's never anchored on a person before, had felt that it was too creepy, whether she's a ghost or not. She may be dead, and her means of continuing to exist may involve creeping out the living, but this feels like it crosses a line. Doubly so since she's in the woman's shower.
Immediately she averts her eyes, trying to be a little less of a creep even though she's standing only a few feet from an unaware naked woman. She manages to move a few feet away to the other side of the shower curtain, but she's too weak to move any farther than that. At full strength she's managed to move more than 500 feet away from her anchor point, but right now even a few steps is more than she can manage.
She can block out the sight of the other woman, but she can't manage to block out her voice. It's clear and high, with beautiful control over pitch. It's a voice that draws you in no matter what, and reminds Beca of the simple pleasure in singing. She can't help joining in, doesn't realize what she'd done until the other woman stops mid lyric to call out to see who's there.
Beca can't answer, and hates herself for it. She doesn't know why singing managed to bridge the divide between their planes, but she knows that speaking won't. And she has the feeling that even if she tries singing, without the redhead accompanying her it won't work. All that she'll accomplish is to scare the woman, and when she's bound to her side for the foreseeable future that's the last thing she wants to do. She's never been comfortable scaring the living anyway, let alone someone she feels unaccountably drawn to.
Thankfully the woman seems to put it out of her mind when she's met with silence, finishing her shower routine and stepping out. She doesn't start singing again though, and Beca finds herself strangely disappointed by that fact.
The disappointment fades completely when the woman pulls the shower curtain back to grab her towel, not bothering to hide behind the thin plastic before she pulls it around her. She just stands there confidently, far more sure of herself than Beca has ever been. And Beca has to admit she has good reason to be that confident, at least until she reminds herself that staring is wrong and the other woman doesn't know she's being watched.
She ends up being dragged along in the redhead's wake as she dresses and leaves the building, not able to keep up in her current exhausted state. She usually prefers to mimic the movements of walking for comfort's sake as she travels, but there's no way she can manage that as she's pulled along, so finally she gives up and just floats, letting the bond between her and the redhead move her. It's strange and uncomfortable, but infinitely easier than trying to keep up.
She does manage to learn her anchor's name as she's towed along, which about the only good thing to come out of the day. She's far more exhausted than she'd realized, her energy not seeming to increase even slightly after a full day of being anchored and trying to influence her surroundings. It doesn't help that she's too weak to do much more than alter the temperature a degree or two, but surely there should be some improvement after this long.
It makes her realize how close she'd come to losing herself, and she suddenly feels a surge of thankfulness for Chloe, thankfulness that she'd happened to be singing at that moment, thankfulness that music still had the power to pull Beca in.
By the second day, Beca had managed to regain what she figures is about a quarter of her strength, enough that she can stay outside the room whenever Chloe has company over or heads to the shower. It's still awkward and she wishes she could anchor somewhere else, but she's still not strong enough to let go and move on to another place. And honestly, she's a little terrified to even try, after drifting so long the freedom doesn't seem worth the risk.
At least Chloe is interesting, keeping Beca from feeling trapped by the situation as the days continue to pass. Beca's strength only slowly recovers, after a week she's barely over half strength. She's starting to wonder if anchoring to a person is less effective than anchoring to a place when she realizes that between her exhaustion and distraction with Chloe, she hasn't been interacting with the world as much as she probably should. Once she starts doing that her strength returns faster, though still not as fast as she would prefer.
It also has the unfortunate effect of making Chloe uneasy, a side effect Beca wishes she could take back. But she can't communicate with her, can't figure out how to tell the woman that she doesn't need to worry, that Beca would never harm her and regrets the fact that she's scaring her.
Desperate to figure something out Beca starts practicing each night, trying to manage speech that's audible to the living. With the ability to move farther from Chloe's side now, she usually heads an apartment or two away, scaring her neighbors as an alternative to freaking out the woman she's still drawn towards. She ends up crashing a few parties that way, not that she particularly minds. Getting a roomful of drunken college students to scream as she attempts communication turns out to be a great way to build her strength back up.
She slowly figures it out, though she can't manage to make herself heard louder than the barest whisper without putting more energy into the attempt than she can spare, even with the energy she gets from scaring entire parties. The other ghosts weren't kidding when they'd warned her it took a long time to master, and a lot of energy.
She keeps at it though, even when she's back to most of her former strength. Beca doesn't want to move her anchor until she can reassure Chloe that the weird events going on around her are nothing to worry about. She's not even sure why anymore; she just knows that she can't leave this woman wondering. As one-sided as their interactions have been, if you can call them that, she's starting to genuinely like the redhead.
The warmth she radiates to everyone around her is clearly visible to Beca's ghostly sight, far more attuned to the flows of energy than most humans can hope to achieve. It's not a skill she's practiced all that much, but even with only the innate talent granted to her by her nature as a ghost she can tell that Chloe's aura is welcoming to anyone who sees her, the light of her smile almost an actual light in the fields of energy around her.
Her anger, though far more rare than her smiles, is just as powerful. Beca discovers that when Chloe finds out the boy she'd been dating had been lying to her for weeks. And despite Beca's desire to give them privacy for the emotionally charged encounter, she can't seem to physically pull herself away from the emotions in Chloe's voice. It's as captivating as her smile, and what's more Beca can actually feel the energy, the seductive draw it presents to creatures that live on such energies. Creatures like her.
But even a small taste of it makes Beca realize that to use that energy to fuel herself would be a terrible mistake, while there is more energy there than she could ever hope to use, it's not the kind to mess with. Maybe a taste or two would be fine, but Beca can see how addicting it could become, can tell that feeding from it too often could easily turn her into an entirely different kind of spirit, from a harmless prankster who haunts to survive into a genuinely malevolent spirit that thrives on real fear and other negative emotions.
She doesn't manage to leave the room throughout the entire argument, though she does manage to refrain from taking in any more of the redhead's anger. She stays through the argument, quickly taking Chloe's side against the idiot who made the mistake of throwing the redhead's affection away. He hadn't even been cheating on her, which would almost have been better; he'd been using her for access to her friend Aubrey's completed homework. At least cheating would have implied there had been some kind of emotions to the relationship at some point, but the callous use of Chloe's trust is far more painful, both for the redhead and the ghost who has been following her for weeks now.
It gets to the point that Beca can't stop herself from scaring the man, chilling the air behind him every time Chloe gets in a particularly good shot, making his phone vibrate repeatedly so he thinks someone is calling only to have it be nothing, and even shifting his clothing as he wears it, as if something is touching him. It sets him off balance, and gives Chloe an edge, not that she'd needed one to tell him exactly what she thought of him.
Honestly, nothing Beca had seen as she followed Chloe had prepared her for the language that comes from her, delivered coldly as the heat of her anger finally runs out. It's not even that she curses that much either, but the lack of any compassion in her words or tone drives the point home far more than any cursing could manage. It's as if she's a completely different woman than the one Beca is used to, though after some thought Beca realizes that she's still being compassionate, but for her friend and herself, not the man who is in the wrong.
It's not until he leaves, has had enough time to leave the building entirely, that Chloe breaks down for herself. It's clear that she'd really liked the guy, and Beca wishes she could make him pay for hurting Chloe. It's a dangerous thought, and makes Beca grateful she'd resisted the urge to pull in any more of the anger or she wouldn't have hesitated. She doesn't want to turn into something she isn't, and the lure of revenge or retaliation would pull her down that path without any regard for what she wanted.
It's as if the lack of physical body leaves her far more vulnerable to negativity and consequences than she had been as a human. Makes it easier to turn into something dark. Wanting revenge for being wronged is a normal human emotion, as is wanting to get revenge for a friend who's been wronged, but apparently for a ghost it's an entirely different story. She isn't human anymore, and she has to start remembering that.
"You deserve better than him" she whispers as she watches Chloe cry, wishes she could offer some kind of comfort to the redhead. She wasn't expecting the woman to hear her.
"Who's there?" she asks as she sits up from where she'd collapsed into bed, looking around wildly as she tries to identify the source of the sound.
"Shit" is all Beca can think to say. She hadn't wanted to scare Chloe, hadn't wanted to speak at all. She isn't confident enough in her abilities to start a conversation yet, hadn't even realized she was projecting as she spoke. She was commenting to herself, not to the redhead.
"Whoever is there, you'd better show yourself or I'm calling the police" Chloe says when no answer comes, curling into the corner of her bed with a textbook lifted threateningly. Beca has to give her credit, despite the obvious fear in her voice she's obviously ready to react to anything.
"You don't have to call the police" Beca says, this time pitching her voice louder, deliberately attempting to be heard. And it works, she can see Chloe's eyes widen as they dart around the room, looking for where the voice could have come from. There aren't many options in a dorm room, even a single like the redhead has. "But I can't show myself."
"What, what do you mean?" comes the hesitant response, book not lowered an inch. And this isn't how Beca had wanted this conversation to go, not that she'd had an actual plan in mind. But this seems like the worst possible way to go about having it.
"First, please don't freak out" Beca tries, wishing she could knock her head into the wall as soon as the phrase leaves her mouth. Of course Chloe is going to freak out; she's literally talking to a ghost. "But I can't show myself, because I'm…dead."
It's the first time she's admitted that to herself. She'll consider herself a ghost, acknowledge that she'd had a funeral and isn't alive anymore, but not an actual admission that she's dead. It's strangely hard to get out, and she can tell that her emotions have started affecting the area around her when the window fogs up in reaction to the drop in temperature. The shift draws Chloe's eyes, and they widen in panic as she scrambles to the other end of the bed, as far from the window as she can get without actually leaving the bed.
"What? Are you like, haunting me? Is…is this some kind of joke?" The panic is clear in Chloe's voice now, and Beca wishes she could come up with some way to reassure her. She can't think of anything though, and the stress of making herself heard is starting to drain the energy she's built up over the past weeks.
"It's not a joke" she answers first, though she's had the same thought a few times over the past few weeks. Maybe the universe is playing a joke on them, on her, but it's not of her doing so she feels comfortable saying that to Chloe. It doesn't feel like a lie. "And technically I am haunting you, but it's like, not on purpose or anything. It was sort of an accident."
Chloe doesn't seem convinced, not that Beca can blame her. But there's only so much that Beca can say, especially as her strength starts fading from the effort of making herself heard. The strength she's getting from Chloe reacting to her isn't enough to offset the drain, and she's starting to tire. She thinks she only has a few more sentences left in her before she won't be able to say anything, but she can't think of anything to say that will help without wasting them.
"I promise I won't hurt you" is what she eventually settles on. It's nothing like what she wishes she could say, but it does seem to reassure the redhead, at least a little. Though why she'd trust a ghost is beyond Beca, most of the ghosts she's encountered on her travels have embraced the prankster mentality, perfectly willing to do almost anything to get a reaction.
Beca might not be good with words, but when they've failed her there has always been music and she hopes that this time is no different. She can't manage words again without using too much of her stored energy, but Chloe's laptop is standing open with a music player still open, and it's as easy as thought to manipulate the system to play a song, thankful to see that Chloe already has the song she had in mind as she sets "Titanium" to playing.
Not that she's surprised; the redhead had been singing it in the shower when Beca had been drawn in. And it's a favorite of Beca's from before her death, one she'd listened to for hours at times, trying to figure out the chords and baseline, building potential mixes in her head before she tried to build them for real. She'd never gotten around to that point, but she still loves the song.
She thinks she's made a mistake when the music first starts playing as Chloe jumps in fear, looking at her laptop like it's been possessed. But as the music finally seems to sink in the panic fades, slowly being replaced by a smile as Beca sets the song to repeat. And the waves of anger and fear are calming around the redhead, replaced by her usual warmth as the song continues on loop. It's dimmed, not as vibrant as usual, but still the brightest thing in the room to Beca's energy sensitive eyes.
"Thank you" comes the eventual quiet response as Chloe settles into her bed, far more relaxed than Beca would have imagined she could be this soon after finding out a ghost is haunting her. Apparently music means as much to the redhead as it does to Beca, and choosing it to bridge the gap was a good choice.
Beca has plenty of time to think as Chloe sleeps, not needing to rest herself. She debates heading downstairs to the party she knows is going on in order to recharge a little with a few scares, but can't bring herself to leave Chloe's side. It's not like she can help right now, can't protect her from anything either, but she can't just leave her alone either.
She's almost afraid of what will happen when the redhead wakes up, easily imagining her freaking out after a night to sleep on it all, wanting Beca to leave and never bother her again, freaking out at her presence. And she has a right to say who is allowed in her space, a right Beca would never dream of taking from her. So if she wants Beca gone, then Beca will leave.
It's a thought that scares Beca more than she'd thought possible. And that's a thought that almost makes her laugh in turn. Who could have imagined that outcome, a ghost scared of a human? It's absurd to even think, but Beca can't stop herself from dwelling on it. It makes her realize just how much she's come to like Chloe, how much she's depended on her constant brightness to keep her from slipping into a depression.
She's so lost in thought that she gradually stops noticing her surroundings, not paying attention as the sky lightens outside the window or as Chloe begins to stir. So when Chloe speaks into the silence, she ends up jumping, a random thought passing through her head that she's grateful ghosts can't have heart attacks.
"Hey, are you still here?" is all Chloe says, peering around her a little suspiciously as she sits up with blanket still clutched to her chest.
"Yeah, I'm still here" Beca manages to say after a minute, wincing as Chloe jumps a little at her voice.
"Why haven't you talked to me before?" comes the next question after she settles, and Beca finds herself grateful that the question had come up fairly early, before she's too tired to explain well enough. She still isn't fully recovered from last night, and talking so Chloe can hear is still hard.
"Talking where humans can hear is difficult and tiring" she explains, not wanting to waste words. "And I had to practice before I could do it at all." She sees Chloe sit back in thought at that one, obviously thinking back over the past weeks and cataloguing each of the previously unexplainable occurrences.
"You've been around for weeks then, haven't you?" the blonde asks, though Beca can tell it isn't really a question and doesn't waste her strength answering. That silence seems to decide Chloe on something, and the redhead swings her legs out of bed with only a slight hesitation before standing and crossing to her laptop where Titanium is still playing. "You could turn on my music, can you type? Is that easier than speaking for you?"
Her seeming willingness to not only put up with Beca's presence but also to seek out ways to communicate has Beca standing in silent shock for a long moment. It's not until she notices Chloe's shoulders slump a little in disappointment that she's spurred into action, crossing the room in an instant to look at the screen. Chloe has pulled up a blank document, and Beca is intrigued at the idea. She'd never thought about typing something up for Chloe to find, but it definitely is a lot easier to make words appear in a program already designed for that then to make them audibly cross a divide between planes of existence.
I can type, but that doesn't mean it's easier than speaking. Beca quickly types, before realizing how that might come across. Easier for me to manage, but finding the right words is hard no matter what format I try. She's just thankful that she doesn't have to actually type the words, her typing skills left a lot to be desired as a human, and focusing enough to hit each key in the proper order would definitely not help the situation at all. But all she has to do is feel the energy of the program itself, different than the energy from humans or nature but still energy, and think what she wants it to do. It's designed to make words appear on the screen, she's just giving it a different input.
She watches Chloe read what she's typed with a fair amount of nervousness, waiting for a response with no idea what it might be. "So, does that mean you're the strong, silent type?" she finally asks almost slyly, shocking a laugh out of Beca that's clearly audible to the redhead, if unexpected based on the way she jumps. "Geeze, I didn't realize you were right there" Chloe says as she calms, hand over her heart.
I'm typing on your laptop, where else would I be? Beca asks rhetorically, smiling as Chloe's eyes narrow. And no, not exactly. Silent maybe, but strength is overrated. Who wants to spend hours in the gym every day when there's so much else you could be doing? It's a risky comment, Beca has been dragged to the gym behind Chloe at least a few times each week since she'd anchored to her, but she's hoping the redhead will be able to tell she's joking. It's harder than she'd thought to communicate through typing, there's no way to tell how something is meant to come across without vocal cues.
"Excuse you, have you seen this?" Chloe says with a gesture at her pajama clad body, tank top and shorts leaving little to the imagination. And Beca can tell she's playing along, obviously realizes that Beca had been teasing as well, but now Beca is remembering that she has definitely seen it. And that's embarrassing, too embarrassing to admit, so she loses her connection with the typing program, thankfully before having it type something that she'll regret.
Her silence seems to puzzle Chloe for a second before her blue eyes narrow, and Beca fumbles to reconnect to the typing program, certain she'll need to explain herself very soon. "Wait a second, I was singing in the shower a few weeks ago, and I heard you, didn't I? How long have you been following me?" There isn't much accusation in Chloe's tone, which is reassuring, but it's clear that she's figured enough out to want answers.
Yes, that was me. Beca admits before stopping to think. She can't explain drifting and anchoring very well, can't capture the sensations that come with the drifting, or the need for a connection to the world. And that was the first time I saw you, that's why I said it was an accident. She tries to explain drifting, but ends up rambling and confusing herself, so she's sure Chloe has no idea what she's talking about.
"So if it was an accident, why are you still here?" Chloe asks after she's thought about the mess of words Beca has left on her screen, looking up and around as if she'll be able to see Beca somehow. "I mean, why didn't you just" Chloe glances at the screen and the explanation after a slight hesitation, seeming to want to get the right terminology, "find a new place to anchor, why are you still anchored to me?"
I couldn't release at first Beca explains. I'd drifted too long, lost too much energy. Releasing would have been dangerous, I could have faded. She sees the question in Chloe's eyes at that, but explaining everything about being a ghost would take too long, so she doesn't explain. Thankfully Chloe seems to understand, watching for the rest of the explanation without interrupting. And by the time I was strong enough, I wanted to wait until I figured out how to talk to you, make sure you understood what had been going on, that I didn't mean to scare you.
"Well, you are officially the nicest ghost I've ever met" Chloe says with a laugh. "So, thank you for that, I guess. I'll admit that the past few weeks have been a little weird, trying to figure out what was going on and whether I'd been imagining things."
You weren't Beca reassures her, surprised at how well the redhead is taking all of this. She'd been expecting a lot more fear, not an almost unconditional acceptance of her presence. And Chloe doesn't seem to mind even that she'd seen her in the shower, a fact that definitely surprises Beca. If their positions were switched, she would have a lot bigger issue with that part than the whole ghost thing.
"Oh you know, I'm pretty confident about all this" Chloe says when she asks. "Besides, if it was an accident and I helped save you from something, then there's nothing to be upset at. You don't watch me now, do you?"
Nope. I can move a fair distance away from you without problem now that most of my strength is back. So if you have someone over or need to shower, I gave you your privacy. Beca hadn't expected the flash of pain that crossed Chloe's face at the mention of having someone over, though she should have. Chloe had only broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and even if he'd ended up being a tool, she'd obviously felt a lot for the man she thought he'd been.
"Thanks for that" Chloe says, carefully keeping any trace of that pain from her voice. But you can't hide something like that from your energy field, or someone who can see that field. Her brightness dims for a second, and Beca can't stop herself from reaching out, placing a hand on Chloe's shoulder before she thinks about it. It's not something she'd ever done while alive, let alone after her death, but somehow it feels right now.
It's clear that Chloe feels her touch from the way she stiffens, reaching up with one hand to touch her shoulder where Beca's hand rests. She doesn't say anything though, just stands there with her eyes closed, hand on her own shoulder so that Beca's hand is actually partially inside hers, not seeming to mind.
"You're so sad" Chloe eventually whispers, and Beca snatches her hand back as if burned. She hadn't realized that touching Chloe would have that effect, give the redhead an insight into what she's feeling. The sudden movement startles Chloe, making her jump and turn in surprise. "I'm sorry" she says eventually, looking around the room for any trace of Beca's presence. "I could just feel how much sadness you're carrying around with you, how much regret. Is being a ghost really that bad?"
Beca has no idea how to answer that, no idea what to say to that. It's a question she's never asked, never let herself dwell on it. She just endures, drifts occasionally, tries to see the world that she can't bring herself to let go of. She'd chosen this existence, but how can she explain it?
My name is Beca.
That's all she types in answer before she leaves, finding the farthest point she can reach without releasing her anchor. She'll answer Chloe eventually, but not until she can face the answers it will bring. Not until she's ready for that pain.
I haven't abandoned You Make us Better, but I kept running into writer's block and decided to switch gears to knock this out. I didn't expect it to turn into this, with two and half chapters written and the second currently being edited. I'll hopefully be able to switch back and forth between this storyline and the one I'm working on for the Better!verse, so if you've sent me a prompt know that I haven't abandoned it, and that I will get to it if at all possible.