Chapter 1: Misunderstandings

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Girl

"Marry me."

The atmosphere in the room was hushed, a little sad, just right for late-night confidences.

We are still both staring at the TV rolling with the ending credits of Roman Holiday. I am sitting on his lap in his big, red chair with his arms around me. My head is leaning against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. Suddenly, I remember asking him if he was uncomfortable with me sitting in his lap but instead of answering he just kissed the top of my head.

I looked at him then. I tried to read his face. As always, I couldn't read what he really is thinking at that moment. I gave up, snuggled back to his chest and began tracing the letter R on his ratty New York shirt. I remember buying him the shirt as a souvenir on our last day on the States.

Knowing he is still waiting for my answer, I looked at him again, and this time, I am able to discern his expression. Loneliness. And in desperate need of comfort. And at that moment, I knew what my answer should be.

***

Boy

"Marry me."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I have been playing with the idea for a while now but I didn't plan on blurting it out like that. But the timing seems right. The atmosphere in the room was hushed, a little sad, just right for late-night confidences. Or proposals, as it is.

We are still both staring at the TV rolling with the ending credits of Roman Holiday. I am sitting on my big red chair with her sitting on my lap. Her head is leaning against my chest and my arms are around her. I wish that we could stay like this forever. If marrying her would be the answer so I could be with her forever, then so be it.

She looked at me then, trying to find an answer. She looked like a child then. Fragile. Vulnerable. She never could try to hide her feelings to me. She snuggled back to me and began tracing the letter R on my ratty New York shirt. She is still thinking. That's good. At least, she's considering my proposal and not outright denying me.

She looked at me then. I already saw that she has made her decision. Or if I'm honest at all, I already know before I asked her what her answer would be. Any moment now, she would give me her answer. I wish I could freeze this moment. The moment that I still have hope that she will say yes to me. The moment before she will break my heart.

***

Girl

Yes, I thought. I took his hand. Our fingers had twined hundreds of times over our years together. And finally gave my answer.

"No."

His expression at once became unreadable and a sad smile touched his face.

Trying to give him comfort, I squeezed his hand, kissed him on his cheek and I added, "You have me for the rest of your life, you don't need to marry me, I'm going to go on and do my own life and have my own marriage and my own kids, and you'll always have me.'"

So I said to him. That's the way it should be. I would have said yes in a heartbeat if even for a second I believe that it will make him happy. But I know in my heart it wouldn't.

I want to have him in my life forever but I already knew that marrying him is not the key. You could never break up or divorce your best friend.

He is my best friend. He knows everything about me. My personality and quirks. I am sure he knows that my heart is breaking for saying no to him.

I shared with him over the years my thoughts and feelings. All of my secrets, except for one, the real reason I can't marry him.

That I'm in love with the same boy for as long as I can remember, Eriol Hiiragizawa.

"I'm sorry," as if those words will erase the pain I might have caused him.

***

Boy

She took my hand, our fingers twined, a reflex, as we had done countless times.

"No." Her voice, so soft, I almost didn't hear her. It's almost as if she doesn't want me to hear.

She squeezed my hand, kissed me on the cheek and continued, "You have me for the rest of your life, you don't need to marry me, I'm going to go on and do my own life and have my own marriage and my own kids, and you'll always have me.'"

If she only knew that her statement only hurt more than her saying no to me. That suddenly I feel hollow, as if I just lost someone forever. But I know she has her reasons for saying no. And that she really believes that getting married is not the best for us.

She is my best friend, the person I feel closest in my life right now.

When I asked her to marry me, I deliberately didn't tell her something she has a right to know. I've been in love with the same girl since I was twelve. And I knew that girl doesn't feel the same way and never will.

I've been in love with Tomoyo Daidouji ever since the moment I met her.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, knowing that somehow I hurt but not realizing how much.

***

Girl

"I love you Tomoyo," he said, tucking my hair behind my ear, "I always will". I know he does, just not in the way I want to be loved.

***

Boy

"I love you Tomoyo," I tucked her hair behind her ear, a habit formed over years of our friendship, "I always will." Knowing that, as always, she misunderstood what I meant.

***

Girl

After a moment, I finally answered, expressing my hidden feelings under the guise of friendship, "I love you too, Eriol." I looked at him then, the boy I love for as long as I could remember, "I always did."

***

Boy

After a moment, she replied, "I love you too, Eriol," as if weighing her words, she paused, lest I misunderstand and interpret as if she means something deeper, "I always did."

The line "You have me for the rest of your life, you don't need to marry me, I'm going to go on and do my own life and have my own marriage and my own kids, and you'll always have me" is from Brooke Shields to Michael Jackson. When I heard this line, I was inspired to write this. Should I continue this or just let this be a one-shot?

Let me know your thoughts. Please review. =)