AUTHOR: Macx
DISCLAIMER: not mine. Definitely not! I just play with them and hope I tread on no one's toes.
Author's Voice of Warning (aka Author's Note):
English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can
do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize
g> The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how
trustworthy those thingies are.....
ARCHIVE: yes
WARNINGS: Starts after Kyoto. Manipulative Enma-Daiou. That's all g>
RATING: R, just to be safe
FOCUS: Tsuzuki, Touda
FEEDBACK: empty inbox seeks emails g>
He didn't really know why he had come here. Released from the hospital,
from under the watchful and worried eyes of Watari Yutaka, their part-time
doctor, he had walked the silent streets of Meifu until he had arrived
in front of the large palace that signified the residence of the most powerful
of all entities in this realm. Enma-Daiou. The Lord and Judge of the Dead,
the ultimate power that decided where a soul would finally end up.
Tsuzuki's eyes traveled up the richly decorated façade, coming
to rest on the massive double doors barring the entrance. There were no
guards, but they also weren't needed. No one in their right mind came here
unannounced or with ill intent.
Well, he was unannounced and here he was.
And he had questions that needed answering, questions that only one
person could possibly know the answer to.
Enma-Daiou.
Tsuzuki had never stood in the lord's presence, had never seen him.
He was a simple employee, one who hadn't had more than a little pay raise
in the seventy odd years he now worked for the Shokan Division. It was
Konoe who was required to report to his ultimate commander, not one of
the lowly shinigami.
Strangely, Tsuzuki felt no fear or apprehension as he climbed the steps
and approached the door. Ever since he had nearly succeeded in taking his
own life, using one of his shikigami, a kind of calmness had settled.
It was the calm before the storm, some said.
His friends were keeping a close eye on him, but they hadn't been there
when he had discharged himself from the hospital, coming here.
Hisoka would probably be mad. Tatsumi would give him lectures and maybe
cut his pay for a day or two. They would know by now since Watari was bound
to report his discharge.
It couldn't be helped.
The door creaked and suddenly swung open before him. Tsuzuki looked
into the darkness lurking behind it. He wasn't scared. He wasn't even apprehensive
anymore.
He entered.
The doors closed after him but instead of plunging him into total darkness,
the room around him lit up and revealed itself. Richly decorated in gold
and red, just like he had expected it, with a throne in the middle of it,
raised on a small platform.
It was empty.
Tsuzuki stopped in front of the throne, back straight, shoulders squared.
He knew Enma-Daiou was here. He could feel his presence, like some background
thrum, powerful and everywhere.
"Tsuzuki," a voice whispered.
His eyes narrowed a little.
"Welcome."
Something formed out of the shadows at the back of the room and solidified
in a humanoid form.
"Enma-Daiou," he said.
Something inside him stopped him kneeling or even bowing. Something
that was rebellious, pissed off and angry. It was a small core of steel
that had attracted twelve shikigami, that had kept him alive throughout
the horror of his life and death.
"You tried to escape from my realm, didn't you, Tsuzuki?"
Of course I did, he thought angrily. I tried to escape the darkness
that I am, the horror of my existence, my uselessness. I'm an angel of
death, I bring nothing but suffering. Me, the one who took his own life.
Who am I to judge over people?
"You are no the judge, Tsuzuki," Enma told him calmly. "Nor are you
the juror. You are my executioner. Nothing more, nothing less."
Tsuzuki's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. Was he reading his mind?
"You are an open book to me, my shinigami. All of you are. My servants.
I do not allow any one of you to simply end an existence I granted."
"You have no right!" he whispered harshly.
"Don't I? I am the Lord of Hades, the head of this Ministry. I think
that entitles me to it." There was amusement in the voice.
Tsuzuki curled his hands into fists.
"Yours was a rash decision, Tsuzuki. Brought on by that mere human.
You are stronger than him, but you chose to fall for his words, believe
in his lies."
Lies? Muraki was a manipulative bastard, but those words hadn't been
lies!
"What am I?" he demanded.
The shadowy figure finally stepped in plain sight. Tsuzuki looked at
the timeless being, facing the one who was in charge of this realm with
more calm than he would ever have thought. He had never met Enma-Daiou
in person and though there was a radiance of power around him, the richly
dressed figure in the flowing robes was nothing extraordinary at first
sight. Too beautiful to be human with eyes that were bottomless, straight,
black hair, a smooth face, and a pale, flawless skin. Maybe it was only
a shell, maybe he wasn't looking at the truth, but it didn't matter.
"You are my shinigami," Enma-Daiou answered, the voice rich and male
and very calm. "My tool, my servant, my executioner."
"And what else? What am I really? I'm not human! I know it! And you
know it!" Tsuzuki accused. Amethyst eyes narrowed, grew hard.
The eternal being tilted his head.
"I have demon blood in my veins and you know about it! You know everything…"
A musical laugh. "Thank you for that much credit, Tsuzuki." Enma-Daiou
walked closer. "But as I said, you are what you are. It doesn't matter
where you came from."
Tsuzuki steeled himself, refusing to back down. Even though this was
the highest of all beings in this realm, his lord, his ultimate commander,
he wouldn't show fear. Something inside of him curled and reacted to the
proximity, even more now than before. It hissed softly, spoiling for a
fight.
"It does matter. It matters to you who I am. You wouldn't have kept
me here for all that time, accepted what I am, if it wasn't. You manipulated
me."
His voice was cold, hard, matter-of-fact. Those who knew Tsuzuki only
caught glimpses of what lurked beneath that cheerful, easy façade
of someone who hadn't risen any higher than an angel of death in the Shokan
Division for seventy-odd years. Still, there was more to this slender man.
A lot more. Some of it now showed its first peeks.
A smile answered the challenge. "I manipulate everyone, Asato," Enma-Daiou
murmured softly.
The inhuman eyes were cold jewels and Tsuzuki felt a flash of disgust
at the personal address. "So what am I?"
Timeless eyes met amethyst ones and the smile widened. "You are a shinigami,
a timeless being, a guardian, a harbinger of death, an unstoppable force."
He shook his head. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I know all of
that! Stop playing with me, Enma-Daiou! What am I?" Tsuzuki demanded more
loudly. "Tell me! Even Muraki knows more about me than I do!"
Enma-Daiou sighed regretfully. "A mere human, yes. He's been quite
meddlesome. I wish he hadn't brought all of this up. Sadly he has. The
whole family is a thorn in my side. All quite too much interested in the
occult, using magic, and sadly none of them ever sold themselves to a devil
or a demon. It would have solved a lot of problems. Well, it can't be helped."
Tsuzuki drew a shuddering breath. So Enma-Daiou was very much aware
of the doctor. "He knows I'm part-demon."
"It doesn't matter what you are, Tsuzuki, nor does it matter what he
thinks he knows."
"It does!" Power fizzled and he clamped down on it. He wouldn't lose
himself, not in front of Enma. "It does," he repeated more calmly. "Am
I a half-breed? Or is it from a prior line?"
Enma-Daiou kept smiling. "It's not important."
"Tell me!"
Again the power twitched and Tsuzuki bit down on it with an effort.
The smile widened. "What if I do? What will you do then?"
He hesitated. Do? He wouldn't do anything, but at least he would know!
"I want to know," he whispered harshly.
And power licked at his surface thoughts, begging him to use it.
"And then you suddenly know, but will you really know more? Will you
know what to do with that knowledge, can you use it? Can you use your own
potential? The answer is no." The robed figure gazed at the high ceiling,
still smiling. "Tell me, Asato, do you want to usurp my position?"
Enma-Daiou asked mildly.
He stared at the entity in shock. "What? No!"
A chuckle. "Of course not. You always denied the power inside you,
so why use it in such a manner? And you hate the politics of my job even
more than you hate your lineage." The dark eyes seemed to glow a little.
"My decision concerning you has been standing for a long time now, Tsuzuki
Asato. I knew who you were when you were born and when you denied. I was
fascinated by your potential, but you always shied away. It was too bad.
Then you finally touched the other side of your power, achieved what no
one else would have dared to try. You tamed the darkness of GensouKai,
the wild spirit. You've felt it, you've touched it…" Enma closed the distance.
"You've used it as a last way out. You know I would never allow this. You
are mine, Asato. Mine to command."
Tsuzuki stood like rooted to the spot, his anger still raging through
him, touching exactly that power he always feared using because of its
destructive force, coaxing it to the forefront. The almost hypnotic words
seemed to trigger something inside of him, awaken it, make it aware.
"No," he breathed in denial as he felt what was happening.
"You inherited the darkness, Tsuzuki," the ethereal figure in front
of him continued with the same calm. "Yet you pushed it into the recesses
of your mind, afraid and incapable of handling it. I let you. I waited."
He shook his head, unable to move. His whole body was locked up in
fear at what was happening to him. He felt the echo inside of him, that
strangely familiar presence, grow in strength, looking for something…
Timeless eyes bore into his and he heard the power growl and snarl,
wanting out.
"I waited," Enma-Daiou repeated. "I waited for you to find the balance
you so badly needed to live through this, but even when it was within your
reach, you turned away and fled. You felt its call and you chose to ignore
it out of fear. You chose to be a coward and escape me and my grasp, and
yourself. You used the only one who would never deny you this freedom because
he has been longing for it for ages." Enma smiled. "So he returned a favor.
Well, let me do the same."
Tsuzuki felt tears gather in his eyes. Tears of pain and rage and shame,
tears of frustration and desperation. From one second to the next the hard
surface cracked, showing the weak human underneath, the one who had killed
himself to escape a life of pain.
"Stop it!" he begged.
"You, my shinigami, are human, and you are so much more. It doesn't
matter where it came from, what enhanced your bloodline, but it's there
and you should accept what you are, achieve your balance."
A flawless hand reached out, the richly decorated sleeve of the exquisite
robe sliding over pale skin, and Tsuzuki tried to shy away, but he was
paralyzed.
Cool fingers touched his forehead –
-- and the world exploded.
The darkness within him, the power he had always harbored even when
he was still alive, soared, free and unbound. It flooded his mind, pulled
his consciousness with it, and Tsuzuki screamed.
Pain ripped through him, scorching his every cell, setting nerves on
fire, and he fell to his knees, crying in agony. It wasn't more but a weak,
almost too soft sound in the roaring of energy and unleashed potential,
but someone heard it. His soul, lost and alone and unable to really deal
with the massive force inside him out of his inherit shame and fear, was
suddenly caught by something strong and equally powerful.
Tsuzuki whimpered as he saw the shadow rise above him, protective and
aggressive in one. It hissed and snarled and pushed the figure of Enma-Daiou
away, filling Tsuzuki's field of vision only with itself.
"No," he begged, unable to say if he had even spoken out loud. "No,
please… no…"
And he kept falling.
This was what could level buildings in no time. This was what could
destroy everything. This was his greatest horror and he had no control
over it.
He had never wanted this power.
He hated it.
It would consume him as it doomed everything around him.
Suddenly arms held him, fingers curled around his own, clutching him
tightly, and he instinctively sought more of the offered shelter, of the
strangely familiar presence. Tsuzuki sobbed in relief as he was stabilized,
balanced, within the raging storm, and he let himself be guided by his
helper, too weak to do much of his own.
Words were whispered into his ears, words of encouragement, holding
a soothing quality. He sank more into the other presence, part of him noting
the darkness that surrounded them both, stemming from the stranger. It
was a new kind of darkness, comforting and strangely warm.
I won't let you go
It was a clear voice now, strong and cool and still so very soothing
for the troubled shinigami. Tsuzuki closed his eyes, breath hitching, trying
to stifle new sobs, but it was impossible. Tears streamed down his face
and he felt ashamed of his weakness.
You are not weak
He was cushioned by the other, his only hold in this stormy sea of
newly awakened powers, and finally his consciousness just gave out.
Tsuzuki slipped into the darkness of his mind.