Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
The True Story
Everyone knows the story of the Ocarina of time, there are games, books,
hell,there are so many fanfics about it it's ridiculous. But there is one point of view that
I think has been overlooked. MINE!!! I go though all the bullshit of saving the world and does
anyone ask Link what happened? Nooo!!! But that's okay, you and anyone else that stumbles
upon this story have finally got the priviledge of knowing what truely happened, from the
hero's eyes. Here's how it all went down.
Okay. it was a normal morning in the Kokiri Forest. I was trying to sleep in
cuz I stayed up all night the night before playing spades, smokin' blunts, and takin' 40's
to the head with a couple of friends of mine. I wasn't having too much luck tryin' to sleep
though,cuz I was having a nightmare that kept recurring. I was standing in front of some
castle in the rain. The drawbridge opens and a white horse carrying an older lady dressed in
black and a little girl with deep, blue eyes that seemed to look right through me galloped
past. As the horse carried them off into the distance I watched them, entranced. Just then
another horse came over the drawbridge, a black one this time. It carried a dark man with
blazing red hair and black armor. He stopped just beside me. As I looked at him he sent an
extremely cold chill through my entire body.
I was just in the middle of having this dream when I heard a small voice
call my name. Even though this dream scares the shit out of me every time I have it, it was
preferrable to waking up to welcome the hangover that was sure to come. I turned over and
tried to go back to sleep. Then I heard the same voice say "Can Hyrule's destiny really
depend on such a lazy boy?" I may be a lot of things, but lazy ain't one of them. So I
jumped up to see who this was disrespecting me in my own house. I looked around and saw...
a fairy. I got geeked because, well, see everyone in the Kokiri Forest had a guardian fairy
with them, except me. I hated being the oddball, but now my fairy had finally come to me and
I was finally part of the in crowd. Little did I know that I would live to regret ever
hearing of a fairy. Anywayz, the fairy introduced herself as Navi and that she was sent to
me by the Great Deku Tree, the Kokiri's guardian spirit. He said that he needed to see me
right away. Now, if the Deku Tree summons you, it has to be a big deal, so I immediately got
up, took a shower, put on my favorite green outfit, and left the house.
Climbing down the ladder of my tree house, I saw my girl Saria running up.
Saria and I had a sort of friend's with benifits thing going on, although she wanted more. I
tried to tell this girl that I couldn't be tied down to one woman, but she kept trying.
Anyway there was no telling what she wanted now, seeing as how she was at the spades party
last night and I couldn't remember if we'd slept together or not.
"Hey Link, sup?" she started. "I was just wondering if, *gasp* Is that a fairy?"
I took this opportunity to change the subject from whatever she came over for, "Yeah,
girl, finally got one. The Great Deku tree sent this one to me personally because he has to
see me for one reason or another. You know how us important types are.
"You may be important to me, but that's the only way you important," Saria joked,
"Well, I didn't want nothing really, so if the Tree needs to see you I'll let you go." she
blushed and looked down at her feet.
I knew that she wanted me to ask her to stay, but I couldn't and really didn't want
too so I ran past her, saying I'd talk to her later.
Seeing as how I didn't know what dangers lie ahead of me, I couldn't go out to see
the Tree and not have some sort of protection. I had about 40 rupees on me, so I went down
the corner store to see Hoppmead the Arab Korkiri to buy me a shield. I needed something
more though. I couldn't just block, I had to have something to fight with as well. I
instantly remembered that there was a sword in a hiding place behind the Kokiri garden.
I went and retrieved it, and made my way toward the tree.
Wouldn't you know it? Just as soon as I thought I was on my way, this dude name Mido
was standing in my way. Mido and I have never gotten along. He's always been jealous of me
and Saria because he was so-called in love with her, and she wouldn't give him the time of
day. Little did he know it wasn't me that was standing in his way, it was his breath.
"Hold on, Link!!!" he yelled and held his hand in my face in a gay sort of way.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Minding mine and staying out of yours, with your punk ass!!!"
"You must think you're going to see the Deku Tree. Well, I see that you have a fairy
now, but to go out there you should equip a sword and shield!"
I frowned up, looked in my left hand, then my right. "What in the blue hell do you
think I have in my hands you nearsighted neanderthal?"
"Oh, so you do have a sword and shield. Well, even with all that, a bitch is still
a bitch, huh?"
"Keep talking shit and I'll use this sword on your ass!"
He stepped aside and mumbled under his breath. "I don't see how Saria can like him
and not me."
I laughed and thought to myself, "If you would learn the proper use of a toothbrush
maybe she'd like you and get off my case."
After a few deku babas I had to fight, I finally made it to the Deku Tree. He seemed
relieved that I had finally made it. "Ahh, young Link. I have called you here to help me. I
know that you have been having bad dreams the past couple of nights. It wasn't just a
coincidence. There has been a bad air around, evil lurks, and those who are sensitive to it.."
"Get to the point, Branches!!!"
"An evil man of the desert put a curse on me, and I need you to break it."
I really didn't feel like fighting anything, but I wasn't doing anything else, and
maybe if I do this for him, he could tell me more about the dreams I was having. So I agreed.
He opened his mouth and I entered the tree.
Once inside, I saw all kinds of enemies, Deku Babas, scrubs, and skultulas. I went
through the tree, killing all these enemies and picking up a couple cool items like a slingshot
and some deku nuts along the way. Finally I found myself at the source of the curse, Queen Gohma.
I took a couple of shots at her with my new slingshot and killed her, therefore breaking the
curse.
I found myself again at the front of the tree where he thanked me. "I appreciate all
you've done for me. But I must tell you that I was already going to die before you started."
"What the fuck!!! Then why in the blue hell did you have me go in to break the curse?!?
"I wanted to die in comfort."
"Well, the next time you need comforting, don't call me!"
"Hold up Link."
"What?!?" I said exasperated.
"The reason the man from the desert put that curse on me was because he wanted this stone,
the Kokiri emerald. He has to get this and the rest of the magic stones to get the Triforce.You
must never let that man get his hands on those stones."
"Why me?"
"Cuz you the only dummy that came out here to save me! Anywayz, take the Kokiri emerald to
Princess Zelda in Hyrule Castle."
*Sigh* "I guess."
The True Story
Everyone knows the story of the Ocarina of time, there are games, books,
hell,there are so many fanfics about it it's ridiculous. But there is one point of view that
I think has been overlooked. MINE!!! I go though all the bullshit of saving the world and does
anyone ask Link what happened? Nooo!!! But that's okay, you and anyone else that stumbles
upon this story have finally got the priviledge of knowing what truely happened, from the
hero's eyes. Here's how it all went down.
Okay. it was a normal morning in the Kokiri Forest. I was trying to sleep in
cuz I stayed up all night the night before playing spades, smokin' blunts, and takin' 40's
to the head with a couple of friends of mine. I wasn't having too much luck tryin' to sleep
though,cuz I was having a nightmare that kept recurring. I was standing in front of some
castle in the rain. The drawbridge opens and a white horse carrying an older lady dressed in
black and a little girl with deep, blue eyes that seemed to look right through me galloped
past. As the horse carried them off into the distance I watched them, entranced. Just then
another horse came over the drawbridge, a black one this time. It carried a dark man with
blazing red hair and black armor. He stopped just beside me. As I looked at him he sent an
extremely cold chill through my entire body.
I was just in the middle of having this dream when I heard a small voice
call my name. Even though this dream scares the shit out of me every time I have it, it was
preferrable to waking up to welcome the hangover that was sure to come. I turned over and
tried to go back to sleep. Then I heard the same voice say "Can Hyrule's destiny really
depend on such a lazy boy?" I may be a lot of things, but lazy ain't one of them. So I
jumped up to see who this was disrespecting me in my own house. I looked around and saw...
a fairy. I got geeked because, well, see everyone in the Kokiri Forest had a guardian fairy
with them, except me. I hated being the oddball, but now my fairy had finally come to me and
I was finally part of the in crowd. Little did I know that I would live to regret ever
hearing of a fairy. Anywayz, the fairy introduced herself as Navi and that she was sent to
me by the Great Deku Tree, the Kokiri's guardian spirit. He said that he needed to see me
right away. Now, if the Deku Tree summons you, it has to be a big deal, so I immediately got
up, took a shower, put on my favorite green outfit, and left the house.
Climbing down the ladder of my tree house, I saw my girl Saria running up.
Saria and I had a sort of friend's with benifits thing going on, although she wanted more. I
tried to tell this girl that I couldn't be tied down to one woman, but she kept trying.
Anyway there was no telling what she wanted now, seeing as how she was at the spades party
last night and I couldn't remember if we'd slept together or not.
"Hey Link, sup?" she started. "I was just wondering if, *gasp* Is that a fairy?"
I took this opportunity to change the subject from whatever she came over for, "Yeah,
girl, finally got one. The Great Deku tree sent this one to me personally because he has to
see me for one reason or another. You know how us important types are.
"You may be important to me, but that's the only way you important," Saria joked,
"Well, I didn't want nothing really, so if the Tree needs to see you I'll let you go." she
blushed and looked down at her feet.
I knew that she wanted me to ask her to stay, but I couldn't and really didn't want
too so I ran past her, saying I'd talk to her later.
Seeing as how I didn't know what dangers lie ahead of me, I couldn't go out to see
the Tree and not have some sort of protection. I had about 40 rupees on me, so I went down
the corner store to see Hoppmead the Arab Korkiri to buy me a shield. I needed something
more though. I couldn't just block, I had to have something to fight with as well. I
instantly remembered that there was a sword in a hiding place behind the Kokiri garden.
I went and retrieved it, and made my way toward the tree.
Wouldn't you know it? Just as soon as I thought I was on my way, this dude name Mido
was standing in my way. Mido and I have never gotten along. He's always been jealous of me
and Saria because he was so-called in love with her, and she wouldn't give him the time of
day. Little did he know it wasn't me that was standing in his way, it was his breath.
"Hold on, Link!!!" he yelled and held his hand in my face in a gay sort of way.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Minding mine and staying out of yours, with your punk ass!!!"
"You must think you're going to see the Deku Tree. Well, I see that you have a fairy
now, but to go out there you should equip a sword and shield!"
I frowned up, looked in my left hand, then my right. "What in the blue hell do you
think I have in my hands you nearsighted neanderthal?"
"Oh, so you do have a sword and shield. Well, even with all that, a bitch is still
a bitch, huh?"
"Keep talking shit and I'll use this sword on your ass!"
He stepped aside and mumbled under his breath. "I don't see how Saria can like him
and not me."
I laughed and thought to myself, "If you would learn the proper use of a toothbrush
maybe she'd like you and get off my case."
After a few deku babas I had to fight, I finally made it to the Deku Tree. He seemed
relieved that I had finally made it. "Ahh, young Link. I have called you here to help me. I
know that you have been having bad dreams the past couple of nights. It wasn't just a
coincidence. There has been a bad air around, evil lurks, and those who are sensitive to it.."
"Get to the point, Branches!!!"
"An evil man of the desert put a curse on me, and I need you to break it."
I really didn't feel like fighting anything, but I wasn't doing anything else, and
maybe if I do this for him, he could tell me more about the dreams I was having. So I agreed.
He opened his mouth and I entered the tree.
Once inside, I saw all kinds of enemies, Deku Babas, scrubs, and skultulas. I went
through the tree, killing all these enemies and picking up a couple cool items like a slingshot
and some deku nuts along the way. Finally I found myself at the source of the curse, Queen Gohma.
I took a couple of shots at her with my new slingshot and killed her, therefore breaking the
curse.
I found myself again at the front of the tree where he thanked me. "I appreciate all
you've done for me. But I must tell you that I was already going to die before you started."
"What the fuck!!! Then why in the blue hell did you have me go in to break the curse?!?
"I wanted to die in comfort."
"Well, the next time you need comforting, don't call me!"
"Hold up Link."
"What?!?" I said exasperated.
"The reason the man from the desert put that curse on me was because he wanted this stone,
the Kokiri emerald. He has to get this and the rest of the magic stones to get the Triforce.You
must never let that man get his hands on those stones."
"Why me?"
"Cuz you the only dummy that came out here to save me! Anywayz, take the Kokiri emerald to
Princess Zelda in Hyrule Castle."
*Sigh* "I guess."