Rising from the ashes, you spread your wings to fly Reaching now for those final dreams, belief will never die Beautiful and so glorious, the eternal bird of fire Soaring up into the sun, leaving behind the pyre Dreams are now your destiny; reach with all your might You're a powerful inferno, ablaze and in full flight Yesterday is over, today has just begun The sky is now your playground your home is now the sun Destiny is in your grasp, forget the doubts and fears Your flame will burn eternally for all remaining years There will be times of doubt, and moments of pure sorrow But one thing that is ever true, you're the angel of tomorrow
Hi. I hope you enjoy this new Rolivia pairing story. It's different from the other Rolivia stories I've seen, so that's why I enjoy writing it! Please let me know what y'all think and tell me if I should bother continuing. Takes place seven months after Lewis.
Chapter 1
Rural New Mexico paints a beautiful picture. The clouds are big and fluffy, rocks and ledges and red ground is the majority of her view, and she takes in a deep, needed breath. Her cab driver, which turned out to be harder to find than she anticipated, spoke nonstop about the plains and desert that made up the small state, and if she wasn't already so riddled with nervosity and anxiety, she'd be somewhat interested in what he was saying. Because despite her reason for being here, she can't help but love what she sees.
She grows nervous as they drive further and further away from Albuquerque, wondering if she'd said the address of her destination right. She still can't believe she'd done it. Bought a ticket, got on a plane, and flew all the way to New Mexico. She's giving up a lot, risking even more, just by being out here; and the worst part is that she doesn't know how it's going to go once she gets to her destination.
The older man driving her, who looked to be Native American or some kind of Hispanic, pulled up to a small, but beautiful property. He turns back to look at her, turquoise ring covered fingers held out as he rattles off her charge. She pays and thanks him, getting out quickly and grabbing her small amount of luggage.
A shiny, old black mustang is parked in the long driveway and she lets out a heavy breath. The cabbie is gone so she's stuck here anyway. No time to chicken out.
She walks up the gravelly driveway, eyes roaming the house and surrounding area. She can see why this is the place that was chosen. It's beautiful. Green trees line the property, rocks and grass spatter the ground, and beyond is miles and miles of red desert, mixed in with plateaus and large boulders.
She steps onto the wraparound porch and drops her bags, lifting her hand up, ready to knock, but the front door swings open before she can. Blue eyes meet shocked, shining brown ones.
"Amanda?" She hears, it's the same voice she'd fallen in love with. The same voice that broke her heart and fixed it all in the same moment. "What are you.. why are you here?" She's asked with a voice is full of curiosity and nerves and something deeper.
The screen separates them, and she wants it gone. "Can I come in?" She whispers, ignoring the question. When the other woman doesn't reply, she bites her lip. "Olivia.." She finally mutters her name. The name of the one thing she'd give everything up for. The one she did give everything up for.
"Yeah.. Yeah, sorry." The older woman murmurs, pushing the screen open and stepping to the side.
Amanda leaves her things there, instead pushing inside and immediately towards the brunette. There's no words, none that come to mind. They just stare at each other for a few long moments, unsure of why things are like this.
Amanda takes the moments to study her former coworker. What once was long, beautiful brunette hair is now just past a sharp jaw. It's the shortest she's ever seen Olivia's hair. She can also tell that the other woman is thinner. She can't tell if that's a good thing or cause for concern.
It's been seven months since her ex-superior officer was abducted and tortured. Six since she decided to call it quits and move away. But it feels like eternity since she was last able to see the other woman's eyes. Those fiery brown orbs that shone so bright, even in the darkest of nights.
"Amanda, what are you doing here?" Olivia asks again, arms crossing over her chest.
"I needed to see you." She murmurs, turning to assess her surroundings. The home, although completely different from Olivia's apartment in manhattan, has that same style and feeling. "Everyone went crazy when you left. We miss you."
Olivia sighs behind her, closing both doors. She tries to ignore the sound of the lock clicking. It's a harsh reminder that things have changed. "It's better this way. But.. but you can tell them that I'm doing okay. Relaxing." She replies calmly.
Amanda turns around, and she sees that Olivia has brought her bags in and set them close to the door. "You? Relaxing?" She quips, and it garners a small smile from the other woman. The atmosphere is still tense, but it's thinning.
"It's something new I've learned since being out here." Comes the brunette's soft reply. They lock eyes, and that old spark flicks once.
"Have you learned anything else?" Amanda asks, hoping Olivia will be at least a little open with her recovery and the process of healing from her traumatic experience.
The brunette bites her lip and tilts her head to the side, motioning the younger woman to follow. They move through the house, towards the back door, and Olivia opens it, a fresh, cool breeze wafting in. "Gardening."
"Gardening?"
"I've always wanted to garden.. I just never found the time or space for it back in New York." The older woman replies, eyes focusing on the large space full of succulents and flowers and small fruit trees. "It's like therapy without the whole.. talking thing."
And that worries Amanda. If this is what Olivia has been doing to cope, instead of talking about it and working through it, then the older woman isn't as okay as she lets on. "I see." She shoves her hands in her pockets and bites her lip. She doesn't know how to say what she wants to say. Can't find the words.
"What is it?" She hears, and turns her head to see Olivia leaning against the doorway.
Despite the underlying worry Amanda feels, she can't help but think about how beautiful Olivia looks, wearing a burgundy long sleeved shirt and light blue jeans. Her feet are bare, toenails painted a flattering white.
"Nothing.."
"C'mon.. I was a detective, I can tell when something's wrong." The older woman nudges, smiling softly. It's the second time Amanda has seen the woman smile in just under an hour.
Was a detective. Another harsh reminder that things have changed.
"How have you been.. um.. coping? With the whole.. you know.." She doesn't know how to speak apparently. She does know how to make Olivia uncomfortable though. She can see it in the other woman's brown eyes.
"You can say his name. I won't break." She bites, tucking a short strand of hair behind her ear. "I see a shrink once a week. So I'm dealing." She informs, pushing past the younger woman and making her way towards what Amanda thinks is the kitchen.
She's about to follow, when she hears Olivia's voice call through the house. "Close and lock that door please."
She's dealing but she's still afraid.
She does as she's told then makes her way into the kitchen as well. "I'm glad you're seein' someone. We.. I worry about you."
Olivia nods, pulling two mugs down from a cabinet without a door. They're all open, all throughout the kitchen. "Do you want some coffee? Tea?"
"Coffee please."
Olivia pops a single into the Keurig coffee maker and puts the mug under the stream of hot coffee. Amanda watches silently as the other woman makes herself tea. Another strange change.
"You're livin' like a hippie out here.." Amanda jokes, leaning against a counter. She hopes the gentle poke lands with the older woman.
Olivia laughs lightly and shakes her head. "I'm doing my best to not get into any bad habits." She explains, stirring honey into the steaming cup. "Not that coffee is a bad habit.. I just try not to drink it so often anymore. But as for other habits.." She trails off, looking into her cup. "I don't keep alcohol here. I got too close to.. you know.. before I left." It's a startling admission to Amanda, but she just listens.
"When I first moved out here, I tried to find the farthest place from people that I could. I secluded myself. And it was nice at first. Waking up to the sound of nothing.. or rain and nothing.. was what ultimately helped me relax." She takes a long sip, letting her eyes slip closed for a minute. "I started to get really lonely though. It wasn't bad, but at the current time.. I was left to my thoughts and I started buying wine.. and then bourbon, and then cheap stuff that gave the same effect, just quicker." She laughs humorlessly, shaking her head. "My therapist said that I needed to get rid of the alcohol. So it hasn't been in my home for four months now."
"I'm proud of you, Liv." Amanda smiles, moving closer to the older woman. "And.." She feels tears well up. "God. I missed you." She closed the distance between them, not really knowing if any contact will trigger the older woman. But in the moment, she doesn't care.. as selfish as that is.
She's relieved when Olivia wraps her arms hesitantly around her shoulders, and they stay there for a moment. Just feeling the presence of one another.
When they pull away, Olivia wipes a stray tear from her cheek and smiles. "So I'm assuming with that luggage you brought, you're staying here."
"If you'll have me." Amanda smiles shyly, embarrassed that she'd actually shown up without asking or at least warning.
"Of course." Is the response she gets though, and she's delighted.
They won't talk about for how long, because neither women know. And despite the hesitation and slight nervosity Olivia obviously has, Amanda can tell that the other woman is relieved to not be alone for once.
….
The next morning, she awakens to nothing. Just as Olivia had said. It's so quiet that she can't tell if it's relaxing or overwhelming.
They'd both turned in early, Amanda was tired from the flight and Olivia had, over the months, taken to sleeping early. A luxury she cherished since living here. So after they had a nice dinner, they settled into the living room for light chatting, up until Olivia stood and called it a night.
She stretches her tired limbs and breathes in the scent that is purely Olivia.
There's a knock on her door and she sits up, smiling when she sees the other woman open the door slowly. "You can come in, Liv.." She laughs.
"I didn't want to wake you if you were still sleeping. These doors are loud if I open them too quickly." She shrugs, shoving her hands into her back pocket. Amanda lets her eyes wander for a moment, taking in the brunette's attire. She's wearing a large, worn out T-Shirt and jeans, which have holes in various places and greenish brown stains on the knees.
"I was outside picking some herbs and veggies. I thought maybe you'd want an Omelet with fresh ingredients."
"That sounds amazing." The younger woman replies, slipping from the bed. She watches brown eyes drift to her short clad legs, and she blushes. "Do you mind if I shower before breakfast?"
"Go for it." Olivia nods, turning to grab a few towels from the closet behind her. "I'm going to get breakfast started." She sets the plush towels on the bed and makes her way out of the room quickly.
They have so much to talk about. So much air to clear and ice to break. It's almost sad how awkward things are.
Amanda sheds her clothes and makes her way into the bathroom that's adjoining her temporary bedroom. As she steps under the warm stream of water, she can't help but think back to before everything changed.
She and Olivia had finally decided to start on the path of taking things further. Things with Brian were dissipating quickly and a new spark was being ignited between the two women.
The night Olivia was taken was supposed to be their first date. And it broke Amanda's heart that things took the turn they did.
She scrubbed the travel off her body and washed her hair, quickly rinsing before stepping out and wrapping a towel around her body. She feels the usual anger that comes with thinking about what happened well up inside of her, and she tries desperately to tamp it down. Now is not the time.
Instead of blow drying her hair like usual, she ties it up in a ponytail and dresses herself. She wants to spend as much time with Olivia as she can, and she can't do that if she spends so much time thinking about the past.
"That was quick." Olivia states, looking up from chopping fresh vegetables.
"Habit." Amanda smiles, shrugging.
"At least I don't have to worry about you running my water bill through the roof.." She cracks, a never-before seen twinkle in her dark eyes.
"Yes, I am extremely low maintenance…" Amanda jokes back, eyeing the bowl of fruit on the small island. "But right now I am extremely hungry.."
"I just washed the fruit so take what you want. I'm about to whisk up these eggs and add the peppers and mushrooms." Amanda's mouth waters as the older woman speaks. They both know that the younger blonde is a sucker for food.
"A woman after my own heart.." She mutters, not thinking about what's coming out of her mouth as she stuffs fruit into it."
She stiffens, and so does Olivia.
That unspoken thing that's remained on the back burner is now making it's way to the front. As long as She doesn't broach it, maybe it'll stay unspoken for just a little while longer.
"...Well.." Olivia smiles nervously, eyes focusing on chopping, "consider yourself lucky because if we were back in Manhattan, I probably would never cook for you. Or anyone. Or just in general."