Okay, so I'm bored, and I wrote this. I was so bored, that I wrote about America having sex with a hamburger in McDonalds. There's obviously something wrong with me. Whatevs.

Hamburgers.

America. Loved. Hamburgers.

Everyone knew that, but they didn't know the full extent of it.

"Oh, Billy-Bob. Yo' buns be lookin' so fine." America said to his lunch- I mean, his date.

The hamburger just sat there. Being a hamburger. But, America saw it differently. Let's take a peek into America's brain for a moment, shall we?

AMERICA

"Oh, Billy-Bob. Yo' buns be lookin' so fine." I said, my mouth curling into a seductive smirk. Or so he thought.

"Oh, Alfred! You're so sexy! You aren't fat at all! Be my hero! Take me right here, right now, you big hunk." Billy-Bob said, looking so... Uke, did Japan call it? Yeah, that's it. Uke! Look at me, big vocab. I'm so cool.

"But of course, my meatiness." I said, probably giving Billy-Bob a hard-on. Because I'm just that sexy, right? FUCK YEA.

Did I want to take it that fast, though? Billy-Bob and I were still in McDonalds, where I found him. Wait- Him? I'm gay? ... England was right. You do learn something new every day. Oh, yeah. Back on topic, kiddies. I did want to take it so fast.

So, I heroically unzipped my pants and took Florida out in the middle of a fast food restaurant. Ignoring the dirty looks and the people running in fear of me raping them, I shoved Florida, which was surprisingly hard, into Billy-Bob; right in between his soft buns.

Billy-Bob moaned. Oh, he moaned so loud. And seductively. I made a sound like, "AAWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAH." when I heard that, and thrusted super fast into that fine burger. I looked down, and I noticed something. OH GOD! THERE'S BLOOD. I MADE BILLY-BOB BLEED FROM THE SIZE OF MY SUPER HEROIC PENIS.

-Oh wait. That's just ketchup. Ooh, we had unintentional lube! Sweet!

I was getting close. Already. Because heroes get the job done, foo's. That should be my catchphrase. "If I'm not done in 30 seconds, it's free!" ...

Wait, I'm not a hooker. But I am so good in bed, that I could be. I should be a hooker. I'd be a damn good hooker. Ya hear that, ladies? I'm gonna be a hooker! And the only payment I require is a hamburger!

Oh, right. I was getting close, and I wanted Billy-Bob to finish, too. So I started stroking his meat. Literally, the hamburger meat. I didn't care what weird looks I got. Oh, and did I mention I was sitting right by the Play Place?

Yeah.

Anyway!

I started seeing white stuff coming out of Billy-Bob. He was cumming! Or was I? I don't know. Oh, wait! "HNNNNNNNNNNNNNGSS!"

"AWWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

... The end.

... Don't judge me, guys. I was bored.