Author's Note: My story takes place after Edward leaves in New Moon. Other than the characters being the same, it won't follow the books. Please feel free to review. I would love to know what y'all think. Oh and I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. Now enjoy!
I am a wretched and vile creature. Worse than that, I am a selfish creature. I selfishly stayed when I should have left and then left when I should have stayed. I created this mess and then I left her to clean it up… Alone.
In my head there were a thousand noble reasons why I did what I did. She deserved to have a normal life. She deserved the types of human experiences that I could never give her. Most of all she deserved a life free of the dangers that my very presence brought to her.
So, I ran; vowing to myself that I would never again interfere with her life. I would leave no traces of myself behind. She would move on and I would spend the rest of my lowly existence not having her.
That WAS the plan…
Unfortunately for my plan, she is the sun to my moon. While the sun can shine brightly on its own, the moon would hold no light were it not for the sun. She warmed my world and gave light to the eternal darkness that I had sentenced myself to. So, like the pathetic waste that I was I gravitated back towards my perpetual sun.
Like I said, I am a selfish creature.
Which is why 6 months after my hasty departure, I found myself back in the small town of Forks, staring from the shadows at a familiar second story window. This time would be different however. I would only observe my angel of light, never interfere.
I would simply watch from the shadows as she lived her life, she would still never know that I was there. I needed to see her happy, to see her move on, and to protect her if she should ever need it. This was my Bella after all and she attracted danger like sugar attracted ants. I thought this observing from the sidelines would fulfill my unquenchable thirst for her, for her scent, her skin, her smiles, and her light.
So I watched.
I watched a zombie that claimed to be my angel pass through day to day; never smiling, her skin ashen; the light gone from her beautiful chocolate eyes.
Slowly I watched as she smiled more, although I was willing to bet it was more for the sake of those around her than her actually wanting to smile.
I watched as she spent more and more time in La Push with Jacob Black. These times were the hardest for me as I couldn't step foot onto the reservation and Bella always came home with her beautiful perfume dulled by the scent of wet dog.
I watched as Jacob tried to kiss her, the thoughts in his head sending me into a murderous rage.
I listened too.
At first I listened mostly to Charlie. The thoughts in his head ranging from concern over his frail emotionally unstable daughter to the various forms of torture he wished to inflict upon me.
His thoughts were the most difficult for me to hear. To see through his eyes what I had done, the exact opposite of what I had intended to do.
I listened as Jacob confessed his love to her, and I held my figurative breath as she prepared her answer. I wanted a normal life for her and Jacob's life was just as abnormal as mine. At least that is what I blamed the gut wrenching feeling on. These months of watching taught me to rationalize my feelings quite well.
I listened as she told him, she loved him, but it could never be more than what it was now. She couldn't, she wasn't ready.
I smashed a boulder into a million tiny pieces that night and uprooted several tall pines. I had ruined her.
I am a wretched creature.
I watched from a packed auditorium as she graduated from Forks High and I watched as she packed her things to leave for college.
The University of Washington in Seattle, along with Angela, Ben, Mike, and Jessica. This was the normal life I had wanted for her.
Yet, I followed.
I told myself that my following was for her benefit. Seattle was dangerous. A particular favorite "vacation" spot for my kind. There was also one large complication; my family was there.
Carlisle had accepted a position teaching classes at the University's Medical School and he along with the others lived in a large secluded house outside of Seattle.
So, I had to go. I had to make sure she was safe, and that my family (mainly Alice) stayed away from her. She was to have no reminders to me.
That WAS the plan.
I really am a selfish creature…