AN: Hey everyone. So a little back story on this one.. This thought pretty much jumped at me when i heard the song "All Too Well". So in that sense this one is very different. Also, as much as I wanted to give our girls a happy ending, I couldn't do it with this piece. That being said, I hope you guys like it.

AN2: Here comes the part where I tell you the show and characters aren't mine. Just the story. You know the drill.

"I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to fix it or fix us anymore. Maybe instead of loving you so hard, I should be myself for a while. I should love me. And you should love you. And together we love Sofia rather than… I want so much for you Arizona. For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free too."

And just like that she left.

It was like the red dress all over again…

I stopped counting how many days have gone by since then. I wish I could say that time heals all wounds, but lying to myself is useless at this point. I moved out a while ago, before it was cold enough for snow to hit the ground. Now the snow has started to melt and I spent the new year alone.

I didn't realize it when I moved out, but somehow I ended up with an old scarf of hers. A dark blue one with fringes at the ends. I can't seem to bring myself to return it. Stupid, I know. But I feel like if I do, then that will be it. So instead I stuffed it in a drawer and tried so hard to forget it and everything else.

And just when I think it's starting to get better, I see her because of one reason or another and I break all over again. Because she asks me how I'm doing and her smile lights the room. Because I don't have the heart to tell her that I don't sleep through the night and spend far too much time in the beds of strangers. Anything I can do to forget her long enough to forget why I needed to. So instead I smile and say I'm okay, even though she sees right through it. Even though we both pretend like she doesn't. Because she is so happy and I can't bear the thought of taking that away from her. Because all I ever wanted for her was happiness, but I guess I always thought I would be part of it.

So I guess I don't deserve her love. Maybe I never did. But I don't think I ever thanked her for staying with me and that hurts the worst. That I never found the time to thank her for pulling me out of the gutter. For all those dark, dusty corners of my mind that she somehow made livable again. I don't know how, but with her I could laugh about my brother and remember him without remembering the wooden box they sent him home in. And all those times she never turned her back on me, even if I wanted her to. I never realized there would come a time when she would walk away and never come back. But I guess there's a first time for everything.

So maybe I didn't deserve to keep the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But even after all this time I still kept that scarf, because it reminds me of her. Because it reminds me of lunches in the park, and roller skate shoes, and on call rooms. Sometimes, when I close my eyes it's like I'm there again. Like I'm right beside her, living out our dreams together. So even if the magic is long gone and there is nothing else I can do, I can still remember who I was when I was with her. Maybe if go back far enough, I can find my old self. The person I was before I stumbled into that bathroom at Joe's half drunk and kissed a random stranger. But I wouldn't even know where to start looking anymore. It's been too long and I've changed too much to go back. So I guess all that's left is to drag the pieces of myself along and pray that one day everything that I remember all too well now just becomes white noise.