1.
When Rin kills her first opponent in battle (a mistake, she had been aiming to maim, not to kill, her mind wails) she is numb.
"…Aren't I a medic? Don't I save lives?"
She learns that medics represent the two sides of death (how ironic, that she had the power to kill and to save).
Minato's gentle hand squeezes her shoulder when she shows up for training, a week after she had killed that man.
"Don't forget, Rin, that those you kill are not numbers, but humans."
2.
Tsunade heals another person, almost collapsing onto her patient afterwards from exhaustion.
"Go home!" one of the other medic-nin instructs. "You're a liability if you collapse on us. Rest up and come back later."
(No, she thinks wildly, they'll die without me! You won't be able to save them!)
And then she remembers Nawaki's and Dan's life bleeding, slipping out from in front of her. She remembers countless lives that she could've saved (could've! If only I had more power, more stamina, more strength…) but didn't. (Or was it couldn't?)
Tsunade wonders why she chose to be a medic-nin. It drove her half-mad that forty-five percent of her patients died on her. Every time someone died, she died a little as well.
When she goes home, she doesn't remember the smiles of the ones she saved, but the cold, grey look of the dead.
3.
Sakura rocks on her heels, tears streaming down her face.
"He promised, he promised to bring Sasuke-kun back!"
(It's a promise of a lifetime Sakura-chan! Then WHY WHY WHY didn't you bring him back??)
Disappoint wells up in her and she can't help but feel angry at Naruto (at Sasuke for leaving, at Ino for saying the obvious, at the world for not FREAKING COOPERATING).
Later, she learns that life is a bitch but when she grows up, she can bitch right back.
4.
He's beautiful, she thinks, and that's all she really knows about him. Karin fawns after the Uchiha, ignoring his subtle slap back at her.
She wonders why she follows him like this. She wonders what will become of Team Hebi when Sasuke leaves them (because, in her heart of hearts, she knows that he'll never stay). She wonders what will become of her.
Karin knows that she will die sometime soon (with her choices in life, she's not going to die a peaceful, natural death likes she wishes). Probably even by Sasuke's hand.
So she pretends to herself that if she flirts enough with him, he'll spare her.
(She's a fool, she knows, that but doesn't stop her from trying.)
Kunoichi deceive everyone, including themselves. Perhaps themselves most of all.
5.
Kurenai teaches Hinata how to fight. Kiba teaches Hinata how to relax. Shino teaches Hinata about reflection. Hiashi teaches Hinata about perseverance. Hanabi teaches Hinata about fairness. Neji teaches Hinata about acceptance.
But it's with Naruto that Hinata learns to use her heart.
6.
Tsume places the flowers at Mikoto's grave. She used to envy her once friend and gennin team-mate (for having it all: a prestigious clan, an influential husband, prodigious and perfect children, beauty, kindness, ALL of it).
But as she turns back to prepare supper for Kiba and Hana (who laugh and smile and complete missions with flying colours, who swear and tussle with their dogs, who sling arms around each other and give each other secretive sibling smiles, who hug her and kiss her and treats her like a friend and mother) she knows that having everything does not equal happiness.
Tsume is more than happy to settle for what most consider second best. For her, it's a prize that's priceless.
7.
Konan is a killer. She is a tool. She likes to think to herself that she's perhaps different from all the other sob stories out there (she knows that's a lie though).
But in the end, she has no emotions, no feelings, so her thoughts wither away like flowers in winter.
(Or perhaps they're frosted, preserved, waiting for a time where she can call upon them.)
8.
Moegi looks up from her spot at the swing when Tenten passes by. Wow, she thinks. I want to be that strong.
The kunoichi of the previous generation were famous. The generation before them even more so. Moegi just looks up and wishes that she could be like them, that she could be just as famous, just as good, just as strong, just as beautiful, just as deadly, just as powerful.
She doesn't know that they've died a thousand deaths to get where they were now.
9.
When Temari visits Konoha for the first time (she was small then, no more than a child, but so much older), she's astonished by the open friendliness.
"They're idiots," her sensei, Baki, told her when she told him of her experience. "Being so open makes them weak, vulnerable."
Temari is confused. She nods though, because after all, she does agree with Baki even though sometimes he's just a cold-hearted jounin, but she envies the way everyone seemed to trust (trust is a luxury that the Sand couldn't afford; not yet, anyways, perhaps) each other and the way they just seem so damn happy. And then she thinks that maybe the Konoha shinobi are stupid, to let everyone in as if they were their friend.
But she can't shake the smiles out of her head no matter how hard she tries, no matter how much she reminds herself that the world doesn't work that way by looking out the window and seeing the Sand residents, hardened citizens, ruthless shinobi, and the shielded, huddled homes and crap, life just wasn't fair like that!
But Temari remembers, and she starts learning that maybe life isn't all about blood and tears and regrets.
10.
Before Matsuri is kidnapped, she thinks of Gaara as someone intimidating, someone frightening, yet someone awe-inspiring.
When she's rescued, she thinks of Gaara as someone worth saving, someone worth looking up to, someone worth protecting.
When it's her turn to rescue Gaara, she thinks of him as someone broken, someone powerful, someone sane, but most of all, someone human.
11.
Anko knows better to trust people. She knows better than most Konoha shinobi, to show her heart on her sleeve, to accept everything easily. She greets situations with a smile and a kunai in one hand, an exploding tag in the other.
She thanks Orochimaru for shaping her the way she is today (she always feels so sarcastic and bitter, but just a little, little, little bit thankful, when she thinks that). She can't help but eye newcomers warily now, especially the suspicious looking ones.
Anko doesn't have many friends. She of all people knows how painful it is to outlive them (she's one that has lived far too long on luck that's quickly running out), to have them abandon her, to have them betray her. With the few friends that she does have, she's always careful to keep her secrets to herself. It's all too easy these days to sell someone out when you're in a tight spot.
Anko covers up well, like any other sane person that deals with inner pain. She smirks and acts cocky and eats dango, but really, she's just hurting and all she really wants to do is die.
Anko has seen too much, felt too much, experienced too much, and lived far, far, far, far too long. She's acted too late and too early too many times, and made more wrong decisions than Orochimaru has molested kids.
She figures it's about time before the sand in her hourglass runs out.
(But she knows that fate will continue cursing and laughing at her, and that she'll be a weak old hag while her friends and everyone she's known rots in their grave.)
12.
Yugito knows no one is supposed to know of Nibi, the two-tailed beast sealed inside of her. Similarly, she's not supposed to know of anyone else harboring a demon inside of him.
But she hears tales. Tales of jinchuurikis gone insane, whether it be from the huge burden of power place upon them or from the loneliness and tales of horror and awe, of those jinchuuriki who managed to work with their power than be consumed by it.
She hears of Uzumaki Naruto and his unfailing, unflinching courage and determination. (And he holds the nine-tailed beast? How does he do it? How does it hold it, keep it, contain it? How is he not insane?)
She remembers him in her lost moments against the Akatsuki. She knows she will fail before the battle has even begun, and hopes (prayspleadsbegsknows) that Naruto will utterly decimate them.
13.
Tuyaya curses the living daylights out everyone and anyone. She doesn't give a flying fuck about anything and everything. She lives by her own rule and fuck anyone who says or dares even tries to think otherwise.
A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that she's just foolin' herself, that she' just trying to trick herself into thinking that she's queen of the world and that she SERIOUSLY doesn't care what anyone thinks of her because she's her own person, her own spirit and she makes her own rules and only she follows them because that's how she rocked.
Unlike all the other kunoichi, Tayuya is the only one that's happy with the way she turned out.
She's speaking of her own personal choices of course; if she had the chance, she would've deserted Orochimaru and that Uchiha brat and would've had a rockin', fucking good time until she died.
14.
Inuzuka Hana looks around the dinner table and sees (really sees) all that she has: her brother, who was currently playing with Akamaru and chatting with their mother at the same time; her mother, who was laughing uproariously at Kiba's recounts on his latest mission; the dogs and puppies, sleeping or eating or frolicking around the table; their home, warm and cozy with colours and love.
She sees, and she's glad that she's part of this clan (this family) rather than any other clan.
15.
Ino has never been known as 'the girl who pines after Uchiha Sasuke' or 'the girl who faints all the time' or 'the girl who trains with Hyuuga Neji'. She is known as Yamanaka Ino. She's beautiful (drop dead gorgeous, really), sassy (with an attitude like hell), and bold (she could stand up to the devil if need be. As it is, it's mostly Shikamaru who has to bear her bluntness).
She's proud, damn proud, of herself. She is UNIQUE and outstanding. She's not known for the men in her life (unlike her friends, the poor dears), but for herself.
And sometimes, she wonders if that's a good thing (pshaw, her mind thinks, that's an excellent thing. If I'm not known for myself, then that's pretty sad).
Ino helps her friends by trying to bring them up to her level. She wants them to be on this pedestal with her because it's always so much more fun when there's someone to share it with, but she's hurt and shocked when they reject her help.
Later, she learns, it's just that they want to reach her spot on their own. They want their own recognition, wrought by their own hands and words.
16.
Hanabi is haughty, proud, strong, and she knows it. She scoffs at her sister (she doesn't deserve to be called by her name) because she's inferior and weak. Hanabi glows under Hiashi's praise and the main clan's approving gaze.
What she truly wishes for, though, are friends. It's a lonely life, being placed on a position higher than anyone else her age and level.
Hanabi is still, after all, just a child, no matter how much she acts grown up.
17.
Kurenai grieves, because it's all she can do before she (snapsbreaksshatterslosesit) remembers the pain of hearingthat news.
She feels a thump against her abdomen and stills in her crying, because she remembers that beautiful, wonderful night she had with him and she remembers his slow smile and the wonderful way that he looked at her and the soft little touches that he'd give her and she remembers all of those memories, good and bad, painful and euphoric, and remembers that now, she has his legacy to care for.
She knows (knows but does not listen!) that falling in love was dangerous (after all, she's a kunoichi and Asuma was a shinobi) and that ninjas' lives were short (very painfully so, but it's even more painful to keep outliving your friends) and that growing attached to someone with the same lifestyle could mean broken hearts and shattered minds.
Kurenai grieves, but she's strong. She doesn't regret it.
18.
Uzuki Yuugao once heard that revenge only bred vengeance. She thinks of the world and the profession she's in and can't help but agree, but she doesn't really, truly understands what it's like.
When Hayate was murdered, she felt a rage so intense and dark that she just felt like killing something, someone, even though she knows that that won't bring him back but she just wants to destroy something because she's so angry and hurt and shattered that she just doesn't make sense.
Yuugao vows to bring justice back to her beloved, because she knows that he deserves that above all else.
(Her mind can't help but wonder how thin that line between justice and revenge is, and how easily it breaks.)
19.
Kin is a mystery. She proud, beautiful, but so insecure at the same time. She doesn't show much to anyone, not even her team mates (but they aren't even her gennin-team, her family; no, they're just props, fakes).
She shows the world a bold face, one that looks (looks, never is) independent and strong. She cries to herself every night before she sleeps until she just simply has no more tears to shed. She's loyal to Orochimaru, always will, because he was the one who saved her but sometimes she wonders what life would've been if he had just left her alone in that ditch, what kind of adventures she would've had by now and she cries, finding those elusive tears, because her family is gone and her memory is shot to hell and she wants so badly live a normal life but this isn't normal.
So Kin shows everyone that's she's ok (that's she's always been ok no matterhow much of a lie that is) and that she's strong, proud, and in control of herself while at night, she sits and wonders who she is and what she's doing.
20.
It's Mikoto that treats Sasuke's wounds, that bears Fugaku's harsh words, that watches Itachi when he needs help. It's Mikoto that holds the family together, that is the peacemaker, that always smiles and laughs and encourages.
It's her that Itachi almost spares (because she is his mother and she is the one who loves him) but she smiles and says to him, "Kill me. You have a goal, right? Achieve it, and smile for your mother when you do."
Mikoto was born to love (in a world and clan that does not believe in love), and loves until she dies.
21.
Shizune's not very pretty, but she knows better than to rely on looks all the time to boost her self confidence. She's not particularly strong, physically, but she doesn't mind. She's strong enough for her, and she always has a back-up move in case things get really desperate.
It takes years for Shizune to accept herself the way she is. She's resourceful, sure, and finds her own path as a medic, but she wonders if she would better if she is more of a warrior than a medic.
But after missions, after she heals her team mates and after breathing a sigh of relief because they're ok, they're alive thanks to her, she's glad she walks this path.
22.
Tenten loves weapons, always has. She plays with them constantly. She's always had one in her hands, fingers running over familiar contours.
But it's with her gennin-team (family) that she learns how to be creative, how to kill, how to laugh, how to be patient, how to soar high in the sky, and how maximize her fullest potential.
She learns how to live.
23.
"Do you love Konoha that you'll die for it?"
Yes, was the obvious answer, the expected answer. It's the answer everyone gives, but it's always so apparent who means it when the answer is put to the test.
But Kushina is not that fake, not that dismissive. She loves Konoha and she will gladly die for it.
She remembers her vow when she's dying, feeling her body giving out on her, but she grits her teeth and pushes because she knows that her child (babysongirllife) will save the place she now calls home.
"Yes." That's the answer Kushina gives and the one she lives by until the very end.
Author's note: If I've missed anyone, please put it in your review :)
Thank you jaxomj for adding Yuugao!
Thank you Raye1084 for adding Matsuri and Nii Yugito!
Thank you ProcastinationIsKey (I LOVE your username!) for adding Inuzuka Hana, Inuzuka Tsume and (also) Matsuri!