Ok, so, this story came about a few days before the 7th Harry Potter book was released, and it was made through a drawing battle over some coffee with myself and my friend Jane, with some slight help from all the others that were at coffee with us. Don't own Harry Potter, blah-di-blah, for all my other readers of my Artemis Fowl fanfics, Nope, I'm not dead, but I don't know when, if ever, I'll update those stories. Sorry, I just completely ran out of ideas for them. Actually, that's a lie, I just got bored of writing them. Anyhoo, on with what should be the REAL ending. Because it totally pwns what JKR wrote.
Voldemort popped out of thin air onto what appeared to be a bit of paper. He gave himself the once-over in a mirror that was conveniently located next to him, and liked what he saw. That stick-figure look was SOOOO much better than the gaunt thing JKR had going on for him. He walked along the thin blue lines for a while, trying to get a feel for where he was. He had a death match to be seeing to. A certain Mr Potter had to die, and frankly, Voldemort was booked in for torturing and maiming for the next 3 months.
Just as he was thinking this, Harry Potter suddenly appeared a few lines above his own. Grinning like a mad-man, and somewhat nekked, Harry skipped around over to Voldemort and gave him a massive gay hug.
"Hiya, Voldykins!!" Harry exclaimed. "Fancy seeing you here, eh?"
"Yes… fancy that indeed," 'Voldykins' replied curtly. "Harry.. M'boy… You wouldn't happen to know exactly where "here" is, would you?"
Harry looked around in all possible directions - up, down, left, right, frontwards, backwards, between his legs, under Voldemort's arms, and up out of the paper, where he finally found what he was looking for. "We appear to be in some sort of coffee shop. But anyway, there's more important stuffs for us to do now. My personal organiser told me that we've got a death match booked now. Obviously, I'm going to win, because I'm the good guy and all that, so let's get this shindig over with, because I've got some sweet sweet loving to be making with Draco."
"What happened to that Weasley girl? The one that had my diary a few years back and I nearly killed?"
"Oh, Ginny?"
"Yeah. Her. Wouldn't mind getting a piece of her!" Voldermort made a pelvic thrusting motion. "Oh yeah!"
Harry stepped back in disgust, and drew his wand. "That's really gross, man. Now, let's get this over with! Draco shan't be waiting forever."
"Yes, yes. He is rather impatient when he's in the mood… and I have a 5 o'clock maiming appointment. ACCIO NAGINI!! hiss hissity hiss hiss! Attack his white ass, yo!"
Nagini hissed in agreement, and lunged at Harry and took a massive chunk out of Harry's white ass. Being the gormless idiot that he is, Harry summoned Hermione to provide an antidote for the snake bite and deal with the snake.
"Harry, you stupid asshole! You were meant to get Voldemort to come to the place he could cause the most destruction! God, must we do EVERYTHING for you? Antivenomusio! Snakelytoyus!"
"Oh, looky here! He's summonsed the bush baby! ACCIO DEATH EATERS!" Voldemort waved his wand around above his head, and the pointed it squarely at Hermione's chest. "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
Hermione flopped dead like a lifeless rag doll, and her ghost went to hover around Harry's head.
Voldemort looked blankly for a second at the ghost as his death eaters arrived, along with a whole bunch of Harry's friends and supporters, recently recruited by none other than Dobby the House Elf. Poor Dobby. He was bribed with a lifetimes supply of odd socks. Yep. A lifetimes supply. Of odd socks.
So, Harry was all like "OMGWTFBBGQS?! Ron! Lupin! And… uh… All you other guys that love me but I ignore and treat like idiots…. Are you, like, here to save me?! Saweet! Angst really DOES pay off!" but Voldemort was just standing there and laughing like "HA HAHA! HA HAHAHAHA! All ur frendz r belongz 2 meh! HA HAHA! HA HAHAHAHA!"
And then he was like "Oooh, hey, Harry's friends.. And shit… Kill yourselves!!" And they did, and Harry was like "Nooooooooooooooooooo!! Not my friends! Ron was really good for teh smexingz!"
And Harry, driven mad by grief, jumps of a cliff and dies.
Voldemort has now achieved World Domination, and everyone has a broadcast in their heads 24/7 about How Great Voldemort Is.
The End!!
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