It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia / Cold Case – A Night At Paddy's
Scotty walks into Paddy's at his own peril
Scotty was having a bad night after several bad days. The latest cold case his team tackled had been a nasty one, and even with a former gang of rapists/murderers now behind bars, the scars their deeds left behind in their victims and their families made the Det. want to just drive around for a bit before going back to his dark, empty and lonely apartment.
He didn't want to go to his usual haunts, where cops were sure to be hanging out at. No, he wanted some peace and quiet, he wanted to forget for a little bit how difficult the life of a cop was, how hard it was to see so much death and despair and eventual blankness. Even his eyes were beginning to turn all too cold, and he hated that.
A tiny green plaque called his attention as he drove down a quiet street. He frowned as he tried to read it and parked his car a little after it.
"Paddy's Bar" – he read out loud and with a shrug, he went inside. The moment he stepped inside, he was sure he would be the only cop on site.
It was a mess, to be kind. Not particularly clean, busy or dimly lit, it was the kind of place he might've enjoyed back when he was barely old enough to see the inside of a bar, back when life was a sea of possibilities and optimism. He shook his head out of the darkness trying to creep into him, and sat at a lone table (one of several).
Eventually, he decided it would be quicker to just head over to the bar directly, because he could only spot the one waitress making the rounds, and she seemed more interested in telling stories than actually taking and/or delivering customers' orders.
"Hey man" – he greeted the dark haired, tight shirted bartender – "A Bud"
"One sec, man" – with quick hands, he handed other patrons their drinks and slid a bottle to Scotty – "You new here?"
"Ah, something like that. Nice, er, nice place, this one"
"I'm one of the owners!" – he said, stuffing his chest proudly – "Mac"
"Scotty" – he glanced back at his table and decided to just stick around. Way quicker to get drunk when the bartender was so close at hand.
"Did someone tell you about Paddy's?" – Mac asked excitedly.
"Hum, no, I was driving by, saw this place, decided to check it out"
"Oh" – he sounded disappointed – "Well, it's cool, glad you came in, we welcome all the business we can– Aw, damnit. Dee!" – he shouted.
"What!" – the blonde waitress retorted, and Scotty noticed the customers she'd been chatting at slip away – "Can't you see I'm–" – she huffed when she noticed her lack of audience – "What you want, Mac?"
"More waitressing, less one woman stand–up, alright?"
"I don't know what you mean, Mac"
"Just shut the fuck up and get to work, Dee, okay?"
"Fine! And everyone LOVES my brand of comedy, Mac, so don't even"
"Sure, whatever you say, Dee" – Mac rolled his eyes and returned to Scotty, already half way done with his beer – "Women, am I right?"
"... Yeah"
"I mean, Dee's an old friend, and her brother's one of the co–owners of the place, but, seriously, who wants a bird like her hanging around, NOT doing shit?"
"Sorry, bird?" – Scotty was more than used to language from almost literally every decade in the twentieth century, but he didn't think Mac meant 'bird' in a good way.
"She looks like one, right?" – he motioned to the woman, and Scotty could not see it, for the life of him.
"Er..."
"You don't have to be nice, she can't hear you, you can say it"
"Look, I don't really–"
"Yo, Mac, you will not believe it, man, the size of the rat I just–" – a short, really wild eyed man came around the corner, and he smelled so bad Scotty almost gagged. It didn't help that he looked, to be kind, like he'd just rolled out of a dumpster into another dumpster, gotten out, fallen into a dirty puddle then came into the bar.
The smell, though, Scotty couldn't describe. Something between the most disgusting thing ever, and the most rotten thing ever.
"Charlie, Charlie" – Mac interrupted – "Dude, c'mon, there's people around. Paying customers, you know" – he very obviously motioned to Scotty, who chugged the last of his beer.
"Oh! Right, right, yeah! Sorry, man" – the Detective nodded while holding back a wave of nausea when the man spoke in his direction. Even feet away, his breath was the stuff of nightmares – "But I just clobbered this huge ass rat, and–!"
Whatever he was going to say was drowned by Dee's shriek when a man walked into Paddy's waving a machete, of all things, around. Scotty calmly got on his feet and pulled his gun at him in a second flat.
"Hands in the air" – he demanded in clipped tones. The man blinked confusedly.
"Jesus Christ, Frank!" – a tall and well groomed man came from the bathrooms with a stormy expression – "The fuck are you doing?!"
"Showing off my Goddamn Halloween costume!" – the much shorter man stated. Scotty continued to train his gun at him.
"Put it down, now" – the Det. said, now colder.
"Hey, hey, man, it's cool" – Frank slowly put the machete on the floor and raised his hands – "It's just a prop, I swear"
"Uh–huh. Put the weapon down, turn around, hands behind your back. You're under arrest"
"Wow, wow, officer, there's really no need for that, is there?" – the tall man said, almost condescendingly – "No one got hurt, everyone's fine" – Scotty finished cuffing Frank and tentatively put his foot on the machete. Sure enough, the sound told him it was legit. He looked at the taller man, who winced some.
"He walked into a bar full of people waving a deadly weapon around" – he said plainly.
"Dude, you're a cop! Man, is this gonna become a cop bar?!" – Mac exclaimed.
"This is Det. Valens" – Scotty said into his phone – "I need a pick–up at a place called Paddy's Bar, ASAP. Got a little present waiting for 'em"
"Hey, man, let me go, nothing happened!" – Frank screamed.
"Yeap, that's him. He was waving a machete around. Yeah. Uh–huh. I'll wait until you get here. I'll be right inside" – he hung up and looked around – "This is unorthodox, but is there a private room I can use to wait with... Frank?"
"There is, but I would like to be present to insure there is no brutality against my father" – the tall man said. Scotty sighed.
"Whatever. Leave the door open, and no funny business, or you're coming along too"
The next day, Scotty was not at all rested after dragging Frank Reynolds to jail and booking the spitting mad man and not sleeping well afterwards when he finally got home. Lilly offered him a soft smile and a cup of coffee in his favorite mug, and he mustered a grin.
"Hey, Scotty" – Nick called out – "Heard you had quite a night at Paddy's Bar" – Lilly winced.
"Paddy's Bar, huh?"
"Was I the only one who didn't know about this place?"
"It's not that old" – Will said, lips twitching – "but it is the stuff of legends already"
"My sister dated one of the owners once" – Lilly said with a slight grimace – "Moment she went to the bathroom, he started hitting on me and asking me to go on a boat ride with him. She came back out, heard 'im, and I nearly had to arrest her for assault"
"Had to interview a potential suspect there" – Nick offered next at Scotty's wide eyed expression – "There was this one guy, I swear, he smelled like a sewer's dumpster had a kid with a swamp monster and he was the result. And he was holding a rat. I called the guys at Health Inspections ASAP, 'cause, man"
"Are we talking about the shifty dudes at Paddy's?" – Kat asked, walking over to Scotty's desk, which the others were circling – "That one dude, Danny?"
"Dennis" – Lilly corrected.
"Oh yeah. Dennis" – she shivered – "Called me a 'hot piece of chocolate' and asked me to go on a boat ride with him"
"What with this guy and boats?" – Nick asked, rolling his eyes.
"We've had all sorts of reports from that place over the few years they've been open" – Will took his turn – "Found babies, underage drinking on the premises, brawls, lewd behavior..."
"Did you say 'found babies'?" – their lieutenant asked dryly – "Are you filling Scotty in on Paddy's Bar"
"Okay, seriously, how come I'd never heard of this place?!" – he demanded to know.
"You were walking the straight and narrow" – Nick said solemnly, earning himself chuckles – "And then your took a left turn into Paddy's" – he paused – "Will, did you say something about found babies?"
Paddy's as an urban legend of sorts. LOL