Logical Matters of the Heart
by SlwMtionDaylite
Sequel to "What Feels Right"
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing. Paramount, et al. own all. I really wish they would let me borrow Spock for a while though.
Rating: G
Genre: Romance
Pairing: Spock/Uhura
Word Count: 2, 076
Summary: Spock looked at her and said, simply, "Is it not illogical to follow my heart?
Written for the Spock/Uhura LJ Community Prompt: reunion.
Nyota felt listless as she opened her suitcase, flopping down it haphazardly on the bed. She was in her dorm room... her soon-to-be-former dorm room. The dorm room she used to share with Gaila. Sadly, Gaila was no longer able to help her pack, like they had talked about a couple of weeks ago.
Gaila had been one of the young cadets lost to Nero.
It was another sorrow weighing heavily on Nyota's heart. Gaila had become one of her closest friends during the Academy, always there for her, for a good laugh, for a comforting shoulder to lean on.
And oftentimes, she needed that comforting shoulder when she and Spock were beginning their courtship. She remembered many times when Spock would unwittingly and unintentionally hurt her feelings by not understanding some of the intricacies of human courtship. Gaila had been the only person at the Academy that Nyota trusted enough to tell her about the fledging relationship.
She felt sorrow tighten its grip on her heart as she continued to remember her fallen friend. And her ended relationship with Spock.
She could desperately use Gaila's friendship now. And her advice. For someone who frequently had new partners every week and didn't believe in settling, Gaila often had the best advice when it came to relationships.
And she knew all ways to forget a broken heart.
Nyota sighed sadly as she picked up her photographs off the bed to place in the luggage. Most of them were of her and Gaila and others.
One of them, which Gaila had somehow managed to capture, was of her and Spock. He was unaware of its existence and Nyota didn't know what he would do if he ever found out about it. They had been walking down the strangely deserted portico, heading to their next class in which he was teaching and she was the TA. They had halted at one point during their journey to discuss something – Nyota could not remember what it was – when, suddenly she had felt his hand reach out and touch hers. She remembered her shock when he had grasped her hand. In public. It was at this moment that Gaila had managed to sneak the photograph, resulting in an image of them forever captured, surrounded by a halo of light. She never found out why he had risked such behavior, but she found she didn't care.
The fact that he had taken such a risk had proven to her that he was just as committed to their relationship as she was, despite his many mistakes along the way.
She was startled out of her reverie by the chime of the door. She placed the photograph of her and Spock on top of her folded clothing and closed the suitcase. "Come in," she called out.
She heard the door swoosh open and McCoy enter. They had all agreed to go out for drinks one last time before they were deployed. She didn't really want to go as she was still nursing her broken heart, but everyone had been so adamant that she couldn't say no. She decided that she would put in an appearance for a little while then retreat back to her room for her final night on Earth.
She would be spending the night alone.
She quickly pushed away the lone tear that managed to escape her control. She planted a fake smile on her face before spinning around to face the doctor.
"Hey, I'm almost re-" her words died on her lips and her smile melted away from her face.
Standing before was not McCoy. No, standing before her, impeccable as always, was Spock. He stood erect, hands behind his back. She noticed he wore his black instructor's uniform. She refused to allow herself to contemplate what that could mean.
"Spock?" she asked in disbelief.
He tilted his head slightly in acknowledgment.
She spun back around, grabbing the zipper of the suitcase in an attempt to close the bag. "I thought – I thought you left." She felt like her head was spinning. Here he was. Standing right before her as though nothing had happened.
She was thrown.
Unlike him, she could not separate her emotions from her mind. She couldn't process his presence here in her dorm after he told her he was leaving.
"Yes. I had intended to leave," he spoke calmly.
She felt a stab in her heart at his reminder. She tugged fiercely on the zipper, as she held the cover down. It refused to budge. She tugged harder but to no avail.
She released a frustrated sound that very nearly resembled a choked sob.
Then she suddenly felt his intense heat as he moved to stand beside her. He leaned over and took the zipper from her shaking hand. Calmly, deftly, he zipped the suitcase.
"It is illogical to allow yourself to become upset over the luggage," he spoke quietly, his breath brushing across the shell of her ear.
Nyota fought the urge to lean against him. She had no idea if that behavior would be accepted or refused and she did not want to let herself be embarrassed by the possibility that he would shirk her affections.
Instead, she pushed him aside and moved away from the bed to stand where he had been standing upon his arrival. She took a deep breath then asked, "What are you doing?"
He looked at her, confused. "I am merely helping you enclose your luggage."
She closed her eyes and shook her head. "No. I mean, why are you still here? I thought your transport was leaving today." She didn't want to hear the answer, but knew that she would get it. He would only give her the harsh truth, incapable of sugar coating it.
He replaced his hands behind his back, resuming his standard pose, unaware of how standoffish it often made him appear. "Indeed, the transport vessel on route for the colony leaves today. However, not for another two hours and three minutes."
She sharply inhaled, finally allowing her pent-up anger and frustration get to her. "Then why are you here and not counting your clothes, counting their pleats? Did you just decide to pop by for one final sendoff?"
He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, cocking his head to the side. "I do not understand your query."
She sighed sadly and closed her eyes, crossing her arms around her waist, as though she was trying to protect herself. She couldn't look at him. Not when he looked at her like that, like he couldn't understand her. It hurt too much. "If you're here for… I don't know, whatever, before you leave for the colony, please, just leave now. You may be able to compartmentalize your emotions or whatever it is that you do, but I can't. I'm only human." She finally opened her teary eyes to look at him and pressed her hands against her chest, over her heart. "And my human heart won't be able to take another goodbye and watch you walk out that door again. So, please, if that's what you're here for, please, just leave now." She gestured helplessly toward the door.
Spock appeared concerned at her declaration and softly said, "Nyota." He approached her, letting his arms drop down to his sides, suddenly giving himself a less austere appearance. "I apologize if my presence brings you distress and pain, but I must speak with you."
Her tears finally fell and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Spock, please. My heart can only take so much more before it's broken beyond repair."
She was startled when she felt hands cup her face and his thumbs brush her tears aside. She felt herself leaning into his touch, despite herself.
"A curious statement, for a heart cannot physically be broken," he whispered.
She released the suppressed sob at his words and her head dropped to his chest as her arms wrapped themselves around his waist. In the back of her mind, she knew that she had to be making him uncomfortable. He never was comfortable with overt displays of emotions. He did not know what to do when presented with them. But he surprised her again when she felt his arms move to wrap around her shoulders, pulling her closer, comforting her in such a human manner.
He allowed her tears for several moments before he spoke again. "Nyota, I have come to inform you of recent events that have left me at a, I believe the term is, crossroads."
Nyota forced her tears to cease and pulled back, sniffling. "What, Spock?"
"I wish to inform you of a recent conversation I had before my arrival here."
She sighed but vowed to herself that she would allow him this one last time, no matter how badly it hurt. She stepped back, sitting on the bed. She made a sweeping motion with her hand. "The stage is yours."
An eyebrow shot up at her phrase but he didn't comment on it. She was thankful for that. She wasn't in the mood to explain human colloquialisms with him at the moment.
He chose to remain standing, but his hands returned to their customary position, clasped behind his back. Sometimes she wondered if he was really aware of his movements, if they were so ingrained that he didn't even think about it.
She waited for him to speak. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts. And he also seemed…somewhat nervous?
He took a breath. "I had a most fascinating experience a short while ago when I encountered an elder Vulcan I had mistakenly presumed to be my father. As improbably as it sounds, I met my future self."
Nyota wanted to interrupt. She wanted to ask so many questions. But she kept the desire at bay, knowing that he needed to speak at his own pace. But his continued presence in her dorm was painful. She wished that he would just say what he wanted to say.
"He gave me the most unlikely advice. Advice that, had he been any other Vulcan, I would have said was the words of V'tosh ka'tur. He asked that I defer logic and 'do what feels right.' I have given his words much thought. To put aside logic and go with my heart is something that I have only done once previously. I have been taught that logic reigns supreme over matters of the heart. However, I cannot help but seek a way unite the two seemingly conflicting views." Spock then looked at her and said, simply, "Is it not illogical to follow my heart?"
She swallowed hard, trying to process. "What – what are you trying to say, Spock?"
He moved in front of her on the bed and knelt before. Hesitantly, he reached for her hand. "If I were to follow my elder self's advice, I would remain in Starfleet. I would remain with you. It is my…desire. It feels right. I –" He hesitated again.
She could tell he was attempting to reveal his emotions more fully than he has ever allowed himself. She knew it was difficult for him and despite her fervent desire to speak, she held her tongue.
Spock ran his hand across hers, allowing his fingers to form the ozh'esta with hers. Nyota's eyes slid close as she felt their connection.
"It was distressing when I left you to your tears when I had originally told you of my plans. Nyota, I followed my heart and it led me here. To you. I – I love you. Being with you feels right. And therefore, it is only logical to remain where I am."
A sob escaped her lips and tears slid down her cheeks as she pulled his face to hers, seeking his lips. He allowed her to kiss him and even deepened the kiss as his arms shyly wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer.
Pulling away, she smiled at him as she rested her forehead to his, "I'm so glad you came to your senses before you ran off to the colony."
Normally, he would have called her out on her illogical use of the verb 'ran' for logically he could do no such thing – after all, the colony was several light years away and was only reachable via shuttlecraft – but he refrained. He knew that now was not the time for discussions of illogical vernacular.
Instead, he merely said, "As am I, k'diwa."
END