A/N: First off, I'd like to say *****SPOILERS FOR OotP*****! Kindly do not read unless you want the death in the story to be spoiled. *cough* Anyways…Sirius Black was one of my favorite characters and after the shock and anger wore off I spent many a free moment wondering, as I'm sure many of you have, 'What the heck is behind the veil?!" or, more specifically, "What happened to Sirius after he fell behind the veil?" While watching TV an idea came to me and I've decided to write it out as my little memorial to Sirius. The characters don't belong to me. I'm not making any money off this. Oh, and don't forget to review! ^_~
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My head was swimming. I felt like I had just been run over by pack of raging hippogriffs. 'Where am I?' I wondered. 'Why am I so cold…and…wet?' Wet? I was underwater. I couldn't breath! That thought jolted my brain into a more collective consciousness until I realized that I didn't feel the need to breath. I didn't need to breath. But…
"Come on, you can do better than that!" The red light hit my chest just as the words left my lips. I was falling.
I started flailing my arms and found that the water was very shallow. I clambered to my feet. As soon as I was upright a current started tugging around my legs. Wondering where the current came from, I peered down at the swirling black water.
"SIRIUS!" Harry…Harry was still in trouble. I had to catch myself and keep fighting. I tried, but I couldn't move. The fabric of the veil fluttered as I fell behind it.
The veil! I could get back and help Harry! I flipped around, ready to run back through the veil and curse Bellatrix into last week. The only problem was the veil was gone. All that was there was a vast expanse of hazy blackness. I tried to move towards it, but something was holding me back…telling me to go the other way. I had to cross the river.
Reluctantly I turned around. I could see other people attempting to swim across the river and I felt the urge to join them. I wanted to swim across the river and go into the gray mist on the opposite shore.
Giving in, I morphed into a dog and started swimming. The water was cold and the current was strong, but I had to keep going. Something was waiting for me on the other side. Something good, I just knew it. I could always swim back later.
As soon as I thought about swimming back later I knew I couldn't. This was a one way trip. I had to cross the river. I had to keep going towards the gray mist. I had to do this because I was-
Oh no. I wasn't. I couldn't. Could I? Was I really…dead?
Fear and shock pulsed through my body as I paddled into shallow water. Now I had to go back. I wasn't done living yet! I had so much left to do. I had to get cleared and do something useful for Dumbledore. I had even thought about getting married. I wanted to adopt Harry, maybe have a kid of my own. I started turning around, hell bound and determined to get back into life.
"You can't go back, Sirius. It's too late." I didn't even have to turn back around to see who was talking. I transformed back into a man and looked into a pair of hazel eyes that I hadn't seen since what seemed like a lifetime ago.
"James?" I asked in a horse whisper, unable to believe what I was seeing. He smiled in an almost sad way and reached out his hand to help pull me out of the water. I felt a small leap of joy in my stomach. James was here! Oh, and Lily too! I saw her emerald eyes shining with tears that could have been from joy, grief, or both as she ran forwards and hugged me tightly. I pulled James over and hugged the both of them, tears streaming down my face. "I'm so sorry." I whispered.
James pulled away and looked at me sternly. "For what?"
"If I hadn't made you switch to Peter…If I had just…You'd still be…" I tried to articulate the guilt I had lived with since my two best friends had died, but the words just wouldn't come as I choked back my tears. I hung my head in shame.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed.
"Padfoot, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known. You did what any friend would have done. It was just our time. It couldn't be helped." James insisted.
I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I started sobbing, still feeling guilty, but not anywhere near as much as I had felt before.
"And then you had to go to Azkaban…I should have told Dumbledore we switched. You shouldn't be sorry after having to spend so long in that…that place." James spat.
All the memories of Azkaban that had gone through my mind while I fell behind the veil burned fresh in my mind. "I was the one who told you to keep it a secret. It's my fault." I whispered.
"What's done is done, Siri. It can't be changed. There's no one at fault." Lily said.
"I'm still sorry." I choked as a fresh wave of tears hit.
"If anything, we should thank you Siri." Lily added quietly.
"Thank me?" I choked, shocked. "For what?"
"For being there for Harry when he needed you. For protecting him and helping him the way I wish I could have done." James said quietly. Lily nodded silently.
"I should be there protecting him now…" I said miserably.
"How do you think I feel?" James asked, making me feel very embarrassed indeed. How selfish. James sighed. "Don't worry about it, Padfoot. It was meant to be. You have to go when it's your time. Once you're gone, you're gone. It's a shame, but that's how it goes. There's no going back."
I nodded silently, trying to comprehend what was going on. I was dead. I was dead. Oh God, I was dead. I needed to sit down. I looked around, but there was nothing but other dead people and that swirling gray mist. I settled for sitting on the ground. James looked down, apparently not quite sure what to say to make me feel better.
I looked down, holding my head. Everything was so confusing. I was dead, but I still felt very much alive. This couldn't be. I had hit my head and this was all a dream. I'd wake up any minute now.
Yup…
Any minute now…
Oh it was hopeless. Why? Why, why why? Lily crouched down and hugged me. "I know it's tough." she whispered in my ear. She squeezed me and then stood up. "But we really need to get going. We can't stay on the bank forever."
I looked up at her, even more confused if that was possible. "What?" I asked, bewildered. "Where are we going?"
"Home." Lily said simply, pulling me up. I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw James nodding me forwards encouragingly. Lily took my hand and lead me away from the river. The mist parted and all I could see was a bright light.
I looked at James, unsure of what was going on. James just urged me on. I looked back towards the light and felt a feeling of peace wash over me. 'I'm going home.' I thought. Casting a reluctant glance back at the shore I had come from. I stopped, wondering what was going on back in life. Was Harry ok? Were the others ok? Would they know how much I loved all of them? Was there any way to tell them? The light was beckoning me forwards and I had to go. I turned around and walked forwards without regret.
Harry, remember. Remember how much I love you and take care of yourself. Don't worry about me. I'm going home. Goodbye, Harry…Goodbye.
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All right. Kind of pointless and fluffy, but I feel a little better after writing it out at least. I hope you like it. Ok, now see that little box down there? The one that says review? Yah, that one. Glick it and tell me what you think. Thanks!
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My head was swimming. I felt like I had just been run over by pack of raging hippogriffs. 'Where am I?' I wondered. 'Why am I so cold…and…wet?' Wet? I was underwater. I couldn't breath! That thought jolted my brain into a more collective consciousness until I realized that I didn't feel the need to breath. I didn't need to breath. But…
"Come on, you can do better than that!" The red light hit my chest just as the words left my lips. I was falling.
I started flailing my arms and found that the water was very shallow. I clambered to my feet. As soon as I was upright a current started tugging around my legs. Wondering where the current came from, I peered down at the swirling black water.
"SIRIUS!" Harry…Harry was still in trouble. I had to catch myself and keep fighting. I tried, but I couldn't move. The fabric of the veil fluttered as I fell behind it.
The veil! I could get back and help Harry! I flipped around, ready to run back through the veil and curse Bellatrix into last week. The only problem was the veil was gone. All that was there was a vast expanse of hazy blackness. I tried to move towards it, but something was holding me back…telling me to go the other way. I had to cross the river.
Reluctantly I turned around. I could see other people attempting to swim across the river and I felt the urge to join them. I wanted to swim across the river and go into the gray mist on the opposite shore.
Giving in, I morphed into a dog and started swimming. The water was cold and the current was strong, but I had to keep going. Something was waiting for me on the other side. Something good, I just knew it. I could always swim back later.
As soon as I thought about swimming back later I knew I couldn't. This was a one way trip. I had to cross the river. I had to keep going towards the gray mist. I had to do this because I was-
Oh no. I wasn't. I couldn't. Could I? Was I really…dead?
Fear and shock pulsed through my body as I paddled into shallow water. Now I had to go back. I wasn't done living yet! I had so much left to do. I had to get cleared and do something useful for Dumbledore. I had even thought about getting married. I wanted to adopt Harry, maybe have a kid of my own. I started turning around, hell bound and determined to get back into life.
"You can't go back, Sirius. It's too late." I didn't even have to turn back around to see who was talking. I transformed back into a man and looked into a pair of hazel eyes that I hadn't seen since what seemed like a lifetime ago.
"James?" I asked in a horse whisper, unable to believe what I was seeing. He smiled in an almost sad way and reached out his hand to help pull me out of the water. I felt a small leap of joy in my stomach. James was here! Oh, and Lily too! I saw her emerald eyes shining with tears that could have been from joy, grief, or both as she ran forwards and hugged me tightly. I pulled James over and hugged the both of them, tears streaming down my face. "I'm so sorry." I whispered.
James pulled away and looked at me sternly. "For what?"
"If I hadn't made you switch to Peter…If I had just…You'd still be…" I tried to articulate the guilt I had lived with since my two best friends had died, but the words just wouldn't come as I choked back my tears. I hung my head in shame.
"Don't be ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed.
"Padfoot, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known. You did what any friend would have done. It was just our time. It couldn't be helped." James insisted.
I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I started sobbing, still feeling guilty, but not anywhere near as much as I had felt before.
"And then you had to go to Azkaban…I should have told Dumbledore we switched. You shouldn't be sorry after having to spend so long in that…that place." James spat.
All the memories of Azkaban that had gone through my mind while I fell behind the veil burned fresh in my mind. "I was the one who told you to keep it a secret. It's my fault." I whispered.
"What's done is done, Siri. It can't be changed. There's no one at fault." Lily said.
"I'm still sorry." I choked as a fresh wave of tears hit.
"If anything, we should thank you Siri." Lily added quietly.
"Thank me?" I choked, shocked. "For what?"
"For being there for Harry when he needed you. For protecting him and helping him the way I wish I could have done." James said quietly. Lily nodded silently.
"I should be there protecting him now…" I said miserably.
"How do you think I feel?" James asked, making me feel very embarrassed indeed. How selfish. James sighed. "Don't worry about it, Padfoot. It was meant to be. You have to go when it's your time. Once you're gone, you're gone. It's a shame, but that's how it goes. There's no going back."
I nodded silently, trying to comprehend what was going on. I was dead. I was dead. Oh God, I was dead. I needed to sit down. I looked around, but there was nothing but other dead people and that swirling gray mist. I settled for sitting on the ground. James looked down, apparently not quite sure what to say to make me feel better.
I looked down, holding my head. Everything was so confusing. I was dead, but I still felt very much alive. This couldn't be. I had hit my head and this was all a dream. I'd wake up any minute now.
Yup…
Any minute now…
Oh it was hopeless. Why? Why, why why? Lily crouched down and hugged me. "I know it's tough." she whispered in my ear. She squeezed me and then stood up. "But we really need to get going. We can't stay on the bank forever."
I looked up at her, even more confused if that was possible. "What?" I asked, bewildered. "Where are we going?"
"Home." Lily said simply, pulling me up. I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw James nodding me forwards encouragingly. Lily took my hand and lead me away from the river. The mist parted and all I could see was a bright light.
I looked at James, unsure of what was going on. James just urged me on. I looked back towards the light and felt a feeling of peace wash over me. 'I'm going home.' I thought. Casting a reluctant glance back at the shore I had come from. I stopped, wondering what was going on back in life. Was Harry ok? Were the others ok? Would they know how much I loved all of them? Was there any way to tell them? The light was beckoning me forwards and I had to go. I turned around and walked forwards without regret.
Harry, remember. Remember how much I love you and take care of yourself. Don't worry about me. I'm going home. Goodbye, Harry…Goodbye.
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All right. Kind of pointless and fluffy, but I feel a little better after writing it out at least. I hope you like it. Ok, now see that little box down there? The one that says review? Yah, that one. Glick it and tell me what you think. Thanks!