Author's notes: Well will you look at that!? It turns out I'm actually able to write a short(ish) story! ;-) I hope you enjoy this 2-part episode tag!
GLASS JAW
PART 1
SMACK.
The ball spun into a curve ball. B'Elanna's shoes squeaked against the floor as she shuffled to the right, and swung her racket. It made contact with the ball, sending it flying back, right where she wanted it.
The ball bounced off the front wall at an angle, coming in fast on the opposite side of Chakotay's position – forcing him to use a backhand shot.
Chakotay had anticipated it, though. He lunged, swinging as he went. He got into position and-
B'Elanna blinked when Chakotay suddenly, somehow, lost his footing – arms flying, he tried to regain his balance but couldn't quite do it before he slammed head first into the side wall. He bounced back and fell backwards onto the floor. It had happened so fast, B'Elanna didn't understand what had gone wrong, and all she'd been able to do was watch it all happen, gawking.
Chakotay let out a curse under his breath as he sat up.
B'Elanna swept the sweat off her temple as she made her way to him, panting. "What the hell happened?" She asked, failing to completely stifle a laugh, as she extended her hand to help him up. She couldn't help a small pang of satisfaction at seeing him on his butt for a change. Usually she was the one who ended up sprawled onto the floor – her competitiveness and desire to win taking over any considerations she might have given to her safety. Chakotay, on the other hand, was always solid, focused. A powerful player; not the fastest, but strong, with a flawless technique and intelligent anticipation. She'd never seen him being clumsy or lose control of his body like this before.
Chakotay ignored her hand and let out a groan as he pushed up to his feet. Without warning, he hurled the racket against the wall, yelling out another angry curse as he did.
B'Elanna's laughter died on her lips.
There was real anger in Chakotay's stance, though it clearly wasn't directed at her. He stood, panting, with his hands on his hips and his gaze directed upwards. B'Elanna shut her mouth as she let him cool off, her eyes never leaving him while he paced for a few seconds.
After a few moments, he turned back to her. "Alright, let's go aga-"
B'Elanna's eyes widened. "Chakotay, you're bleeding." She hadn't noticed at first because he'd been facing away from her, but now she could see it clearly, the
gash near his hairline that was slowly dripping blood down his forehead.
He cursed again – three times more than she'd heard him curse since they'd joined Voyager – as he raised his fingers to touch the tender spot. He winced.
"You should get it checked out, it looks nasty," she pointed out, still catching her breath, not caring that her concern for him seeped through her voice and expression. He didn't seem to notice anyway.
He frowned but nodded. "Yeah. You're probably right." He went to pick up his discarded racket, but B'Elanna stopped him.
"I got it," she told him, "you go ahead." She flashed him a wicked grin. "And don't think for a minute that I'm not going to want a rematch. I'm taking a liking to kicking your ass at squash."
He snorted, but, with the angry waves she could still sense coming off of him, it was just for show. She knew it. "Savor it while you can, Lieutenant," was his dry reply.
On that he left the holodeck, but B'Elanna stood there for a moment longer, staring after him.
Something was up with Chakotay.
oooOooo
"There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. Thanks for your concern, but it's totally unnecessary."
Kes frowned. In her experience, every time someone said "there's nothing wrong with me," something was very much wrong with them. She had found that getting them to overcome the urge for denial was the real challenge.
It had been pure coincidence that she had run into Commander Chakotay in the corridor. When she had looked up to smile her usual greeting, she had noticed the rather inadequate bandage he had put on an injury to his forehead. So, of course she had stopped him out of concern.
Chakotay now went to move past her.
"Forgive me, Commander," Kes gently sidestepped in front of him to block his path – the gesture more symbolic than anything else, given how easily he could push past her if he really wanted to – and gave him an earnest look. "But that doesn't look like nothing to me," she added softly as she gestured to his face. "Head injuries can be quite serious."
Chakotay sighed in frustration. "Kes, I appreciate your concern, but it's nothing. If you'll excuse me, I'm expected on the bridge."
She pursed her lips disapprovingly, but nodded. "Very well." She smiled again. "Why don't you stop by sickbay after your shift? The Doctor and I can easily fix it as good as new. There won't even be a scar."
"Great. Yes. I'll do that. Thank you."
Kes watched his back as he hurried down the corridor. She frowned to herself. Evidently, he had just told her what she'd wanted to hear. She knew from his tone that he had no intention of taking her up on her offer. She didn't know Commander Chakotay as well as some of the others, but she knew enough to know that it wasn't like him to be abrupt or careless, and she couldn't help a flicker of concern.
She would discuss it with the Doctor, she decided as she resumed walking towards sickbay. He might have some insight into the commander's behavior, or some ideas as to how to best help him. Though deep down she had a feeling that whatever was going on with him wasn't merely physical. And if her instincts were correct, he'd need a close friend just as much as a cell regenerator. Perhaps more so.
oooOooo
Kathryn looked over her shoulder when she heard the turbolift door slide open. Chakotay stepped onto the bridge, straightening his uniform and blowing out a breath as he did. Kathryn frowned when she noticed the small bandage that barely covered a bruise on his forehead, near the tattoo.
He nodded at her once before sliding into his chair.
"Thank you for gracing us with your presence at last, Commander," Kathryn chastised, with a hint of teasing in her tone. She couldn't quite keep herself from studying him curiously.
Chakotay kept his gaze focused on his screen. "Sorry, I got delayed on my way by a concerned crewmember."
Alerted by the fact that he hadn't taken the bait of her teasing, she leaned closer so she could lower her voice. "Oh. Anything I should know about?"
Chakotay shook his head. "No. I've dealt with it. So what have we got?"
Kathryn wasn't convinced, but she let it go as she turned to look at Tuvok.
"We have entered a system with two M-class planets," the Vulcan replied from his post at tactical.
Chakotay nodded, though Kathryn could tell he was making a conscious effort not to respond to her curious study of him. There was something listless and agitated about him – in fact she had noticed how it had been building incrementally over the last few days – and that injury on his forehead… What the hell had happened?
"Any life signs?" Chakotay asked, his eyes still on his monitor.
"Yes. On the second planet of the system."
Chakotay looked over his shoulder to glare at Tuvok. "What kinds of life signs? Carbon-based? Humanoids? Warp capable?"
Kathryn sent him another sidelong look, taken aback by the impatience in his voice and expression.
"The composition of the atmosphere prevents me from making a more comprehensive analysis," Tuvok replied calmly, oblivious.
"Well, what can your sensors actually tell us, then?"
"I was getting to that, Commander. The planet harbors an abundant biosphere. However any other assertions would simply be hypothetical."
Chakotay smiled humorlessly, and, frowning, Kathryn tore her gaze away from him to glance at Tuvok. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Tom, take us closer."
Chakotay looked up at her. His expression was serious, far from his usual good humor. "You sure this is worth the detour?"
Kathryn held his eyes stubbornly. Two could play that game, and she was starting to get irritated with his behavior. "Do you have an objection, Commander?" She asked as she leaned back to give him a cool look.
"Only that if we keep getting delayed with those kinds of explorations, we'll never make up for the time we lost while we were on that planet."
They hadn't named it, that place where Culluh and Seska had stranded them before Mr. Paris, the Doctor and Mr. Suder were able to regain control of Voyager. But everyone on the bridge understood what Chakotay was referring to.
"I didn't realize we were on such a tight schedule," Kathryn replied caustically.
"I do not understand your reluctance to explore this system, Commander," Tuvok interjected. "It is like many others you have encouraged us to explore in the past."
Chakotay half turned in his seat to look at him. "How could you understand, Mr. Tuvok? You and your logic… I don't see how you could possibly understand!" Before Kathryn could interject – and she was definitely just about to interject – Chakotay sprang to his feet, raising his hands. "I'm sorry Captain, I can't do this right now."
And before she could say anything, he stormed off the bridge.
Stunned silence filled the room after the turbolift doors closed.
Kathryn saw an exchange of raised eyebrows between Tom and Harry, and she leaned back in her chair, frowning. "Steady as she goes, Tom. I'll deal with him later."
oooOooo
Kathryn made her way to the holodeck in determined strides. Despite how purposeful she might look to those crewmembers she met in the corridors, in actuality she was lost in thought, trying to figure out how to best handle the situation. Chakotay hadn't been himself earlier, and though part of her fell the urge to reprimand him for his insubordination and failure to perform his duty, she knew deep down that punishment wouldn't help him deal with whatever was really going on. But what could she do with him then? And more importantly, how could she get him to tell her what the hell was wrong? Once again, she sorely felt the lack of a counselor on board.
Well, Chakotay was a straightforward man, not afraid to be blunt when he felt the need or the importance for it. Perhaps she should take a page out of his book for this particular conversation. Besides, in their time quarantined together a few weeks before they had grown closer, so perhaps he would be willing to talk to her as a friend, rather than as a subordinate Starfleet officer.
Kathryn was still distracted with those thoughts when she asked the computer to open the holodeck door for her.
Blasting music greeted her first, pulling her out from her thoughts – well, it wasn't so much music as... rhythm. Drums beat in an angry and steady rhythm, and Kathryn was immediately reminded of the Taiko drum demonstration Lieutenant Yukamara had given them during talent night a while back. The soundtrack was so loud, each drum beat reverberated in her chest. No wonder Chakotay hadn't heard her hails.
She paused at the entrance, taking in the simulation Chakotay had created. He had turned the holodeck into a boxing gym, with an unoccupied ring in the middle of the room, and various weights and training devices all around it. There were no holodeck characters, and it was mostly dark, with only a few overhead spots here and there.
At last she spotted Chakotay. He was beating up a punching bag by himself in the far corner. His movements, sharp and steady, kept pace with the drums, his expression focused and oblivious to the sweat glittering on his skin or soaking his t-shirt. Hitting the bag. Over and over.
Jab. Jab. Hook.
Jab. Jab. Hook.
Kathryn kept her eyes on him as she made her way closer. For a brief moment she forgot her emotional tug of war between anger and concern, and she let herself admire the toned muscles of his arms and thighs as he moved, his black activewear giving him a dangerous, yet thrilling look. Kathryn forced those thoughts way out of her mind. Something was going on with him, now was not the time to ogle. Was it ever? She chastised herself.
At last she stepped into his line of vision and he faltered to a stop, straightening from his position, panting.
"Computer, turn off soundtrack." After the loud beats, the ensuing silence was almost deafening as he watched her expectantly, chest heaving, with none of the usual teasing gleam in his eyes, or any hint of his trademark mischievous smile. "Captain," he greeted after a beat. Clearly he had been expecting this.
She stepped a little closer, going around the punching bag, steadying it with her hand, her eyes on him. He still hadn't gone to sickbay to have his forehead checked out. The makeshift white bandage he'd applied was a stark contrast against his skin tone.
"What happened to your head?"
He shook his head once. "A stupid mishap when I was playing squash with B'Elanna."
"I see." Kathryn nodded, taking this in. "Actually, I've been looking for you. I've been thinking about trying out another session with my animal guide."
He shifted on his feet. "Really."
Not buying it.
She nodded nonetheless. "I'd like to ask it a few questions. For instance, why it is that my First Officer stormed off the bridge without any reason? Why is it that he snapped at a junior officer who was just doing his job? Why he's been ignoring a potentially grave injury; and last but not least, why he's beating the crap out of this defenseless punching bag?"
Chakotay looked down as he took off his gloves before grabbing his bottle of water to gulp down a mouthful. He shook his head and bent to grab his towel – stalling while he figured out how to respond. He dabbed at his face a couple of times before he looked at her again. "I know I haven't been quite myself, lately," he conceded. "I just need to blow off some steam."
"I understand that, but…" Kathryn sighed. "Chakotay, I know the last few days have been hard. They've been hard for all of us. Losing Voyager to Seska," he tensed almost imperceptibly at that, "getting stranded-"
"Captain," he interrupted as he tossed his towel back onto the bench, "with all due respect, I'm over all that."
"Then what?" She pressed. "If you're mourning for Seska, I'd understand." It was a shot in the dark, but nothing else had happened recently to warrant the kind of behavior he'd displayed today. He had seemed fine, if a little subdued, after they had regained control of the ship and found Seska among the Kazon casualties. But maybe something of the emotions had remained. Maybe some kind of misplaced guilt had festered during the few days since they'd gotten back to Voyager. Maybe Chakotay was dealing with whiplash. Frankly, this suspicion was the only thing that had kept her from filing a formal reprimand for walking off while on duty.
"Seska was dead to me way before the overload killed her."
Kathryn couldn't help it, she recoiled slightly at his harsh words and tone. Clearly she had hit a sensitive nerve. And she didn't buy it for one second.
"Now if you don't mind," he went on, "I'd like to get some more training done before Tom claims the holodeck. He's booked the timeslot after me."
Kathryn bit her cheek, forcing herself not to react to his dismissal, or to use her rank to force him to talk, no matter how tempting. It was hard to stop that part of her that wanted to jostle him out of the shell he'd created around himself. Instead she bit her tongue as she watched him put his gloves back on. "I'm not buying it, Chakotay. I'm concerned about you. We all are."
He punched the bag once. "Thanks." Hook. Hook. "But I'm dealing with it."
Obviously.
"Fine." Kathryn conceded a tad angrily, more hurt by his brush-off than she was willing to admit. She usually had thicker skin than that. But she now realized she had made herself vulnerable by thinking he would confide in her. By thinking they had something special. She squared her shoulders as she stepped right up to him, encroaching onto his personal space, and stared at his profile. "You don't want to talk about it? Fine, I don't care. But if you lose your temper on one of my officers again you'll find yourself in the brig so fast you won't know what hit you. Is that clear, Commander?"
He worked his jaw as he let that sink in. "Perfectly clear."
Then he was back at hitting the bag.
Kathryn nodded to herself, disappointed and upset that she hadn't been able to draw him out, and walked off angrily. "By the way," she threw over her shoulder just before she exited the holodeck, "you should work on that combo. You let your guard down every time."
She didn't wait for a comeback, but still, something squeezed painfully in her chest when all he said was: "Computer, resume soundtrack."
oooOooo
More to come...