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1-Up On The Free Man
Mario slowly rose through the opening of a familiar green tube and thought, "What the hell am I doing?". He surveyed the familiar landscape before him; far off hills on the horizon, clouds with smiley faces, angry turtles, and large bricks suspended in mid-air. These were the things that made up his world.
Mario's legs seemed to move of their own free will, independent of him, moving him forward towards the angry turtle. As he got closer his legs jumped but Mario knew that it was too soon. He came down right in front of the turtle, knowing, but not understanding, what would happen next. The turtle touched Mario and almost instantly, Mario slowly rose through a familiar green tube and thought, "What the hell am I doing?"
Mario did not remember getting up that morning, or afternoon, or whenever he usually got up. However hard he tried, he could just not recall. The only thing that he did know was that he had just risen up, out of the sewer, and had to rescue the princess. Again?, Mario thought to himself, This is getting ridiculous. This is what Mario did every day of his life. He rose, inexplicably, from a green tube, and set out to save the princess. Mario could not remember the last time that she was not missing.
Mario was in one of those rare, inexplicable moods where he could not move even if he wanted to. There was no danger around him, just the green hills and the hovering bricks. With this free time, Mario did what most beings of marginal intelligence do when given time to think. He contemplated his existence. He held his hand up before him and looked at it. It was solid beige. He took that hand and smoothed out his overalls, which were a solid red.
Suddenly a voice boomed all around him.
"Dude!"
"What? Who said that?" Mario looked wildly around for the source of the surprise voice.
Nothing.
Same old hills, same old floating blocks, the clouds still smiled at him from up above. One of them winked.
"Oh man, I can't believe this actually worked! Hey Mario. Mario!"
"Whaaa-aaat!"
"Hey man. How's it going in there?"
"No, no, no. I'll-a ask-a the questions here. Who are you?"
"Dude, I'm a gamer. I'm talking to you through a microphone contraption that I plugged into my Nintendo."
"Gamer? What's a Nintendo?"
"You're Nintendo dude! Oh man, Deagan owes me some fries and a soda."
"Ok, this is-a ridiculous. I've-a gotta save-a the princess. I don't have-a the time for this!"
"Slow down buddy, I can barely understand you. And you're not going anywhere dude. I've got the control here. Watch."
All of a sudden Mario jerked left and ran at top speed. He jumped up in the air and went right. When he landed he ran left again, then right. This continued for a few seconds as the mystery voice laughed all around him. Mario stopped, his head spinning.
"You see Mario, you go where I want you to go."
"That's ridiculous, nobody tells Ma-" His voice cut off as he suddenly started to run again. Mario was getting confused. When he finally stopped running, he yelled at the sky, "Alright, you win. What's-a going on here? How are you making me run-a back and the forth?"
"Dude, I don't know how to tell you this, but you're a video game."
"A game? You think this is a game?"
"No, this is a game. You're a game. You and everything around you is just a game. You're entertainment dude!"
"Whadda you mean, game?"
"Ok, I've got this box thing here, it's called a Nintendo. I jam a smaller little box in there, and it's got your picture on it. All of a sudden you're on my TV screen and I move you around with my controller here, killing stuff, until we save the princess."
Mario folded his arms across his chest and thought for a second. "I don't believe you." He stated in a firm voice, "How can you be controlling me? I'm a man with arms, legs, a body all-a my own. Nobody moves it but me."
"Sorry buddy, but you're not even a body, it's just a bunch of coloured squares called pixels that are put together to look like a body."
"Little squares?"
"Yeah man, little squares. And they're not even really little squares. There's this long line of code that makes up those squares, telling them what colour to be, what size and where they'll go. Seriously, everything around you is just a bunch of stuff typed into a computer."
"So you mean to tell me that me, Luigi, everything I know, my whole existence, is a result of a long line of code which is entertainment, some kinda game, to you?"
"You got it dude."
"So what you're saying is that all-a the times I've wondered about who I am and why I'm here have just been answered? I'm a character in you game?"
"That's right little man."
"Awwww, fuck."
Mario crouched down, pulling his red hat down over his ears to hide and reject his new found knowledge. A low moan drowned out the laughing that was all around him. He sprang up wildly and ran from the voice. He was moving his feet now. They were his, not some punk kid's. He saw the chasm up ahead, wide and welcoming. He hurled himself into the air, looking below at the wide empty space that would be his rest. The smiling clouds looked down from above at the little man indifferently, their expressions ever frozen on their faces. Mario reached the height of his jump and came down just as quickly. He fell, smile on his face, the air rushing through his hair. His hat whipped off his head, danced in the wind for a moment and settled down on the ledge before the chasm. It rolled slowly around before it came to a lazy halt. There was a stillness, there was silence...
Mario remembered everything as he slowly rose through the opening of a familiar green tube.