Mary has never considered herself an avid admirer of the close relationship her parents hold, and she hopes to maintain this separation for as long as she can bear. However nothing can shake the worrying feeling that arises when she thinks about Tony Gillingham, not even when her mother accosts him warmly, asking of his health and scolding him for not visiting more.
"Have you spoken to Mary yet?"
"No, but I am sure she will take it like a lady."
Her mother smiles that selfless smile she always aims at possible suitors and Tony drifts out of her grip and towards Mary. She spreads her mouth into the best smile she can manage and takes his hand, greeting him gladly. "Tony. How are you?"
"I'm quite well. And yourself?" His countenance looks briefly worried and he tighten his grip on hers.
"Oh I'm as busy as a bee, with all this business regarding the tenants."
"You haven't really answered my question."
"I'm perfectly well." But her tired eyes convince him otherwise. Nevertheless he does not press her. "Are you busy tomorrow?"
"No, why?"
"I was wondering if you would like to come to London with me. I have something I need to talk to you about; a topic that is not really appropriate for the Downton Abbey drawing room."
"Goodness! You have certainly piqued my interest." She smiles again and steps back a little. "You shall have to excuse me Tony, I have something planned with Tom."
"Is it something that I may be able to join in with?"
She desperately wishes for him to stay away from the one thing that makes her current spinster life worthwhile, but at the same time, she cannot help but feel bad for the handsome 'pirate', as her father so amusedly called him, standing in front of her, looking hopefully into her eyes.
"I'm sorry Tony. It's some incredibly dull job that I should not wish upon you."
The truth is he would spoil everything. At the moment, Tom is the only one she can maintain a good conversation with, equal of the ones with Matthew, that does not end up resulting with tears and a fight.
"Alright. I'll see you at dinner."
"See you Tony."
As she walks out the front door pulling on her coat, she risks a glance I've her shoulder. He watches her as a dog watches its owner leave it to be put down - in a baleful, hopeless way. She sighs and turns back to face her brother-in-law, who is regarding her curiously. "Is everything alright?"
"Oh I suppose so. Tony's here."
"Oh? I thought you got on well with him."
"Too well, in all honesty. I wish he would leave it be."
"Leave what be?"
They have just climbed into the carriage and she sighs again, folding her hands on her lap.
"If I tell you, you must promise to not breathe a word to anyone."
"Of course."
It all comes spilling out of her as they make their way to the field they are surveying. By the time they have reached the overlook, she is tired but relieved that an ally knows the truth. He turns to look at her as they climb down into solid earth, and to her surprise his expression is sad.
"I hope you won't take this the wrong way, Mary, but...it's not actually his move."
"What do you mean?"
"Well...it seems to me that you were comfortable to sleep with him but not willing to let him go as quickly as you make out."
"He's the one who is not willing to let it go! He did agree that it was just to see how we got along and how comfortable we felt."
"True. But Mary, when you have three men hanging at the end of a string; adding to the fact you are no plain Jane - it's understandable that you would want to proclaim your single status by leaving him still on the ends of the string."
Her face is a picture of puzzlement. "I have no idea what you are trying to say, Tom."
"You're playing with him. It's completely understandable. You have been sad and lonely since Matthew died and Tony Gillingham was a comfort to you for a while. But now, you are uncertain about how you feel about any of them so you have stuck your claws in a little further to keep your choices open."
"But I have chosen and I don't choose Tony."
"Charles Blake then?"
"No not him either. The truth is...I am ready to marry again, but I only want to do so when I am so in love with the man that I see no other way."
He glances over at her. Their eyes lock and there is a moment of understanding between them. "Tom..."
"No, Mary. I love you and I care about you, but I'm not in love with you. The thing is, Mary, Sybil took my heart with her when she died and I can only retrieve it when I meet the right woman. I'm not trying to hurt you, truly. But we are not compatible Mary. It would never be right, and we could not look at each other again if anything went wrong. And I would never want that. I do care about you, Mary. I just don't want to marry you."
"I understand." Her face shows that she truly does understand and for the first time in a long time, she smiles. And the smile is sincere, something that she thought was long buried in the long dead relationship with Matthew.