A/N-I warn you this is pretty insane and in no way normal, but it's OCC and funny and I thought everyone needed a good laugh. (:

Twilight Goes Gangsta!

Bella was driving towards the Cullen home with little butterflies dancing in her stomach. She always got butterflies when she saw Edward, and now she had extra ones because she was going to see the whole family-her whole family soon. She pulled up their driveway and killed the engine on her truck. She took the keys out of the ignition and made her way to the house. When she knocked on the door, she expected a dashing Edward, a beaming Alice, a timid Jasper, or an overly-excited Emmett to answer the door, but what she got truly shocked her world forever.

"Sup baby! How you doin'?" Emmett answered the door wearing a normally-oversized jersey, but with his size, it fit him just right. He had platinum chains hanging around his neck. He also had a gold tooth in right incisor. Bella gasped and stepped back a bit, taken back by Emmett's appearance.

"Emmett," she sputtered, "why are you…dressed that way? Did you, uh, lose a bet or something?"

"Shew, Mami! Aint no bet that was lost, baby. I'm just a playa lookin' for a good time." He was smirking wildly and this was now starting to really worry Bella. She tried to step around him, but Emmett's massive body was blocking the doorway.

"Alice! There's something very weird going on down here with Emmett! Please help!" No sooner had the words left her mouth than a blurry figure was suddenly pulling Bella into the house. Alice stopped in the living room and turned to face Bella.

"Oh, Alice, thank God you came down! I'm not sure what's going on with Emmett…Did you guys let him drink bleach again? Anyway, I'm glad you're he-" Bella suddenly cut off as she looked at Alice clearly for the first time. She was dressed similarly as Emmett, but her jersey fit, too even though she had a pixie frame. She, being Alice, had found a way for it to be ghetto and cute at the same time. She, unlike Emmett, was wearing a complete row of gold teeth, all on the top.

"Alice, please tell me you aren't participating in this…freak show, too." Bella looked at Alice with a pleading look.

"No freak show around here, baby cakes, just a few good lookin' chicks and dudes lookin' for some fun. How 'bout it, baby? You up for some fun?" (Author's note: please just imagine Alice with a Jersey accent. It makes it funnier. (: She's a ghetto Jersey pixie. Ok, resume reading.)

"Alice, stop talking like that!"

"Like what, baby?"

"Like…you're from Jersey or something! It's too weird!"

"Sorry, not trying to weird you out, sweet thang. It's not everyday a hot young thing like you comes by."

"Alice Brandon Cullen! Stop it right now!"

I'm just bein' honest, sweets. You're pretty fine, if I do say so myself." She was smirking while she was looking at Bella. Bella was looking back her, terrified. Suddenly, a horrifying thought struck her.

"Alice, are you…are you hitting on me?" Alice's loud tinkling laugh echoed through out the room. It took the pixie nearly five minutes to regain control herself.

"No, honey, I'm not hitting on you. I still play for the other team, you know what I'm sayin'?"

"Uh, yeah, I know what you're…saying," Bella answered awkwardly.

"Ok, well this is obviously some weird joke that's been constructed by you and Emmett. You two have fun. I'm going to go look for the sane people in the house. Later, Alice." Bella easily walked passed Alice and was making her way upstairs to Edward's room when a shocking scene caught her off guard. There, in the living room, Rosalie had joined Alice and Emmett and some very loud hip hop music started playing. This is not what horrified her the most, however. What was truly shocking to Bella's was when she saw Rosalie in booty shorts, grinding on Emmett with help from Alice. The shorts barely covered her ass cheeks and she wore a simple white wife beater with two thick gold chains around her neck. She had glued on some three-inch long nails that were painted 'Bite Me' red. Rosalie was rubbing her rear up and down Emmett's crotch, as Alice was more rubbing his leg. Bella was too shocked to move, so eventually, Rose looked her way and smirked.

"Care to join us, little lady? There's plenty of this big boy to go around." Bella, being completely mortified, ran upstairs while Bubba Spark's "Miss New Booty" blared all through out the house. So caught up in her thoughts, Bella wasn't paying attention to the figure coming down the stairs. She ran smack dab into a hard, stone chest.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going and there's something really weird going on…" Bella trailed off and looked up at whoever she had run in to. Her eyes widened as she took in the site before her.

"Jasper?" she asked, uncertain.

"You be your fine ass it is, you hot little mama! DJ Jazzy Jay is in the hiz-ouse!"

"Jasper…did you drink some bleach, too? Were you wresting too hard with Emmett? Is this some weird Cullen tradition everyone forgot to mention to me? What is going on?"

"Chill out little mama, and let Jazzy Jay ease all yo worries away."

"I can't believe I'm asking this, but I'm honestly questioning everyone's sanity, including my own. Are you on crack?"

"No, are you on crack, or are you just high from my very presence?" Jasper asked while smirking. Bella was absolutely astounded. Sure, she could imagine Emmett and Alice and even Rosalie going along with…whatever the hell this was, but Jasper? Nice, calm, quiet Jasper? Her mind couldn't reel it all in so she spoke to him in a daze.

"I'm going to leave you alone for…all of this," she said, waving her hand in front of her for emphasis, "and go find Edward. At least he'll be sane and maybe he can finally explain to me what the hell is going on." As she began to walk away, she heard Jasper calling back to her.

"If you ever need anything, and I mean anything, I'm only a shout away. They don't call me Dr. Feel Good for nothing," and with a final wink, he proceeded down the stairs to join the party. Bella just shook her head in a daze as she made her way to Edward's room. She stopped and knocked. When she got no answer, she opened and walked inside hesitantly. When she didn't see him, she began to call out to him.

"Edward, are you in here?" When she saw a blur suddenly appear in front of her, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh Edward, thank God you're here! Something way weird is going on with your siblings. They're all dressing like a bad rap video and talking like it too. It's insane. But at least I know you're not a part of this," she said as she wrapped her hands around his waist. She rested her head against his chest and sighed contently.

"Well, damn, I knew that the big P-I-M-P Eddie C had skills, but damn! I've got a fine lookin' woman in my arms and I haven't even asked her to sleep with me yet!" Bella pulled away from Edward as if he were on fire and threw her hands up in the air.

"Oh God, not you too! What in the hell is going on?"

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on…yet," he said while advancing her and raising his eyebrows suggestively. She stepped back and held her hands in front of her.

"Hold your horses, there cowboy. What I mean is why are all of you dressed like this and why are you talking like you have no education? And why, for God's sake are you and Jasper giving yourselves insane nicknames like DJ Jazzy Jay and P-I-M-P Eddie C?"

"Cause that's how we do, baby. That's how we are."

"Ah!" Bella said, throwing her hands up again. "I give up! I think that I am somehow under the effects of mushrooms and I'm just really…high right now."

"Well, if you're feeling high, maybe you'll be up to a little dancing with the homeys downstairs?"

"No, no, definitely no dancing of any kind. I think I'm just gonna…head on back home. I'll see you…uh, later." Before she could make it to the door, Edward scooped her up in his arms and raced down the stairs at vampire speed. He put her down and started making his way to his dancing siblings.

"Big P-I-M-P Eddie C in the hiz-ouse, yall!" He yelled over the music.

"What up, Big C?" everyone chanted at the same time. Bella just shook her head and advanced to the door.

"I'm leaving. I'll be back when things aren't so…weird."

"Yo, you're not gonna stay and get crunk with us?" Emmett said with a pout. Bella let out a small laugh and shook her head.

"Well, keep it real, my fine lookin' sista!" Emmett yelled as Rose began to grind on him again.

"Yeah, keep the hips, they look sexy on you, doll," Alice chimed from her place in front of Jasper.

"Bye, and anytime you wanna dance with us, the offer still stands," Rosalie said with a wink.

"Peace out, and remember to call me if you need anything! Dr. Feel Good operates twenty-four seven!" Jasper yelled as Alice started grinding harder against him. Edward was no where to be seen on the dance floor. Bella turned to walk away, but was stopped by a blur in front of her.

"See ya later, shawty. You ever need a good bang, you know where to find me," he said and then bent down to swiftly kiss her lips. He turned and returned to the dance floor, leaving a stunned Bella walking back to her car. She sat in her cab, mulling over the day in her head. She shook her head and started the car.

"Definitely drank too much bleach," she mumbled as she made her way back home.

A/N-The idea of Bella being on mushrooms came from hellopants and My-Bella's combined story, Home Improvements Cullen Style which I highly recommend if you want a good laugh. (: