Of course I don't own any of the original characters, stories, concepts etc. of NCIS or otherwise, they belong to their respective owners. However any characters and/or storylines that I created for this story are mine.

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Thanks to LorelaiGilmore82 and BatYisrael for betaing!

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FYI

Where I live, NCIS is on twice a week, there is the regular NCIS spot on Sunday evening plus reruns on Thursday evening. What do you think about those three facts:

- The three most currently aired episodes of NCIS (5x9, 5x10, 5x11) had an average attendance of 2.5 million viewers.
- The last three aired episodes of season 4 had an average attendance of 4.05 million viewers.
- The current reruns (season 3!) on Thursday have cleared the 3.2 million viewer mark frequently.

I don't know about you, but does that look like the show is on the right track? With stone old reruns drawing a bigger audience that all new episodes?

I love suspenseful stories and appreciate a good story twist, but what has been going on since mid season 5 is just fxcking with our heads, that's all.

Just my 2 cts. Feedback appreciated!

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Making Up for Lost Time

Chapter 1: Wearing Out the Carpet

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I had been pacing across my living room for over an hour now. It was eight o'clock already. I had left work at about five; I don't think I had left this early anytime during the last year. But, there was nothing left to do at the office. I was told I should go home and start packing, and, lacking anything else to do, I complied.

Was there really nothing else to do?

Of course there was! That was what I have been agonizing about since the moment Vance told us that he was breaking our team apart.

So, what was I still doing here?

I couldn't just drive to her place, tell her how I feel, have a one night stand and then leave. Or could I? I knew a part of me wanted to. Damn, I had wanted to tell her how I felt ever since that undercover assignment when we had posed as the assassin couple.

But I always had found a reason not to. At first, I have to admit, she had intimidated me. I knew so little about her past and my mind had filled in the blanks with the worst stuff I could think a Mossad officer of doing. Then, as I had gotten to know her better, we had become closer, I called her my friend. But was that all there was to it?

Before I could figure it out Gibbs had quit and I was thrown into a new situation. Suddenly I was the team supervisor and in charge. There was so much to do and I wanted to do it well. I had an instant rapport with Jennifer Shepard, our new director. Jenny! I was relieved to see that she trusted me with my new responsibilities, I needed that so much at the time.

So, when she asked me to take on that cataclysmic undercover assignment to expose her arch enemy 'La Grenouille', I didn't even think twice about it.

I was honored to be trusted with such an important task.

I was going to help bring down a major international arms dealer.

I was going to be successful.

I was horribly, terribly mistaken to get involved with that!

Because, doing all that forced me not to deal with something else: My relationship with Ziva. How could I tell her my feelings and then go off on an undercover mission that involved seducing another woman?

And then the mission was over. By that time I had actually kidded myself into falling for my assignment, my target.

Through all that time, Ziva had been there for me. I had seen the worry on her face when she discovered my frequent hospital visits. I had noticed the hurt expression when she found out the supposed reason for those visits. And I had seen her disappointment when she found out the full weight of what I had been withholding from her during the 12 months of my assignment.

But still, she had been there for me, had offered me her shoulder to cry on, had tried to bait me into arguments so I could vent the built up pressure.

Even then, I did nothing to let her know what I felt. I thought I needed more time before I could tell her. I needed to leave Jeanne behind me. Ziva could not be just a rebound fling.

But then the directors vendetta against 'La Grenouille' caught up with me yet again. The turmoil of Jeanne accusing me of murder sucked me right back into the deep hole I had been trying to climb out of. The following weeks had been almost as hard as the time immediately after my assignment.

Then Ziva got herself almost killed during that undercover operation to find the murderer of cheating marine wifes, and she completely derailed. I was hurt when she didn't let me be there for her, be her friend. That feeling only intensified when I found out about her picking up that 'Michael' guy from the bar she had been working under cover.

It took me a while to understand that Michael had been for Ziva what I had not wanted her to be to me, the rebound partner: temporary, replaceable and unimportant. But as much as my mind understood, jealousy still stabbed at my heart like a knife whenever I thought about them together.

And now we had returned from L.A., our director dead, our places on Gibbs' team assigned to other agents and the old team scattered as far as the new director had been able to. We were broken up. Not just as a team but also as individuals.

I had thought about turning in my badge, but I didn't. I wouldn't surrender that easily. I had to leave tomorrow morning with the first flight, becoming the new agent afloat on some godforsaken battleship. But I would prevail! And hopefully, somehow, we would prevail as a team. It was the how part that I had yet to figure out.

Then it became clear to me that if I had to go through with this, then at least I wouldn't do it without seeing Ziva one last time. What ever might happen, when I met her one more time, it could never be as regretful as not seeing her again would be. Also, this was not the time for regrets, there would be more than enough opportunities for that later.

I forced myself out of the trance I had been in, struggling to get a grip on reality. I looked up at the clock, realizing it was almost nine already.

Time was running out.

My time.

Our time.

I could keep pacing, I could keep thinking things over and over again and get nowhere. I could just accept fate, lie down and take it. But I was determined not to let that happen. Right now, there was only one place I needed to be, and only one person I needed to see.

I grabbed my jacket, dashed through my apartment door and ran for the elevator. I pressed the call button and the doors almost immediately slid open, revealing Ziva.

We stood opposite each other, both frozen, looking as if struck by lightning. And then, about two seconds later, we started moving the very same instant, closing the small distance that had been between us, pressing our bodies together, finding each others lips for the first time since that undercover assignment so long ago.

Next Chapter will be around sometime this weekend.