Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or anything associated with the trademark.
Silence:
Today was the same as always. Nothing unexpected, nothing miraculous saving him when he had given up all hope. He hated it, the monotony of daily life was draining.
What was the point in it?
It was a question he asked day in and day out, but he never got an answer. How could he? He was alone and has been ever since he was born. Twelve years later this still held true.
He had just undergone his third attempt to graduate from the Academy. He failed.
"I hate Bunshins."
Naruto knew the jutsu was simple. Hell, no one but him had failed that part of the test. Of course, he wasn't the only one who flunked the exams overall, but he was the only one that wasn't given outside support, reassuring him that it was okay to not succeed. No friends, no teachers, and certainly no parental figures.
"No one cares about me."
The simple fact of life was a constant punch to the gut for the blonde boy. He was small for his age and not the brightest, either. He struggled at maintaining meaningful relationships with others even though he tried his damnedest to.
He always tried.
"It's not fair." His voice carried throughout the apartment. Each syllable a bullet to the heart for anyone who would care.
Of course, no one did.
"Why does everybody hurt me?" he questioned softly, tears dripping down his face. "I know I can be annoying sometimes but is that reason enough to never speak to me? To hit me, to talk down to me?
To hate me?"
His mind continued spiralling downwards. It always led him to the exact same questions.
The thing he wanted answered beyond anything.
"Who were my parents? No one seems to know." Or care. "Did they love me? Did they die protecting me from the Kyuubi or did they hate me too. Was I abandoned or was I forced away from them?" he would ask aloud, as if in clockwork. Hoping against hope to receive some sort of sign.
Silence was his only answer.
As it always was.
Morality:
Today was confusing. He was unprepared for the emotional backlash that came with their teams' first real mission.
"Haku… Zabuza…"
Their names flashed through his mind in an unrepentant rate. He kept thinking of the 'what if's'. Was there anything he could have done to salvage the situation? Change things so such a tragedy need not occur?
Who knows.
"Kakashi-sensei told me not to let it bother me," he muttered. "but, how can it not? Their corpses are stuck in my mind; expressions pained yet peaceful. Their graves, which we should not have needed to dig, are overlooking the very town they passed away in."
"It's not fair."
Of course, it wasn't. But he'd just have to suck it up like he'd been doing since he was a child. In the eyes of some, he still was a child, but after what he bore witness to, he scoffed at the notion. Greed. Corruption. Violence.
Death.
All these concepts hammered away at the boy's head as his mind once more spurred out questions pertaining to what he wished to know beyond anything.
"If you were here, what would you tell me, Mom, Dad?"
"Would you tell me that some people deserve to die? Or would you tell me that some, like Haku and Zabuza, deserved more in life."
"How do we make ourselves stronger. How can I get strong enough that this feeling can never hurt me again?"
And-
"How do you move past the deaths of those you care about. Will there finally be a time where I'm okay again?"
Somehow, he already knew the answer to that question.
And it made him feel that much more unsure.
Depression:
Today was exhausting. Not bothering to close the bedroom door behind him he, once again, fell into bed. His mind in disarray over what he just experienced.
"Sasuke…"
The mission was a disaster. It sounded simple on paper: retrieve a singular Genin who deserted the village. The Uchiha, while above average in terms of his skills, should have been nothing their group was unable to handle.
Complications arose quickly, however.
A group of four ninja, far beyond the Genin's capabilities stood between them and their goal. Then, as if life was throwing them a curve-ball, a fifth and even stronger opponent joined the fray. If it wasn't for the timely intervention of the Suna siblings, there would have undoubtedly been multiple deaths from Konoha's side.
Thankfully, that wasn't the case, and they all prevailed in their fights.
All except one.
"Even after all this time you're still so far out of my reach…"
"Sasuke."
The fight was won by a hair's breadth. However, it was more than enough for defeat. Complaining about how close things had gotten was pointless in the long run.
This didn't stop Naruto from fixating on the idea, though.
"It's not fair." the boy relented.
It was a mantra he hadn't uttered in what amounted to months. It only served to remind him that beyond his fake exterior he was a weak, sad, and lonely child who continued to get beaten down by his own failures.
When he was in the confines of his own apartment, however, he let his insecurities out. A place where no one could pity him, berate him or loathe him for his mistakes. A place where his mind was the only thing he would have to face.
It was maddening.
"Mom, Dad? Would you be upset at your failure of a son?" he wondered aloud. "Would you be able to look me in the eye and say that you're proud of me for almost getting him. For being so close to beating the prodigy of our year despite me being labelled dead-last?"
He spoke quieter, his voice dimming considerably.
"Would you ever go against your ninja way like I did?" his eyes filled with unshed tears as he remembered Sakura's expression. "When I broke a promise I swore to keep, would you still be happy with me?"
He knew that his questions were unanswerable, as they always were. So, as his emotions dulled, he laid his head down onto his pillow.
For the third time that night.
Loss:
Today was empty. It was the first time in years that Naruto felt himself contemplating life so intently. Introspective thoughts were saved for those who were far smarter than him, he mused. People like Shikamaru or Sakura. Or, alternatively, people who were incredible tacticians on the battlefield like Neji or Jiraiya.
The popsicle dripped from his hands as he sat on the bench thinking of what he should do. His mentor, the closest thing he had to a family member was just killed and there was nothing he could do or say about it.
"It's… it's just not fair."
He felt his voice choke, as tears ran down his cheeks. He wanted to hide how upset he was, how completely torn up about the situation he had ended up. But he couldn't.
As much as he may have wanted to.
He was spent and tired. Dark thoughts entered his mind, ones he hadn't considered since he was a child.
That's when he showed up.
Iruka, the first man who completely and whole-heartedly believed in him.
His surrogate father.
"I heard what happened to master Jiraiya" he started.
Naruto smiled. It was self-deprecating, one unlike what people ordinarily expected to see on him.
"All I ever wanted, was for him to see me become Hokage." The young Genin admitted. "But I only showed him the worst, most uncool side of me."
The real side of him. The one no one else was meant to see.
There was no false bravado here. He couldn't fake it, not here, not now. He was with the one other person that had seen him at his lowest and hiding his thoughts from him wasn't possible.
"Jiraiya-sama only spoke praises about you, Naruto." Iruka confided. "He viewed you like his own grandson and he knew you would carry on his legacy. He never once doubted you."
Each word was a kunai to the heart as Naruto struggled to rearrange his own thoughts. How? How could someone as powerful as Jiraiya have seen a dropout like him as his legacy?
"Naruto."
He blinked as his old teacher broke apart the popsicle he was holding. As flashbacks to his journey to pickup Tsunade flashed through his mind Iruka continued speaking.
"Cheer up, Naruto. For you are a distinguished student of one of the Legendary Sannin: acknowledged by the great Jiraiya himself."
It was at these words, as the ice cream continued to melt onto the ground, that Naruto felt something return. His will, while slow, broken, and nothing close to where it needed to be; was mending itself.
'Mom, Dad… Jiraiya? If you're out there I just want, you to know that I still wonder about you guys sometimes. If you really cared about me, if you really… loved me. I can't help it. Those thoughts are a part of me, and in my opinion that's okay. But instead of focussing on things I'll never get the answers to, I think I'll focus on what I can do about it…'
His thoughts halted as he reached out to grasp his half of the popsicle.
'I'll keep going. I'll carry on the will of everything that was left behind, and I will bring peace to this world like those before me tried to do. I promise that I will.'
He smiled.
"For that's my Nindo, my ninja way!"
Resolution:
Today was exhilarating. The war, years in the making, was finally over. Everything was finished.
But sadly, not without sacrifice.
Naruto poured his heart into his final words towards his parents. The blonde ninja didn't want to say goodbye. He wanted his father to stay with him. He wanted to find a way to bring his mother back. If he could turn back the clock, he would ensure that they'd somehow survive and be with him during his childhood, his graduation, his career,
his life.
"It's not fair." He told himself. Though, he learned throughout the years that things never were.
Minato Namikaze watched with sadness in his eyes as his son listed back everything his wife had imparted upon him as she was dying.
"Got it." He answered resolutely. "I'll make sure to tell her everything."
The deceased Hokage felt his broken body rise, his time in this plane of existence at its end. He smiled softly down at his son who had finally let his tears go. One of his own fell as it mixed with the newly formed puddle down below.
"Naruto."
The blonde teenager looked up as his father imparted his final words to him, the most loving expression he had ever seen upon his face.
"Your mother and I have watched you struggle with your mind, morality and everything in between ever since you were born. For every decision you have ever made and will ever make, we are so proud of you, never forget that."
All other sound ceased as he finally vanished.
"We love you, Naruto."
Naruto stared up at the sky for a while, as he let its warmth wash over him. It was at this moment, that he decided today was somehow different. From this point on, as he held onto the memories of those who had moved on, he realized that life's monotony had finally passed him by.
Life was good.
Fin
A/N: I know that Minato was stuck in the Death God's stomach up until this point, but I like to believe he was still watching his son alongside Kushina. :) I tried to give her a scene as well but couldn't find a good point to fit it in sadly :/.
This whole thing was a little experiment for me to try a new style of writing as I work on editing my old stories to re-upload. I hope you guys enjoyed it:) make sure to let me know either way!
Favorites or reviews make me super happy so please let me know what you think! ^_^