AN: So while reading the manga, between thinking of how badass Naruto and his bros are, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Iruka (had he left the island/turtle and was he fighting the juubi?), Anko (was she even still alive?), Yamato (he kinda vanished after Kabuto kidnapped him on the island/turtle) and Killer B (how did he survive after Gyuuki was extracted from him?). I know that at that moment, we had more important things to think about – namely the fate of the world – but hey, I couldn't help but wonder afterward.
So this is my idea about what happened.
Not really, it's more of a CrackFic, but whatever XD
The Dimension of Currently Forgotten Characters
It was dark.
And by dark, B didn't just see your ordinary, regular, generic, everyday darkness. Nah, this was dark dark. Like, you couldn't see your hands dark. Like you couldn't see anything dark. Like you've closed your eyes dark, but that's not dark enough. It was like he was wearing five sunglasses on top of the sunglasses he was already wearing, he was sitting in a cave with no lighting ten miles under Earth's surface and his eyes were closed. And his hands was over his sunglasses.
That was how dark it was.
So B was sitting there. In the dark. With his eyes closed. Well, his eyes may or may not have been closed. It wouldn't have made a difference if they were or weren't.
He looked around. Which was completely pointless as it was, you know, dark.
It didn't take him long to see that he was alone. With the darkness. And was somehow alive without Gyuuki.
At least, he thought he was alone until somebody tripped over him. He wasn't used to people tripping over him as most people tried to keep their distance from him. But he guessed that as it was dark, this was an exception.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" the other person screamed as they fell into B's lap.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" about fifty other voices screamed from the distance. There came a scampering sound as the beings charged away from the noises.
Using his quick mind, B did what he did best.
Hey bro, you alright?
I tend to give people a fright.
Hey, he did it best. That doesn't mean it was useful.
"What? B, is that you?" said the voice, climbing off B, "What are you doing here?"
B squinted in the direction of the voice and considered taking off his sunglasses. Then being who he was, he decided that looking cool was better than being smart and decided against it. Despite the fact that it was too dark to see him being cool.
Yeah bruh, it's me
You know me as Killer B
"Yeah, but what are you doing here?"
Hey, I got no clue
So bruh, what about you?
"I don't really know either, I just kinda woke up here. Do you know if Naruto's ok?"
Looks like he's gotten bad lucked
Chances are, he's definitely-
"Can you try talking like a normal person for three seconds?"
B sighed, "Sure, whatever." he said, "So who are you?"
"Iruka, I was on that island turtle thingy."
"Oh yeah, Naruto's bro. Yeah, you're that guy. By the way, I totally dig that scar on your face."
"Thank you?" Iruka tried. He probably wasn't used to people saying stuff like that.
"Yeah, it's kinda like BAM! On your face! It's really awesome. How did you get it? Some legendary fight? The Kyuubi? During the war?"
"Um, I walked into a pole when I was a kid."
"What?"
"It was during the previous war, though. I kinda just... Wasn't looking where I was going and walked right into a pole."
"Oh. That's... Really kinda boring, man."
"It hurt a lot. There was blood everywhere."
"Still bruh, it was a pole. You walked into a pole. That's like, the most boringest thing that could ever happen."
"That's not even a word."
"Yeah it is."
"I'm a teacher, I should know."
"Yeah, but it's a word because I say it is."
"What are you two losers talking about?" a woman's voice cut through the darkness.
Holy dingleberries, girl!
I think that now I want to hurl!
"Oh god, not that again..." Iruka groaned.
"Finally, everyone else we'd try and talk to would run away, screaming about spirits and being dead." came another voice.
"Hey, Tree Guy!" B exclaimed, excited to hear a familiar voice, "I thought Kabuto kidnapped you!"
"He did." said more masculine new voice, "And 'Tree Guy'? Really? I'd give you my scary glare if it wasn't so dark."
B shrugged even though nobody could see him, "Hey, you can make trees. It's a good nickname. And I kinda forgot your real name."
"It's Yamato."
"I'm still gonna call you Tree Guy."
"I figured."
"Sweet, let's all sit down in a little circle and introduce ourselves." said the woman, "And our hobbies. And the teddy bears we cuddle with at night when we go to sleep."
"I cuddle a toy cow." B corrected her.
"Yeah, and I have a dolphin." Iruka put in, "His name's Shishi."
"I don't have a stuffed animal, but I got this toy broccoli with a face sewed on it." said Yamato, "I called him Mr Broccoli."
"Seriously?" said the woman, "That's lame. You should have called him Brian, it sounds way better. I'm Anko, by the way. I have a toy snake called Ana that I use to strangle people who break into my house."
There was an awkward pause.
"So does anybody know where we are?" Iruka asked.
"I've been here a few times." Anko told them, "I call it the Dimension of Currently Forgotten Characters. It seems like this is where we go when we're doing absolutely nothing and there's no reason for us to do anything. At least, that's what happens for me."
"Come to think of it, this place does seem kinda familiar." Yamato mused, "I never really thought that I was actually going to another place."
"Yeah, me too." said Iruka.
"Well, if you've come here as often as I have you'll stop passing this off as some kind of dream." Anko drawled.
Do you know how long we'll be here?
'Cos there's kinda a war going on over there
"We could be here for a few hours. Or days. Or months. Or maybe even years."
"Won't somebody notice that we're missing?" Iruka wondered.
"Has anybody?" Anko asked him, "Nah, we're going to stay here until we become relevant to the plot. Or at least have a quick appearance. Then I highly recommend that you busy yourself with something that does not include lying unconscious on the floor or else you'll be right back here again."
"I knew I should have gotten off that goddamn island and joined in the fight..." Iruka muttered.
So looks like we're gonna have to wait this out
Then we'll get to return, that's what it's all about
"Why does he keep talking like that?" Anko questioned.
"It's called rap." Yamato explained, "Though I always thought you're meant to mumble something illegible about shooting hookers and MCs and burning money and banging women and speak in a much more racist manner."
"Yeah, that too." said B, "But I like to rap about the present. Ain't no time like the present."
"You do know that it makes you really, really hard to understand, right?" Anko pointed out.
"I don't think he cares." said Iruka.
"No I do not." B announced proudly, "I'm great at not caring."
I don't care, bruh
Life's cool when you don't care, bruh
"That doesn't rhyme." Yamato pointed out.
B sighed, "Tell ya what, while we're here I'm gonna teach you all about rap. Then when we get outta here, you can be just like me."
"Do we want to be just like you?" asked Anko.
"I don't." said Iruka.
"Well, too freaking bad." said B cheerfully.
"So this 'Dimension of Currently Forgotten Characters' is a real place, then?" the Sixth Hokage, Kakashi asked. He, Iruka, Yamato and Anko were standing in his new and totally cool office (the fact that he got his own office was the best thing ever. Even though he didn't like it all that much, it was cool). They'd just recounted their story of the Dimension of Currently Forgotten Characters to him.
"Yeah, who knows who else is stuck there?" Iruka said, "I can't help but wonder how many times the previous Hokages had ended up there?"
"Probably plenty." said Yamato.
"Bruh." said Anko.
"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan." Iruka added.
Kakashi gave them a quizzical look, "What are you talking about?" he asked.
"I can sense a song coming along." Anko stated, ignoring his question entirely and nodding her head to an imaginary beat, "Bruuuuuuuuuuh."
Yamato was suddenly holding a boombox made out of wood and began beatboxing.
"Nananananananananananana" Iruka sang, "Bruh, man, bro, bruh, mah homies." he pulled a pair of shades out of his pocket and put them on over his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
"Listen up, yo wanna fight me?" Anko asked nobody in particular as she put on some sunglasses of her own, she nodded at Yamato who put on his shades and continued beatboxing, the boombox over his shoulder.
Kakashi wisely decided not to comment as Anko began to rap.
Yeah bruh we're with the sixth Hogake
He's up top while we're stuck eating karaage
All ya little bruh homies wanna be like me
Yeah lemme sit back and lemme sip mah tea
You wanna be a cool bro up the top
Lemme see if ya got what it got
Yeah got what it got
"Got what it got, bruh. Got what it got bruh..." Iruka echoed.
Anko continued.
'Cos kid, you ain't seen nothing yet
I go back an' kick some MC in the head
Why? Bruh, I do what I do
I care for me I don't care for you
And I got tonnes of money
So I can go burn it, it's funny
"Money, money, money, banging women, shooting MCs, insert racist names, insert sexist names." Iruka mumbled.
Bruh, I know I'm bad lookin'
But with me, I get – um – free pudding
Bruh, they say I got a heart of ice
But bruh, I'm really likin' mah rice
Mah daddy told me that life ain't always fair
And my momma... Um... Said nothing 'cos she got... Eaten... By a bear
And that's life, life is life
So I just wanna stab you with a knife
I got stuck with Orochimaru
And lemme tell ya, that was f*cking sad, yo
Yamato paused his beatboxing to agree. "Yeah bruh, yeah bruh." he and Iruka chorused. "Sad yo, sad yo."
Bruh, bruh, bruh
Stabbing MCs is really really fun
For some reason everybody hates 'em
Er... Probably because they steal all the ramen
"I like raaaaaaaaaaamen." Iruka sang dreamily, "Ramen bruh, ramen bruh."
Ramen is nice, ramen is good
And I got a lot of money right where I stood
The Juubi really sucks
But it got defeated, that rocks
And now I got tonnes of gold and silver-
She cut off suddenly and the room was thrown into silence. "What rhymes with silver?" she asked.
"Liver?" Yamato tried.
"That doesn't really rhyme but whatever."
Better than getting stabbed in the liver
Meet mah fist now meet the floor
Maybe ya shoulda walked right out that door
Fall from grace bruh, fall from grace
We go 'round and take – take up the chase
'Cos this is the Dimension of Currently Forgotten Characters, bruh
We're currently forgotten, yah
Ripped wings, we're the dark angels-
She cut off and groaned loudly. "A little help here?" she pleaded.
Iruka shook his head and sighed, "Nothing rhymes with 'angel'. Can't think of anything that sounds similar off the top of my head."
"Maybe we should just replace that line entirely?" Yamato tried.
"No way, it sounds way too awesome." Anko insisted, "What about 'bagels'?"
Kakashi cut in, "That sounds great, why don't you go find Naruto or Sasuke or somebody and ask them for ideas?"
"He probably just wants to get back to reading porn instead of working." Yamato told his bros, "Come on, our work is done." he turned, the boombox resting on his shoulder and led the three of them out the door.
Kakashi stared blankly at the place where they'd been standing moments before. He quickly came to his senses and made his way over to the door, hung a sign saying 'do not disturb, really important paperwork is being completed and interrupting me will result in mutilation and/or death' and locked it, pushing a bookcase in front of it for good measure. Though he knew that the bookcase wouldn't do jack squat in keeping people out, it did a good job at making it look like the door wasn't there and he was all alone in a world where crazy bad rappers couldn't come running in.
Silently, he withdrew a bottle of vodka and his favourite instalment in the Icha Icha series from his awesome desk's draw.
He needed time to recover from the trauma.
A lot of time.