A/N: The title was inspired by the anime 'Zankyou no Terror', except in the anime, it is von not vona. From what I researched, von means 'hope' in Icelandic, and vona means 'to hope'.
The sunlight slipped between the beige blinds, touching his eyelids. His eyes were half-opened, and he sighed deeply in weariness. There was nothing planned for him the day, yet he was awake. He was staring down at the sunlight on his shirt, and blanket, feeling his skin warm up underneath it. The day was too beautiful for him to be feeling like this. But to be feeling like what precisely? He had the feeling of melancholy. He was tired, sad, and he had no reason why.
"Hey, Tadashi, you up yet? Tadashi?" A voice called out not too far from him, and Tadashi instantly recognized it as the voice of his younger brother, Hiro. No one knew about the way Tadashi felt, and Tadashi especially didn't want Hiro to know. So he flashed a smile, morning breath slipping out and he groaned slightly.
"Good morning, Hiro." Tadashi greeted, and then slowly sat up. Every part of his body ached and his shoulders felt sore. He stretched out his arms as high as he could, and winced at the sudden exhaustion he felt from simply raising his arms up.
Everything in the room looked bleak, even Hiro. The only thing that stood out of the room were the streaks of sunlight coming from the windows. Everything else came in shades of gray; Tadashi's eyes seen everything on a grayscale.
"It's only eight, you can go back to sleep if you want to. Aunt Cass is already working, and the gang called to say they'll be here for breakfast, like usual." Hiro informed him, and stared attentively at Tadashi. Their were bags under Tadashi's eyes, and his thin lips were chapped. This was how Tadashi's appearance typically looked like now, since he said he was too lazy to get ready.
Tadashi groggily got off his bed, his feet pounding against the wooden floor when he finally stood up straight. He stomped his way to the staircase, and immediately regretted getting off his warm bed. There were no good reasons for him to get up, to ever leave his bed anymore, however he still went down the stair steps and dragged himself to the bathroom.
It was humid in the bathroom, as if someone had just finished showering. Tadashi grabbed a clean towel from a cabinet, and then turned on the water. Even taking off his clothes to get into the shower seemed like a tedious task. When did he start to feel like this? It was pathetic and humiliating, how difficult it was to even get out of bed now. He didn't even feel this terrible when his parents died, this was some other kind of sadness. It made merely existing and breathing tiring, and incredibly meaningless.
After a few moments of hearing the quick water droplets fall down onto the tub, Tadashi entered. The water was scorching hot, and the steam made it a little tough for him to breathe normally, but he didn't turn down the water or position himself away. Eventually, he sighed and began to wash his hair and body. The smell of mint and oak from the shampoo filled the space and he inhaled through his nose deeply.
There were a few hard knocks on the door, and Tadahsi heard Hiro ask,"Are you almost done in there? I need to pee."
Tadashi's hand went to twist the knob around, and the water gradually stopped into a few small drops. Tadashi reached out, grabbed the towel, and dried his upper body in the shower, then his whole body on the bath rub outside. The air was still steamy, and he wiped his hand across the foggy mirror as he tried to look at himself. Tadashi's reflection caused the corners of his lips to weigh down, and his brown eyes narrowed in disapproval. Disapproval to himself, and the way he was living. He had tried to change it, though it never went as planned. He blamed himself for that.
The knocks on the door came back, and Tadashi moved his head to face it. Tadashi quickly tried to pat himself dry, grabbed all his dirty clothes, and went to unlock the door. The moment the click of the lock was let out, the door was swung opened and Hiro rushed in, while shoving Tadashi out.
"Sorry!" Hiro shouted, and then slammed the door shut.
Tadashi stood there for a moment, feeling the ends of his hair drip water down to his back, and the cool air meeting his wet sent chills down his spine. Eventually, he went back to the stairs and jogged up the stairs, to prepare himself for the day.
Perhaps it was best if he just ended his life today. The idea came to mind a bit after Tadashi stepped out of the Lucky Cat, and it terrified him greatly. It wasn't the first time he thought about those type of things, but he never felt them so deeply as he did then. There were many people walking by him, some greeting him since he was well known in the local community, so he couldn't show his crippling anxiety.
It wasn't hard to do it, San Fransokyo was full of tall buildings, and even his kitchen cabinets held liquids that were labeled as highly poisonous. Actually, it was easier said than done. If he were to go on the roof, he'd stare down with trembling hands and unsteady breaths. Did he really want to die?
"Oh, hello, Tadashi!"
Tadashi's head jerked to the source of the high-pitched voice, and he seen all his friends walking towards him. Honey Lemon was waving her arm to him, and the others flashed him a smile. The sunlight shined onto them, making them pop out from everybody else, yet they were still seemed so distant. They seemed so ahead of him, they were walking off the better things and he was still stuck on his mistakes from years ago.
"Hey, guys." Tadashi said, giving them a small grin.
"Where are you planning to go? I thought you would sleep in this Saturday, since there's no class." Wasabi stated when they got close to him. It was usual nowadays to come into the Lucky Cat Cafe for breakfast, and not see Tadashi.
"Oh," Tadashi started, and then scratched the back of his head, "Just out for a walk, I guess. It's so nice outside." He explained, and that wasn't exactly a lie. It was wonderful out, warm and sunny. At that exact second for no significant reason, and seemingly out of his will, his mind made the choice to go with his suicidal plan. To go far away, to a high building, and just... Jump off of it.
"What? Just when we arrive?" Honey Lemon pouted, and then crossed her arms. She looked so adorable and childish with her glossy lips, and big green eyes.
"Yeah, sorry." Tadashi chuckled, and stuffed his hands into his pants pockets.
"You sure you don't want to eat breakfast with us, man? We haven't hung out in a while." Fred drawled out the word 'while' and even pouted a little too.
There were less people around now, since everyone had gotten to their destinations: work, a diner, class, etcetera. Now it was Tadashi's turn to go where he needed to go, and he didn't want to stay any longer for even a moment. It would make it harder for him, since he would be reminded of the things he had to live for. That was the problem with depression, he knew he had people to live for, and that people cared about him, but he couldn't feel it. Depression was feeling everything, and nothing. The empty void filling him up.
The wind blew lightly against his skin, and he felt his short black bangs sway against his forehead. It was almost time, just almost. Tadashi stared at his friends intently, and he brought the smile back to his face. He found himself choking in the words he wanted to say, but didn't. He didn't want to raise their suspicions, or get them worried over him.
"I'm—I'm going to go now." He stammered, "It was really good seeing all of you guys again, but I got to go."
"Oh, alright. Well, it's good to see that you're doing fine. We'll see you later then?" Gogo questioned, while the others went to the entry door. Her eyebrows were slightly raised in concern, and she frowned. Tadashi looked paler than he usually did, and his eyes weren't meeting hers.
Hopefully not. Tadashi thought, but said, "Yeah, yeah. I'll see all of you later. Okay, bye, guys." And with that, he jogged away from the others, not glancing back once.
It was an apartment building, five stories high and six large windows wide. Located in the inner city, and specifically near the poorer parts of the city. There were people walking by the building, though none noticed Tadashi's hovering shadow as he stared down at the cracked pavement below. His hands clenched the safety railing, his protruding knuckles becoming white and his palm got sweaty against the rusting metal.
This was it. One leap over the railing was all it took for him to end it all.
Tadashi took in a gulp of air, and swallowed it along with his pride. He leaned forward just a little more, and just when he was about to shut his eyes and jump over, he noticed a girl wearing a ski mask running towards the building. He caught a glimpse of her wide eyes, and gritting teeth before she disappeared into the building.
There were police cars driving to the building too, and Tadashi was too bewildered to do anything anymore. He couldn't jump now that the police was there, that was too much of a scene. He couldn't run back down either because he was sure that woman was a criminal and was being chased by the armed policemen jumping out of their cars.
Suddenly, he heard the door of the roof slam shut, and something tug at the back of his shirt. Next thing he knew, there was a cold blade merely a few centimeters from his neck and he was pressed against someone's bosom.
Tadashi's eyes frightfully travelled up, he was afraid of what he would see. She was wearing the black ski mask, so he only seen her light brown piercing eyes. They were glistening, and narrowed as she defiantly stared down at the police. The wind was still blowing lightly, and the aroma of her strong perfume came to his nose. She smelled like flowers, and vanilla.
He felt himself slowly bring up his hand up to his chest, just because for the first time in a long time, he heard and felt its rapidly pounding rhythm. Before he could only hear it faintly during the nighst, and even then it wasn't enough for him.
"Don't make one move, or I'll kill you." She whispered, glancing down at him, and then back at the police. "You shoot me, I'll kill him and make sure that bomb in this building goes off!" She shouted.
Tadashi's eyes went wide, and beads of sweat formed at his forehead. Perhaps he did want to die, but not like this. The knife moved closer to his throat, and he was afraid to swallow. When he looked at the knife, and he noticed that she was holding it at the bolster with a trembling hand. Was she afraid? To die? To kill? The thought seemed irrational because she appeared to be a person that had killed many before.
"About time." He heard her mutter, and then gusts of wind began to blow. A helicopter flew above them, and a ladder dropped down from it. "You're coming with me. Don't scream, make no noise to the police." She demanded, and quickly wrapped a strong arm around his upper torso, while the other hand grabbed onto the ladder.
The knife was still in her hand, and Tadashi was positive that if he moved, the knife would be dug right into his side. So he didn't resist, and watched as the helicopter flew up. Bullets began to shoot at them, though none reached them. His legs hung freely, and his heartbeat was rapid.
The woman's forearm was placed right above his chest, and she frowned as she felt his heart pound.
"You're afraid of heights or something?" She questioned loudly, as the ladder was being tugged up. Soon, the two were in the helicopter with four other people. The pilot, a tall man in a black and navy suit, and two others wearing all black, bullet proof vests and helmets. It looked like a scene in a movie full of espionage and crime.
Tadashi couldn't help but think that everything was too unrealistic. To the point of humorous. He would have cracked a smile, if it weren't for the man in the suit to unexpectedly point a gun at him. No shakiness in the man's hands, or doubt on his face. This was unfortunately the reality of Tadashi now.
"Why is he here, Aya?" The man inquired, not directing the gun away, although his face turned to look at Aya. She had taken off the ski mask, throwing it to the floor.
Tadashi was astonished by her appearance. She was not at all what he expected. First he looked at her tan jaw, noticed how some strands of her black hair were clinging onto the edge of her plump lips, then her small nose, and finally her gleaming light brown eyes. She had a scar near her collarbone, and very little acne scars on her cheek. When he looked at her, she wasn't as gray as everyone else. Aya wasn't the best looking girl he had seen, but at the moment, it seemed like she was.
"I thought he could join us, well since he was about to kill himself anyways." Aya explained.
Tadashi wanted to know how she knew that was his plan, because he didn't recall ever telling her. Maybe she had seen him leaning more over the edge of the railing, or maybe it was just a terrifyingly accurate guess. It could had been that Aya was a mind reader, she looked like she could be a mind reader. At this point to Tadashi, anything was possible.
"Wait, join what?" Tadashi finally spoke with fear laced in his voice. Everybody else ignored him, not even swiveling their heads or turning their eyes to peek at him.
The man gave her a skeptical look, and raised his arm up. Tadashi swallowed his saliva, and his hands rolled into tight fists. It was weird because the whole morning was full of the idea that he would kill himself, but now he was so scared of dying.
"Come on, if we let him go, he'll tell the police, Stephen." Aya insisted, and her eyes darted to Tadashi then back to him.
"Which is more of a reason to kill him."
Aya groaned, and then scratched behind her ear with a single finger while in deep thought. Then she rubbed her chin pensively, this wasn't uncharacteristic of her. She was strong, however she never liked to kill. That was probably the reason why she didn't want Tadashi to get killed right there.
"Look," Stephen's voice had gotten softer, "I know you don't enjoy killing, but sometimes you just got to." He told Aya, subconsciously lowering his arm.
At last, she came up to a conclusion, and snatched the gun out of the Stephen's hand. She was much shorter than him, so he was in shock when she took it away with ease. Aya brought her eyes to Tadashi's, and she took careful steps to him. The gun was slightly directed at him, but more at his left temple.
"What are you doing?" Tadashi asked in a hasty tone, and before he knew it, the gun smacked against his head and everything went black.
A/N: This is unprofessional, but I'm still figuring out what I want Aya's final name to be. Aya in this story is a Japanese name, and it's pronounced "Ah-yah". It changed three times during the story... Also, I'll most likely update this every Sunday C: I hope you enjoyed it!