I really truly was minding my own business. Really! Truly! Let's look at the evidence.

I got up this morning, my usual chipper self. And I was ravenous, so I toasted some eggs and fried a couple of slices of bread. Yummy! After picking just the right outfit, I set off to walk the hyenas. They sure get feisty after a night indoors and needed to stretch a bit. After foraging for a little breakfast of their own, a poodle and the cutest little kitty cat you ever did see, they seemed satisfied. At least they weren't looking at me like I was a stack of kielbasa, so I figured it was safe to take them back home.

Harley was out doing something. Ya know, these days she always seems to be out doing 'something.' I think it's that Ivy babe. She sure is bad influence on my little girl. I'm gonna have to do something about that. I mean, a girl's gotta have a hobby, but when it takes her away from her lovin' man, things need to be done. They need to be…fixed. Hmmm. But, which one. Ah well. As usual, I digress. But it's just so much fun! So anyway, Harley was out. And I was bored. Capital B-O-R… you get the point.

So what does one in my position do? Cable sucks. My magazine subscriptions had all run out. I can't get a decent henchman team together for a little game of hoops. I mean geez! So, I decided to take a walk.

Bad move on my part. Major faux pas. I mean, I am a celebrity in my own way and I can't just walk the streets, especially after my babies had just had poodle surprise for breakfast. Do you ever notice how uptight people get when your pet eats their pet. Like this is a crime or something. Well, I no sooner step out my door for a saunter up the boulevard, when I notice a crowd milling about, just a block away. Curious, I wandered over for a little look see. After a bit of judicious hopping to see what was up in the center of this mob, I spotted the old bat who owned the pooch had joined the throngs of the demised for the good of my boys. And she spotted me. And I'll be darned if she didn't start screaming.

"It's him! It's that freak who attacked my poor baby!"

I felt the need to defend myself as the pack turned it's hideous face upon me. "Madam, I laid not a finger upon your precious whatever it was."

"Those 'things' with you ate him!"

"Well, yes they did. But in their defense, I must say that they had not eaten since the previous night and were quit ravenous. And your puppy did put up a good fight. Lasted almost a full minute. I say it went out in a blaze of glory."

She seemed to miss the compliment, as did the rest of the assemblage. They began to make all kinds of aggressive snarly noises and came at me. I'm afraid I don't remember what happened after that.

Next thing I know, you've got me pinned to this wall, I'm dripping with more blood than I could possibly cut loose in a lifetime and I'm thinking something bad has happened. So Bats, can we at least arrange for a kennel for my little poopsies to stay in before you send me back to that 'place?' They get so hungry when I have to leave them alone for more than a few days.