R+R please!

Note: I do not own the Mighty Boosh (unfortunately)

The whole town was deserted. Not an animal, human or robot in sight. Where have the town's inhabitants disappeared to? Electro Prince Noir wondered as he looked around the dark, empty salons and boutiques. It's usually so busy at this time. He removed his neon mirrored sunglasses. He didn't need them at the moment. He wore them out to town as he needed to hide his identity. Every man, woman and child had heard of Electro Prince Noir, musical genius, prince charming. Because of this, he had to disguise his identity in order to get his shopping done without signing a thousand and one autographs. He checked his reflection in the glasses. Perfect as usual. No wonder everyone wanted a piece of him. Suddenly, he heard an almighty crash outside. He drew his weapon, a rainbow-coloured sceptre. It had a crimson star, with many rainbow-coloured spirals dancing inside it, on the top. He gripped the middle of it, ready for a fight, then ran out of the shop as fast as his platform Terry de Havilland boots could carry him. The crash sounded again. And again. And again. It was like footsteps. It can't be footsteps, Prince Noir said to himself. A being would have to be ten feet tall to have footsteps that loud. Then, he heard a deafening roar, like what you'd expect to hear from a grumpy lion who just missed his bus. Many beings would have fled after hearing such a thunderous roar, but not Electro Prince Noir. He followed the noise, eager to find its source. To him, this was like hide and seek. The creature got to hide, Prince Noir had to seek. He ran around Eraser News Inc. and Pencil Case Shopping Centre, the two biggest buildings in town. Then he saw the creature. It was an enormous pencil, with flashing fuchsia eyes and flaming blood-red hair. He hopped towards the brave prince, leaving big holes in the floor where the tip had penetrated the concrete.

"What is your business in my peaceful town? State your purpose!" Prince Noir shouted to the monster, holding his staff aloft.

"ROOOOOAAAAARRR!! HIIIISSSSSSS!" was the creature's reply.

"Ok, this means war!"

"ROOOOOAAAAARRR!!"

Prince Noir spun his staff between his fingers, muttering a spell. He pointed the tip of the staff at the giant pencil.

"ATTACK!"

A hundred heat-seeker neon throwing knives shot from the star topping the sceptre. They zoomed in the pencil's direction, then lodged themselves into the pencil's sturdy wooden midriff. The pencil, seemingly not noticing the attack, hopped a bit closer to the prince. It opened its mouth and shot a long transparent sword with a black line down its middle at the prince. It narrowly skimmed Prince Noir's torso, leaving a black scar across his silver glitter-suit. That was the last straw. Electro Prince Noir saw red. He muttered an incantation and pointed his staff to the floor. A strong jet of hot air blasted from the staff's tip, propelling the prince up to the pencil's eye level. The prince floated closer to the pencil, closer, closer until he could see every detail of the monster's wooden face. It didn't have a nose, and its mouth was so small he almost missed it. The pencil opened its mouth and bared its teeth at the prince. Its teeth were violet in colour, and its breath was laced with the smell of burning plastic. The pencil moved in to try and pull the prince into its greedy mouth, but he was ready for it. As it came close, Electro Prince Noir kicked it between its eyes. It squealed in pain. Prince Noir grinned in victory as he kicked it again. And again. And again.

"Vince. Vince. VINCE!"

"Huh, what?" Vince looked up from his game. He was holding his pencil up as his tiny Polly Pocket doll kicked it between the two pink Sharpie dots on the top.

"I'm trying to tell you about the history of the globe, but you're mucking about with your pencil case!" Howard exclaimed, exasperated.

"I'm listening, I really am!" Vince lied, putting the doll and the pencil down.

"You're not, I know you're not. I watched you build that contraption out of your pencil case and its contents. Then I watched you draw a face on that pencil, and then I watched you engage it in a battle with that doll!"

"That doesn't mean I'm not listening!" Vince protested.

"Yes it does. I have to start again now. Right, the first globe was invented in 18..."

Prince Noir floated down as the pencil fell to the floor in a dead faint, defeated. Now to find his people. He walked towards the castle-

"Vince!!"

"Sorry!"