Author's Note: Set during Rory's Junior year at Chilton. Remember the dance in Season 1? Well, this is the same dance...only a year later. Dean and Rory are still together - Tristan never left. We'll leave it at that. For now, I'll say this is only a one parter. Reviews sometimes change my mind - so we'll see!
Disclaimer: I own nothing! (Finale in 6 short days! Woooe!)
Times Change
It surprised her, the small amount of homework she had for the weekend. She'd never, ever, in her whole Chilton existence been limited to bringing one book and one notebook home. Especially for a weekend.
But, here she was, Friday at it's end, and no matter how hard she thought or no matter how hard she checked her book of assignments, she still came to the conclusion that the only book that she needed was her Psychology one and the only notebook that she needed was the one to accompany the book.
To say she was shocked would be an understatement.
"Problem?" A voice asked, coming up behind her, she of course knew who it was immediately.
Without looking, she decided to come to terms with her homework situation.
"Not in the least." She answered, slamming her locker shut.
She turned from her locker, facing him. Her backpack (incredibly light) was on her back, and a smile graced her features. Her eyes met his and it only grew. His imfamous smirk was planted on his face, his eyes glowing with something she wasn't quite able to pinpoint.
"Glad to hear it." He replied with a nod.
"Glad to tell it." She shot back, always having to have the last word where he was involved.
She started her journey down the hall, knowing that he would follow. She knew him, she'd come to accept that. Over the last year, whether she cared to admit it or not, she knew him. And she liked it; knowing him, so well. Knowing what he would do, what he would say, or how he would react to a situation. It was refreshing to her, in a way she couldn't quite explain to herself. He was refreshing.
"So I heard you talking to Madeline and Louise before." He started.
Of course she knew that wasn't the end of the story.
She raised her eyebrows at him, encouraging him to continue.
"You're going with Dean?" He asked, the small amount of words enough.
But she still played dumb. "What?"
He rolled his eyes. He knew her too. "To the dance."
She shrugged, nonchalance her best friend at the current moment. "He's my boyfriend."
"Yes he is." Tristan agreed through a clenched jaw.
She pursed her lips together, trying to decide which direction to take this conversation in. She pushed her way outside of the building. The sun was shining brightly, tricking all of those looking on from inside. Her breath could be seen in front of her, the air frigid, causing her cheeks to redden almost immediately.
"He came with me last year."
"Alot has changed since last year." He responded almost immediately. Like he knew what she was going to say before she even did.
Maybe he did, she quickly thought.
"Not that much." She said. A lie.
He laughed inside, because he could tell she was trying to convince herself more than anything. "Enough, though."
She spotted her bus in the distance, an easy opening.
"There's my bus." She said, her steps picking up. She couldn't give him the chance to offer her a ride home.
Not that he ever did.
"See you tonight." He called after her.
And if she heard she pretended not too.
---
"If I cry will you make fun of me?" Lorelai asked her daughter as she looked on in awe.
"Probably," Rory answered. "Do it and we'll see."
Blinking repeatedly, Lorelai tried her hardest to keep the tears away.
"You know blinking just creates more moisture in your eyes." Rory pointed out with a giggle.
"You're too smart for your own good." Lorelai said, seemingly over her emotional scene. "You look beautiful."
Rory smiled, blushing slightly, only because compliments were not taken well by her. Even from her mother. "I sort of feel beautiful."
And it was true. She did. Her dress was a lighter blue then it had been last year, but blue nonetheless. Lorelai refused to make her daughter a dress that was any other color. She said that blue brought out the color of her eyes, and any other color would just pale in comparison.
And although Rory argued each and every time with her mother's logic, she agreed.
Lorelai smiled, hugging her daughter tightly. "You realize that it has been a whole year since the last dance I sent you off too?"
Rory nodded, smiling at the thought. "I hope it goes better then that one."
"Ha! Don't we all." Lorelai spoke. "Not much has changed at least. You've still got Dean."
Rory smiled, it was all she could do. Little did her mother know, was her first thought. Little did she know how much really had changed. Little did she know how bad this dance could potentially be. Little did she know that her innocent, angelic Rory was far from innocent and angelic.
Before she could lead her mother on that anything was wrong, the doorbell rang and she released a breath. She hated the secrets. The lies, the overall pain she knew she was causing everyone, including herself. It was hard, keeping it inside. Hiding such change wore on a person. Hiding such feelings did too, she supposed.
Lorelai got the door, and Rory listened from where she stood in the living room. She heard Dean, saw him slightly from the angle at which she stood. She sighed once more, hoping more than anyone could imagine that they could get through this night unscathed.
They shouldn't even be going.
That much she knew.
But the other thing that she knew? The one fact that had been gnawing at her for at least a week?
She wanted to go. Desperately.
---
"I have mentioned how amazing you look, right?" Dean asked, as the two walked, hand in hand, into the hotel at which the dance would be held.
She laughed, through a fake smile. "Once or twice. And thank you."
He smiled, opening the door for her, and she took one final breath before she entered.
"I can't believe we're doing this again." He commented as they walked through the lobby.
She laughed, mostly in spite of the whole situation. Because she couldn't believe it either.
They rid themselves of their coats, walking further into the hotel, reaching the room where all hell could break loose.
It was obvious her mind was not in the right place.
"Now remember," She heard Dean start. "The option is always there to ditch this thing and spend some time alone. We are in Hartford, I'm sure we could find something fun to do."
She smiled. He really was amazing.
And she? She was so far from it.
She shrugged, once more feigning nonchalance. Because that? That came with lying. And lying had become her. "I think it'll be fun."
"Whatever you want, we'll do."
She decided not to respond, only tugged on his hand dragging him to the table in which she saw Madeline, Louise, and Paris occupying with their respective dates. On top of everything that had changed, her friendship with these three girls was one of them. They'd become progressively closer over the last year. Slowly working their way into something that could be qualified as a friendship. They talked and told stories and even occasionally hung out on weekends.
And Rory liked that.
Probably because lies didn't accompany such welcome changes.
"Let's sit here." She announced to Dean, approaching the table.
"There you are!" Madeline exclaimed, standing up to hug her and compliment her on how amazing her dress was and how amazing she looked in it. Lousie followed. Paris simply smiled at her and told her the dress was great. Out of the three of them Paris understood her the most.Rory liked it that way.
"Mind if we sit here?" Rory asked, trying her best not to look around the room.
"Obviously not." Louise answered, motioning to the two empty seats at the table. Rory introduced Dean to the other girl's dates. The boys exchanged friendly enough exchanges with her boyfriend, but they would never accept him as anything. He was Rory's boyfriend from Stars Hollow, the reason changes couldn't be acknowledged.
Not that anyone knew anything specific about said changes.
But Chilton was small enough, and mouths were large enough and news spread quickly.
Rory could only hope news wouldn't spread so quickly as to enter Dean's ears.
---
Later she would try to convince herself that she'd only mistakenly laid eyes on Tristan. But she knew the truth. Her eyes met his and a flash of lust and passion and anger and bitterness, even so far away, was evident in the depths of his blue eyes.
And she hated it and loved it all the same.
"I'm going to go to the bathroom quickly." Rory whispered to Dean, not wanting either of the girls to over hear.
She had to be alone for this to work.
He smiled, kissing her on the forehead. She tried not to let her anxiety show, but she feared that, try as hard as she could, it wouldn't be good enough.
She kept her head up all the way to the bathroom. She waved hello to those she'd come to know and weaved her way through couples dancing and mingling. She had to do this fearlessly and quickly and without drawing much attention.
Because attention drew questions, and in this situation, so screwed up and ridiculous, questions could not be asked.
Because answers could not be supplied.
She knew his eyes followed her across the room. She could always feel him, whether he was close to her, or watching her, or thinking of her. She could feel the power he held over her. And that, that she hated. Because admitting that after so much effort to fight off his advances, she'd completely failed was disappointing. Because she knew now that it had all been inevitable. Falling for him and letting him consume her. She couldn't remember a time when he hadn't entered her life in such a way.
She walked right past him, not even acknowledging his presence. But only because that was the way it went. It was the only thing she got a say in. How exactly they were to go about this. Because it was her life on the line, her life in jeopardy. He cared about nothing. She wasn't even sure if he cared about her sometimes.
At least, it was easier when she told herself that.
Because when he cared, she was hurting him. And hurting him was possibly the worst thing she could do.
She exited the hotel through a door in the back. She hoped he was following her, because she couldn't turn around. She walked through what she figured to be a garden. Flowers planted, benches set up. It was beautiful, and if time wasn't such an issue she probably would have taken a moment to admire it.
She made her way around the building, hiding in a dark corner where her only option was to adjust to the lack of light.
She heard him come closer. She knew the sound of his footsteps and the way in which he carried himself. She allowed herself to learn these small, insignificant things about him. Lonely nights, and quiet moments were spent remembering him.
She backed up so that her wall was pressed lightly against the brick of the building. Any time that could be saved was key. Because there may of been many things that they could not have, but time was the most obvious.
He didn't even speak, only stepped in front of her, his lips meeting hers in what she'd call an electric kiss. It was, of course, always this way. His lips brushed hers softly. They both felt the spark. It was what kept bringing her back. It was that spark that initiated the rest. He deepened the kiss, their motions well pas the exploratary stage. He knew exactly what he had to do to make her shiver and exactly where to touch to make her squirm. He knew that when he nibbled on her earlobe and softly teased her neck with his kisses that she would moan.
And he knew that Dean knew known of this.
Which made it all completely worth it.
"God." He half breathed, leaning his forehead against hers. He hated when he remembered it couldn't last.
She played aimlessly with his tie, wanting desperately to undo it.
"How's Mel?" She whispered referring to his date.
"How's Dean?" He whispered back, only because it seemed appropriate.
She pulled him closer by his tie, his lips meeting hers. They stood like that, time flying by, each forgetting the wrong that they were performing. They were lost in eachother, it always happened this way, and it was always times like these when all those changes almost came crashing down. That all the lying and hiding to make it work unraveled.
"I'm sure he's looking for you." He mumbled, kissing down her jawline.
And she knew he was right.
"You know what I wish?" She asked him as he kissed her neck. She did this a lot.
He didn't even have to ask her what.
"I wish we could run away. Go to Paris or something and just pretend that we weren't two stupid teenagers making huge mistakes." She said softly, her fingers pulling on his belt loops. She had no idea how crazy she was making him.
Or maybe she did.
"Technically, we could." Was always his answer.
And she'd roll her eyes, words not spoken.
"Sometimes I think I love you." She said barely above a whisper. She'd never said that.
"You say things like that and it really fucking pisses me off." He said, going from relaxed to severly pissed off in a matter of seconds. He had a right to be angry. A right to take that anger out on her. Because it was she that created it. She played with his head, and made him wait, and he continued to let her do it.
Because he needed her. He needed her like he needed air and food. Often times he thought he needed her more.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked. He'd wanted too for so long.
And she knew this was the moment for her to take her leave. Because time together, at this moment, had gone on for too long.
She bit her lip. No answer was clear as day in this situation.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked again.
"What if I don't have an answer?"
He sighed. She always did this. And he always let her. "I need one, Rory."
"It's been too long." She said, her voice quivering.
"It's too late to go back." He told her. He wasn't quite sure they were even talking about the same thing.
"I have to go."
"Leave now and I might not be here to come back too."
Her eyes were large now, her face not only red because of the cold. "Why are you doing this!"
"Why are you?" And his calm and restraint at the moment surprised him.
"I don't know any other way." She answered slowly. Time passed, minutes flying by, and slowly, but surely, all was changing once more.
"That's nobody's fault but yours, Rory." He answered, he knew she knew all of this though.
"I don't do change well."
"Obviously." He scoffed. He knew it wasn't helping, his cavalier attitude, but he was sick of this. Sick of her.
Or so he told himself.
"I can't hurt them, Tristan."
He hated when she said his name.
"What about hurting me, huh? What the fuck about all the shit you're putting me through!"
"You think I haven't thought about that!" She cried. "It kills me, Tristan. I swear it does."
"You're breaking me, Rory. And it's not exactly easy for me to admit that but you are slowly killing me." And maybe he was being dramatic but it's how he felt.
"I'm sorry." She said, reaching out for him, but he wouldn't let her.
"He must know you don't love him. You're mother must know. You're whole freakin' nut job of a town must know that. They must know you have these insane secrets. They're probably just waiting for you to explode. I see it, Rory. All of us, the people you claim don't really know you, they see it."
"I don't care if you see it."
"You lost your God damn virginity to me, Rory. You got drunk with me, you told me you loved me."
She lowered her eyes, because when it was spoken out loud it was too real.
"I have to go." She said once more. But she knew what he was doing. He was talking and talking because he knew that right now? Right now when she went back in there all would be different.
Changes would suddenly be visable.
Because her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks stained with tears, and his anger matched her feelings.
"I kiss you and I don't care about anything else."
"Stop, Rory. I know what you're doing."
She shook her head, grabbing hold of his hand, not letting him turn and leave. "I'm not doing anything."
"Yes you are!" His whisper loud. "You're doing the same thing you always do. But it isn't going to work this time. I don't care what you say, it's not going to keep me around."
She whimpered, lost. "What will?"
"You. All of you."
"God." She said, frustrated."Don't you get it? You have me!"
He shook his head. She was so fucking daft sometimes it hurt him. "You can't have it all."
She sighed, nodded her head, and let go of his hand.
"It still won't be easy you know. Even if he is out of the picture."
A glimmer of something flashed through her eyes, maybe hope, maybe relief and it made him want to hold her and never let her go.
"It can't be any worse then it's been."
He treaded lightly, knowing that at any moment she could change her mind.
She leaned up on her toes, kissing him softly, letting him know, simply, that she wasn't giving up on him.
She walked past him, and she knew he would follow shortly. She had no idea what was to come. Too much time had passed, it was all undoing itself as she walked back through the garden.
And she stopped, taking a moment to look at it's beauty.
Because suddenly she had all the time in the world.