WARNING! THIS STORY IS RATED-M AND WILL CONTAIN THE FOLLOWING CONTENT:

RAPE, VIOLENCE & EXPLICIT SEXUAL THEMES

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

This story takes place in an Alternate Universe where Rose used to be a strigoi so it's OOC.

The first bit is set in the present (future) so anything you read under 'xxxx' is meant to be pages from her memoir that's set in the past.

plus anything in italics under 'xxxx' is a memory within the memoir. (ha ha it's like inception...) Enjoy?

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, the wonderful Richelle Mead does. though i do wish i could own a certain tall, godlike russian... ; P

I sat at the edge of a creaky, cushioned visitor's chair as my fingers drew small absent minded spirals across a lean, long and large forearm. My other hand was delicately placed on my swollen belly where I felt the baby kick.

I smiled thoughtfully, tenderly rubbing the spot where she kicked as I cooed to my unborn daughter sweetly in Russian.

I yawned tiredly as I stood up and ran my fingers through the silken, dark brown locks of my comatose husband.

My fingers moved to brush across his strong cheekbones, I traced a finger down the bridge of his narrow nose and dragged my thumb across his full, smooth lips.

I bit my tongue, trying to stay strong for both us and our daughter, yet I felt warm silent tears trickle slowly from my eyes.

I sucked in a sharp breath as I bent down and kissed his closed eyes gently before molding our lips together.

I felt the familiar electric hum I always felt around him now, letting my body know he was still alive, that his soul was still somewhere inside him. I pouted regardless though, because physically he was still unresponsive.

He's been in a persistent coma for three months now and I don't think I can handle much more heartache. I pecked his lips one final time before waddling my way to the other side of the bed, careful not to tug on any of his tubes or wires and cuddled up next to him.

I lift one of his heavy arms, draping it over my bulging waist hoping somewhere deep inside, he can feel and hear me. "We're both here with you." I softly murmur into his ear in our native tongue before I pick up the tattered book I had placed on the night stand earlier.

The leather cover is a little torn and weathered, some of the pages are stained and dogeared from countless reading, but alas this thing's still intact.

I run my fingertips over the embossed lettering of my journal's title "спасение". It translates as Salvation in English which is the language I chose to write it in, yet I still wanted to keep some Russian influence to it so I opted for the traditional Cyrillic script on the front.

I closed my eyes briefly and steadied my quivering heart rate as I opened up to the first page and relived my past...

xxxx

Run run run...

That was all I could remember when it happened to me. The only memory I held onto. The only thought I had. The last whisper of my soul before it was ripped away from me...

The memory was old, and crackled in my mind like the flickering light on a candle being teased and taunted by the wind. But I had clung to it so desperately that it was burned into the back of my conscience now, forever. Always lingering, always reminding me of who I was... who I could still be if I ever tried...

I pumped my legs harder, willing them to go faster as my lungs chocked and screamed for air. My breathing was shallow as my hot breaths frosted against the cold night. Dancing across the atmosphere before I sharply sucked it in again and winced as the coldness bit into the sensitive walls of my throat. I grunted, gritting my chattering teeth together as I forced myself to inhale the freezing air. It hurt like I was swallowing a thousands tiny little razor blades that were cool to the touch and stabbed my chest like a manic sociopath crazed and hungry to kill again...

I hissed, trying to push the memory away. But to no avail, it plunged it's way to the surface reminding of my former life...

I gasped as I felt a strong hand clamp down on my shoulder and jerk me back. I felt the nausea roll in my stomach just before I heard the sickeningly cruel voices,

"Mm, such a feisty one she is..."

"Oh yes, and she looks so tasty..."

"Yes, yes... she smells mouthwatering too..."

I growled, punching the closest strigoi next to me as I swiveled my body letting my left side absorb the majority of my fall's impact. "You bitch!" The one I hit howled as I rolled over a mound of wet snow and leapt into a defensive crouch.

I smirked at the three tall men approaching me and cockily eyed the one who now had a bloody nose.

My slight pause became their signal to attack me...

The fight was short lived but I'll never forget the mistake I made...

I dodged to the left, striking one square in the jaw with an uppercut while my left leg shot out to kick the stomach of another. But what I didn't expect was for the third man to be so fast. It happened quicker than the blink of an eye. One moment I'm pivoting my body to send another blow and the next thing I know, I find myself pinned down on the slushy, damp ground.

My eyes narrowed as I fought him, but my attempts were useless, he had me trapped in a vise-grip using his full body weight.

I felt my heart drumming wildly in chest as I struggled against his hold when I noticed the other two strigoi had recovered from my hits and were now slowly stalking towards me.

Pure panic rushed throughout my whole body as an excess amount of adrenaline surged within all my veins. "You're going to be punished for being very naughty." The one restraining me chucked menacing as the other men closed the gap between us and kneeled down above my head.

Never in my life had I ever thought I'd be so vulnerable and scared as I was right now. Mustering up as much courage as I could, I spat in one of the red eyed monster's face and shouted "Fuck you!"

This only seemed to amuse the three men. Then all at once, they clawed at my body and ripped away my clothes...

I shut my eyes, clamped my hands over my ears and screamed but the memory still wouldn't go away...

I wailed till my voice was hoarse, I thrashed until my limps were frostbitten, I fought with ever fiber in being to free myself... but it was too late for me. "Spread her." One of them ferociously ordered as tears streamed down my face and I begged for them to stop.

A set of arms pried my legs apart as another dug into the flesh below my now broken wrists and wrapped a leg over my torso to trap me still. My neck was smeared with my own blood from where they had bitten me but didn't drink. Their teeth had grated against my skin, breaking the surface but never sinking in with their fangs to inject me with endorphins. These sick bastards wanted me to feel the pain and not numb me with their drugging bites...

"Yes, that's right you filthy little bloodwhore, beg for mercy...", the leader howled while hastily pulling down his pants. My eyes widened as I screamed for the help that would never come. My tired body felt heavy but I still forced myself to fight even though their hold on me was too strong. A low feral growl rumbled in his chest before thrusting inside me with his erect lifeless dick.

The scream that erupted from my mouth as he ripped my walls should have woken up the dead if only there was any out here in this desolate place...

I slumped to the floor, writhing as I balled fists into my hair. Tugging at the long chocolate locks and pleading for this to stop...

Blood pooled from between my thighs as cruel voices bellowed in my ears, "Scream all you want, no one's going to hear you..."

I tried to formulate words but they came out as whimpered mumbles. When he pulled out, I thought the torture was over, that they'd finally just leave me to die, but they didn't.

A gurgled shriek sounding from my lips as I felt three pairs of fangs puncture my body. The bites were rapid, excruciating, and relentless as I senses them chomping down on my inner thighs, navel, stomach, breasts and shoulders.

I started to hyperventilate as I lost my will to fight. Two of them continued to prick and nip at my swollen, beaten flesh as the other began to trail his lips across my jaw. I feebly tried to turn my head away from him, but he yanked on my hair and crushed his mouth to mine...

I curled myself up in ball and began to rock back and forth as the horrific show played on...

I bit his lip only for him to pull away and striking me across the cheek before he swiftly shoved my head down to the ground. I saw sparks dance across my blurred, watery vision just before he yanked my neck to the side to finally end my misery.

The last thing I remembered was feeling his twin canines puncture my main artery before everything went black...

I froze as my mind went blank and soon the pain went away. I lurched upright, clutching my forehead in relief as the memory began to fade away again.

I had been such a foolish, naive girl in my former life. The pain of that day I died was nothing in comparison to pleasure and satisfaction of when my corpse woke up a few minutes later that very same night. The strigoi men had drain my body and then abandoned my mangled carcass to rot in the snowy woods in the dead of Winter. But as they began to leave, little did they know, that when they ravished me, one of them had unknowingly fed me some of his blood.

I grinned dreamily remembering what I did to them after I awakened-

SMASH!

I jumped up from my seated position on my bedroom floor as a loud crash sounded from down the hallways outside my room.

I ghosted over to the room's main door leading to the dark corridor and cracked it open. My lips parts slightly as my grip on the doorknob tighten. Down the hall I saw five buff dhampirs charging towards me while another two were engaged in a scuffle with my two doormen. Guardians... I softly whispered.

Shit! Without hesitation, I bolted my door shut and flew over to the bedroom's one and only window.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

I flinched as I heard gunshots being fired at my door. I hissed punching a fist through the thick double layered cinder block wall to the hidden electrical panel I had installed in there.

All the windows in my house were tinted and unbreakable, even for a strigoi. So I secretly had this fusebox put in so at least I could escape should the time ever arise.

Someone had reached my door and I glanced over to see that they were trying to jiggle the knob. Huh, good luck trying to pick that lock buddy, it's not gonna happen... I silently snickered as my fingers prodded around a sea of wires until I found the two that would trip the window's switch.

I smelt the rusty, metallic scent of sparks igniting before I heard the soft click of the window's hidden latch unbuckling.

The struggle on the other side of the door ceased and I twitched hearing hands gently brushing the hinges.

Fuck. They're going to blow it up. I quickly ran to my closet grabbing my emergency bag. I scratched and pushed my hanging clothing away to reveal a small built-in safe nestled in the drywall. I shrugged on my leather jacket while reaching for my safe and one handedly twisted at the combination lock.

Once opened, I stuffed my passports and stacks of various foreign currency into my bag before slinging it over my shoulder and rushing back to the window.

After getting a whiff of the air, I snarled smelling acid chemicals burning from the other side of the front door.

Cautiously, I returned back to the room's farthest wall and pressed my palms against the smooth glassy metal of my window and with a slightly shove, it catapulted out and down the four-story drop.

I heard a soft thud as it impacted the slick, dewy ground. I climbed over the sill to see a guardian stationed outside who suddenly looked up and to my sheer luck, he noticed me. I smiled haughty at him and he glowered at me in return and began to stride in my direction muttering something into his earpiece.

Just before I jumped, the front door of my bedroom flew open where a hoard of guardians flooded the area lead by none other than my mother.

She locked gazes with me for only just a brief moment. Her light, livid brown eyes pierced my crimson-ringed ones with an unsatiated fierceness and determination as the grip on her stake tightened.

"Hello Mother Dearest." I coldly spat breaking her out her murderous daze.

"I'm no mother to a monster." she shot right back at me taking a step closer.

I rolled my eyes before barging my fangs at her. Typically response, I shouldn't expect any less coming from her. "Stop wasting your time on me Janine." I hissed before I jumped off the ledge.

"Rose!" her voice echoed into the night as gravity impelled my body downward.

I could see a large forrest of pine trees in the near distance as my long, curly hair wiped in the wind.

I landed in the thorny bushes with a soft thump before my legs sprung forward and I pounced perfectly on the balls of my feet. I grinned noting I dropped flawlessly onto the early morning grass like a lithe puma. This was my best stunt yet.

I relished in my brief victory before I screeched as a sharp metal tip swiped across my right cheek and burned my skin.

I growled, dodging another blow as I turned to see the guardian from before lunging for me again.

My torso pivoted just in time as I avoided another strike this time to my shoulder. I sneered at him jumping up for a roundhouse kick which he deflected effortlessly and used my momentum against me where he forcibly shoved my leg back and I went crashing to the ground.

I rolled to the my side and glanced up at his towering frame in awe, drinking him in with my heightened senses.

He was tall, tan-skinned, ripped, dark-haired, and devastatingly handsome. Damn, it's a shame I'm going to have to kill him...

Noticing my slight distraction he wiped out his stake again, this time aiming it for my heart. But before he had the chance to plunge it into my chest, I hooked a knee around his muscular calves and kicked his legs out from under him.

I let my instincts guide me as I fought to take the defense. But this bastard was fast. He move just as quick as me as if he knew all my moves. I growled in frustration, he was wasting my getaway time.

I managed to straddle his waist and pin the arm that held his stake above his head as I drew my head close to his.

His lips parted and a combination of a moan and gasp escaped from his throat as I grazed the points of my fangs on the soft, tender skin at the crook of his neck.

Wait a minute... did I just excite him? I pulled back to gaze at him curiously. Dhampirs weren't supposed to like being bitten, it was taboo. Regardless whether it was from a strigoi or moroi...

There was something different about this guardian that I just couldn't seem to place and I found myself hesitating as I overpowered him.

I paused to admire his wonderful scent. It was a musky spicy smell, the scent of the living, along with a mouthwatering combination of his perspiration and aftershave. Mmm... it was wonderful-

I was abruptly knocked out of my intoxicated haze as the elbow of his free arm literally collided with my chest.

All coherent thought escaped my mind as I batted his arm away and buried my teeth into his neck. He gasped but after a moment that sharp outcry of shock morphed into a pleasurable moan as he pressed himself closer to me.

I felt myself leaning closer to him in return as I sucked on his delicious sugar nectar. I lapped my tongue enjoying both the feel of his skin and the butter taste of his yummy blood.

"Rose! We have to go!" an annoying frantic voice called to me from a few yards away.

I growled, pulling back from him as I looked up to see Sydney staring at me angrily. The man beneath me whimpered from the loss of my mouth's contact.

"You can eat later! Now come on, the sun's almost up!" she yelled as I crushed the tall dhampir closer to me, not wanting to let go of him.

But then her words struck me, the sun's almost up...

I decided to take pity on this guardian. I started to let go of him, slightly transfixed by the blissful look on his attractive face, it made me feel... warm. I suddenly tensed and dropped his body fast as if he had stung me with poison.

This wasn't right. I wasn't suppose to feel things like that anymore! I recoiled away from him now in complete distain.I mentally berated myself for getting distracted and met Sydney's puzzled facial expression. I nodded my head at her and together we both made a run for it. Except there was one problem, I suddenly felt something both hot and cold strike my rib from the side that was dangerously close to the apex of my heart...

Okay, it's official. I have WADD. [Writer's. Attention. Deficit. Disorder.]

(bah ha that's not a real condition!) but au contraire, i do believe it is because i have it. yup. i'm self-diagnosed actually. i can't seem to stop myself from cooking up new stories ideas... seriously? i should be banned from creating new stories until i finish the ones i have in progress... *sigh* i'm such a spazz...

Review if you so desire.

-xXLove-BiteXx