Hey guys!
The idea of this fanfiction didn't come from myself, I got inspired by the fanfiction called 'six years' from texasbelle91 on archive of our own.
I just love the idea from this story, but for myself it was a little bit too sad and in a very dark place sometimes, but as I said, I love the idea and I thought about it a lot, so I decided to make my own version based on the story from texasbelle91.
This one has much love, so I hope you will enjoy it.
It had been four years, five months and twenty days since he was alone. Not really alone, he was with the other together again, but since he was alone, without his Beth. Daryl always knew the exact days, because every day, when he woke up, with tears in his eyes, he gave one to that.
Daryl was laying in his tent, alone. The back of his right hand on his forehead, his left hand on his belly to make sure, that he was still breathing, because sometimes he was feeling like he was one of the walkers. Dead, but still walking around.
It was the same like every day. During the day he was okay, as good as he could be, alone. He hunted, helped Rick and made sure that their camp was safe. But after dinner, when it was getting dark, it always got worse. Since that day four years, five months and twenty days he had never eaten much, just enough to go on. He hadn't changed his clothes since months and he didn't remember the last time he had washed, because there was just no reason for doing so. He just lived. He didn't know for what, but he did. Beth taught him to have hope, so he had. But he didn't know for what.
Since day one he had made himself a promise. He will go on till he will find her. Dead or alive. If he will find her as a walker, he will have to be the one, who had to kill her, because at least he should do that, for her. He wasn't able to protect or safe her, when they were alone.
If she would be dead and he will find her, he will do the same, like after he would have killed her, if she would be a walker. He will come to her in seconds. He will just kill himself. Then he will be with her again. Because then there won't be a reason left to live. There won't be any hope.
But if he will find her alive.. Every night was this the moment, when the tears were running out of his eyes and down his cheeks. When he thought about it, finding her, alive. What would she do? Would she be mad at him? Because he hadn't protected her, when the walkers came and the people from the black car with the white cross on it took her away from him. Or that he hadn't found her earlier. Maybe he will never find her. Maybe she will find him. He was sure, that if that will ever happen, she will never talk to him again.
Maybe she was safe somewhere. How much he wished and hoped that. But maybe she was safe somewhere with another guy. And she was never thinking about him. That thought made Daryl cry even more. But at least she would be safe and probably happy. That would be enough for him.
He hoped so much, that she was good somewhere. That no one hurted her. If he just imagined about it, that someone hurted or even raped her, he got so damn angry. Not only about the onem who was doing this to her, he got even more angry about himself. Because he wasn't there to protect her. He made everything wrong, like always.
Daryl tried so bad to find her. He had taken already every road, that was leading away from the crossing, where he broke down so many months ago, but he had never found her. He was still looking every day for her, but there never were any signs.
At first the other were trying to help him searching for her, but finally they lost hope. It was the same, when they were looking for Sophia. He was the only one, who was still looking for Beth.
They never asked him, why he wanted her back so bad, of course they all did, but no one wanted her so bad back than him, even Maggie gave up a long time ago. He never told anybody about what had happened, what they had found in each other, but the day, when Maggie gave up, was when she came to him, after he had just woken up in the morning screaming and crying as always. For the first minutes she just stood there next to him and waited till he calmed down, enough so he could speak with her. She had never asked him any question about what had happened and he was so damn glad about that, because he just couldn't tell her. But on this day she asked carefully "You love her, right?" And Daryl just nodded his head. That was all he ever let them know.
He had his tent a few feet away from the other so they couldn't hear him crying and saying her name in his sleeps. Or when he woke up screaming every morning. He had nothing left from her, nothing that would make him going on. He hated himself so much for everything. He could have had everything, but now he had nothing.
Daryl tried to fall asleep, because in the first hours, he was always dreaming about the good times, before it got worse. He dreamed about how Beth and he had left the prison together. When they had spent the night together in that damn trunk. How she was keeping him going on, looking for the other. When they were searching for alcohol. The afternoon they had gotten drunk together and he yelled at her for nothing. He still hated himself for that so much. But she never left him. She was just holding him close.
How they had burnt down the house. When they had ran the whole night long and she took his hand and he never ever wanted to let go. When he had taught her how to use his crossbow. She was looking so damn cute with it. That time when he had given her that piggy back ride and he was enjoying it so much. When they had found the funeral home, their new home. In the room where she asked him, if he wasn't thinking, that it was beautiful. Every time he had wanted to touch her, just for a moment. That evening when he was laying in the coffin and she had sung, just for him. When he had taken her bridal style into the kitchen. When they had eaten dinner and she asked him what had changed his mind, because he said that he didn't want to leave this house. She was looking at him with her big, blue eyes and finally she understood.
But before he could say anything, they heard the dog again and he quickly stood up and went outside. That evening the dog wasn't so shy, so he could feed him. Beth had joined him just a few seconds later. Together they were feeding the dog and let him inside. A few days later when they were already in bed, in the same bed as always, she had finally asked him again what had changed his mind and the fact that it was already dark made it easier for him to answer. He just whispered into the dark the word you.
She had rolled over to him then and kissed him shy on his lips. He really wasn't expecting that, so he hadn't moved his lips, because he was so shocked. She had laid her head on his chest and said with a smile that her heart was doing the same like his. The next days had they gotten closer and closer and he really loved it, but he was afraid too. Of course, she had noticed it and asked what was wrong. He told her that he never had sex before or even kissed someone. He hadn't known what to do, because he never had these feelings before. He was just afraid. But when she had told him, that she was just feeling the same, that he was also her first one ever, it made him feel a little better.
They went slow. But finally they were at the point, where they both wanted more, even when they didn't know what more meant. On a rainy evening they finally had sex. And it was the best feeling he ever had. Her beautiful body under his. Her kisses. Her touches. The way she was looking at him, when she finally came. The way she was making him happy.
The time, they were spending together at the funeral home, was the best in his life. She had so much love for him and he gave her everything back, as good as he could. He loved her so much and he had tried to show it every second. All the years he couldn't show it, he did it in these short months. Sometimes they had to remember themselves, that they had to go out of the bed to eat something and make sure everything was still safe and alright.
He wanted to spend the rest of his life together with her. Forever.
But then the day came, four years, five months and twenty days ago, when his dreams became worse every night. He had thought, that it would be the dog again and opened the damn door. But there wasn't the dog, there were at least twenty walkers. He had screamed at her that she should break a window and make her way outside. He would meet her on the road. But when he had finally gotten there, there was just her back pack left and the last thing he remembered was, that two men shoved her lifeless body into a black car with a white cross on it. He couldn't remember much after that. He had ran all night long. Till the crossing. He hadn't gotten much air and vomited a few times, before he felt on the cold road.
Everything became black in his dream for a few minutes, till he heard a voice. A sweet, familiar voice. Her voice. Like every night Beth was asking him why he had left her? That everything was his fault. That she was disappointed. She was scared. Why he hadn't helped her? She was mad at him. Why he was doing this all to her? She said, that she had thought she could trust him.
He wanted to answer her, but there never came out one tone of his mouth. She started crying. He couldn't see her, but he could hear her crying. And Daryl couldn't do anything against it. He couldn't comfort her. So he cried even more. When her voice disappeared he found his again.
He was screaming that he was sorry. Just sorry. He was screaming her name. Beth!
With that he woke up. Like every day. The tears were streaming down his cheeks. His whole body was trembling and sweating. He was feeling sick. Quickly he opened the zipper of his tent and went outside. It was about one hour before sunrise. Like every morning he went to the little river near their camp.
He was washing his face with the cool water and drank something. Sometimes he vomited, sometimes he cried again. But today he was just sitting there and stared into the water. The worst part of everything was, that Beth and he never knew what this was, what they had. They had never felt something like that before. They just hadn't known.
But now he knew. He loved her. And he had never told it her so. Daryl wished so bad, that he would have said it to her, just one time. But he had never. That broke his heart every time. He started crying again. If he would ever see her again, he would tell it to her. No matter, if she wanted it to hear or not. He would tell her. A few hours after sunrise he went finally back to their camp.