REASSIGNED

A/N: With NCIS season six finished. The NCIS team members have to do something to earn their paychecks. Now if you have any ideas on what you want an NCIS member to do then I'm all ears…

Everyone throws their hands up. "pick me, pick me,"

Fictionnaire feels a headache coming on at the inaudible shouts: One at a time… Alright… Tony DiNozzo!

Abby folds arms and pouts: Why him?

Fictionnaire: Well I've been just a little mean to –

Tony: A little? *huffs*

Fictionnaire: Ok, I've been very mean to Tony, I thought I'd be nice to him… So, Tony what would you like to be?

Tony: I'd love to be in an action movie… As the hero.

Fictionnaire: Alright Mister DiNozzo… ACTION!

The Vengeful Italian

(Alright… So I suck at making up movie titles)

Tony DiNozzo looked at his watch as he waited for the helicopter to land in the open field. This was going to be his last mission and then he would be out. There were two types of solitary soldiers in the world… The Rambos and The DiNozzos. Rambo was gruff, muscular whereas DiNozzo looked damn good. They had one thing in common though and that was their love of noise.

The Huey touched down and Tony jumped into the back area. "Get this bird in the air… We're gonna fly like wind," he said. "Nobody takes my buddy and gets away with it. By the mission's end, the enemy will know what The Vengeful Italian means," he said.

"Great," The pilot responded. Tony only just managed to hear the response. "I'm not going to be able to get you too close to the action," The pilot pointed to an area down below. "There's some hot action up ahead," the pilot explained.

"Alright… Just hover around here!" Tony shouted excitedly. "I'll zip-line myself down with enough ammunition to make John Rambo blush," Tony gave his mega-watt smile. This assured the pilot that Tony knew what he was doing. Well he sure hoped that he knew what he was doing. Tony lowered all the ammunition he figured that he needed and it looked like it hit the ground safely. "Later," Tony carefully lowered him self down to the ground.

Things were going smoothly until he was a couple of feet off the ground. Somehow his ankle got tangled up and it left him hanging. "Damn it," Tony cursed. "Well at least I remembered rule nine… Never go anywhere without your knife," he smiled.

"G'day… I thought it was rule one… Never venture out into the bush without a Swiss Army knife," The dark-haired man said as he descended to Tony's level.

"Who the hell are you?" Tony asked from his predicament.

"The name's Vince Colosimo… Thanks for the warm welcome mate. I've had warmer welcomes from a pack of wild dingoes," Vince said with a shake of the head as he began cutting through the line.

"Hey… What?" Tony asked in a confused tone. "This isn't making any sense," he blinked a few times. Maybe the blood rushing to his head was causing a hallucination. But why an unknown Australian? Why not a female lifeguard from Bondi Beach?

"You're out in the middle of nowhere, no idea of who you're rescuing and zip-lining out of helicopters which I'm sure you've never done before… And I'm the thing that doesn't make sense?" Vince asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Who are you, really?" Tony asked.

"People call me, The Prince of Lygon Street. Melbourne's Little Italy," Vince shrugged as he finally cut through the line.

"No… Wait!" Tony cried out. But it was too late. Tony hit the ground hard and rolled down a steep slope. "Hey… Ouch! That hurt! Ouch!" He eventually rolled to a stop. Tony climbed to his feet unsteadily and removed a leaf from his hair. Now it was a time to come up with a witty comment. "At least I came with brakes," Tony chuckled to himself as he looked around. He had to make it back to his ammunition.

LZ

Tony watched the Huey Helicopter fly overhead. It was unnerving to realize that he was now on his own. Then he heard someone rummaging through the box of weapons. "Hey! These are great. Nothing like the kiddy toys at the Academy," the man's voice sounded excited.

"Hey! Who are you?! Get out of my box!" Tony ordered. They were his weapons.

"Man, I ain't seen weapons like these for quite some time," the man looked at the weapons cache with such awe. "The name's Eugene Tackleberry," Tackleberry said with a grin on his face and left with what he had in his hands.

"Tackleberry!" Tony shouted at the top of his lungs. He thought about running after him but that would mean leaving the cache unattended and probably raided again. He wasn't about to let that happen until after he took everything he wanted. "Ah, this," he put the headset on. It wasn't really serving a purpose but Tony thought he looked great with it on. "Alright… Are you ready? I said… Are you ready?! Then, for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching worldwide… LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!"

Tony's pouch of magazines jingled as he jogged down towards the compound. He knew what to expect. A lot of guards, a hail of bullets and lots of dead bodies were surely to follow. This time, he didn't care about how many he would have to hurt. The compound was soon in sight.

"Bogeys… Twelve and two o'clock," Tony said out loud. It was fun to narrate. This was playing out just like a nonsensical action movie. More like Hudson Hawk or Hot Shots. His mind drifted to think that he was either Bruce Willis or Charlie Sheen. "Hm," he vocalized. Harsh static filled the headset. Tony muttered under his breath but was shocked when music suddenly came on.

Immediately, Tony recognized the tune even before the Black van with a red stripe wrapping around it appeared in view. It was definitely in a rush as its' tires screamed to a stop. "You got to be shitting me!" Tony yelled. "This is crazy," he found himself looking at a short muscular black man with a Mohawk and enough gold chains to drown a sailor. Another man stepped out that was wearing an old jacket and baseball cap. Tony rubbed his face in annoyance as a man in an expensive suit. Then a silver-haired man leapt out of the passenger side.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" The silver-haired man with a cigar asked in an annoyed tone.

Tony was about to defend his actions when he remembered that this was his operation. These guys weren't supposed to be there. "Listen here, BA, Murdock. Hey Face. And Hannibal Smith," Tony said.

Hannibal took a puff from the cigar. "You see… You clearly have us at a disadvantage. You know us but we have no idea who you are. Get him BA," Hannibal said.

Tony wasn't able to get away fast enough and BA grabbed fisted his jacket. "Whoa wait a minute. I'm Tony DiNozzo. This is my rescue attempt. I don't know what The A-Team's doing here but they're not supposed to be here," Tony tried to get through to them.

"Hey… What are you doing?" A man with a large bundle of papers in his hand asked The A-Team. "You're supposed to be a few clicks south. Damn you work so hard to get good locations and find that the driver has taken you to the wrong location… Get back in the van! And get south!" The man shouted impatiently.

"Sorry about that," Hannibal said as he took the cigar out of his mouth. "I hope you accept our humblest apologies," he added sincerely.

"Yeah, bye," Face said as he climbed into the back of the van.

"Hang tough brother… In a world as dangerous as this, it takes us fighting men to sort it out," Murdock said. "Come along Billy."

"Get in the van you crazy fool," BA snapped as he shoved Murdock in the van's direction.

Assault On Compound

One thing Tony was thankful for. That was all the times he'd watched action movies. It was a well known fact that you take the enemy by surprise by making the loudest entrance possible. He wondered if not having more men would have helped. "Oh well," he muttered as he unclipped a couple of grenades. "Go long," Tony shouted to nobody and lobbed them one after the other into the entrance of the compound.

He then rushed the compound with his M-16 blazing at everything that moved. It was then he wished he had a vehicle. Why didn't he think to have one handy? He looked around and found something with wheels. "That'll do," Tony smiled as he ran around dodging bullets that were flying in every direction. And he just managed to get the bicycle going to avoid being chased down by the bad guys.

The gate had been closed again. Tony shielded his eyes as the bicycle crashed through the gates. Tony kept firing at everything. A couple of trucks exploded. The tires of the bike went flat as they caught some stray bullets. Tony dumped the bicycle and ran for cover just before it exploded. People moved in blurred images as they were gunned down.

There was a building that looked like it was one that held high profile prisoners. "There it is," Tony said excitedly. He slung the M-16 over his shoulder and pulled out his sig. He was able to pick off more people. Thankfully, the sig was fully loaded.

Tony used all of his concentration to tie thin wire just outside the door. He did it with such caution and precision. It was impossible not to smile at how good it looked. Tony rolled a grenade inside and ducked out of sight.

Smoke, dust and shrapnel came out the door first closely followed by people running and tripping over the wire. Tony took this opportunity to enter the building and rescue the prisoner. He leveled the weapon at the lone guard and the guard did the same. "I know what you thinking? Does this sig sauer hold fifteen rounds? Thirteen rounds or even nine?" Tony said dangerously.

"What?" The guard asked.

"Doesn't matter… It's made from Seagal Co," Tony answered before shooting the guard dead. He ran to cells. There was a long corridor and he finally found the one that the prisoner was being held. "My name's Tony DiNozzo… I'm here to rescue you," Tony said as he opened the cell door.

"Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" The lady clad in a white dress lying on the bench asked.

Tony clicked his fingers. Damn wrong door. "Sorry, wrong door," Tony said as he closed it shut and went to the next door. "I'm Tony DiNozzo, I'm here to rescue you," he said to the man sitting in a corner.

"The name's Bond… James Bond," James Bond said with a cocky grin as he stood up.

"Come with me," Tony said as they both ran outside. An electronic scoreboard lit up on a wall.

Most Number Of Deaths

1: Hot Shots Part 2

2: Robocop

3: First Blood

4: The Vengeful Italian

"Shit," Tony cursed as they made it safely out of the compound. At least he made it in the top five list.

Tony and James Bond stood near the clearing when Tony noticed somebody kissing a woman. "Damn," he cursed once more. "I'm the hero… Hey! Excuse me!" Tony tapped the blonde-haired man on the shoulder.

"Go away… Can't you see I'm busy," Face said as he tried to shove Tony away with an outstretched hand.

"Have you ever had a gun's butt to the face? Because I have," Tony said.

"Look," Face turned around. "Yes, I have. I know they hurt so go away and let me finish. Go on scoot. I got about ten minutes until the colonel gets back," Face tried to get him to leave.

"Well then you can reminisce about the days of old," Tony smacked Face in the face with the butt of the M-16 and took the woman in his arms to kiss passionately.

"Ah… Tony DiNozzo… Looks like our ride's here," James Bond said as the Huey landed to take them back to home base.

Cinema

Tony: When I said an action movie… I meant a real action movie. Like Die Hard

Abby: Come on Tony it was funny

Gibbs: At least it was entertaining.

Fictionnaire: Popcorn! Get your popcorn!

Tony: When I said Action Movie –

Fictionnaire: I don't know why you're whining DiNozzo… You shot some people, you blew stuff up, rescued James Bond and kissed the girl in the end. You should be happy.

Tony: Only Gibbs can call me DiNozzo

Fictionnaire: Tony?

Tony: Only Abby and Tim and Ziva call me that.

Fictionnaire: Anthony?

Tony: Only Ducky's allowed to call me that. How about Special Agent Tony DiNozzo to you? How does that sound?

Fictionnaire: How about Special Agent Pain In The Ass?

Tony: Oh that's it!

Fictionnaire makes a run for it with Tony hot on his tail.