I love you Beck.

You don't know what love is.

I do. I love you.

Just go away Robbie.

Don't tell me what do to Beck. I know more than you think.

You can't tell anyone.

It'll be our little secret, Beck.

Nobody knows. We don't tell. We sneak around and hide. All I want is for people to know. I want to be able to hold him and love him in front of everyone else. I don't care if they don't approve.

Beck's POV:

Robbie doesn't understand. He doesn't know why I wont tell anyone; why I want us to be a secret. He thinks I'm embarrassed of him. That isn't true at all. I'm embarrassed of myself. Of who I am. What I have become. I loved Jade. But Jade never made me feel like Robbie does. She loved me. And, I felt terrible for leaving her. But I couldn't continue being unhappy. She doesn't even know why I broke up with her. She deserves a reason. But, I just can't give it to her.

It's been five years since we've spoken last. I can't take back what was never said. I still can't bring myself to tell her. She is with Andre now. We are 21. All of us. Our group of friends are still really close. Everyone knows Robert and I live together. But nobody knows we are dating. Nobody knows we are in love. Nobody knows we are sleeping together; in the same bed. Jade calls every now and then. She has been super busy lately. She is famous. An actress like she has always wanted. She has a reality tv show on now about her life in New York with Cat.

It's Friday. I'm drinking a beer on the couch. Rob is in the shower. The phone is ringing but I couldn't hear it. The sound is drowned out by the alcohol.

"Beck! Get that?" Rob called from the bathroom. Finally I heard it. I got up and picked up the phone.

"Hello? Jade, hi. Yeah, I'm just relaxing. Where? Okay, I'll be there soon." I put on my jacket and grabbed my phone. "I'll be back, babe!" I called to Rob.

"Alright. Take a cab, please!"

"I will."

"Love you!"

"You too." I said, leaving. He was always worried about me drinking. Rob doesn't drink. It's a little annoying when he gets on my case about it. He thinks I'm an alcoholic. I know I don't have a problem. The taxi driver looked tired. I felt his pain. I was tired. Tired of living a lie. Tired of hiding. When the taxi pulled up to the bar I got out and went inside. I noticed Jade had the cameras with her, as always. She wasn't the type to have a reality show. But, she thought she could 'change reality tv for the better'.

"Hey, Beck." She said, as she leaned against the bar. "Good to see you again, finally."

"Seems like it's been forever." I said, hugging her. "How are things?"

"Fine. Lots of work." She laughed, sipping her cocktail. I motioned to the bartender for a beer. They know me here by now. They know what I want. "How have you been?" She said.

"I've been fine. Haven't been doing much at all."

"You seriously need to get your priorities straight." I laughed to myself when she said that last word. "I'm serious, Beck. All I ever hear about you doing is playing in that stupid band of yours and drinking. That isn't a great career choice."

"Says the girl with cameras watching her every move. 'Oh, Jade West is buying shoes, I better show the world!'" I mocked.

"At least I'm doing something with my life. That stupid music you play and that bottle wont ever get you anywhere." I scratched my head and downed the bottle in my hand.

"Feels great to me." I said, rolling my eyes. "I like my music, thank you very much. Believe it or not, some people think I'm a good singer."

"I always thought acting was your thing. Why don't you go look for an acting job?"

"I told you, I don't want to act anymore. I just want to play my music." Rob appreciates my music.

"I just think it's not going to work for you." Rob believes in me.

"Well, I guess, I just don't care what you think." I stood up and threw some money on the counter. "If this is why you called me here, I'm leaving." I started to walk away.

"Fine, Beck." She shook her head when I looked back at her. That was pointless. Everything is pointless when Rob isn't around. I called over a taxi and got in. At least Jade moved on. At least she can show everyone who she is with. She wont get ridiculed for it. She wont be judged. I will. I'll be 'that queer' 'that gay guy' 'the guy that fucks other guys'. I don't want to be known like that. I want people to know me for my music. Not for who I date. It seems like Rob is the only one that believes in anything I ever do. Cat: 'That's stupid.' Jade: 'You're better than that.' Andre: 'That just isn't for you.' Tori: 'I don't think that is right.' Nothing I ever do is right. After all, I'm not straight, I obviously wasn't born right. I hate myself for being gay. I want to be like Andre. I want to be all over girls. But it just isn't me. And, I hate it.

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