Title: Number Game

Rating: PG-13 -for some swear words

Summary: Marissa has a close call and Ryan has guilt.

Disclaimer: As much as I'd like to own some part of the O.C. or the player's, I sadly do not.

Feedback: Please. I always appreciate reading what people thought.

Notes: Yep, I'm back to sappy. I decided to give first person POV another shot.

Number Game

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They say only the good die young; only those pure and charismatic and young find a good death soon. Whoever They are, they can go fuck themselves. They don't know shit about death and they certainly don't know shit about Marissa Cooper.

It took thirteen minutes to get her to the hospital and another twenty-two to get her seen by a doctor. By the time he came into the room, Marissa was convulsing on the cot and her heart rate was so low I thought she was going to die.

My eyes never left her face. Not once. I watched for any sign that she was waking up, but it never came. They pumped her stomach. Twice.

Summer blamed herself. Seth blamed Luke. I didn't know who to blame. So I mostly blamed myself. It was everyone's fault, I suppose. These bloody Newport kid's are too wrapped up in themselves to see when one of them is drowning. I saw it and did nothing. That makes me just as liable.

It was three in the morning when she finally awoke, frightened and confused, and calling out for me. Out of all the people she's ever known, she called out for me. It was a desperate, haunting scream that made me ache and swell with pride. That fact should have made me ashamed, but it didn't because it meant she forgave me and she wanted me close.

It took thirty-six minutes for the nurse to look her over before I was allowed back into the room.

Her hair stuck to her forehead like matted fringe. Her lips were blue like she was cold, but when I touched her pale cheek, her skin was hot and slick with sweat.

When she tried to speak, I hushed her and smoothed ice chips down her neck. I know she wanted to explain, but she didn't have to, not with me. She seemed to relax after that.

I saw shadows from the corner of my eye and I knew it was Seth and Summer peeking in to check on us. I didn't turn around. I just mumbled that she was okay and to give us five minutes. They seemed satisfied with that.

She tossed and turned for over an hour before she woke up again. The colour was back in her cheeks and her lips were pink and warm. I touched them with my fingers, one at a time, just lightly enough for her to know I was there.

Her eyes were wide and wet when she looked at me. I held her gaze for a full eighteen seconds before she turned away.

"Hey," I said, almost in a whisper. I couldn't seem to find my voice and I didn't know what to say to her anyway.

"Hey," she said and took my hand. "I... I'm so stupid."

"No. Hey, hey...no, you're okay. You're not stupid, you just...trusted the wrong guy. Luke-" I began, but I saw the pain bloom in her eyes and her heart rate spike to ninety-seven on the monitor, and I knew I was not making it any easier on her.

"How could I not know?"

I followed her eyes. The clock read 4:17 am.

"Guys like that... You're so much better than that, Marissa, and you don't even know it." I wiped the sweat from my forehead, the room suddenly felt much too hot. "This is my fault."

"What?" She looked shocked.

"If I hadn't kissed Gabrielle..."

"Luke would still be a cheating bastard," she said, a firm point to her chin.

"Well, yeah, but you wouldn't have... things would be different."

She nodded, closed her eyes.

I touched her cheek, a light, caressing gesture. "You'll get through this. I'll be there for you and so will Seth and Summer."

"I know. It's just...everything happened at once. Everything used to be so simple. Why are things so difficult now?"

"I dunno. I guess that's what growing up is all about."

We sat in silence for a while. I stoked her arm with the back of my hand and watched as her head lulled from side to side every so often, as if she were in some waking dream.

"Do you think you could sit up for a while?"

"I'd like to try."

I stood and came to her side. Guiding my hands under her back, I pushed her up. Her hands went around my neck and clung to me tight. I tried to step aside because I thought I might have hurt her, but she held on even tighter.

"Just hold me...just for a minute. Can you?" she whispered.

Letting my fingers twine through her hair, I pressed her close. "For as many minutes as you can count."

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end.