Without a Tremor on Your Lips
-By MegannRosemary
The sound of flesh hitting flesh echoes in the empty foyer.
Emma lifts a hand to her cheek where the imprint of Regina's fingers, red and angry, are already visible on her pale flesh. "What the hell was that for?"
"Where the hell are you Emma?" Her magic lies beneath the surface of her words.
It crackles but it doesn't spark.
Not yet.
"I'm right here Regina."
"No, you're not." She stalks closer.
"Have you been drinking?"
"No," Regina lifts a shaking hand to tuck a dark curl behind her ear. "I'm just tired."
Tired of searching for life behind those lifeless eyes. Tired of longing for the other half of her heart to come back to her.
"Let's get you upstairs then. Do you still have some of those sleeping pills Archie prescribed?" Emma reaches for her hand but she doesn't take it.
Her voice was too soft, too calm, too unlike the Emma whose voice was steady, strong and confident when she first arrived in Storybrooke.
It was empty. Just like the rest of her.
Anger flares again and it blinds her.
Regina shoves her against the wall, her hands sliding over the smooth leather jacket that hugged Emma's shoulders. The soft leather and it's subtle, familiar, scent has her longing to let go and sink into its owner's arms.
Tears prickle at her eyes and she fights to blink them away. She is angry damnit. She is strong.
She shoves her again and watches those deep green eyes widen in shock.
"No Emma, you're a pathetic shell of the woman you once were." She flings the words like knives, one after another. "Pathetic and weak. Pathetic and weak."
"What the hell?"
Regina shoves her again and again until her arms and her heart are equally tired of pushing her away.
And it hurts. It just hurts. And then she's pounding on her chest with her fists, dull thuds landing. On the beat. Off the beat. "Where are you Emma? I need you. Emma, I need you. Please come back to me."
Strong arms come around her and she can't keep the tears back any longer. "I need you."
They slide down the wall of the foyer, Emma cradling her, smoothing back her hair that sticks to her cheeks, sweaty and sticky with hot tears.
"I'm here. I'm me." She whispers this into her hair.
"No you're not, I barely even know you anymore."
"You know me Regina. You're the only one who truly knows me."
"I do know you. I did know you. But Emma, this isn't you." She lifts her tear stained face, her dark eyes pleading. "Just please don't move in with Hook."
Emma freezes.
Her arms loosen their embrace and Regina is already aching with loss.
"I never thought you'd let a man define you."
Emma scrambles up off the floor, pushing her away.
She stalks the length of the foyer and turns, green eyes flashing. "Don't tell me who I am!"
Regina rises slowly, arms crossed over her chest, and the words that follow spill from her lips at barely a whisper. "Then why does he get to tell you who you are."
"He doesn't!"
Her arms fall to her sides, palms open, magic roiling just below the surface. "Are you sure about that?" The vein in her temple pulses and her voice cracks as she shrieks the last syllable.
"Honestly Regina, you're the one who's telling me who I am right now."
Colour drains from her face, white spots flood her vision and she wonders if she might pass out. "You know what…just get out."
With a flick of her wrist the front door flies open and a frigid wind blows in from the inky darkness of the outside world.
"You're the one who fucking called me to come over!" Emma slams the door so hard that the house shakes. "So just say what you wanted to say and be done with it."
Regina stands still and tall, willing her knees not to shake and her eyes not to leak tears that only mean weakness. "Emma, people change when they get into relationships but they change for the better as they grow together. You've changed but you've lost your self-confidence, you've lost your sense of self. It's in the way you dress. It's in the way you carry yourself. It's just gone. I miss the colour in your cheeks. I miss the light in your eyes. I miss the swagger you had. I miss the way you challenged me. Sometimes when we fight I see a flicker of what was…"
She searches now for something, anything, but there's nothing. "And then it's gone and you're back to being this puppet. When this happens in a relationship, its abuse Emma."
"Look, I….I love him. Ok."
"Then why do your lips tremble every time you say it? Why is it that you can only look at the ground when you tell him? And why can I feel your magic deep inside you, in frantic gusts, trying to escape the cage you've put around yourself?"
"I've done so much, I've saved him so many times." She sighs, "I've literally been to hell and back for him and I-"
"If you have to rationalize it then it's not love."
"It makes sense."
"It doesn't." A bubble of a laugh escapes her lips, and it sounds cruel even for her. She lifts her chin, "Not in your heart and you know it."
"What the fuck do you know about your true love? If I'm not mistaken, your lovers are all dead hm?"
Except one.
Strong fingers reach out and squeeze Emma's jaw, bringing her lips forcefully to Regina's own.
It's all Regina can do to keep from crying out the first time she tastes the woman she loves. She's sweet, from the vanilla chapstick Regina knows that Emma wears for protection when she takes her runs along the waterfront. And she's soft. So Soft.
But over pleasure, pleasure so great that she feels she might drown in it, she feels anguish.
It's anguish when she tastes rum. The pirate's rum.
Because Emma isn't hers. And the Emma she loves has long since disappeared. The woman trapped in her embrace isn't the Emma she so desperately wants.
She releases her.
Let's her fingers trail softly this time, caressing the flesh she's marred twice in one night.
It's Emma who cries out.
It's Emma whose hands lift to tangle in her hair.
It's Emma who takes the kiss deeper.
But when Regina can't hold it in any longer, when her whole body is singing, she moans.
And then it's Emma who pulls back first. But it's too late. Because fire has returned to her dead eyes.
"If there was a damn curse to break you'd know it was true love. But reach into your heart past all those lies and you'll see. It's been there for years." Regina whispers against her swollen lips.
"It's too hard Regina." She takes a step back.
But Emma's green eyes are trained on her lips and she knows she hasn't lost.
"I suppose it's not hard living a fake life?"
Those eyes leave her lips and suddenly they're staring into her soul.
"It's agony," She whispers, so quietly that Regina wonders if she's imagined it.
"So why…"
"I have my parents now. Henry. I just want them to know me as this girl who has it all figured out. Who can love and be loved. Who isn't messed up with abandonment issues and trust issues? I want to give them the life they always dreamed of. I want to have a family. I want to have kids and they can be grandparents and it will all be just like it should be."
"Should be?" Regina lets out a sharp bark of a laugh and the sound echoes in the large foyer. "It's just empty words Emma. Empty actions. You're empty and you should be full of joy and peace and love. Emma. Love."
"Stop saying my name like that." The words come out garbled. Choked.
"Like what."
"Like you care."
"I do, oh Emma, I care."
"Why."
"Because I need you. You're my best friend. And more than that…I love you." She closes the gap once more, and lifts her hand to Emma's cheek. "I want a family with you. I want to spend time with Henry before he leaves for college in a few years. I want to give your parents another grandchild or two." Her thumb brushes over the faint marks on her cheek and her lips follow with feather light kisses. "I want that happily ever after. And that girl with abandonment issues, I want to protect and love that girl with everything I've got."
Emma stands frozen before her.
But she hears the sharp intake of breath.
She feels the way her body sways towards her own.
"I love you too."
There is no tremor in those four words. No frantic magic. And those green eyes aren't looking at the floor.
"Always have. I just didn't think…I didn't know…"
Regina shakes her head, "Don't think. Just know, ok."
Emma's hands slip beneath her blazer and settle at the small of her back.
They pull her closer.
And then they don't need words. Not anymore.
Only lips and hands.
A/N: Some parts of this I love, other parts of this I hate. But I wanted to share so thank you for reading!