This isn't fair, the rational part of your brain tells you.
Everyone thinks that you're the ice queen of the school, of Hollywood Arts. You are. At least that's what you're supposed to be. You're not supposed to be holding up a facade every day because of who everyone thinks is the dumbest girl in the school, to put it simply. The hatred is supposed to be effortless, not forced. You're not supposed to wear a mask and hide your feelings under it every day. But that's exactly what you're doing; exactly what's happening and you don't know how to fix it.
You're not sure if you want to.
"Good girl, Jade." She giggles. You trick yourself into thinking that her words mean something more. That they're not just teasings in the dark. They're words that disguise more, concealing the sword of love in an invisible sheath. That this is more to her than just sex with another girl. But that little spark of logic still left in you every time this happens says otherwise. She doesn't love you. You slam your eyes shut and crash your trembling lips to hers. You drown yourself in her to shut the words out. You nip sharply at her lips and they fall open. Your tongue eagerly makes its way inside, exploring the familiar territory.
It started a long time ago. As of today, almost six months.
Six months with her twisting what's left of your heart. Before all of this happened she had you fooled. You'd believed just like everyone else that she'd drifted into a place beyond. Just a child trapped in a growing woman's body, needing the guidance of the clear-minded. But it wasn't that at all. That was all just a facade too, turning her entire self into bait. And she caught you just so easily.
You'd been in the studio, recording a song because you had nothing better to do and the last thing you wanted to do was see your parents. Then she slipped in the door ever so quietly, put her delicate hands on your shoulders. When you looked up she was smiling, but you didn't know why. You turned your chair, wanting to ask her what she was doing. Instead she held your face gently in her fingers and kissed you.
You can still feel it now, the shock zapping through your body as she kissed you for the first time. Then she was sitting in your lap, giggling and kissing you over and over again.
And now you're pressed up against her in the infamous janitor's closet, desperate for every part of her that she'll let you have.
You know now; Cat's anything but clueless. She's probably the smartest person in the school from what you've learned. She could outsmart Robbie, Beck and Andre combined, manipulate more effortlessly than Trina, be more seductive than Tori was onstage. Most importantly, she had it all to get you. You were supposed to be the most difficult fish to catch, a snapping barracuda among goldfish. But she's tied your jaws and thrown you onto land, only putting you back into the water when she's ready to tame you again.
You can feel her noose around your neck every waking moment. When she's with you you can breathe, but she pulls you in the direction she wants, never giving you a chance to disobey. When she's away the noose tightens until you almost snap, ready to take on anyone in your way. You've actually been doing better in school because of this; when she gives you a thumbs up while you're onstage it spurs you to throw every bit of skill you have into what you're doing because you want to impress her so much. When you hear someone make fun of her you lash out because you want to protect her.
But then she'll sneak into Lane's office after you've gotten yourself into trouble, whisper that if you have detention then she can't play with you later. Then you're apologizing, Lane looking over you suspiciously. She's been the only real thing in your life since that day in the studio, but at the same time she's hopelessly out of reach. So close, but so far away. You know every centimeter of her body yet she knows nothing of yours and she doesn't care to learn.
You feel her nails dig into your back, a voiceless command that you've learned over time. Your lips move quickly down her petite body, fingers almost hastily hooking in the waistband of her skirt and pulling.
"Down."
Her voice is thick with pleasure and you wish she actually cared that it was you lowering yourself to your knees at her simplest command. The material of her underwear is soaked like always, and like always you know it's not for you. Her small hands curl in your thick hair bringing your lips to the only thing hiding her from you. You hear her purr of pleasure as you pull her panties slowly to her ankles with your teeth, looking down at you through black lashes. A light giggle breaks past her teeth and she sits on the floor, legs open and inviting.
Her feet hook around your legs, urging you forward. You dive to the apex of her thighs, the moan she makes as you make contact making you shiver. You never cease to be in awe of what you can do to Cat. Nails scratch your scalp as a hand finds a grip in your hair again. You move your tongue in swirling, thrusting patterns that soon have the thighs around your face trembling.
She's groaning and sometimes you try to pretend that you hear your name in the breathy notes. It makes the knowledge of her not caring easier to bear. Her momentary high eventually fades and you gently lap at her thighs, cleaning her essence off her. When you finish she leans forward, licks herself off your lips then stands and walks past you for her discarded clothing.
"See you at lunch, Jade!" She says, closing the door behind her. You should stop; it's not right, anyone could tell you that.
But you can't leave her because it's far too late to save yourself and you know it as you stare blankly at the wooden door, numbly wishing for something that will never be true.
Love me, love me not? C'mon give invisible me a squeeze :)
I really wish I could draw; cause if I could I'd draw scenes from all these stories that I write :/