Never thought I'd write angst, but Hafthand's "Best I Ever Had" sorta stuck in my head and inspired me to write some sad, sad, oh so sad J/H. What can I say? Besides, writing J/H is so much more fun than doing homework…
Little legal note: Carsey-Warner and Fox own That 70's Show and all its characters, I just borrow them from time to time, after promising to return them in one piece, of course. I'm not saying that keeping Hyde isn't very tempting, but sadly I have to return him... *sigh* The only thing I own in this story is the plot and Heidi.
Okay, that said, let's roll: I present to you, pure Jackie angst…
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She's beautiful, she looks just like you. Your hair, your eyes, your everything. I look at her and I see you looking back at me. She is my little ray of sunshine, my guiding light in this world, my everything… I named her Heidi, after you…
I remember the day I told you. You looked at me in wonder, and then your eyes lit up, the same way they'd done when I said 'I do' at our wedding. Do you remember? You were so happy, kissing me and wanting to feel the baby kick even though I laughed and told you I was only one month along.
And then you took my hand and told me that you'd never leave me. Never walk away, like your father and mother had done, not wanting our child to experience a childhood like yours. You said you'd always be there for me, for us. That you finally had a family – a real, proper family – and that you'd see to it that we'd always be happy. You told me that you'd be at my side whatever life threw at us.
If only you'd stayed at home that day, stayed right here with me. Then we'd all be happy, like you said, we would be talking and laughing right now. You were so young… Why did you have to go?
I'll never forget it, never. It was such a beautiful morning, and then Kitty called… She was at the hospital, and she told me there'd been an accident. That you were… That you hadn't…
Donna keeps telling me that you're gone, that I should move on, that I should continue to live. I will live, not for myself, but for Heidi, but I won't – I can't – move on. You were the only one, you're still the only one…
Why didn't you stay at home? You never got to see her… You should have stayed with me. Then you would have been able to keep your promise. We would have been happy, like you wanted us to be.
But you left us, just like you said you'd never do.
I'm all alone now, why did you leave me? Heidi need you, I need you. You never even got to see her, you never got to see our angel. You, who was always told that you'd never amount to anything, that you'd never have part in anything good. I wish you could see her, see what we created together, our little angel… She's perfect…
But you never will see her, because you broke your promise. You left us when we needed you the most. You abandoned us, just like you had been abandoned. Like you said you'd never do.
I loved you so much, Steven, I still do, but all of your promises were lies.
~*~
Okay, perhaps my Jackie seems a little…nuts, but "overcome with grief" sounds so much better, dontcha think? Please review and tell me what you thought. My first try at angst, and if I get a positive response maybe I'll write more…