Summery: The Marauders are tired of Lily's constant interruption of their midnight activity with the girls. Until they find out Lily's Secret. Then it's time for blackmail. JL. AU

Disclaimer: Any characters you recognize belongs to the magnificent J. K. Rowling. My only object is to have fun. Especially with the Marauders (minus Peter). Yum.

The Revenge of the Cupboard Snoggers

by: MaypleCstl

Chapter 1

A Midnight Rendezvous

I walked down the torch-lit corridors of the Hogwarts castle as quietly as I possibly could. It wasn't precisely easy. I developed over the years of being a Gryffindor house prefect the ability to sneak up on people till I was almost a breath away behind their backs. As a Muggle-born child, I adored the detective shows on TV and I practiced the walking heel-after-toe during night rounds twice a week.

It was pretty fun. And trust me, it's best to squeeze any drop of entertainment in the dead of the night when your only companion is either a sulky partner or Filch's creepy cat.

It helped me especially to catch people out of bed after curfew. It's not that I like removing points from houses and giving detentions (well, maybe only the Slytherins), but it does give a pleasant diversion. I even made a mental list of the usual sneakers.

Fine. So I'm getting bored while doing my duty. Go on and hex me if you like.

You want to know what the funny thing is? I never managed to catch one of the Marauders before. Godlike gorgeous, smart and head full of pranks, they even have their own fanclub at school. Girls swoon at their feet, boys want to be included in their club, blah blah blah.

Girls in my year might think I'm sort sort of a snob, but really- how could you fancy someone who thinks that knocking two Slytherin' heads one against the other is a big Ha-Ha Joke?

I experienced too often one of their Ha-Ha Pranks, to tell the truth. Mostly during rounds.

10 Ways On How To Know When You Just Missed The Marauders:

1. When the floor beneath your feet is suddenly too slippery and you start to do pirouettes without your ice skates until you fall on your ass.

2. When you find the next morning in the Gryffindor common room a full- sized picture of yourself falling on your ass.(Again. And again. And again. And again...)

3. When suits of armor grab you to dance the polka with them. For two hours.

4. When you follow a shaggy over-enthusiastic black dog through the whole bloody school and then find yourself somehow locked outside the castle.

5. When a yellow and pink frilly nightgown suddenly comes floating out of thin air and wraps itself around you.

6. When you face a livid professor Mcgonagall and you realize the frilly nightgown belongs to her.

7. When you find yourself floating next to the candles in the Great Hall and each counter-spell makes you float higher.

8. When you get locked in the girls' bathroom on second floor with Moaning Mirtle.

9. When you get stuck on the moving staircases which suddenly picks up speed and starts to resemble a Muggle roller-coaster.

10. When you start to see multiple hallucinations of two famous Marauders in every hall, room and cupboard. All naked. And all saying: "Greeting Evans. A bit chilly tonight, no?"

So you might expect when I turned around the corridor, that I was a bit apprehensive when I heard some noise coming out of the nearest cupboard.

I leaned against its door and stared down at my shoes with a sigh.

Nice and somber black shoes, I thought absentmindedly, very comfortable. Needed a little cleaning around the edges. I started to tap them softly against the floor. The couple behind the closed door didn't pay attention.

I was very tired.

This was my last year at Hogwarts, I was Head Girl, it was near one in the morning, and some inconsiderable couple apparently found that snogging between dirty buckets and mops in a space barely able to contain one body, not to mention two, was extremely stimulating.

How romantic.

I walked back to the start of the corridor, turned and started stomping my feet loudly against the floor while whistling out of tune till I returned back to the cupboard. I leaned in to hear.

Cursing and soft rustling reached my ears.

Satisfied, I turned on my heels and hid behind a wall.

I watched as the doors of the cupboard opened and two disheveled figures stepped outside. They combed with their fingers their blond hair before the girl grabbed the boy's hand and pulled him after her, without even bothering to look behind her.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open.

Alice and Frank?

Alice was one of my closest friends in the dorm. Blessed with golden locks and pleasant temper she was one of those people who managed to befriend so easily with everyone. She was dating now Frank Longbottom who was also a seventh year Gryffindor. You could always catch them doing homework together or just talking on one of the sofas.

But never, in a million years, would I've imagined these two sneaking after hours for a mouth-to-mouth activity in a less than comfy space.

Must be the hormones.

Who would've known?

"What a surprise" a voice mirrored my thoughts as an arm was thrown around my shoulders.

I froze.

Oh no.

I recognized that voice too well.

"Longbottom and Tailor breaking a precious rule" I heard the laughing note in the idiot's voice and my shoulder received a slight squeeze. "Just don't faint on us from shock, Evans"

I looked up into the smirking face of Sirius Black.

His black hair fell over mocking gray eyes. It was tied, like now, in the back of his neck with a simple black ribbon.

Profile of Sirius Black

Color of Hair: Black

Color of Eyes: Grey

Occupation in his free time: Beater in the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Famous: Nasty Ha-Ha Pranks. Amazing kisser in small and uncomfortable spaces.

Rumors: Once said to be able to be in two dates in two different places at once.

Popularity: Very high (I once witnessed a cat-fight amongst the girls. The winner got to ask Sirius out)

"The thing I don't understand" said another voice calmly, "Is what Evans doing at this hour"

My head jerked to the front and my eyes widened.

With my still open mouth I probably resembled a flapping fish out of water.

Oh, Merlin's beard.

Someone please save me.

James Potter, Idiot number 2 and Git number 1, smiled amusingly and gently closed my mouth shut with the tip of his wand beneath my chin.

Profile of James Potter

Color of Hair: Black. Very messy.

Color of Eyes: Hazel

Occupation in his free time: Captain and Chaser in the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Head Boy, too.

Famous: Funny Ha-Ha Pranks. Also an amazing kisser.

Rumors: Said to be able to read a girl's mind.

Popularity: High

How could Potter have stood in front of me all this time and I hadn't even noticed?

"What?" I asked defensively when they both continued to look at me.

"This isn't your turn to do the rounds. I should know. You glued the schedule to my forehead and ordered me to memorize it"

I gulped nervously, my cheeks burning like they were on fire.

Shit, shit, shit! This was why having a Marauder as a Head Boy was such a problem. Honestly, what Dumbledore was thinking?

"I'm sure she has a valid reason" called a tired voice next to me.

I jumped. Merlin! Would they quit doing that? At this rate I would be a bundle of jumping nerves!

The third Marauder, who was not, by their usual standards, an Idiot or a Git, (and of whom, thankfully, I didn't see a naked illusion running around wild) was leaning against the wall and was watching me with a kind smile.

Profile of Remus Lupin

Color of Hair: Sandy

Color of Eyes: Blue

Occupation in his free time: Making sure the other Marauders won't go over their heads.

Famous: Clever Ha-Ha Pranks. Amazing kisser. (Seriously, what's up with Marauders and their ability to kiss?)

Rumors: Surprisingly a heart-breaker. And only because he refuses to date. (Apparently that doesn't stop him from achieving the point above)

Popularity: High

"You think so? Let's do a list then. You love lists, Evans. I'm sure you'll appreciate it" Potter started pacing slowly, not waiting for my response, and tapping the tip of his wand against his lips. "Point number one: it's one in the morning, and the rounds were finished an hour ago. Padfoot? I'll need your opinion"

"Maybe she got lost in the halls for an hour" Sirius said (and in danger of me sounding extremely cliché) seriously. I tried to shrug his arm from my shoulder but he wouldn't budge and just sent me a melting smile with gleaming white teeth. "After two years of patrolling the corridors. It could happen to anyone"

He was in danger of rising in my own personal list to the level of Blockhead number 1.

"Possible, possible" Potter nodded. "Point number two: after seeing the appalling behavior of her best friend and her boyfriend, Evans did not make her presence known and in fact warned her friend of her approach. Without even knowing that it was Tailor and Longbottom from the beginning"

"Even stuck-up goody-two-shoes like Evans may bend the rules for the sake of a friendship, If she doesn't want to end all alone, raising fifty owls in a hut at the edge of the Forbidden Forest"

They both ignored my sound of protest at the words "stuck-up" and "goody-two-shoes" and continued on.

Now the one thing I most, most hate and despise, is when people are talking about me over my head as if I'm not standing there in front of their eyes! And those two bloody Marauders knew it too well.

Aarrghh! Why me? And why tonight of all nights?

"Point number three" at this Potter stopped and looked down at my clothes before meeting my eyes with a lopsided grin on his face. "Evans, why are you going around still wearing your pajamas?"

I bit my bottom lip and did my best try. "Erm... sleep-walking?"

Unfortunately, my face immediately heated up like always whenever I'm lying.

Potter raised one eyebrow and then looked down pointedly at my feet. "I see that even at sleep you never forget to wear and tie your shoes"

I averted my eyes to stare at the floor. Anything but meet their inquiring gazes. Damn for inheriting too pale skin from my mother. It was constantly uncomfortable to be caught lying and have my face match my red hair till I looked like an overripe tomato.

Hm. They really should rewash the floor. There were faint traces of mud here and there.

"Really, Evans. You have nothing to be shy about around us" Black said and pinched my chin, making me jerk my head back. "By the way you act, we might suspect you had a midnight rendezvous"

Both he and Potter broke into smothered long laughter.

I was too busy concentrating on my feet to respond.

Hello, floor. Long time no see. Would you be so kind as to open up and let me fall into oblivious?

Their laughter slowly died to be replaced with stunned silence.

I wondered how long would they be able to keep it up. Let's start counting, shall we? One. Two. Three. Fo-

"Not a chance" Potter said slowly in astonishment. "No way in hell that our straight "O", with the sickly-good behavior, prissy Head Girl, would sneak out of dorms to meet a boy"

Black broke from his trance and laughed loudly despite the danger of them being caught by a professor. "Who is it? I want to meet and shake his hand. To having able to reduce the Head Girl to a state of normal girly behavior must be a feat to be acknowledged by the whole school!"

"Sshh, Padfoot!" Remus said, looking around to make sure they were still alone.

"Relax, Moony. No one is coming" said Potter. When I finally managed to gather some courage and look up, his eyes caught mine and I recognized there an emotion I didn't like. At all.

Triumph.

"Let's go, mates" he said, smiling. Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear "Goodnight, Evans. Catch some sleep" he lowered his voice slightly further and added something only I could hear. His warm breath sent goosebumps down my spine and arms and made my toes curl in my shoes.

Then all three disappeared, leaving me nervously gulping and wondering what will happen the coming morning.

How To Tell When You're In Trouble

1. When you get caught after hours by the Marauders.

2. When your seven-year reputation lies in the hands of unpredictable boys.

3. When those boys have some grudge against you for dodging points from their house and giving detentions to their girlfriends.

(Side Note: Just because you never catch the Marauders doesn't mean the girls they were with them are as smart or as experienced in disappearing from sight)

4. When you can be sure that your mistake will cost you dearly for the last of the school year, because the Marauders have a point of settling open payback debts.

5. When one of the Marauders whispers to you: " Goodnight, Evans. Catch some sleep. Because I don't think that for the next few weeks you'll be able to close an eye"

A/N: So, what did you think? It's actually my first story I make in first person, and I keep wanting to switch to third person all the time.

If I made any slip, let me know, OK?

Please Review!

I'd love to hear what you thought.

I kicked Peter out of my story because I had nothing to do with him, so I have only the good-looking Marauders to play around :) how fun!